Sunday, August 30, 2009


Gawsh, I love the mall!
GUESS WHAT I DID TODAY? I went to the mall with Nat! Yesh I did! Super happiness!
Yup! And when shopping got boring, we stalked people!
Yes, you read right. We stalked people. It turned from 'following' to 'stalking' when we started consciously looking for them. First we just randomly started following these two emo girls in purple and black (purple shirt 1 and 2) and they went ALL OVER THE PLACE. They kept going back and forth between Boscov's and Hot Topic. Then we lost them for awhile but WE FOUND THEM AGAIN. At one point we ran into them in the hall and the shorter one (purple shirt 1) cried, "I love you!" to which we cried "I love you too!" back. Good times.
After awhile, one of them left, and we power-walked after purple shirt just to have her disappear out of Macy's. Blah. Then we followed this incredibly cute emo guy till somehow, against the laws of nature, HE MET UP WITH TWO PREPS. Wtf. We were just kinda wandering around after that, looking for someone else to stalk, when WHO SHOULD APPEAR BUT PURPLE SHIRT. Except this time she was with BLUE SHIRT. Craziness.
We followed them too until we lost them, which was about when we just couldn't walk anymore and Nat's dad picked us up. THEN WE WENT TO DINNER WITH LOLO AND THEIR LITTLE SISTERS WHO I CURRENTLY FORGET THE NAME OF. Yesh, good times.
Oh, and we ran into purple shirt and blue shirt in Hollister, of all places. Purple shirt said "I love you!" again and blue shirt asked to see my shirt than gave me a high five. Oh yeah.
I had a good day :)

The Half-Bloods

Scorching tears burned my face, setting the criss-crossed scars ablaze. I shut my eyes tight, trying to stop the flow, but it only made it worse. My throat was bleeding like daggers were stabbing it. My legs were numb with pain; I was sure they would be turning dark purple by this point. Vines, trees, thorns, even leaves all whipped at my bear arms and legs, leaving a trail of blood. But my hand…where he touched me…I never knew such raw pain could exist, such throbbing misery.

I too numb in the mind to do anything but run; if I tried to stop, I would surely implode. And if I did stop…Erebos’ face flashed in my head, his eyes ablaze, his lips curled back in a snarl…and then the young grocer’s body, his gaunt eyes staring at me expressionlessly, black mist surrounding his body. For an instant, my savior had radiated evil. Then he saw me, and his black eyes turned back to brown.

If I could ran faster, I would’ve.

Silently I prayed for the moon to show, though I knew that was impossible. The clouds were too thick, and either way, it was close to New Moon. And yet…if just the tiniest sliver of moonlight fell on me…I could be saved…

Images flashed in my head: a shattered mirror with a shadowy reflection sitting in a pool of blood, sparkling gold dust making everything shine and glimmer; a gnarled oak that reached the heavens and was overtaken with emerald vines; a burning town with a solitary figure in the distance…the silhouette of Erebos.

Suddenly pulsing white figures surrounded me…I screamed, my hands flying out in front of me…my foot was caught on a root…I was falling into one of the figures…a cold hand pressed to my cheeks and the world went black.

Chapter One— The Aeolodral

There was a steady pulsing in the uppermost corner of my head, right side. I tried to blink, but my eyes were already closed. I couldn’t remember how to open them.

I remembered the pain, though…the awful, searing pain. I remembered it, but I could no longer feel it. I felt perfect, as if I had never known any pain, any discomfort. It was an eerily foreign sensation.

I found my eyes, and they fluttered, letting air touch them once more. It felt like I had been asleep for a long time…panicked, I wondered where I was. The last thing I remembered was the cold hand ever-so-lightly touching my cheek. Almost instantly, a cold handprint burned right next to my nose.

Sucking in a sharp breath, I forced my eyes to open. Light flooded my pupils, causing me to blink…a bemused chuckle came from the left of me…I swallowed, suddenly nervous. I squinted against the bright light, and saw a smooth white ceiling above me. Turning my head, I saw fluttery lace curtains covering a huge window, and patterned white walls. My bed was long and narrow, and, surprisingly, white.

“Good morning.”

I nearly jumped out of my skin, and then I saw him. If he had not spoken, I wouldn’t have noticed him. He sat quietly in a pale wooden chair, his white tailored clothing giving off an old-fashioned air. His hair, reaching just past his shoulders, was so white and thin it was almost transparent. His skin was slightly darker than his hair, but not by much…he practically blended in with the room. His eyes, though, stood out shockingly…they were electric blue, too big for his long, thin face.

Despite his strange appearance, he was actually rather handsome. He frowned at me, but not unpleasantly…more like he was being too serious. Either way, I felt much safer.

“How are you feeling?” His striking eyes crinkled at the corners, though he held the same grim smirk.

I swallowed and closed my eyes. “Perfect.”

“That’s good,” he said, though it sounded more like he was talking to himself. “Surprising, but good…I suppose Agana has done a better job than she’ll take credit for…”

I cleared my throat. “Excuse me…um…sir…”

He looked surprised to see me there. “Ah! Right.” His eyes crinkled again. “My name is Noor. You must be very confused…”

His smile was dazzling, and I felt myself caught off guard for a minute. He waited patiently for my response, his hands folded neatly on his lap.

“Yeah, I am pretty confused.” Then I added, “My name is Ayla.”

I don’t know if he looked surprised, because he couldn’t get any paler, and his eyes were already so wide, but it seemed that way. All he said, though, was, “Hmm.”

I winced, embarrassed. “Please…where am I? How did I get here?” More questions popped into my head. “Why are you here?” And then, before I could stop myself: “Did he find me?”

His huge eyes immediately narrowed. “Did who find you?”

Before I could explain, a new voice interrupted. “Isn’t it obvious, Noor? The demon.”

A magnificent woman strode into the room, and I was immediately awestruck. She towered over us at maybe six feet, her long, slender body wrapped in a black silk dress. Her hair, reaching past her waist, was smooth and inky black, and straighter than I had ever seen on anyone. It was strange against her pale, almost-white skin that reminded me of chiseled marble, or maybe porcelain. Her thin lips, the color of rose petals, were pressed into an angry line. Her eyes, though, seemed the strangest of all…they were blacker than midnight, all around, and glittered as if stars were trapped inside.

She peered down at me like a collector inspecting a rather ugly piece of art. Noor grinned at her, though, so I assumed she wasn’t as surly as she seemed.

“A demon didn’t attack me,” I said, sure of myself. She raised a thin black eyebrow.

“It’s unlikely she doesn’t remember.” She seemed to be talking to Noor. “Did she just wake up?”

He nodded silently. For a second, I wondered if he was as mesmerized by this woman as I was, but then, they seemed to know each other. Surely he would’ve gotten used to her staggering beauty.

“She’s not registered at Orasaula,” the woman continued. Noor nodded, as if he had any idea what ‘Orasaula’ meant. “I’ve never heard of her before. Why would a demon be interested in—?”

She narrowed her midnight eyes while Noor spoke softly. “Ayla, do you know why a demon would attack you?”

“I told you, a demon didn’t attack me,” I insisted, aware I sounded insolent. Their eyes bored into my blackened wrists, which I had not noticed till now. Memories came flooding back to me…Erebos, his eyes black and evil, with the body of grocer lying still at his feet…he had reached for me, to keep me from running…his hands burned my flesh…

“Erebos,” I breathed.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

There's a certain epicness in stories, in quotes, in lives and different worlds that I've always, always wanted to capture. Because I don't want to write just for entertainment, I want to write with meaning. I want you to get that strange, faraway feeling that reality can't touch when you read my books. I want you to set them down and just think, just soak up everything you've seen or done, and simply exist inside that world for a little bit.
"But even in her laughter there was something missing. She never seemed to be truly happy; she just seemed to be passing time while she waited for something else. She was tired of just existing; she wanted to live."

As of now, though, I can't capture that feeling and trap it between pages. I don't know how. My stories are straight forward: a smattering of dialoque and observations but no real emotion, no real depth. My talent isn't really in storytelling, but in seeing the story.
“You know a great many things in dreams, often despite the evidence of your eyes. You just know them. …She wanted to return to her dream. Perhaps it was still there behind her closed eyelids. Perhaps a little of its happiness still clung like gold dust to her lashes.”
Real life seems so anticlimatic. When you read a book, everything flows so perfectly, and everything is so vibrant and brave. When in your entire life do you have a chance to die for someone, to sacrifice everything to save someone, to be a hero in an impossible adventure? You could put me in the middle of a dream, and I would fare, but in the middle of life? Who am I then?
"Some things are so impossible, so fantastic, that when they happen, you are not at all surprised. Their sheer impossibility has made you imagine them too many times in your head, and when you find yourself on that longed-for moonlit path, it seems unreal but still, somehow, familiar. You dreamed of it, of course; you know it like a memory."

Even the things I dream in real life take on a strangely fantastical sheen, as if they're things of fairytales. Because even anger, even hate in that world is perfect. Life, awareness, is not. It simply is, but the worlds you create between the pages of a book can be, in a way reality never could.
"For some of us, books are as important as almost anything else on earth. What a miracle it is that out of these small, flat, rigid squares of paper unfolds world after world after world, worlds that sing to you, comfort and quiet or excite you. Books help us understand who we are and how we are to behave. They show us what community and friendship mean; they show us how to live and die."
"Most people think things are not real unless they are spoken, that it's the uttering of something, not the thinking of it, that legitimizes it. I suppose this is why people always want other people to say "I love you." I think just the opposite—that thoughts are realest when thought, that expressing them distorts or dilutes them."
"This was not a faerie tale. This was not the movies. This was life. It hurt more. It was excruciating. It was excruciatingly beautiful."
"I am one of the searchers. There are, I believe, millions of us. We are not unhappy, but neither are we really content. We continue to explore life, hoping to uncover its ultimate secret. We continue to explore ourselves, hoping to understand. We like to walk along the beach, we are drawn by the ocean, taken by its power, its unceasing motion, its mystery and unspeakable beauty. We like forests and mountains,, deserts and hidden rivers, and the lonely cities as well. Our sadness is as much a part of our lives as is our laughter. To share our sadness with one we love is perhaps as great a joy as we can know - unless it be to share our laughter."


Now seems so seperate from real life, from petty emotions and childhood drama, from ignorance and pain. Now, right now, seems full of sparkling afternoon light and magic. This feeling can't be put into a book because it's too big to be trapped in words, to be trapped in a mundane story. You have to see and feel the story without telling it, because when you tell it, the magic is lost.
"When a person is lucky enough to live inside a story, to live inside an imaginary world, the pains of this world disappear. For as long as the story goes on, reality no longer exists."
“Somewhere, things must be beautiful and vivid. Somewhere else, life has to be beautiful and vivid and rich. Not like this muted palette- a pale blue bedroom, washed out sunny sky, dull green yellow brown of the fields. Here, I know every twist of the road, every blade of grass, every face in this town, and I am suffocating.”
"I hadn't understood how days could be both long and short at the same time: long to live through, maybe, but so drawn out that they ended up flowing into one another. They lost their names. Only 'yesterday' and 'tomorrow' still had any meaning for me."
I've become somewhat numb, as if immune to the touches of the outside world. Time just slips away, and what is now is suddenly yesterday, two weeks ago, a month, a year. I barely notice it, I can't feel it, can't get attached. I simply am, and I simply see. Only some moments are clear, and they are so fleeting that they become just memories too.
"I always thought I wanted to know a secret, or I wanted an event to unfold – I wanted my life to start – but in those rare moments when it seemed like something might actually change, panic shot through me."
"Stories you read when you're the right age never quite leave you. You may forget who wrote them or what the story was called. Sometimes you'll forget precisely what happened, but if a story touches you it will stay with you, haunting the places in your mind that you rarely ever visit."

Friday, August 28, 2009


Alan tried very hard not to look at his date, not because his date was ugly, but because she wasn't looking at him. That worried him...that she wasn't looking at him...but he didn't know why. After all, he hadn't wanted to do this at all. He had never once considered Natalie Lakes as a date, and if someone asked him too, he would've laughed and said "Really?", but inside he'd be shuffling his feet and looking away. Because once, long ago, he and Natalie had a thing. Not a romantic thing, but definitely a thing, and one he didn't ever want to think about.
Across from Alan, Natalie was trying very hard not to look at him, because really she couldn't believe this. She had suspected it was a joke the moment he had asked her...that his friends were hiding behind the corner, waiting to ambush her with laughter...but, for the first time in her life, she had swallowed her fear and said 'Yes.' in the most defiant tone she could muster. Because if it was a joke, it wouldn't matter, and if it was a dare, he'd be stuck with her for at least one night.
Indeed it was a dare, and Alan had only agreed to it because he didn't really expect Natalie to say yes. He didn't know that she had been nurturing a crush on him for years, despite how badly he had treated her during their 'thing', and how completely he ignored her afterwards. In his mind, she had gotten over it and moved on. Maybe she would hold a grudge and hate him forever. That would be easier than her--impossibly--still liking her. Safer.
Because Alan was essentially selfish and painfully unobservant, which he used to create a picture that didn't involve his gut feeling that Natalie still liked him. He was also a player, a jerk, and secretly obsessed with popularity...and why would a girl like Natalie like someone like that? She was as shy as he was outgoing, cynical, jealous, and reserved...not his type at all. But she had said yes.
Across from Alan, Natalie was wondering at the impossibility of Alan Howe asking her on a date, then her saying yes, then them ending up in a quaint little cafe in the middle of town. She alternated between reliving the moment--again and again--in her head, and sneaking glances at him. She was trying not to, but she couldn't help it...his expressions fascinated her.
In case you haven't guessed, this is how I imagine a date between me and Basil would go in a few least part of it. I just can't write anymore of it...just like when you read for hours you just can't read anymore.
[Use Somebody--Kings of Leon]
No, Alan is not Basil's name, and Natalie is not my name. I just picked Natalie out of a hat, and every time I write a character based off Basil, I use the name Alan. Why? Because the first time I based a character off him, I used Alan, because it means 'handsome'. Shut up.
Anyway! Not much going on in the world of Strawberry, but when is that news? I finally finished reading City of Bones and my dad bought New Moon (don't ask). Oh, and I had a physical today! Joy. I'm healthy. Hoo-rah?
Well, yes, because that's a good thing...oh, I got two shots which lasted all of ten seconds (they shot lady was very quick), and the nice doctor lady (who is apparently the mother of someone in my school) gave me acne medicine that supposedly works very well. Yay! This really is good, because if I had to pick between losing twenty pounds permanently and clearing my skin permanently, I'd chose the pounds.
Hah, I kid. I'd choose the skin, because there is nothing I hate more than my red, bumpy face. Seriously.
Also, partially because somewhere in the back of my head I imagine Basil talking with one of his friends; "Alright! I'll only ask her out if she has clear skin when school starts."
Yeah. Don't even think it.
[Nicest Thing--Kate Nash]
Huh. I've begun my trademark giggling-for-no-reason again, which makes me feel happy :D That sentence was lame.
Strawberry out.
Oh, and comment or die.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

It's only just a crush, it'll go away. It's just like all the others; it'll go away. Or maybe this is danger and you just don't know; you pray it all away but it continues to grow.

The woman before me were so beautiful I was sure they had to be angels. They did not look at all similar--not at all--but I got the impression they were sisters. They both stood with a kind of grandeur I had never seen, perfectly straight and elegant. The mist seemed to be part of their gowns, indeed it flowed off the hem like they were of the same material.
The one on the left was slightly taller than the other, with golden-blonde hair that reached her waist. She was far more striking, with a thin, pale face, high cheeks, dark and full eyelashes, electric blue eyes, and surprisingly full lips. She did not glare per se, but her face was fixed decidedly on mine with a set expression that hinted at no kind feelings. She wore a stark, old-fashioned charcoal-gray gown that glinted slightly, as if set with invisible diamonds.
The other was far softer, with long brown hair pulled back in a simple ponytail. She had high cheekbones as well, but her face was rounder, and her lips were pulled up at the corners. Her skin was ivory and she had dark brown eyes, darker than her hair. She wore a flowing white gown that glowed as if by some heavenly light.
The men that stood beside them seemed far less prominent in the wake of the beautiful women, but still had a regal presence about them. One was thin with spiky brown hair, a thin face, and pale blue eyes. He held the same smile as the brunette woman, but it was somehow wilder. The other was somewhat more muscular and slightly taller than his brother, with green eyes and curly brown hair. I found I could not focus on them, though, for the women had started to speak.
"Greetings, Aten," said the brunette, dipping her head slightly as if on instinct. The blonde continued to survey me with cold eyes. "We have waited long for your arrival."
I forced myself to swallow. The kind smile upon the brunette's face was more unnerving than the empty stare of the other. "Who...who are you?"
"My name is Azrale," said the blonde grimly. Her voice was as cutting as her sister's was soft. "This is Chayyliel and Gabriel, my brothers. And this is Regina--" Her voice seemed to hush and she gestured towards the brunette. "--my...sister."
Regina's smile deepened. "Thank you for referring to me as your sister, Azrale. I understand how that would be difficult."
Azrale's eyes flared, but she said nothing. I gaped at the pair, trying to decide which was more beautiful but failing.
"He doesn't know what we are," mused the curly-haired man, either Chayyliel or Gabriel. I forced my eyes away from the women to the men, who were staring at me with slightly mocking expressions.
Azrale spoke again. "Aten...we are angels."
That drew me out of my trance (for their beauty was mesmorizing). I turned sharply and gaped at her. So I was right, then? They were so beautiful because they were angels?
The blonde continued with barely a pause. "I am the angel of death...Regina is the angel of life." Her eyes flared again, in the same way. "Chayyliel and Gabriel are, as I said, my brothers."
Suddenly I remembered the old man's words; "You will find what you seek in the Ryden forest, when twilight blankets the valley and four of great beauty appear to you, as if in a dream..."
Before I could speak, though, the skinnier man spoke. "We don't have the crystal, Aten. Forgive us--it's not in our power. You must find it yourself for the curse to be broken."
I stared at him, not sure what to say. Surely they had to be of help, though...the old man had said I would find what I sought here. Surely he knew...
"Gabriel, I think he's gone into shock," said Azrale, smirking heavily. The curly-haired man snickered, which meant he was Gabriel, and the skinny one ws Chayylien. I was too busy processing this to glare at her, and she was too beautiful either way.
"I do believe he has," retorted Gabriel, a glint in his sharp eyes.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Read ma entry, foo.

Katon was silent but fuming in my head. He was glaring at Tyler Smith, who was surrounded by girls.
You're such a guy. I forced my eyes away before someone accused me of staring.
Where I come from, a guy like that would be killed.
Killed? That's a little harsh, isn't it?
Katon snorted. He's skinny as hell. I would destroy him in a fist fight.
I rolled my eyes, which prompted several stares. So you're all buff, right?
Right. He sounded vindicated.
You're just jealous.
Yes, jealous. Girls adore him.
If I were in my own body, they would forget that poser ever existed.
But you're not. I paused to mentally glare at him. Look, if you wanted to flirt, you should've picked a male body to possess. I--
Katon reacted faster than I did. He had us by the window in seconds, looking for the source of excitement.
It was just a car, sleek and black, standing out against the cheap sedans that filled the parking lot. The guys ooh-ed and ahh-ed and the girls looked put-out that the attention wasn't on them anymore. Even Katon seemed impressed.
The driver of the car stepped out, and I was immediately struck by how handsome he was. Entranced. Mesmorized. He looked like an angel, with shoulder-length gold hair and golden-tan skin. Even from the second floor I saw that he had brilliant blue eyes that glinted in the broad daylight. He looked up and...smiled at me.
Katon launched me across the classroom, away from the window and towards the door. The Uno-playing group cried out as we attempted to leap over their was something Katon could do, but I could not. My foot slammed against the wood surface and twisted, and I was sprawled out on top of a chair.
"Ella! What is the meaning of this?" cried the teacher, but I could barely hear her. Before I could register the pain, Katon scrambled us away from the wreckage and through the door.
Stop! Stop, what are you doing?!?! It was useless though; Katon was in control. He practically through us down the hall, then the stairs.
They know I'm here! He was thinking to himself, but still I heard him. They found me!
WHO WAS THAT, KATON? He slowed finally, but at the worst place--we were balanced perilously on the edge of a step. I threw my hands out before me but it was too late--my chin slammed against the stairs as my body flipped over my head.
Once again, Katon pushed me back up, though I was reeling in pain. His sights were set on the back entrance that led to the feild hockey feild. I tried to hook myself on the door, but once again, he was too strong.
That was a vampire, Ella! His voice was more frantic than I had ever heard before--he was truly scared. We barrelled out the door.
Shock made me easier to control, and we ran faster than I had ever run in my life. The winter air was bitingly cold, but he seemed not to notice, as long as we got as far away from the school as possible.
Yeah, doesn't have a proper ending, but whatever.

So maybe he's not [yet] my man, and maybe it's not exactly an evil plan, because technically we're being wonderful people.

Bad mood over :) Till school starts. Then no promises.
I got my fillings in today, and it was so weird having my mouth numb. When they drilled it throbbed and I couldn't talk very well afterward. Then me and my mom went out to lunch...gawsh, never eat with a numb mouth. It's like running on numb legs, only worse. Moving your legs up and down is easy. Tasting, swallowing, and chewing are not.
I'm just going to go with what Nat wrote on her blog about this, because I don't think I could put it much better. "I was thinking about how me and Strawberry are going to save basil from himself this school year and I imagined myself turning to the seat behind me and asking Lolo how we should go about doing that. I start by bubbling explaining to Lolo how Moo even thinks Basil has gone out of control, and how we need a plan, an evil plan to save him." The Lolo thing aside (I wasn't there, though we should ask her), this is what we're going to do. Formulate an evil plan and save my man! XD
Okay, so maybe he's not [yet] my man, and maybe it's not exactly an evil plan (fudge! it rhymed!) because technically we're being wonderful people by helping him, but that aside, Basil has indeed gone out of control. He looks lost. I noticed this, and I'm the most painfully unobservant person out there! And I think he knows it, but he doesn't know how to stop. Or maybe he does, but either way, we're going to help him. I'm not exactly sure how to do that yet, though. Either way, I have a project for the school year I can actually enjoy.
If we're lucky, he'll decide he doesn't hate me in the process :D
I've decided to focus on happy things. Not I-wish-this-would-happen things, but real happy things. My nickname (Strawberry Shortcake!), my iPod, my surprise party. Every single time I've ever gone over to a friends house. And then I'll make bad things happy too, somehow. I have to mean it when I giggle for no reason.
Deepness over :)
I reallyreallyreally need to get new clothes. Really! I have money, and by God, I've got to spend it! Yesh indeed. I'll think I'll peruse now. Strawberry out :)

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

My phone dropped down a toilet. It just flew out of my pocket and landed in the water, like a bullseye. I didn't have it two weeks. It's my birthday. It's my fucking birthday. Doesn't that mean anything?
I don't even care about that I don't have a phone. That's not why I'm sobbing. It's because nothing can ever be right for too long. Something has to go wrong. It's not fair that we're suffering, that my parents are suffering. They're good people. I'm a good person. I know I am. So why is justice just missing from our life? Why are we the ones who never go on vacation and work all day every day? Why...Why am I the one who has to feel guilty because I'm so selfish and want things we just can't have? Why did I ask for an eighty dollar phone when I knew bills weren't getting paid? Why do we suffer? Where is the justice, the equality? Why can't we be happy for more than twenty-four hours?
I got my haircut. It's really short, but I have bangs. I hope it doesn't grow out too much by the time school starts. I really like it.
My friends think I have low self-esteem, so here's an exercise: I'm pretty, I'm smart, I'm funny, I'm nice, I'm skinny enough, I'm smart enough, I'm pretty enough, I'm funny enough, I'm nice what? Survive? I don't think so.
I really, really, really need to get some clothes. Like, urgently. They don't have to be fancy. Just new.
Vera got me presents! Yay! Two sets of bracelets (one with earrings, but I lost those. Of course. Just the tip of the ice burg.) and the Sims 2 Pets! Eeeeh yay!
I also need to hang out with Silver.
Ooooh, and we ate at Olive Garden! It was dee-lish (yes, I said dee-lish, shut up. I'm just trying to forget. Is it too obviously forced?). I love me some good italian food :)
It's impossible to be happy like this.
I fucking hate myself.
I hate the world.
It's not fair. It's not fair!
*sigh* Time to go to sleep and forget these tears...

Happy birthday?

Well. It's my birthday. I'm officially thirteen! So why don't I feel any different?
[I Miss You--Blink-182]
Of course, sitting in front of a computer waiting for someone to either sign on or pick up the phone isn't exactly how I envisioned my birthday. I went to the mall with my mom last year, but this year it just doesn't sound fun. Nothing does. I'm gonna check movie listings.
[MakeDamnSure--Taking Back Sunday]
If only Silver would pick up. If only Lolo was back from vacation (actually, she might be, but I'm not sure). If only I knew which number was Ani's house number. If only Nat...answered either text messages of IMs. If only there was a movie I wanted to see...sigh. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I guess I should just pick something to do, but it's hard when you feel this...alone? Or desperate? I don't know.
I do know that birthday's are supposed to fun. And by God, I'll make it fun.
[Tear You Apart]
It'd be a lot more fun with one of my friends, though. Ya know?
I think I'll call Silver again.
Of course, I do remember my wonderful-tastic surprise party :D That was quite the enjoyable affair. And I'm not allowed to be unhappy because of it. Hee hee :)

Monday, August 24, 2009


The sound started out low, like a swarm of hornets from far away, but it grew into a great stampede, each step screaming death. The sun was rising in the far east and threw its light over the low mountains and onto the armour of Nadean's army, igniting them in a burst of blinding red flames.
Bah. That's all I got.
Is everyone's phone turned off???? I'm fucking lonely!

This enemy is everywhere, but we will sing, but we will sing.

I just made that up. Does it sound like song lyrics?
[Tear You Apart--She Wants Revenge]
  1. I Miss You by Blink-182
  2. MakeDamnSure by Taking Back Sunday
  3. Tear You Apart by She Wants Revenge
  4. So Happy by Theory of a Deadman
  5. Shove It by Santigold [much better than it sounds]
  6. Take Me Away by Plain White T's

I totally love this thing on iTunes where it suggests songs for you. I actually bought some of them! iTunes isn't a total loser!
I'm so awesome.

Nahaha yay!

My legs look like they have chicken pox.
Well, no, because I don't actually know what chicken pox looks like. And I don't have it. Nay, my legs itch so because of 40 EFFING MOSQUITO BITES! I counted.
I will now let out a fairly violent stream of explicits:
I'm not sure if that actually meant anything...or why that's a link...

IN OTHER NEWS. It's my birthday tomorrow! I will finally be thirteen! I will no longer be so recognizably the youngest person in the group! I will be a TEENAGER.

For some reason it's not exciting as everyone says it is.
Well, that's just me. Still, it's weird looking back 3 months and 4 days ago and thinking, "It'll be my birthday in 3 months and 5 days. Shit that's a long time." I pick that date because May 20th is, guess who's????, Basil's birthday. I'm pathetic.

Is it just me, or does this entry sound too forced?

Ew, I just looked up chicken pox...ick.

Sunday, August 23, 2009


It's just a regular day. I'm walking back from the bathroom to science. There's a lot of people in the halls, so I walk quickly.
Kim emerges from the people. I smile, but before I can greet her, she says, "Are you okay?"
I frown, confused. "Yeah, what's wrong?"
"I thought you were getting away from the classroom."
"Basil found out."
I stare at her, shocked. Impossible he can't know impossible no no no no NO my life is ruined this can't be happening! He knows. He knows I like him.
And now I can't flee into the halls. I've used up my bathroom trip for the class. I can't disappear into a stall and sob, and scream.
We walk back together. I am sure my face is white.
I sit down silently, staring ahead. I force myself not to look at him. Kim slips by and leaves a note, reading Are you okay? I look over at her and try to nod. She comes over and asks it again. I say yeah.
Bloom asks the same thing, and I snap at him. It's only nerves. He was just being nice. Then Benny says, "Yeah, you look...not good."
Of course I don't. My biggest secret is out. The world is crashing around me.
Next class: French. I sit right next to him. He is depressed, because he likes Paula. I'm lucky Silver is there, because Gordan is the other person, and she's on his end of the spectrum. I end up snapping at her, and he says "Geez, Strawberry, chill..."
Chill. As if.
I thought I heard someone call my name, but it was probably nothing. I keep walking. My friends are nowhere in sight.
A tap on my shoulder. I turn around and come face-to-face with Basil.
Instantly, my heart goes through the roof. I can barely see, barely hear. He gestures for my to follow him and leads me over to the side of the breezeway, and starts talking. I can't hear him, but I catch 'Hallie made me...'. Then he mumbles something that sounds very much like "Will you get out with me?"
I can't think. "What?"
"Will you go out with me?"
Before I can think, my mouth says "No". I blurt it out, with an angry force I didn't realize I had around him. I don't remember his expression. Nothing else mattered. I needed to get out, because I could feel the breakdown coming...the hsyterics, the tears that never fall, the heart trying to force itself out of my chest. Kyle, Genne, and Gabby are there, they support me...I walk as fast as I can away, trying not to hear Genne and Gabby go on about what a jerk he is...I attach myself to the wall outside the girl's entrance to the gymnasium, surrounded by my friends, afraid to speak yet because he hasn't passed. I can hardly breathe. Once we're inside, everything's spilled...
It was April Fool's day.
Partners in French. I'm with Silver, of course, and Basil has managed to partner with Dan. Silver has a bracelet.
Dan asks to see it.
Silver says no.
Dan, jokingly, calls Silver "selfish".
Basil says "Yeah, and all her friends are too."
I turn towards him, confused and angry. For the first time, I meet his eyes.
They are ablaze.
I hold his gaze for a few seconds before the hate etched in his face is too much. I turn away.
And try not to cry for the rest of class.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

This is my one and only voice, so listen close, it's only for today.

Being that it is my birthday in three days(!!!!), my wonderful aunt, Auntie One-Flag, hath sent me a most appreciated gift: a $50 iTunes gift card! Hurrah! Not that it really matters, but here are the songs I got:

  1. Obsessed by Mariah Carey
  2. Fallin' for You by Colbie Caillat
  3. 21 Guns by Green Day
  4. Nicest Thing by Kate Nash
  5. Use Somebody by Kings of Leon
  6. With You by Linkin Park
  7. Uprising by Muse*
  8. Stay by Safetysuit
  9. Second Chance by Shinedown

The asterisk-ed song (Uprising) is my favorite from the bunch, and indeed it is! If you haven't listened to it yet, listen now. It's kickass.
Dunno when school starts. I need to find out. The date is drawing nearer and I still don't have enough clothes!

Don't apologize for all the tears you've cried; you've been way too strong now for all your life.

Was anyone else woken up by that terrifying thunderstorm at 1 a.m. last night? Anyone? Just me?
[Closer to Love--Mat Kearney]
That was the freakiest storm I've ever seen, even freakier than when I was seven riding through this monster of a storm while driving to Ohio, even freakier than the multi-colored lightning.
The thunder didn't sound like thunder, which is a bit like a stampede. It sounded like a thousand lions' roars, like just a mass of noise. It was louder than any thunder I've ever heard and was lasting for a good thirty seconds.
Judging by the distance between the thunder and the lightning, the center of the storm was a good few miles away, but the lightning was still illuminating the entire sky. The thunder/lighting lasted for a good hour. I know that for sure because after I woke up, I saw the clock, and was stunned that it read 1:00, for so many reasons. I remember noticing how small the number was compared to, oh, say, 12:57. At least on my clock. I kept looking back at it, waiting for the storm to end.
Holy effing crap that thing was monstrous!
In other news, the game Imperium on is sooooo fun. I totally beat that sucker!

Friday, August 21, 2009

Brace yourself for me, I said 'maybe, baby, please', but I just don't know now.

[Somebody Told Me--The Killers]
I am totally in love with the lead singer in this video. The song is good, too.
Seriously, though, how old is the lead singer of The Killers? How old is the band? I saw one video where he had grayish hair and looked in his fifties, but in every other video I've ever seen he's looked young. In that video he looks SUPERhot.
That's really all I had to say but I might as well continue writing anyway. I have officially restarted my list for songs I'm getting next time I get a iTunes gift card. Would you all like to see it? You will anyway.
[Closer to Love--Mat Kearney]
  1. Second Chance by Shinedown
  2. Sweet Dreams by Beyonce
  3. Nicest Thing by Kate Nash
  4. Stay by Safetysuit
  5. Please Don't Leave Me by Pink
  6. Use Somebody by Kings of Leon
  7. Closer to Love by Mat Kearney
  8. Somebody Told Me by The Killers
I have to call Silver again and see if she wants to do anything later.
If every building falls
And all the stars fade
We'll still be singing this song
The one they can't take away
I'm gonna get there soon
She's gonna be there too
Cryin' in her room
Prayin' Lord come through
We're gonna get there soon
Oh it's your light
Oh it's your way
Pull me out of the dark
Just to show me the way
Cryin out now
From so far away
You pull me closer to love

Lovely, I do say.
I'm now going to post random adorable pictures of cute animals.



Thursday, August 20, 2009

You possess every trait that I like, by coincidence or by design.

I just finished reading EVERYSINGLE entry I've written on this blog. Damn, I'm a depressed! I used to be funny and sarcastic and stuff! Now I just complain and write deep stuff! Sigh, oh well, maybe it's because I don't have actual events to write about. My eyes hurt.My cat Marco.

My cat Mudball.

Some random lizard.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

You can be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare. Either way I don't wanna wake up from you.

[Sweet Dreams--Beyonce]
I'm working on my masterpiece, by the way. Something that's riveting, beautiful, an instant classic. Written with the wisdom and skill as all the great authors, yet as original as any of theirs. Something that inspires you, entrances you, leaves you in a different world...not that I have that kind of skill, of course. But I can try.
I wrap you around all of my thoughts.
Boy you're my temporary high.
I wish that when I wake up you're there,
to wrap your arms around me for real
and tell me you'll stay by my side.
Clouds filled with stars cover the skies,
and I hope it rains; you're the perfect lullaby.
What kinda dream is this?
You could be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare,
either way I don't wanna wake up from you.

Greatest books of all time?

Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert
War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy
Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
Hamlet by William Shakespeare
The Great Gatsby F. Scott Fitzgerald
In Search of Lost Time by Marcel Proust
The Stories of Anton Chekhov by Anton Chekhov
Middlemarch by George Eliot
I don't know. I've only heard of three of these. I've also only heard of three of the authors. I have to search for something else.
Well, most popular books of all time didn't help. Harry Potter, of course, is at the top, with over 400 million copies sold. How I'm supposed to match that, I'm not sure. But I'm trying.
Onto Time's 100 Best Novels list, from 1923. Maybe this'll help?
Hmm, I've read Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret. Good book, but it didn't make much of an impression on me...of course, I was in fifth grade when I read it. I'll have to read it again. All the King's Men looks know what? I'll make a list.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

I'm not that girl, I can't be that girl.

Those magical little places...those rhythmical words...I'm not that girl. I don't wear vintage dresses and take pictures of the light filtering through the trees. I have never looked like a fairy or a princess just for the heck of it; I don't wear sandals. I don't weave words in a way that it's poetry in prose. I don't live in some quaint little town in England. I've never discussed a dress. Ever.
But I'm someone, aren't I?

I've always been fascinated by red trench coats...and, I think, for good reason. They're so amazingly awesome!

I love it. Lovelovelove it. Can you see it? It's the Joker!

K. Picture time over. Time for music!
These is my love songs (pertaining to me):

  1. Nicest Thing by Kate Nash
  2. Time is Running Out by Muse
  3. Stay by Safetysuit
  4. You Belong With Me by Taylor Swift
  5. No Surprise by Daughtry
  6. Please Don't Leave Me by Pink
  7. Use Somebody by Kings of Leon
  8. Sweet Dreams by Beyonce

I'm sure you can all guess who this is directed towards. The ones in bold are the most relevant.
Comment! Please! I'm so lonely!

Can't you tell that this is all just a contest? The one that wins will be the one who hits the hardest, but baby I don't mean it.

[Please Don't Leave Me--Pink]
We so have to hang out. If only she would turn on her phone.
I don't know if I can yell any louder.
How many times have I kicked you outta here?
Or said something insulting?
I can be so mean when I wanna be.
I am capable of really anything.
I can cut you into pieces...
But my heart is broken.
Please don't leave me,
please don't leave me.
I always so how I don't need you
but it's always gonna come right back to this...
Please, don't leave me.
[Use Somebody--Kings of Leon]
You know that I could use somebody,
someone like you,
and all you know,
and how you speak.
Countless lovers under cover of the street.
You know that I could use somebody;
you know that I could use somebody,
someone like you.
Off in the night, while you live it up,
I'm off to sleep.
Waging wars to keep the poet and the beat.
I hope it's gonna make you notice;
I hope it's gonna make you notice
someone like me.
I still don't really like the song, but the lyrics have grown on me.
[Nicest Thing--Kate Nash]
All I know is that you're so nice,
you're the nicest thing I've ever seen.
I wish that we could give it a go...
see if we could be something.
I wish I was your favorite girl.
I wish you thought I was the reason you were in the world.
I wish my smile was your favorite kind of smile,
I wish the way that I dressed was your favorite kind of style.
I wish you couldn't figure me out,
but you'd always wanna know what I was about.
I had some interesting dreams.

Dream One: I'm a goth/emo/punk girl with auburn hair. Generally hated by the school. Then, one day, I have a complete makeover: I cut my hair, lay off the eyeliner, and wear nice clothes. No one knows who I am, or what happened to the other girl, and I keep it that way.

Then someone figures it out, and I, being the horrible actor that I am, I get all defensive and might as well admit it. Being defensive, I insult anyone who says who I am, and then Basil says, "What, are you going to call me an idiot too?"


Dream Two: I don't remember the entire dream, but it envolved me telling Vera's little sister, Budge, that you don't need exactly eight hours of sleep, just however much you get naturally.

Dream Three: The most disturbing one, though I won't tell you the most disturbing part. I entered this cavern-type place, and it was really beautiful...wait, I wrote it down...The crystal tunnel ended up abruptly in a gorgeous cavern of pearly, gleaming stone. To the left and right of the archway, wrapping around the wall and ending towards the middle, was a pale incline that sloped smoothly into the glittering water. The water, much like the stone, was pearly and crystal-like. It looked stagnate, yet it couldn’t be, because a steady stream of water was slowing silently down as a thin, crystalline waterfall. Behind the waterfall was another cave opening, leading who-knows-where, and in the middle of the room was a simple round block of stone.

I'm swimming, when suddenly I get the urge to tell someone where I am (at first because I'm scared, then because I'm lonely). So I'm texting Nat at the top of the incline when who should walk in but Basil, Frenchie, Thwin, and some random chick I didn't know. Frenchie sees me and walks over, and with me, and I close my eyes and look away, since that's the disturbing part that I won't go into. Then he goes away and these weird monster-fish-things swim in. Frenchie climbs up on the middle rock and Thwin and her friend climb onto the inclines. Me and Basil go behind the waterfall to hide.

That's when Mother Dearest wakes me up. I was either about to be eaten, battle some monsters, go down a secret passage in the cave behind the waterfall, or talk to Basil. Either way, I most certainly did not want the dream to end (unless I was about to get eaten, which was possible). I think Basil might've told me Frenchie had liked me for awhile, but I was probably awake by that point.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Canon in D

Officially my favorite classical song.
[Canon in D--Pachabel]
I can see the future, friends, and to be honest, I want it so bad it hurts. There's no way--ever--that life could be so perfect, and yet it has to be. I can't imagine it any other way.
I have three kids: an eight-year-old boy named Michael and two six-year-old twin girls named Kathryn and Gabrielle. I don't know who I'm married to...I can't even imagine Basil, it hurts too much. So, filling in for my perfect guy, is Frenchie. Yes, Frenchie. Did I ask your opinion?
Anyway. It's the start of August, so we're making our yearly trip to Lolo's beach-front house, with the cliff and the tree and her collections (shells? postcards? help me, Lolo!). To my family, it's like a second home, and Lolo and Nat and Ani and Silver are like extended family. I don't know where Ani and Silver play in, because they haven't written their dream futures for the world to see, but I imagine Nat visiting too while we're there. She'll bring along her latest boyfriend (if she has one currently), who will of course be gorgeous, rich, talented, and brilliant. He and Frenchie will become great friends, of course, which means even if Nat breaks up with him, we'll still keep in touch, so it's okay for him to become friends with my kids (though it'd be weird for my husband to be BFFS with my bff's ex). My daughters spend their time exploring the nearby town and Lolo's bookshop and Michael will be taught rock climbing but I won't let him do cliff-diving till he's older. I'll spend my days touring the beach with Lolo and Nat and catching up, or taking long strolls with my wonderful husband, and of course I'll bring my dog Merlin, but I'll make sure to keep them away from Nat so she doesn't break out in hives or something. I have to leave Peach and Cadogan, my cats, at home since Lolo is allergic.
That's just the summer. In the fall, since Vermont falls are beautiful, Ani and her husband will spend a few days before moving on to Nat and Lolo. We'll always spend Christmas with Silver. After Christmas, we'll visit Nat in California, where my kids will learn to love the beach and I'll take yoga classes (free of course, Nat :D).
At home, I'll be an professer, teaching about writing. I'll have several books published, all of which will be best-sellers (:)). My daughters will be artistic and beautiful; my son will attract friends like flies to honey. It'll actually be hard for me to write, because everything will be so...perfect. Absolutely, beautifully perfect.
What's your perfect future? Perfect world? Maybe I can incorporate it.
I wish I could ask Ani and Silver. It won't be complete without their input.

Why can't you see that you belong with me?

[You Belong With Me--Taylor Swift]
It's not that I like Taylor Swift. I just like the song.
It's so amazing it deserves a bigger font.
I thought I was just going over to Lolo's to hang out, but nay! Who should open the door but Ani and Nat, screaming and draping me in multi-colored leis! I had pizza and owl cupcakes and got presents!!!! It was so effing fun!!!!!!!
Because of this, I am not allowed to be unhappy for the rest of my life. Or a really, really long time.
[No Surprise--Daughtry]
Because they are awesome, I will now list my presents: two things of lip gloss from Nat (one's purple! omg!!!), an amazing specatacular notebook with foreign words on it! from Nat, a box of Mike-n-Ike's from Ani (and ten dollars! Woot!), and personalized Sharpies from Lolo that say 'Happy Birthday, Ruthy!' on them and have three different smileys!
If that's not an awesome party, I don't know what is.
It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow;
I can't believe that I stayed till today.
There's nothing here in this heart left to borrow,
nothing here in this heart left to stay.
Don't be surprised when we hate this tomorrow;
God knows we tried to find an easier way...
Yeah you and I will be a touch act to follow,
but I know in time we'll find this was no surprise.
By the way, I love this song.
Hoping for a moment that I
turn around and you'll be coming after me, after me.
'Cause all that I can say is that it's obvious, obvious
you're all I see, all I see.
So come on baby, let me in and show me what this is really about,
'cause I can't read you.
And come on baby, let me in and show me what this really is,
'cause something must've made you say that.
What did I do to make you say
that to me?
[21 Guns--Green Day]
I find I prefer songs that I can relate to myself.
Okay, playlists are awesome. I love assigning songs into a category :) I'm currently making a playlist with love songs! Yay! Well, love songs pertaining to me.
I so spelled that wrong.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

My greatest fear is that you'll see through my ruse, and realize that no, I'm not just like you.

[F*ck You--Lily Allen]
What is it with me and foreign blog names?
Can anyone guess what karaktererne means? Without looking it up? Can you guess what language? I bet NOT.
My birthday is in ten days. BOO-RAH, MOFOS! yeeeeeeeeeeeeeh.
I already got a new phone (:D). Now all I want is books. Really. Get me a book you think is good. PLEASE don't get me perfume. Or hand sanitizer. I'm serious.
But what should I do for my birthday? Will Silver be back by then? If she is, we could all hang out. How awesome, no?
I really need to get more clothes. I still don't have an outfit for the first day of school. I still don't have pants that fit right. Ugh.
Is it just me, or is this entry very scattered?