Great Adventure

Today I went to Great Adventure with Tegan and family! Zack made several puns about it being a great adventure, and I was tempted to make one in the title, but decided I was above all that.

It was really great, though, and I don't even mean that as a pun. We started right off with Nitro, so I didn't have time to get used to, you know, jarring heights and speeds. Good golly do I hate heights. But Nitro is a great ride, and we ended up going on three times, once when it was dark, which was really better. The third time, some mean lady was in front of us who thought we were talking about her when we talked about people skipping in line and got all defensive. I tried to tell her that we weren't talking about her but whatever, some people just feel entitled to be mean.

I could've explained to her that if we did have a problem with her cutting (she and another had met with the rest of their party, who were in front of us), we wouldn't have done it in a backhanded way like talking about it with our group so they'd overhear. That's what she did when she thought we were insulting her. I guess it's not worth thinking about it, but I just hate people who are so mean and think everyone is trying to insult them.

We didn't go on El Toro or Bizarro, because the lines were just ridiculously long. We went on this new ride several times, though. It just spun around, but it was addicting in its simplicity, I guess. For some reason, after escaping relatively unscathed from Congo Rapids, we decided to go on again and all got completely soaking wet. Wet denim is unbearable, but at least it kept us cool!

The food there is so expensive, and not even that good, though the mozerella sticks I had for dinner were decent. The great part was hanging out with Tegan, which I haven't done in a while since she's been on vacation. It was a good day, and I didn't even get that burned! Success. I really want one of this superhero tee-shirts, but not Batman because everyone does Batman.

Tomorrow I'm going over to Kristen's house! I haven't seen her in ages so that'll be fun. I need to ask about going to the mall on Thursday with Shari. And on Saturday, we should be seeing Joy! This week will be a good week. Till next time, friends.

Ramblerambleramble

So here I am late once again. I'm technically supposed to go to bed now, but I could not forsake you, blogger friends! I've made it through, what, six days so far? That's impressive, if you ask me. Okay, it's not, and you didn't really ask me--though some could argue that by writing something with the expectation that you read I'm preemptively answering questions you have not actually asked yet--oh God make the rambling stop.

Today I hung out at Tegan's house, which is always nice, of course. I wish I had more friends who lived near me! Tomorrow we may or may not be going to Great Adventure; I don't really know anymore. If we aren't, it's no big deal. I can focus on writing something, maybe. Or reading. Or doing anything productive and not lazy. In my heart I know I'll do nothing of the sort, but it's nice to dream of not being a lump for just one day.

I got what will be my last letter of the summer from Maia today! Snail mail with her is one of the best parts of my summer. Snail mail in general is really great; I wish my friends were more into it! I'm not sure if I have time to write her back, but I want to anyway. She'll be back in a week! I'm so unbelievably excited for this. We're gonna do all of the fun things. All of them.

I have to go now (a horrifying ten minutes after my bedtime--God have mercy on my soul) so good night, friends! Till next time!

Dresses!

I almost forgot today AGAIN. I'm so bad at remembering daily things. I remember to feed the fish every night even though I barely look at them, but I can't remember to blog even though I check my blog all day.

Today, between sessions of Spider Solitaire and random internetin', I tried on a couple of my dresses for kicks. I realized that I have this lacy gray dress vaguely reminiscent of the Flapper style which I never wear. It's not my favorite but with a belt it looks pretty nice. I've been craving something lacy anyway, so I may  start wearing it when school rolls around. Oddly enough, I originally got it for a Halloween costume.

I also tried on my Model UN dresses, which made me want to write a report and argue over the sovereignty of countries violating peace codes--just kidding, it made me want to try on heels and put my hair in a bun. I love dressing up for MUN! I'm afraid the teachers will notice that my dresses are a little inappropriate for the conferences and tell me to stop wearing them, though. They're not that bad, just one is a little short, and the other is a little low-cut. I always want to get more, too! Man, MUN dresses are great. If only I could walk in the heels.

So I might've just spent two paragraphs talking about dresses because I didn't do anything today. Till tomorrow, friends.

Happy happy happy

I almost forgot that I have to blog today, and every day. BEDA is hard for a forgetful soul like myself! I almost forgot even though I've started obsessively checking my dashboard several times a day. It's so nice to see people comment again. I mean, obviously there wouldn't be any new comments if I never blogged. So it's nice to, I don't know, have blog-buddy interaction.

I really didn't do anything today. Like, I fiddled about online and played Spider Solitaire for an hour. There was a storm earlier and lightning struck very close to my house. It was extremely loud and my mom gave me brownie batter to comfort me, because I was a tad shaken. The storm passed quickly, but I remained inside, being lumpy and whatnot. Man, I am so lumpy. It's a little depressing.

Tomorrow I'll try to write something and maybe go visit Tegan so I'm a little more productive. On Tuesday I'll be going to Great Adventure with Tegan! That'll be fun. And on Wednesday I'll go to Kristen's house. Then probably on Saturday I'll do something with Joy and the gang; don't know what yet. I'm in a pretty good mood, even though today was pretty boring. I wish I could talk about what's making me so happy but you know, tape over my mouth.

Oh gosh short entry all up in this place. I have nothing to talk about! I'm really excited to see someone but I won't for like a week and I'm soooo impatient. Gosh, guys, I'm in such a good mood.

Titles are Haaaaaaard

My last post got a bit messed up but I don't know how to fix it so no more hearts for us! It's...It's okay...I can express my love with...words...or something...

Last night I went bowling with Kim, Zack, and Harrison (Kim's boy toy), and, as predicted, I failed miserably. More than once I didn't hit any pins. On the second game, though, Zack actually did worse than I did! This is marginally gratifying. Also, Kim won some tickets at the arcade so she gave them to me and I got Twizzlers. Oh man do I love Twizzlers.

So I don't have many upcoming plans. Today I was super-duper proactive and printed out the summer reading (according to Zack, my future English teacher does indeed check the summer work, which causes me insufferable rage). As for actually reading the books/beginning the work, I have yet to begin. I want to start off the year well, so at some point I'll go to Barnes and Noble and pick up The Grapes of Wrath and The Tipping Point. I hope you can feel my excitement oozing through the screen.

What I'm really looking forward to is my birthday! I'll probably do a slumber party like last year. Maybe. I have yet to think of anything super fabulous for my 'sweet sixteen', but then, last year was pretty fabulous. I'll probably invite a couple more people this year, though. Of course, the only reason I have birthday parties is so all my friends will get me presents :D

I'm looking forward to getting my schedule, though that won't be till later this month. One of my classes was cancelled, unfortunately; most likely they'll replace it with a study hall, as I don't think I put down a second choice. It would be great if I had study hall with Kim or Zack! I'm also very excited for physics, though I've heard it's a hard class. If there's less theory and more good ol' fashioned math, I think I should be good. I would hate a repeat of last year's misery in chem. Man, every time I remember that I don't have to take chem next year, the relief is overwhelming.

When I get my schedule, I can compile a list of the school supplies I need and start the best task of the year: back to school shopping! I already have some notebooks and so much paper. I won't run out of paper all year! Okay, I'll still run out of paper, but it will last me a while, damn it.

I suppose I'll go stare at my clothing wishlist again, desperately trying to will money to appear in my wallet. What I wouldn't give for a good pair of boots and about ten more sweaters. Man, do I love sweaters.

I'm Full of Good Ideas

So, in an effort to redeem myself for the lackluster (if that's not an under-exaggeration) blogging these past few months, I decided to copy Lizzie and do BEDA. These is clearly an excellent plan, since I have proven myself an extremely reliable blogger. Well, we'll see how this goes.

Unfortunately, Tegan's grandmother is sick, so we didn't go to Great Adventure. That'll be some time next week. Instead I'm going bowling! Tomorrow I'll tell you how well I do--if I can manage to get above a score of sixty or not. I'm not very good at bowling.

Today Kim and I trimmed the pricetag of my online shopping list, because I'm lame and don't actually go to the mall. Whenever school gets close, I want to just buy all of the clothes. Luckily for my wallet, Kim got me to abandon some things I really didn't need. I'm still broke and can't buy anything, but whatever, a girl can dream.

Whilst perusing, I rekindled my love for utility jackets. This one in particular. Isn't it wonderful? I'd never want to take it off <3 a="a" and="and" as="as" can="can" dollar="dollar" enough="enough" expensive="expensive" for="for" get="get" goes="goes" haul="haul" hope="hope" hopefully="hopefully" i="i" is="is" it="it" jacket="jacket" ll="ll" me.="me." my="my" nothing="nothing" of="of" out="out" over="over" p="p" parents="parents" potential="potential" rest="rest" save="save" stock.="stock." the="the" thirty="thirty" tipping="tipping" to="to" up="up" without="without">

I suppose I should also be worried about, you know, actual school supplies. My parents got me some new notebooks, and they're so lovely <3 all="all" are="are" best="best" blank="blank" class.="class." for="for" i="i" just="just" know="know" ll="ll" m="m" need="need" notebooks="notebooks" ones="ones" over="over" p="p" resisting="resisting" the="the" them="them" things.="things." to="to" until="until" urge="urge" which="which" write="write">

I need to go prepare for bowling adventures. Till next time, friends!

Agaaaiiinnn

I think the real problem is that I can't talk about what I really want to talk about because my mom reads my blog. It's actually very frustrating having a figurative tape over the mouth. It hinders my communicative abilities. I suppose she figures that if I don't tell her then I shouldn't tell anyone, or that she has a right to know my every thought, of course forgetting that she's frequently made it clear she's an unsympathetic ear, and placing restrictions on me which make full disclosure impossible. So I suppose the real reason I haven't been blogging is because of the tape over my mouth; I can't say what I want to, and everything else seems trivial. What, do I talk about what I had for lunch today?

I suppose this qualifies as something to talk about: on Sunday and Monday, I went to a place called Great Wolf Lodge with Kim. It's a hotel and water park, and the water park was fantastic. I've never stayed in a hotel before, so that was nice. It's basically the same as sleeping over at a friend's house. There was also an arcade, and Kim and I blew most of our coins on a horribly addictive game. I then spent all of my tickets on Twizzlers. Worth it? I think so.

Tegan has invited me to Great Adventure! That's tomorrow; on Friday I'll see if I can go to the mall with Kim. Yesterday I went to the park with Maya, Liz, and a girl named Darya who I hadn't formally met yet. A busy week after a summer of general ennui! Tegan has just come back from a month-long vacation, and Maia and Joy will be back in under two weeks. Hopefully, then, the last half of summer will be more eventful than the first.

When Maia gets back we'll have to meet to discuss Quills & Keys plans for next year. Really, I think our plans will be the same ones we had last year, but we'll actually do them this time. Things like writing contests and bake sales to fund field trips to hear authors speak! If we make it a more legitimate club, then it will look better on a college resume, of course. I don't think I have much going for me on my college resume right now, so I'd like "co-founder of Q&K" to mean something. That, and I love the club. I hope plenty of people join next year!

I have to go write a letter to Joy. Till next time, then.

Oops I Did it Again

I don't know what's with me and writing. Can't even blog properly. How long has it been now?--no, I don't want to count. It hasn't been a month yet like my last unannounced hiatus. I haven't completely abandoned you guys.

Not that there are all too many people out there--at least not for me!

My problem is that I feel as if nobody wants to hear about what I've been up to. I never know how to word things, anyway. Like, "Today I did such-and-such" just seems like such a boring, repetitive format, especially since I don't have anything artistic to enhance it. I haven't even had any writing to post (though I do now, happy day!). I suppose it'll do for now.

Gosh, I haven't been too lumpy since my last post. Since then, I've gone to the pool with Joy, Andrew, and Zack--and then back to Joy's house for s'mores and pizza, which was great. I realized that I have a mild fear of fire. I mean it's beautiful and all, but I couldn't feel comfortable getting too close to it. That doesn't seem too abnormal!

We also cleaned the house (my room was so gorgeous until I went back to throwing clothes all over the place). Since the house is only clean never, I took advantage of this oppurtunity to invite some people over! I invited Kristen and Zack, but Kristen had to cancel last-minute, and Tegan had a dentist's appointment, so for an hour it was just Zack and me. I completely beat him at Mariokart! Then we gave him a makeover as punishment. For some reason he didn't agree, but I thought he looked gorgeous <3

This past Wednesday--happy belated Independence Day, by the way!--I went to the mall with Kristen. I didn't get anything, but it was fun hanging out with her, since we hadn't seen each other since last month. Later, I went to see fireworks with Kim, who I hadn't seen all summer! I love fireworks. There were a bunch of people we knew from school there, but no one I was really friendly with. Next year it'd be fun to go as a group or something.

I can't believe it's July already. It's been really hot, but I'd love to go to the park and ride bikes some time. Unfortunately, Maia is still at camp, and Tegan just left for vacation, so there's no one within park-radius. Oh well! I suppose boredom in summer isn't unexpected.

I finally wrote something that I like after such a dry spell. So tell me what you think! It doesn't make much sense right now, but only because it just started, I promise!

Decidedly Un-lump-like

It hasn't even been a week yet! Man, it's almost like I'm a regular blogger again!

I've gotten through all of the plans I had this summer. For the remaining two months I shall be a lump. At least until around my birthday--finally turning sixteen!--for which I shall make merriment in a decidedly un-lump-like fashion. Till then!

What did I talk about in my last post? I only had two finals left, and those were both alright. There were a couple questions in math I had to completely guess on. Biology was blessedly easy. I think we get our finals grades along with our schedules, which is generally some time in late August. Hey, I'm technically a junior now! Two more years!

As for summer plans, they've all gone off rather swimmingly. The Q&K party was delightful, though being covered in fake blood was rather sticky and uncomfortable, and since we were in a park a large variety of dirt and small twigs ended up stuck to my shoes. The food was delicious, though, which makes it all worth it. I wish I had a good picture of my costume--it ended up looking really good! Although my mom didn't tell me it stained clothes till AFTER I poured it all over myself.

Friday, admittedly, didn't go off without a hitch. We got there, met up with the other people, ate some food. I'd like to mention that Joy and I, though there was literally no one else on the bus, sat in the exact same seats we did during the school year. Then we realized this but still didn't move. When we got there, Joy, Maia, some other kid, and I went into D-wing for some reason and looked around without fear of running into any teachers. When we got back they decided to play hide-and-seek, so Maia and I hid in the paint closet--which, conveniently, contains the trap door leading to the roof!

We went up there, walked around a bit--on the roof of the school--and then began the descent. This is when things get sticky. Maia went down first, but before I got on the ladder, she opens the door and sees a teacher walking our way. Of course he sees her, so he comes into the paint room and, of course, sees that the trapdoor is open. I think at this point Maia texts me "RUN", but alas, I didn't see her message till it was too late. She tells him no one else is on the roof, but he comes up to check anyway, and of course sees me, and demands I come down immediately. I come down, and he's gone, so I meet up with Maia--unfortunate that we didn't make a break for it then--and some other teacher shows up and takes us to the principal's office.

While we waited we formulated an argument--we didn't know it led to the roof, there weren't any signs saying what it was or not to enter, and in any case we just went up to see what was up there and went right back down. I suppose he let us off easy, because our "detention" consisted of sitting there for the remainder of the school day, which wasn't so bad because we were still allowed to talk. So I essentially hung out with Maia all day!

In case you're wondering, it was totally worth it.

After school, Joy and I hitched a ride on Andrew's bus and then we all--Joy, Andrew, Zack, some kid named Brandon, and I--went to go get pizza for her birthday. When we came back, Joy wanted to go to the pool, but it didn't open till four--we had to leave at five--so, since we were already wearing bathing suits, we took advantage of the hose and had a water balloon fight! We ran out of water balloons, though, so we played basketball two-on-two while someone held the hose and sprayed us. We were all completely soaked. It was great.

Yesterday was Benny's birthday party, which conveniently started later in the day so I had time to get a last-minute present. I got him a compass and a toy car--you know, because he's turning sixteen? Haha, I'm so funny--and a card with a duck on it. We ate outside--I've been having so much pizza lately--and he opened presents, then we watched History of the World Part 1, which was funny. I was for some reason incredibly tired when my parents picked me up at 10:45, so I went right to bed, though of course I didn't end up falling asleep till 12:30.

So that concludes all the things I had planned for summer! I suppose from now on I'll...sleep?

Short Post

Finale

One more day left of finals, and then my sophomore year is over for good! I got through two of the worst of my finals--U.S. history on Thursday, chemistry today--and have math tomorrow. Chemistry...well, I don't think I got everything wrong. That's the best I can say for it. English and Latin were alright; biology should be fine. I'm happy to be getting through it.

I'm a little surprised that none of my classes really seem to be saying goodbye, even though finals is the last time we'll be together in the same class! I'm just more nostalgic than most, I guess. It's not like we're all really friends, but some recognition of the end would be nice.

This has been a great year for me socially and an awful one academically. I'm fine with how it turned out. That's really all I have to say in memoriam.

A Good Start

Summer makes me want to go out and get new clothes. I'll have to schedule a mall trip some time, but first on the agenda is sleeping in till noon :D Actually, Wednesday is the Quills and Keys party, for which I'm covering myself in fake blood and claiming to not have a costume. Thursday I'm going to chill like I've never chilled before; Friday, I'm getting up at six for the (hopefully!) last time this summer to go to school. Since finals and most makeups will be over, basically no one will be there, so some people are hanging out! I don't know everyone going, but Joy and Maia are, so I'll be good. We may play FLAG TAG. Mother of God, I love flag tag.

Saturday is Benny's birthday party. I have no idea what to get him. Maybe that's what I'll take care of on Thursday!

I feel as if it'll be a good summer. It certainly has a good start!

Untapped Artistic Potential

The Days

It's funny how if you go long enough without speaking, it seems there's less and less you have to say, so eventually you end up staring at a blank page, fingers suspended over the keys, and it feels a bit like gravity's going the wrong way, like you're trying with all your might to bring them down, but nature is reversed and they try to float away. And you walk away, defeated, deeper entrenched in the silence than ever before, till silence is more natural than your voice.

Last Thursday I skipped chemistry. Tuesday I was called to guidance where they espoused concerns for my mental well-being, so I cried and didn't get in trouble. On Sunday I went to the pool with Joy, Andrew, and Zack. Next Thursday, finals start; before then I have two projects to make up, three projects to do, and a test which I got an 8% on to possibly make up. Possibly.

This Sunday, I'm hanging out with China; we're probably watching a movie or something equally pedestrian. I'll have to see who else can go since my parents are against my being alone with a guy. The Wednesday after next, finals are over, and we'll be having a Quills and Keys party at a local park; costumes are required! Maia inspired me to cover myself in blood--fake blood, of course. Heh. *looks sideways*

The Friday after that, school is open to students for the last time, so some friends and I are hanging around with no teachers to supervise! I hope we can go on the roof!

Saturday, I'm attending a birthday party. I was suprised that Benny invited me, since we don't have any classes together and therefore don't speak as much, but Kim and Maia are going, so it ought to be fun! I just need to get him a gift...

Cluttered Messes

I unearthed my crayons to do a creative writing assignments (which turned out lovely; I wish my scanner worked so I could show you all!) and now feel inclined to use them. 120 barely-used crayons? Hell yes. My mom just got me some beautiful new colored pencils, too, since I couldn't find my old ones! Add that to the oil pastels and watercolor paint upstairs, and I have just tons of untapped artistic potential here!

If anyone remembers the situation with Zack and China...it has gotten worse, or better; I don't know. I like Zack so, so much and I think he likes me but whatever, we're not dating. He felt sick today, so I sent him a virtual hug, and mentioned that I couldn't give him a real hug because we hadn't seen each other that day, so he waited for me in the hall so we could hug! Meanwhile, China still likes me, and we still talk a lot, though I've explained to him the full situation with Zack. Some people just don't get mad.

I haven't done anything new in a while. I haven't hung out with most of my friends in a while, haven't really gone out of the house all too much--I think a good, long shopping trip would cheer me up! Maybe I just feel inspired by the summer, but I really want to fill my wardrobe with skirts, dresses, and flowy, floral, delightful things.

I'm getting wistful towards the end of the year. Four years isn't really such a long time, especially when you're halfway through it. I bet Lizzie and Natalie know what I mean even more! Congratulations on graduating, guys!

I keep losing track of time. A project I thought was due a week ago was actually due two weeks ago--or was it three? Probably three by now. I haven't blogged in over a month?--but I just remember planning on doing so right after I was done being grounded! I think I'm losing track of things in advance of summer, when the days don't matter. Goodness, I can't wait for that. I have a feeling it'll be a good summer.

I want to have a birthday party again this year--yes, I know it's three months in advance! It is my sixteenth birthday, though. Think I should throw a wild par-tay? XD It'll have to be during the day so I can invite Zack. I'm concerned that inviting both Zack and China might cause issues, and though I'm friends with both, I know I'd rather have Zack there.

My head feels weird. I think a headache is inevitable. I want so desperately to write something, though, though nothing is coming up--my creative well has not a trickle left. Nothing inspires me anymore. Oh well. Maybe I'll become a professional doodler.

Listening to Love Songs

A Tad Melancholy

I'm relieved that I don't have any plans this weekend. Being busy last weekend with friends and school and such, it is something of a relief to just not do anything. Not that there aren't certain people I'd like to see, but doing something planned and active just seems like too much effort! We all know how I am with effort.

I've been writing on and off, mostly off. I have not seriously written anything in months. Of course, I haven't done much of anything in months. I imagine the valve from which my passion flowed has been turned in quite the opposite direction from where it was, say, about a year ago. It has gotten harder to do things which aren't easy. It has gotten harder to feel things which aren't apathy.

I don't mean to drone on about that, though! If I seem melancholy, it's because the situation described in my last post has not improved much. Zack and I had a pretty good run about not talking about how we feel (you know, serious things), and then I go ahead and tell him that I like him. I was very tired and last night and perhaps not thinking coherently when I told him that I like him. It wasn't even much of a confession, honestly. The entire conversation was a mess. I'm not sure what I really admitted, even reading it over this morning.

I still don't think I know him very well (having met him but four weeks ago), but I suppose in my sleep-deprived state it felt like I really did like like him, and I told him as such. I know that I'm happy talking to him. Even if I didn't have a crush on him right now, I know I would with time, because I guess I know myself well enough to know that my descent into idiocy is inevitable.

The frustrating thing is that he wouldn't answer the question when Joy and I asked him if he liked me. Joy asked first (without my consent, mind you!) and then I asked him, for several reasons. I really wanted to shut up the people who insisted that he must like me if we text each other all the time. I also wanted to properly interpret the mixed messages he's been sending me, because I never really thought that he liked me, but of course I want to know for sure. Of course he avoids the question, though it seemed like he did, and he acts upset that I don't like him as well--more of his confusion between joking and serious, I suppose--but then I tell him that I like him and hjcfbgjnuyd. It seems somewhat shady to post our conversation, but basically I'm like "HERPDEDURR I may like you!" and he's like "Idk". Eventually I passed out, only to wake up with the realization that I told Zack that I like him.

Listening To

When I'm not sure that I like a guy, I listen to love songs to see if they make me think of him. I'm not really sure right now. I really just want to talk to him, but today has been silent.

I have three stations on Pandora: Muse, The Killers, and Mumford and Sons. All of the stations overlap and have a similar vibe, but I listen to them for different moods. Muse, my longest-had station, I listen to when I'm kind of pissed and feel like some more interesting music. The Killers is my general go-to station which is more of a mix between the other two. Mumford and Sons I listen to in the morning and when I'm thinking about a boy. I don't know why I wrote this paragraph.

Things Which You All Ought to Do

You should all add me on Pottermore! I finally got an account. I am in HUFFLEPUFF. Seriously, HUFFLEPUFF. I am...I am shamed. Hufflepuff. I am not even like Hufflepuff. That is not what I am at all.

Anyway, my username is DragonHeart11336. Pretty cool, if you ask me :D I know I'm super late on this particular bandwagon, but you should all add me anyway! Because THAT'S WHAT BLOG-FRIENDS DO.

A Very Short Entry Predominately Concerned with Pickles

Very, Very Rushed Scrawlings

Heavens forfend that I put off blogging any longer! To be honest, I only said that because I really wanted to use 'heaven's forfend' in a sentence.

Oh gosh. I've been gone for over a month. Spring Break has come and gone without so much as a peep or comment from me. What did I do over spring break? I went to the zoo, got water ice, went to the mall, and lazed. I lazed a rather lot. I am, as one might say, lazy. Did I do work? Certainly not! Did I take advantage of the predominately lovely weather? Certainly not! Did I really do anything at all, except what I mentioned? Don't be preposterous!

Boys Boys Boys

I am in a pickle! I have also always wanted to say "I am in a pickle". Next on my list is "I am surprised at you!".

Oh, where was I? Right! I am in a pickle and it involves the opposite gender. Admittedly, it's not so much of a pickle as a bunch of people standing around staring at each other (metaphorically, at least). See, one of my friends, China, who I met at a Model UN conference, has asked me to his prom! He says as friends, but I'm pretty sure he "likes" me. I mean especially since he also asked me out. We talk a lot and most of our conversation is obnoxiously flirty, and although I thought it was too obnoxious to be taken seriously, apparently he didn't think so. I felt bad for leading him, so I didn't exactly say yes or no! I told him my parents forbade me from dating till I'm sixteen, so we're not actually dating, but we still have a "thing". Gosh, I don't know how to explain this properly. We're not boyfriend and girlfriend, but I'd still feel guilty for, I don't know, running off with someone else.

Of course this is where the pickle comes in. This pickle is also a junior (like China) and his name is Zack. I met this pickle about two weeks ago whilst bowling with Joy, her boyfriend, and her boyfriend's friends. I've been texting him a lot...for a majority of the past two weeks, I'd say. And I do not like him. None of my friends believe me, but I do not have a crush on him or anything! I'm unsure about how I feel about him, to be honest, because we haven't known each other very long and I feel like I could like him, potentially, but I don't right now. Okay, I like him a smidge. Nothing serious! If he asked me out and I didn't have anything else going on and no restrictions, then I might say yes just to see where it goes.

The problem is, I do have other things going on. China is going on. I like China, but I don't really think I want to date him, even when I'm sixteen. I'm just already in a "thing" with him, so now I just feel guilty about texting Zack all the time and being so friendly with him, especially since I've told him all these doubts about China.

I'm also frustrated with Zack, because we keep circling the drain in regards to whether I like him or he likes me or whatever. He also became much friendlier with me after I told him about China. The whole situation is just weird and abstract and nothing is really going on, but it still bothers me with the inabsolution of it.

Most of my friends agree I should tell China how I feel or ask Zack how he feels, and while certainly that would make the situation a bit more straightforward, I know I won't be able to do either. So I guess it'll all just be weird a bit longer.

Chemistry is a Bit of a Whore

I mean that with hatred and contempt.

I have to retake a test I got nearly every question wrong on and do a lab report with the same subject as the test.

It makes me frustrated just thinking about it.

After a Month, Is the Bulk of What I Have to Talk About Still Guys?

Yes.

Things Organized by Time Frame

Should I neatly separate everything into sections once more? Yeah, why not?

I Waste A Rather Inordinate Amount of Time

I finished Squares! I called it Squares because, you know. It's amazing how long it takes to make somehting so ugly. I only say ugly because it's so discordant, although I did use the same seven colors and there was gratious use of the copy button. There's a flipping lot of detail somewhat lost, although I think the overall impression is nice in a crazy, haphazard way.

Earlier this afternoon, I managed to waste time making a cartoon version of a picture of me before going outside to take advantage of the last moderately warm day. Maybe if I feel like wasting more time later, I'll finish it, and you can all see my...cartoon self? I KNOW you all want to see that.

This weekend I plan to waste time a) sleeping, and b) not doing work. On Saturday, I'm going to be tramping through undergrowth and hopefully having an ultimate showdown of badmintion with one of my gym buddies. It'll be fun! Tomorrow, I may just walk to the mall with Tegan if the weather's alright.

Things Which Happened Today

I finally had a course selection appointment with my guidance counselor. Unfortunately, I'm still not entirely clear on what I want to take. Right now, I'm doubling up with physics and chemistry, which unfortunately means that I have to take a study hall. I'm not even sure if I want to take chemistry, though. I love science, but I'm not really great at chemistry, as this year proves. I have a B, but I've done poorly on most of the tests, and Chemistry 2 is supposed to be ridiculously hard. At the same time, though, I've already mostly gotten through one year, so I might as well continue and get college credit for it. Also, I love science. People don't believe me when I say that!

So, I guess I'll deliberate over the weekend, but most likely I'll stick with my current schedule.

At the appointment, I found out that my chemistry teacher reccomended me for A-level. I mean, considering my test scores, I shouldn't be surprised, but it hurt, especially since he said he reccomended everyone for AP. I guess since there are only eight people in my chemistry class, he couldn't say most people. The appointment made me late for chemistry, and when I explained why I was late, he asked what I had selected. I really wish I had said Physics Honors, just so he would know, but instead I just said "Courses." Haha, I'm so funny.

I talked to Mo in math class! Well, him, Kathy, and I kind of chatted. All of my friends told me I was lame for being happy about this =.= Considering there was a time when I could barely speak to anyone, I think this is an improvement! Also, we made eye contact when he was talking to me directly, and I inwardly freaked out because do I break eye contact or do I hold it or what and then I just quickly looked down at my paper. I am so smooth.

I have this fear that he'll find out or he already knows. Especially since my friends keep pulling shit like saying his name out loud with his best friend right next to us in creative writing. Right now they'd probably say I was acting like I was in elementary school, with the whole endless obsessing and analyzing every action. And the nicknames so they don't know we're talking about them. Honestly, how else are you supposed to do it?

Things Which Happened Yesterday

Quills and Keys met yesterday, as it does every Wednesday. We tried to get on the roof (!) of the school, but when we found the ladder (hidden away in a paint closet), this terrifying guy came out of nowhere and said, "You're not supposed to be in here." So, that plan dashed, we wandered about and ate SO MUCH FOOD. I hunted for a dollar with Maya and Anthony Freshman, and then, back in the meeting room, we all shared cute love stories. Who needs to write at writing club?

I also took the National Latin Exam. Today we went over the answers, and I only got two wrong! Unfortunately, because I got silver last year, it's too late for me to get gold all four years and win the awesome prize. The awesome prize is a two-hundred dollar Latin encyclopedia. Because that's how awesome Latin students are.

I found out that most of the really, really good delegates in Model UN are in my committee for the upcoming conference. Kim told me not to switch into hers. I just don't want to get ruthlessly slaughtered! I'll probably email the supervisor tomorrow to see if there are any spots left in post-colonization education. Cloning is an interesting topic, but it's not worth this...

Things Which I Am Doing Now

I am concluding my post. Good night, friends!



Gossamer

My Deepest Apologies

What is this? Can it be that I'm still alive? Happy day, I am. I apologize for vanishing. It was remarkably poor taste for me to do so. To inspire my return, I've made everything prettier.

Thank you Lizzie for your concern :) Forgive me, all, for abandoning my blog and yours.

Now I shall write a long-ass entry. Prepare yourselves, friends!

Why did I vanish?

Have I been busy with school, as I am such a diligent, hard-working student that I would always put my work before the temptations of the Internet? Good heavens, no. In fact, my laziness is the very reason I haven't written in so long: once I realized it was easier to not write than to write, my motivations for writing seemed remarkably less. I haven't been writing much creatively, either. What have I been doing? Well, there's this:

Unfinished, if that wasn't clear by the giant empty space in the middle.

Yes, for the past week or so, I've spent my time making countless geometric images on Paint. That does not, however, account for a month of absence. What else have I been doing? By this point, I'm not sure myself. Saying that everything is hazy sounds a bit serious, but between the soul-crushing boredom, the constant listlessness that school inspires, and school itself, I cannot honestly account for where my time has gone or why I've done nothing productive during it. Productivity is for people who go to good colleges squares! Everyone who works at McDonald's knows that!

I wish I had more to catch you up on. Certainly things have happened that I would've written of if I had been writing then, things which now seem trivial. For instance, the third Model UN conference came and went. I didn't do very well, and there was no one there who piqued my interest, so now it seems pointless to even mention it. The fourth and final conference is on the 31st. I'm representing Spain for Cloning, which interests me because it's not the usual MUN topic. Maybe Sam will be there...? :)

But if I'm going to start talking about boys, I ought to devote an entire new section to it. Look at me, being organized! Today, I even organized the list of the twelve pages of homework I have to do this weekend. I digress.

Affairs of the Heart

Two of my best friends currently have boyfriends. Kim is very happy with Evan, and Joy is very happy with Andrew, and I am very happy for both of them (though Andrew occasionally calls me a cockblock :P). I do not have a boyfriend (otherwise I would've blogged sooner), but I'm, you know, okay with that.

I have a silly crush on a guy in my math class. His name is Mike, though we call him Mo--except for Maia, who calls him Kiwi. Yes, we still employ juvenile nicknames so that our crushes don't know we're talking about them. How else can you do it?

Anyway, I like Mike (and also assonance). I don't know him very well, so I'm not, like, obsessed with the guy, but he seems like a cool person. Also he's attractive. My goodness. I could just stare at the boy's face (that's not remotely weird or anything). And, um, his last name is fantastic, though obviously I won't be sharing it here.

This, of course, means that I'm over Weslie. I don't think I'd mind getting to know my Favorite Sour Asian a bit more, but that ship sailed after I didn't speak to him for half a year--also because he's a bit too much of a dick to justify to myself any longer. Ah well! 'Tis better to have loved and lost, etc.

Feedz me compluhmensss

You may not have noticed the obnoxiously long poem I wrote and posted the other night. You should read it and tell me what you think! Part of the reason that I'm blogging now is because I'm writing more overall, including the poem and my latest story, Gossamer. Care for an excerpt? Too bad if you don't; I'm feeding you one anyway!

I stayed awake, staring into the dreamy shadow of my ceiling, till the morning light disrupted my despair, and my happiness evaporated in the heat of day. I blinked against the rising pink, the glorious eternal gold of the sun at morn, the light which at once consumed the vestiges of darkness before I could realize it was gone. Morning came swiftly to assuage the weary soul of nighttime, and I remembered my dream, my guilty dream of stolen memories, the smile of Jude, the voice of Jonas, the cold and gray of Olivia Beach. Let them rest, I thought. Let my memories rest, let them burn away in sunlight, but let the night be my indulgence, let them flood back and kiss my waiting lips, let them speak to me in the voices of the damned and of the dead, let the sea rise around my feet and the sea wind push his hair from his face and reveal that word which haunted my living breath as if it were all of these things that I remembered, all of these things that I loved and yearned for under the cover of darkness. Let this be, I thought, let this be. Let the dead rest, but let this be.

In the full bloom of morning I wandered through a garden which grew and choked the ground around my home. The soil was good here, but the garden untended, untouched except for sunlight, and pale flowers twined around each other’s necks in a foul spectacle. Grass encroached on the garden path, though not enough years had passed for the stone to be entirely overtaken. This garden was a murder scene, a violent brawl of beauty, seeping through the fertile ground into a bloody ugly show. Too many flowers contested with too many weeds, too many dead leaves, too many spiders and bees and flies, too much sickly grass pushing thin shoots between the lovely buds, till at last the flowers, overcome by the violence, rose again as a tyrant themselves, their purity corrupted, their beauty destroyed by oppression. This was my home, this belligerent garden, the abandoned widow’s walk, the empty rooms which suppressed the memory of what was once full.

Gossamer is basically about a girl named Maria who falls in love with two guys, Jonas and Jude. There's a plot, but I haven't worked it out yet. One or both of them die. I don't feel bad telling you that, because you find out in the first sentence that someone dies, and it's pretty clear from there on that it's either Jonas or Jude.

What I enjoy about this story is the little thought-trains that the narrator goes off on. She's a little less poetic as a teenager, which is what she is for the majority of the story (the excerpt is years after the events of the novel). It's fun to write her descriptions of things, although when I don't get it right, I tend to scrap everything I just wrote and start over.

I wondered if he mentioned me, if I had made an impression on him. I imagined their conversation later, perhaps when the others had gone off. They lounged around the park, Jonas on the bench, the other one sitting on the top of it, with his feet on the seat. The friend laughed at some joke that Jonas has made, and then said, abruptly, if he had seen the girl on Main Street. When Jonas hadn’t, the friend laughed and told him I was hot. Yes, that must be what he thought of me, when he looked me up and down and caught my eyes. He knew nothing more of me than that I was hot. Jonas asked what I looked like, disinterested, for he was far too pure to care if his crass friend found yet another girl attractive. The friend hesitated, struggling to recall my features and my form through the haze of his memory, unable to remember more than the basics—tall, dark hair, that body, I imagined in his voice. I didn’t know his voice, but I imagined it anyway, teasing, low-toned, sometimes gruff. He would speak fluidly, sometimes making his words unclear as he flowed from one to the next, letters, words, and sentences forming a river of thought that poured from his mouth unabridged. Sometimes, a trickle, when he felt perverse; other times a waterfall, harsh, strong, his voice and his words overpowering, his anger absolute and irrepressible. He had a voice which would be heard by everyone or by just the person he wanted it to be heard by.

I was described in this voice. He rolled over what features he could remember—tall, dark hair, that body—as water rolls over rocks, and he wore them away, eroding my figure with the vulgarity of his tone, smoothing over my flaws with exaggeration that his tongue was prone to. It was a voice of overpowering force, which made me into a figure quite unlike myself. He said last, his tone amused, his vocal torrent subsiding, that I had a weird expression on my face.

It's called 'Gossamer' because, to be honest, the name sounded nice. Though I don't see it directly playing into the story, I'm sure at some point it will be brought up in conversation and I can justify using a random, mildly pretentious word to title my story :)

Spring is in the Air

It was so delightfully warm on Wednesday and Thursday that I wore a dress to school on both days. I decided to just embrace that I'm never going to wear shorts to school, and do some online browsing for some nice spring dresses before I finally haul my ass to the mall and drop some dough. I realized that, once again, I have a strange fondness for floral. I know it's spring and all, but I've always had this thing against floral...at least until it gets warm and sunny outside.

Things I want to invest in before it gets nice out: a casual dress which isn't shapeless or black, sandals, at least two skirts (I only have three, and they're, like, all I wear in the spring), and some nice light shirts. I'm being overwhelmed by loveliness just thinking about it.

Spring also means that school is on the decline. School is out in just over three months! Our scheduling for next year should be occurring soon. Once again I intend to take all Honors and AP, and I think I may take both physics and chemistry if I can. The schedule is changing next year, which may mean I won't be able to double up on science, which would be a shame, because if I'm going to struggle through one year of chemistry I might as well struggle through two and get college credit for it. If I can't double up, then I'll just take physics. See, in the new schedule, we would have to lab out for science during study hall, music, or gym, as opposed to any elective as it is now. Whatever the merits of the new schedule may be, I think it's silly to restrict the number of classes a student can take in that way. Also, I really love science :(

Speaking of chemistry, I just can't seem to get the hang of it this year. On the last test we took, though, I got 100! I could not even believe it! My highest test grade after that is an 80! Everyone else did well, too, but usually on the tests that everyone does well on, I still do poorly. I actually hung it on the fridge, I was so happy. It brought my grade up five points. I'm still happy just thinking about it.

The Work I Should Be Doing Instead of This

I made a handy-dandy list.

• Genetic Disease Brochure (approx. two pages)
• Stylistic Devices in Rebecca (two pages)
• Secondary Character Narrative (two-three pages)
• Court Opinions (four pages)

And only half of that is overdue work!

I want to do the biology brochure tonight, and get a start on the second thing, the stylistic devices pseudo-essay. The more complex things I'm going to tackle tomorrow, when I absolutely cannot justify procrastination.

Right at this moment, however, I'm going to go play senseless computer games. Farewell! When shall I write again? Probably tomorrow, when I desperate for distraction from all the homework I have.

Fall of Sabrina

The Sable-bend and the Old Orchad and the Trees
Aligned in a straight fashion, pale with silver leaves
These things line the winding drive where the spirits wait
The winding drive that leads us to the House of Remaurier

She was upon the door, the bloodied door, the blood-red door
The Lady Sabrina 'neath the pillars straight as sin
     (this is what she told me, this is what she said, my Lady Grim)
     (this is what she told me, what she said, my Lady Sin)

I wait beyond with bloodied hand for my Lady Fair
The spirit and the virtue of my Lady, always there
     (the spirit and the virtue, the spirit and the crime)
     (my Lady lost, these ghosts unyielding, drenched in filth and grime)
I wait beyond the door for the Wife Remaurier

My Lady in her beauty, hands clasped 'neath the light in prayer
Why she prays I do not know, for Heaven is not there
Not for my Lady, Wife, my Lady, Wife of Remaurier
The Master's Wife, so much despised
     (my love, Remaurier)

The bed of she, my Lady Fair, is cold, bare with disuse
My Lady takes no lovers for her beauty is a noose
     (my Lady takes no lovers, my dear lovely Lady Fair)
     (my Lady's bed is cold though my Lady's heart is bare)

My Lady's Master, Lover, Tyrant
     (for he is to my place aspirant)
     (for even he's denied that lovely Lady Fair)
My Lady Sin, her beauty fleeting in her master's Grasp
She turns to me and clings to me with her cold sinful Clasp

The Lady Sabrina of this Bloodied Hand of mine
He has tried her patience, though my Lady's bid her time
My Lady Remaurier, my lovely Lady True
My Lady Sin and Grime and Grim, my Lady Lover too

The House has fallen for my lovely Lady's love
The Sable-bend a hollowed route for the worms to take
The worms consume it all now, the House Remaurier
     (the worms consume it all now, my Lady Remaurier)

The Old Orchard is her grave now, and the Master lies with her
My bloody hand upon him, though my Lady did not know
Her vice and sin, my Lady Grim, consumed her angel spirit
Bid me follow and I shall, my fair Lady Dearest

The Murder of my Wife and Lover, the Master's stolen prize
     (preceded only by his own demise)
She drove me do it, I confess, my lovely Lady Fair
She bid me do it for the love that she professed was there

Her vengeance at last taken on her despised cruel Master
     (her vengeance taken on me, my dearest love forever)
     (her vengeance on him and on me, her lovers sworn forever)
She turned from me, my Lady Fair, and her cruel spirit triumphed
     (all that she had done for naught, for my Lady Sin was finished)

Gone forever is the genteel House of Remaurier
I wait with bloodied hands for my Lady Remaurier
The fair Sabrina stole away, from my hands delivered
A sweet respite from all her strife, my Lady Love forever

My Lady bid me do her crime, and for her I gladly did it
"The Tyrant's dead, long live the Queen"--long live the Queen, Sabrina
But her own fall followed not long, for my Lady cursed me
     (my devotion and my love entire)
     (any fool would know that my love was all entire)
She bid me fool to love a Lady of the House Remaurier
She turned from me once the crime was done, my Lady Remaurier

My Lady Love Remaurier down the drive shall no more turn
The winding silver path where our love was born
The House of Remaurier has fallen, and my Lady fallen too
I stopped my Lady's breath when her betrayal burned anew

Lingua Latina

Sentiebam scripta esse non diu. Quod sentio mala, tamen scribo de meum diem.


.........non.

Model UN

Today was the Model UN conference! It was really fun, and I WON something!

Behold! The top part of the dress I wore, a rather nice necklace, the bottom half of my lovely smiling face, and a FRIGGIN' AWARD.

As you may be able to read, I won Honorable Mention, which is really second place. Kim won Best Delegate, which she totally deserved! I mean, I'm just so excited about this! I've never won anything in Model UN, and never even considered that I would. I didn't think I'd win in this one, either. That Kim would win BD was a given, but I figured HM would go to Spain or someone. OhmyGod when they called my name, I just could not stop smiling!

I spoke often and for the most part, I believe I spoke well. Of course, too often I completely blanked and ended up stammering out a less-than-satisfactory ending to whatever point I made. I am SO happy with my award, though!

Alas, Sam was not in my committee. I actually didn't say anything to him. When he walked into the cafeteria in the morning, when we were eating breakfast, I fell into hysterical giggles, actually. Maia and Kim tried to get me to go talk to him, but I couldn't! He was surrounded by his classmates! And at lunch, he also looked busy...I don't know. It seems so strange to spend three months looking forward to something, shaping it in your head, only to not do it when the moment comes. I think I looked forward to it so much that I forgot how incapable I am of talking to people.

I'm not giving up hope, though--there's still two more conferences this year :D

I did talk to the people in my committee. One delegate, China, was pretty friendly--and he goes to the same school that Sam does. Of course, by the end of the conference, I told him about the Sam situation. I tried to play it off as if I only cared because he didn't accept my friend request, and he immediately asks if I LIKE him. So I say, "No, of course not, I've only met him once!"--but my voice, which apparently raised about three octaves, gave me away. China then decided that the best way to proceed was to ASK Sam about getting a friend request from me. They were behind us, and I kept turning around, turning bright red, and being hysterical. Well, that was exciting.

On a final note, one of our chairs--the students who basically run our committee and don't debate--was rather cute :)

That was the conference! I'm so excited for the next one :D

An Enormous Plethora of Things

See, I hadn't blogged in a week, and then I decided to wait until a certain date, and then I was denied access to the computer for a bit, and then I was busy. Now, I am not busy. Miraculous day!

I dyed my hair red! This was the "certain date" I alluded to, two Sundays ago. Behold:

Isn't it lovely? Not my face, since you can't see that, but my hair. Just recall that I was blonde beforehand...and also, looking at it, that the lighting in my office isn't exactly superb. But, it is red! Hurrah!

What else has happened? There's so much to catch up on! Last week, I recieved a 5.5/40 on. If math isn't your strong point (apparently it is not mine, either), that's about 14%. I think there comes a point when it is beyond failing. Alas.

Often, when I don't blog for a long period of time, I find my writing clumsy and ill-worded. I just don't like how I write. I haven't written very much--blog or otherwise--in weeks, and now everything I write seems awful. I'd rather just...go do something else.

Hopefully that will change soon, because the second semester has started at my school, which means CREATIVE WRITING! I know so many people in that class, including Lauren, Maia, Kristen, and Tiffany. I also know some other people, though I'm not really friends with them, like Weslie. I think it's safe to say I don't really like him anymore. I haven't spoken to him yet, so I don't imagine my liking him in the future either.

Of course, with the new semester also comes gym. Two of my gym buddies from last year are in my class, which is wonderful, though nothing will ever compel me not to despise gym. We're playing volleyball again.

Last Saturday, I went to the mall with Lauren in hopes of finding a dress for Cotillion. I didn't find a dress (although I did find a lovely leapord-print prom dress which naturally I had to try on). I did buy a belt, though, so I suppose the trip wasn't entirely unsuccessful! Also, it's always fun to hang out with Lauren. She didn't buy anything, either.

Tomorrow is another meeting of Quills and Keys--my and Maia's writing club, if you forgot--AND a meeting of Model UN. We're having the meeting a day early because the next conference is this Saturday. My country and topic are actually really good--India for Water Rights--so I'm determined to do well. Aaaaand, maybe talk to Angola again? :D We'll see! Also, I ordered a very pretty dress for the conference, which I'm super excited to wear.

I think that's all for now. I'm off to do my Creative Writing homework--I have to write a poem about myself!

MIA

I write to declare that yes, I am still alive. Having been MIA for two weeks, this might have indeed been a question.

My day has thus far consisted of not doing homework, not doing Model UN work, not doing work, and playing the Sims. On Thursday, I received my committee and country! I am: Water Rights, and India. I'm excited, because India is actually relevant to the topic. Ohhh man. Kim is also in my committee, which is cool. I intend to be super-duper prepared and fantastic at this conference--and no, it has nothing to do with Angola. I don't know if I ever mentioned this, but I added him on Facebook (Kim found him, like, two months ago) and he never accepted my friend request! Ah well. Fingers crossed that he's miraculously in my committee again.

I ordered this dress for the conference, and have thus far spent undue amounts of time staring at it online and checking the order status. Oh man, I want this dress to arrive. The order status estimates that it'll arrive next Monday, but I'm hoping that the Magic Gods of Dressdom will smile on me and make it show on, like, Wednesday. Isn't it pretty? :D

I have the perfect shoes for the conference, but they're about four inches tall and I, being a fail, cannot walk in them. Fail fail fail. Also, even if I could walk in them (which I can't), would it seem like I was trying too hard? This one girl wore ridiculously high shoes and she looked, well, ridiculous. I don't want to be that girl. No one wants to be that girl.

Were I the responsible and proactive type, this weekend I would: write an essay on Caracalla early to get extra credit, actually do my chemistry homework instead of staring at it for a little bit, sniffling, and putting it away, and begin research on water rights in India. I don't know what it is with chemistry this year, but it's basically scooping up my brains with a spoon and then laughing at me. I still have a B, even though I got a 72 on the last test, though, so I'm happy about that!

Of course, right after we finish a big project in biology, we start one in chemistry. Such are the woes of doubling up, I suppose. The biology project, my and Kathy's video on meiosis, turned out very well! See it for yourself!

Oops, I was GOING to do that, until I realized that it contained both of our full names in the credits. HAHHH fail.

^ That took over fifteen hours and 700 pictures, thank you. It amazed me that some people had less than 100 pictures. Anyway, I hope your enjoyment of it is inversely proportional to how much we hated making it!

So, my dress for the conference is taken care of, but I still need a dress for Sophomore Cotillion. I love red dresses and white dresses (not red and white, though, heavens!). I'm probably going to go to the mall at some point, hopefully with Lauren and Shari in two weeks. And maybe before then! Who knows? I want to do something this weekend, it being a three-day weekend and all that.

How has everyone been?