Thursday, March 15, 2012

Things Organized by Time Frame

Should I neatly separate everything into sections once more? Yeah, why not?

I Waste A Rather Inordinate Amount of Time

I finished Squares! I called it Squares because, you know. It's amazing how long it takes to make somehting so ugly. I only say ugly because it's so discordant, although I did use the same seven colors and there was gratious use of the copy button. There's a flipping lot of detail somewhat lost, although I think the overall impression is nice in a crazy, haphazard way.

Earlier this afternoon, I managed to waste time making a cartoon version of a picture of me before going outside to take advantage of the last moderately warm day. Maybe if I feel like wasting more time later, I'll finish it, and you can all see my...cartoon self? I KNOW you all want to see that.

This weekend I plan to waste time a) sleeping, and b) not doing work. On Saturday, I'm going to be tramping through undergrowth and hopefully having an ultimate showdown of badmintion with one of my gym buddies. It'll be fun! Tomorrow, I may just walk to the mall with Tegan if the weather's alright.

Things Which Happened Today

I finally had a course selection appointment with my guidance counselor. Unfortunately, I'm still not entirely clear on what I want to take. Right now, I'm doubling up with physics and chemistry, which unfortunately means that I have to take a study hall. I'm not even sure if I want to take chemistry, though. I love science, but I'm not really great at chemistry, as this year proves. I have a B, but I've done poorly on most of the tests, and Chemistry 2 is supposed to be ridiculously hard. At the same time, though, I've already mostly gotten through one year, so I might as well continue and get college credit for it. Also, I love science. People don't believe me when I say that!

So, I guess I'll deliberate over the weekend, but most likely I'll stick with my current schedule.

At the appointment, I found out that my chemistry teacher reccomended me for A-level. I mean, considering my test scores, I shouldn't be surprised, but it hurt, especially since he said he reccomended everyone for AP. I guess since there are only eight people in my chemistry class, he couldn't say most people. The appointment made me late for chemistry, and when I explained why I was late, he asked what I had selected. I really wish I had said Physics Honors, just so he would know, but instead I just said "Courses." Haha, I'm so funny.

I talked to Mo in math class! Well, him, Kathy, and I kind of chatted. All of my friends told me I was lame for being happy about this =.= Considering there was a time when I could barely speak to anyone, I think this is an improvement! Also, we made eye contact when he was talking to me directly, and I inwardly freaked out because do I break eye contact or do I hold it or what and then I just quickly looked down at my paper. I am so smooth.

I have this fear that he'll find out or he already knows. Especially since my friends keep pulling shit like saying his name out loud with his best friend right next to us in creative writing. Right now they'd probably say I was acting like I was in elementary school, with the whole endless obsessing and analyzing every action. And the nicknames so they don't know we're talking about them. Honestly, how else are you supposed to do it?

Things Which Happened Yesterday

Quills and Keys met yesterday, as it does every Wednesday. We tried to get on the roof (!) of the school, but when we found the ladder (hidden away in a paint closet), this terrifying guy came out of nowhere and said, "You're not supposed to be in here." So, that plan dashed, we wandered about and ate SO MUCH FOOD. I hunted for a dollar with Maya and Anthony Freshman, and then, back in the meeting room, we all shared cute love stories. Who needs to write at writing club?

I also took the National Latin Exam. Today we went over the answers, and I only got two wrong! Unfortunately, because I got silver last year, it's too late for me to get gold all four years and win the awesome prize. The awesome prize is a two-hundred dollar Latin encyclopedia. Because that's how awesome Latin students are.

I found out that most of the really, really good delegates in Model UN are in my committee for the upcoming conference. Kim told me not to switch into hers. I just don't want to get ruthlessly slaughtered! I'll probably email the supervisor tomorrow to see if there are any spots left in post-colonization education. Cloning is an interesting topic, but it's not worth this...

Things Which I Am Doing Now

I am concluding my post. Good night, friends!

Saturday, March 10, 2012


My Deepest Apologies

What is this? Can it be that I'm still alive? Happy day, I am. I apologize for vanishing. It was remarkably poor taste for me to do so. To inspire my return, I've made everything prettier.

Thank you Lizzie for your concern :) Forgive me, all, for abandoning my blog and yours.

Now I shall write a long-ass entry. Prepare yourselves, friends!

Why did I vanish?

Have I been busy with school, as I am such a diligent, hard-working student that I would always put my work before the temptations of the Internet? Good heavens, no. In fact, my laziness is the very reason I haven't written in so long: once I realized it was easier to not write than to write, my motivations for writing seemed remarkably less. I haven't been writing much creatively, either. What have I been doing? Well, there's this:

Unfinished, if that wasn't clear by the giant empty space in the middle.

Yes, for the past week or so, I've spent my time making countless geometric images on Paint. That does not, however, account for a month of absence. What else have I been doing? By this point, I'm not sure myself. Saying that everything is hazy sounds a bit serious, but between the soul-crushing boredom, the constant listlessness that school inspires, and school itself, I cannot honestly account for where my time has gone or why I've done nothing productive during it. Productivity is for people who go to good colleges squares! Everyone who works at McDonald's knows that!

I wish I had more to catch you up on. Certainly things have happened that I would've written of if I had been writing then, things which now seem trivial. For instance, the third Model UN conference came and went. I didn't do very well, and there was no one there who piqued my interest, so now it seems pointless to even mention it. The fourth and final conference is on the 31st. I'm representing Spain for Cloning, which interests me because it's not the usual MUN topic. Maybe Sam will be there...? :)

But if I'm going to start talking about boys, I ought to devote an entire new section to it. Look at me, being organized! Today, I even organized the list of the twelve pages of homework I have to do this weekend. I digress.

Affairs of the Heart

Two of my best friends currently have boyfriends. Kim is very happy with Evan, and Joy is very happy with Andrew, and I am very happy for both of them (though Andrew occasionally calls me a cockblock :P). I do not have a boyfriend (otherwise I would've blogged sooner), but I'm, you know, okay with that.

I have a silly crush on a guy in my math class. His name is Mike, though we call him Mo--except for Maia, who calls him Kiwi. Yes, we still employ juvenile nicknames so that our crushes don't know we're talking about them. How else can you do it?

Anyway, I like Mike (and also assonance). I don't know him very well, so I'm not, like, obsessed with the guy, but he seems like a cool person. Also he's attractive. My goodness. I could just stare at the boy's face (that's not remotely weird or anything). And, um, his last name is fantastic, though obviously I won't be sharing it here.

This, of course, means that I'm over Weslie. I don't think I'd mind getting to know my Favorite Sour Asian a bit more, but that ship sailed after I didn't speak to him for half a year--also because he's a bit too much of a dick to justify to myself any longer. Ah well! 'Tis better to have loved and lost, etc.

Feedz me compluhmensss

You may not have noticed the obnoxiously long poem I wrote and posted the other night. You should read it and tell me what you think! Part of the reason that I'm blogging now is because I'm writing more overall, including the poem and my latest story, Gossamer. Care for an excerpt? Too bad if you don't; I'm feeding you one anyway!
I stayed awake, staring into the dreamy shadow of my ceiling, till the morning light disrupted my despair, and my happiness evaporated in the heat of day. I blinked against the rising pink, the glorious eternal gold of the sun at morn, the light which at once consumed the vestiges of darkness before I could realize it was gone. Morning came swiftly to assuage the weary soul of nighttime, and I remembered my dream, my guilty dream of stolen memories, the smile of Jude, the voice of Jonas, the cold and gray of Olivia Beach. Let them rest, I thought. Let my memories rest, let them burn away in sunlight, but let the night be my indulgence, let them flood back and kiss my waiting lips, let them speak to me in the voices of the damned and of the dead, let the sea rise around my feet and the sea wind push his hair from his face and reveal that word which haunted my living breath as if it were all of these things that I remembered, all of these things that I loved and yearned for under the cover of darkness. Let this be, I thought, let this be. Let the dead rest, but let this be.
In the full bloom of morning I wandered through a garden which grew and choked the ground around my home. The soil was good here, but the garden untended, untouched except for sunlight, and pale flowers twined around each other’s necks in a foul spectacle. Grass encroached on the garden path, though not enough years had passed for the stone to be entirely overtaken. This garden was a murder scene, a violent brawl of beauty, seeping through the fertile ground into a bloody ugly show. Too many flowers contested with too many weeds, too many dead leaves, too many spiders and bees and flies, too much sickly grass pushing thin shoots between the lovely buds, till at last the flowers, overcome by the violence, rose again as a tyrant themselves, their purity corrupted, their beauty destroyed by oppression. This was my home, this belligerent garden, the abandoned widow’s walk, the empty rooms which suppressed the memory of what was once full.
Gossamer is basically about a girl named Maria who falls in love with two guys, Jonas and Jude. There's a plot, but I haven't worked it out yet. One or both of them die. I don't feel bad telling you that, because you find out in the first sentence that someone dies, and it's pretty clear from there on that it's either Jonas or Jude.

What I enjoy about this story is the little thought-trains that the narrator goes off on. She's a little less poetic as a teenager, which is what she is for the majority of the story (the excerpt is years after the events of the novel). It's fun to write her descriptions of things, although when I don't get it right, I tend to scrap everything I just wrote and start over.
I wondered if he mentioned me, if I had made an impression on him. I imagined their conversation later, perhaps when the others had gone off. They lounged around the park, Jonas on the bench, the other one sitting on the top of it, with his feet on the seat. The friend laughed at some joke that Jonas has made, and then said, abruptly, if he had seen the girl on Main Street. When Jonas hadn’t, the friend laughed and told him I was hot. Yes, that must be what he thought of me, when he looked me up and down and caught my eyes. He knew nothing more of me than that I was hot. Jonas asked what I looked like, disinterested, for he was far too pure to care if his crass friend found yet another girl attractive. The friend hesitated, struggling to recall my features and my form through the haze of his memory, unable to remember more than the basics—tall, dark hair, that body, I imagined in his voice. I didn’t know his voice, but I imagined it anyway, teasing, low-toned, sometimes gruff. He would speak fluidly, sometimes making his words unclear as he flowed from one to the next, letters, words, and sentences forming a river of thought that poured from his mouth unabridged. Sometimes, a trickle, when he felt perverse; other times a waterfall, harsh, strong, his voice and his words overpowering, his anger absolute and irrepressible. He had a voice which would be heard by everyone or by just the person he wanted it to be heard by.
I was described in this voice. He rolled over what features he could remember—tall, dark hair, that body—as water rolls over rocks, and he wore them away, eroding my figure with the vulgarity of his tone, smoothing over my flaws with exaggeration that his tongue was prone to. It was a voice of overpowering force, which made me into a figure quite unlike myself. He said last, his tone amused, his vocal torrent subsiding, that I had a weird expression on my face.
It's called 'Gossamer' because, to be honest, the name sounded nice. Though I don't see it directly playing into the story, I'm sure at some point it will be brought up in conversation and I can justify using a random, mildly pretentious word to title my story :)

Spring is in the Air

It was so delightfully warm on Wednesday and Thursday that I wore a dress to school on both days. I decided to just embrace that I'm never going to wear shorts to school, and do some online browsing for some nice spring dresses before I finally haul my ass to the mall and drop some dough. I realized that, once again, I have a strange fondness for floral. I know it's spring and all, but I've always had this thing against least until it gets warm and sunny outside.

Things I want to invest in before it gets nice out: a casual dress which isn't shapeless or black, sandals, at least two skirts (I only have three, and they're, like, all I wear in the spring), and some nice light shirts. I'm being overwhelmed by loveliness just thinking about it.

Spring also means that school is on the decline. School is out in just over three months! Our scheduling for next year should be occurring soon. Once again I intend to take all Honors and AP, and I think I may take both physics and chemistry if I can. The schedule is changing next year, which may mean I won't be able to double up on science, which would be a shame, because if I'm going to struggle through one year of chemistry I might as well struggle through two and get college credit for it. If I can't double up, then I'll just take physics. See, in the new schedule, we would have to lab out for science during study hall, music, or gym, as opposed to any elective as it is now. Whatever the merits of the new schedule may be, I think it's silly to restrict the number of classes a student can take in that way. Also, I really love science :(

Speaking of chemistry, I just can't seem to get the hang of it this year. On the last test we took, though, I got 100! I could not even believe it! My highest test grade after that is an 80! Everyone else did well, too, but usually on the tests that everyone does well on, I still do poorly. I actually hung it on the fridge, I was so happy. It brought my grade up five points. I'm still happy just thinking about it.

The Work I Should Be Doing Instead of This

I made a handy-dandy list.
  • Genetic Disease Brochure (approx. two pages)
  • Stylistic Devices in Rebecca (two pages)
  • Secondary Character Narrative (two-three pages)
  • Court Opinions (four pages)
And only half of that is overdue work!
I want to do the biology brochure tonight, and get a start on the second thing, the stylistic devices pseudo-essay. The more complex things I'm going to tackle tomorrow, when I absolutely cannot justify procrastination.

Right at this moment, however, I'm going to go play senseless computer games. Farewell! When shall I write again? Probably tomorrow, when I desperate for distraction from all the homework I have.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Fall of Sabrina

The Sable-bend and the Old Orchad and the Trees
Aligned in a straight fashion, pale with silver leaves
These things line the winding drive where the spirits wait
The winding drive that leads us to the House of Remaurier

She was upon the door, the bloodied door, the blood-red door
The Lady Sabrina 'neath the pillars straight as sin
     (this is what she told me, this is what she said, my Lady Grim)
     (this is what she told me, what she said, my Lady Sin)

I wait beyond with bloodied hand for my Lady Fair
The spirit and the virtue of my Lady, always there
     (the spirit and the virtue, the spirit and the crime)
     (my Lady lost, these ghosts unyielding, drenched in filth and grime)
I wait beyond the door for the Wife Remaurier

My Lady in her beauty, hands clasped 'neath the light in prayer
Why she prays I do not know, for Heaven is not there
Not for my Lady, Wife, my Lady, Wife of Remaurier
The Master's Wife, so much despised
     (my love, Remaurier)

The bed of she, my Lady Fair, is cold, bare with disuse
My Lady takes no lovers for her beauty is a noose
     (my Lady takes no lovers, my dear lovely Lady Fair)
     (my Lady's bed is cold though my Lady's heart is bare)

My Lady's Master, Lover, Tyrant
     (for he is to my place aspirant)
     (for even he's denied that lovely Lady Fair)
My Lady Sin, her beauty fleeting in her master's Grasp
She turns to me and clings to me with her cold sinful Clasp

The Lady Sabrina of this Bloodied Hand of mine
He has tried her patience, though my Lady's bid her time
My Lady Remaurier, my lovely Lady True
My Lady Sin and Grime and Grim, my Lady Lover too

The House has fallen for my lovely Lady's love
The Sable-bend a hollowed route for the worms to take
The worms consume it all now, the House Remaurier
     (the worms consume it all now, my Lady Remaurier)

The Old Orchard is her grave now, and the Master lies with her
My bloody hand upon him, though my Lady did not know
Her vice and sin, my Lady Grim, consumed her angel spirit
Bid me follow and I shall, my fair Lady Dearest

The Murder of my Wife and Lover, the Master's stolen prize
     (preceded only by his own demise)
She drove me do it, I confess, my lovely Lady Fair
She bid me do it for the love that she professed was there

Her vengeance at last taken on her despised cruel Master
     (her vengeance taken on me, my dearest love forever)
     (her vengeance on him and on me, her lovers sworn forever)
She turned from me, my Lady Fair, and her cruel spirit triumphed
     (all that she had done for naught, for my Lady Sin was finished)

Gone forever is the genteel House of Remaurier
I wait with bloodied hands for my Lady Remaurier
The fair Sabrina stole away, from my hands delivered
A sweet respite from all her strife, my Lady Love forever

My Lady bid me do her crime, and for her I gladly did it
"The Tyrant's dead, long live the Queen"--long live the Queen, Sabrina
But her own fall followed not long, for my Lady cursed me
     (my devotion and my love entire)
     (any fool would know that my love was all entire)
She bid me fool to love a Lady of the House Remaurier
She turned from me once the crime was done, my Lady Remaurier

My Lady Love Remaurier down the drive shall no more turn
The winding silver path where our love was born
The House of Remaurier has fallen, and my Lady fallen too
I stopped my Lady's breath when her betrayal burned anew