Sunday, May 31, 2009

Bon Jovi is Beast (my quest for the perfect love song)

Which this entry will not be about.
[I'll Be There For You--Bon Jovi]
I'm kinda a romantic, so on a whim, I googled 'greatest love songs of all time', where I stumbled upon I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing by Aerosmith. It was only part of it though, so, since I loved it, I youtubed it. After having listened to that about a million times, I looked at the related videos and found BON JOVI SONGS! <3
What do you know. This entry was about my quest for love songs.
[You Give Love a Bad Name--Bon Jovi]
Last night was actually really fun. I got a call from Nat and Lolo at about ten, and, surprise, Aaron was on too (conference mode). After awhile we added RWI and Marsha and we ended up talking till two in the morning.
Which is when my parents came upstairs and demanded my phone. Then Aaron called back because I was connected to Lolo and RWI and my mom almost instantly (after, of course, she told him to 'have a nice night'), said "Why is a BOOOOOOOOOOOOY calling you at two in the morning?"
Anyways, my phone is now not allowed upstairs. Poohey.
It is a little strange that Marsha actually stayed with us, though. Especially since he was tired :DC-C
That would be a person.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

It all got so mundane...with you I'm back again.

I bring a new definition to the term 'hopeless romantic'. You know I've had a crush on someone since I started school? I've never known not liking someone! I think I enjoy it, *sigh*.
So. Anyways.
OKAY SO MY MOM GOT INVITED TO THIS FOURTH OF JULY THING AND ITS ACTUALLY AFTER FOURTH OF JULY BUT WHATEVER...ANYWAYS I WAS INVITED TO AND THERE'S GONNA BE THIS REALLY CUTE GUY THERE WHO'S LIKE PERFECT AND MY MOM THINKS HE'S MY SOUL MATE THOUGHT SHE'D NEVER ADMIT IT AND OMGICANTWAIT!!!!!!!!!
I gotta find something to wear!
Oh, and Silver is in Iowa for a competition. Pooey. I'm all lonely in French class :(
-
"You're being stubborn, Evaline," the ghost said (I refused to believe she was anything more than an apparition). Before I could retaliate, she mused, "Evaline...Evaline Nemant. Evaline Porter. Eva Reana. Such pretty names. Why do you change them with every life? Why don't you at least keep Evaline?"
I swallowed. The ghost was asking very personal questions. "I can't keep the same name for two lifetimes in a row. It causes problems. People ask questions."
The ghost frowned. "You haven't kept the same name since your second marriage, not anything like it. The closest to it was Eva Reana. You hate your name, don't you?"
She was much too direct for someone I barely knew, but it had been so long since I had talked to anybody. I could feel the onslaught of words coming. "I told you, it would cause complications," I said quickly, before anything slipped out that I'd regret. I would not explain myself to the ghost before me.
The truth was, Evaline Nemant ceased to exist, and Evaline Porter died long ago. How could I tell that to the ghost? And Eva Reana...Eva Reana had been my mother's name. Her name was all I had left of her. It was precious, my greatest treasure. I could not overuse is.
"Your names are so boring usually," the ghost complained. "So generic and ordinary and plain. Jane Smith. Emily White. Beth Taylors was better, but you dropped it so quickly..."
I grimaced. I did not like to be reminded of my past idenities. Especially Beth Taylors. The memories attached to that name were so painful. This spirit could not possibly know.
"If you are what you say you are, then have you kept the same name your entire life?" I challenged. The ghost laughed, undaunted. What did she say her name was? Rachel...
"I was born Naia Rachel Onland," she said. "And I have never variated as far from that as you have. Often I have kept the same name for a hundred years, and no 'complications' have emerged. I doubt you stay in the same place for more than a lifetime, so there should be no problems. Thus, as I said before, you hate your name. But why? It is so pretty."
I looked at the ground. I could not meet her eyes. "Well?" she pressed. She was not going to give up.
"I do not like to think of the life that went with those names," I mumbled.
-
excerpt from my latest story, Forever

Sunday, May 24, 2009

There's a ghost at the door.

New colors, but then, you've known that for four days.
Not much has happened in the time of my absence. I've been having wicked dreams for the past few nights (but not tonight, and I know why...grr) and I can't remember a single one. I had a mini-breakdown and unloaded on Nat via texting...but that's not fun.
Speaking of Nat and texting, I woke up at one in the morning with the phone in my hand and it buzzing from a text from Nat. She said I hung up on her. Apparently, she had called, and I was on for five seconds (I checked) before hanging up on her. I don't remember this at all. No wonder I didn't answer, I wasn't even conscious!
I really need to finish my French project and at least begin ILP, but as of late, I haven't felt like doing anything related to school. I have no drive to do homework, no matter how vitally important it may be! Actually, I've felt like this since the end of winter break, but that's another story.
I reallyreallyREALLY need to do these things, though.
IF my mom's schedule upholds, I might be going with Glue to see Night at the Museum 2 later this morning. If my mom ever wakes up. God, parents and sleeping in.
Adieu, mon amis. A tout a l'heure and all that.
Bonne nuit, bonne nuit.
La s├ęparation est tel chagrin doux,
que je dirai la bonne nuit jusqu' au lendemain.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

I feel like such a cannibal :)






[The World Should Revolve Around Me--Little Jackie]



I made strawberry shortcake :)



That's pretty much it.



This strawberry shortcake is the best thing EVER.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Had it up to the gills...makes you cry while the milk still spills. Aint it just a b*tch? What a pain...well it's all a crying shame.

What left to do but complain?
[Get Over It--OK Go]
Eventually I'll forge my way out of the storm into the everlasting sun. Or I'll freeze to death. But enough corny-sounding, deep crap. Yesterday both rocked and sucked, within the same few hours.
It rocked because me and Nat went somewhere during French class (well, she was in science), and it was actually really fun, and we started talking about high school, and the teacher present gave us these awesome 'Course Selection' packets! They're the coolest. I can't wait till I get to actually pick what classes I'm gonna take, but that's not till next year. Oh well...I'll be patient :P Haha, not that I want to leave my fanturdulous (new favorite word) school.
[Pain--Three Days Grace]
It sucked because 1) It was my dad's birthday, so I didn't go to the dance last night, which wasn't so bad, and 2) Nat got Kim to hear my side of the story (did I mention Kim and I were fighting?), and I have no idea what to say, and I'm really scared. I'm not exactly what you would call confident, and this is huge, and I was really hungry when Nat told me. So...yeah. I pretty much felt like I was gonna pass out till dinner.
And, confession: now that Kim and Nat are all resolved (at least, I assume they are, I'm not sure if Kim ever apologized or just said 'I got over that' again, and I'm not sure if Nat cares), though I doubt their friends again (at least on cordial terms), I feel alone. I mean, I don't want to drag Nat back into this. It's just between me and Kim now. But she never had anyone, but now I don't either. I need people around me, or I'm never sure if I'm doing the right thing.
At least in this case I know I'm right. Kim isn't so intimidating face-to-face, and I can say the same things I say on Facebook or Yahoo in real life.
The main issue right now, besides my ever-shifting confidence? After Nat told me about all of this, I felt like I had to do something. So, before I had calmed down at all, before I was thinking rationally, I called Kim. It wasn't much of a conversation, because she had to get ready for the dance, but I still must've lost some points. It didn't help my nerves, either.
So that was pretty dumb of me. Heck, I do stupid things in breakdowns.
I love going to counselors.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

You're not the only one, so get up.

[Riot--Three Days Grace]
Let's start a riot. Gather up all the ones who've given up. Round up all the broken hearts and give them a purpose. Fight till we bleed from out eyes and we collapse on the floor in a defiant heap. Let's bring down the ones who left us behind. Let's bring down the ones who think they're better than us. Let's fight--fight till we can't fight anymore. Tear apart the fabric that holds us together and set our society on fire.
[Over and Over--Three Days Grace]
You don't try to make me love you. You don't even want me to...but I can't help it anymore. You've taken me over, set my brain on fire, drawn forth every tear from my eyes. I think I enjoy it. Because I know I want to be with you...no matter what. But at the same time, I know you'd be unhappy. I don't want that. So I try to let you go, but I can't. I know it hurts me, but I love you. I always will. I can't let you go. It doesn't matter so much that you can't bear to look at me...that hurts, but I need you near me. I need to see you. It's what I wake up every day for.
[Let You Down--Three Days Grace]
Come on. Trust me. I dare you. Yeah, trust me, and don't you worry, I won't let you down. Not till you trust me, tell me everything, call me your friend. Then, baby, I could care less. Come on, just stay long enough for me to show you the side no one should ever see. Because I'm a monster, baby, right beneath the skin. By the time you realize what I've done to you, it'll be too late to run. You can't run, baby. I will let you down. So trust me, give me everything, and maybe you'll live to realize what I've done.
[Drown--Three Days Grace]

Monday, May 11, 2009

Why do I do this? Over and over, over and over, I fall for you. Over and over, over and over, I try not yo.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=okC4hw8IPYg&NR=1
I feel it everyday,
it's all the same.
It brings me down
but I'm the one to blame.
I've tried everything to get away.
So here I go again,
chasing you down again,
why do I do this?
Over and over,
over and over,
I fall for you.
Over and over,
over and over,
I try not to.
It feels like everyday
stays the same.
It's dragging me down
and I can't pull away.
So here I go again,
chasing you down again,
why do I do this?
Over and over,
over and over,
I fall for you.
Over and over,
over and over,
I try not to.
Over and over,
over and over,
you make me fall for you.

Over and over,
over and over,
you don't even try.
So many thoughts that I can't get out of my head.
I try to live without you, every time I do I feel dead.
I know what's best for me,
but I want you instead.
I'll keep on wasting all my time.
Over and over,
over and over,
I fall for you.
Over and over,
over and over,
I try not yo.
Over and over,
over and over,
you make me fall for you.
Over and over,
over and over,
you don't even try to.
-
My new theme song.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

I know that you're wounded. I know I'm here to save you. You know I'm always here for you. I know you'll thank me later.

[Pain--Three Days Grace]
I lovelovelove Three Days Grace. Listen to them, foo!
I actually had a fairly great weekend. It actually started out fairly bad, because I really wanted to go over to Silver's house and she never turns on her phone, so I was pretty much convinced I wasn't going, and I was sad.
[Get Out Alive--Three Days Grace]
But then, alas, she called! Hallelujah. She has the COOLEST house. Haha, we played Extreme Go Fish (only the greatest card game known to man), swung on a hammock, discussed the frightening-ness of mummies, gave Nixon (her dog) a walk, got mud/fertilizer(?) on my shoes, and visited Dylan. Ugh. He didn't acknowledge my existence at all and then he asked if I was going to some Odyssey of the Mind thing Silver had forgotten about. Hmmph.
[Wake Up--Three Days Grace]
My parents picked me up around six, and as soon as I got home I got on Facebook. Of course. And then, surprise surprise, Basil had commented on my status! After I got over the initial hyperventilating, I commented back. I wish I had said something else...
TODAY, I had to get up at five for the Susan B. Komen Race for the Cure thing, because me and my mom were volunteering at the Wawa tent. Oh my. Oh my oh my oh my. I swear, I would clean up one table, turn around to clean another one, turn back, and IT WOULD BE A MESS AGAIN! Overall, it was fairly fun, though I never EVER want to work at Wawa EVER.
[Scared--Three Days Grace]
Vera and her family were there too, but that was fairly uneventful, so whatever.
After that we went to Ikea, which has the GREATEST meatballs in the would. Seriously.
ThenthenTHEN me and my dad went to see STAR TREK. He said the Abrhams dude completely changed the storyline again, but I thought it was pretty much da bomb. AND SPOCK WAS PLAYED BY THE SAME PERSON WHO PLAYS SYLAR IN HEROES!!!!! OH, YAY!
Sylar is my dream guy :) Hahaha. They WILL bring him back next season...they MUST!

Friday, May 8, 2009

We will fall together from the building's ledge, never looking back at what we've done. We'll say it was love, 'cause I would die for you.

[Skyway Avenue--We The Kings]
Escape The Fate, We The Kings, and BoysLikeGirls. LISTEN.
No one's on Facebook, so I figured I'd blog. Not much of an update.
I'm most probably going over to Silver's house tomorrow :D:D:D I already knew the vaque area she lived in, but I saw Dylan (it's a....long story) while at Penny Packer Park with my mom, and now I know FOR SURE.
[Secret Valentine--We The Kings]
Basil came back :) He's been absent the past two days. Haha, he and his group (Daniel and Apple) preformed the song they did based on Code Orange. I can never listen to 'Down With the Sickness' (Disturbed) the same way again.
I'm still mad at a CERTAIN SOMEONE. If you want to apologize, then just come out and say it. If not, don't bother sitting with us. Nat, Lolo, Ani, and me started the 'clique', not you. In our group, you're a nobody. GET IT? A NOBODY!
Argh. Deep breathes.
PleasePleasePLEASE comment! I beg of you! I'm dying here!
Byesies.
[Situations--Escape The Fate]
[Thunder--BoysLikeGirls]
[Shut Up and Let Me Go--The Ting Tings]
[That's Not My Name--The Ting Tings]

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

To quote a favorite book of mine, there are no words for this.

I feel like crap. Falling apart at the seams.
Maybe I shouldn't try to help everyone I love. Maybe I shouldn't lose sleep at night over their problems. But it's who I am. It's what I do. I will make things right again. Maybe I appointed myself as mediator, but I'm doing the best I can, and damn well better than half the people I know would do. If you don't like it...stop telling me half-stories. Stop keeping the truth from me. Stop threatening me with your friendship. I've said goodbye before. I will do it again. You can't hurt me so much as you can break my heart...but you know I'll get over it fast. I always do. You're not worth as much as you think.

If you'd accept surrender, give up some more. Weren't you adored? I cannot be without you, matter of fact.

[Walking After You--Foo Fighters]
Maybe I'm the only one, but I find Basil heart-breakingly gorgeous. He's not even good looking. It's just...sometimes I look at him and it just stuns me.
Not the best way to start an entry, I know. It just screams 'RUN! SHE'S GOING TO GO INTO A LONG, CORNY, RIDICULOUS, PITIFUL RANT ABOUT HOW MUCH SHE LIKES BASIL, HOW MUCH HE HATES HER, ETC.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' You have been warned.
Actually, I wasn't planning on ranting about him :P That just popped into my head.
Not much happened today, but I felt like I should blog (maybe it would inspire you to comment...?)
[I Wasn't Prepared--Eisley]
In humanities, Bloom and Seagull kept.......bothering me and Lori. We were right next to them as we went over answers for...questions. What else? Anyway, their bothersomes(?)* included exaggeratedly stopping and listening to us, making various sarcastic comments, and reading over my shoulder.
It was fun.
*(?) means I'm not sure if it's a word, or I just made it up.
[I Don't Wanna Be In Love--Good Charlotte]
I'm feeling strangely happy, or optimistic, or confident, whatever you wanna call it. So, strictly romantic/happy songs (like all of the ones I've listened to so far in this entry). I hope it lasts :)

Monday, May 4, 2009

Metaphor

Bordering the road
I travel day to day,
is another, smaller path
that I dread to take.
I stay, trapped on my own road,
held here by the limits
of my mind,
and imagine, through the pines
and spruces
and willow trees,
what that path could possibly be.
For I have achieved the alchemist's dream
of turning worthless stone
into the most precious gold.
This smaller path arrived the day
the faults of stone all slipped away
and were replaced
by the perfection only I could create.
The smallest leap it would take
to leave my quiet road,
into the path paved with gold.
This gold only I can see,
it is still stone to all but me,
but to me, it's all glory.
Still I am afraid to take the leap,
for the gold, though it glimmers,
looks so slippery.
So unstable, in its way,
that I could never trust it
to keep me sane.
And yet, still it glimmers,
still it shines with perfection,
and though I know
it can do no good for me,
I long to see,
I beg to see
silently.
This quiet path I take,
always in view of my smaller road
paved with gold,
for though I know it hurts me so,
I will not let it go,
for letting it go
does more harm still.
-
I know it kinda cuts off at the end, but I must say, I love this poem. It flows so perfectly, at least I think so. A lot of times I want it to rhyme but it just sounds so forced. I love it when the rhymes and the flow just come naturally to the poem. Read it again!

My mind, it kinda goes fast...I'll try to slow it down for you. I want to give you something I've been wanting to give to you for years...my heart.

[Congratulations--Blue October]
Oh, how I love this song. Blue October is the best.
I really have nothing to blog about except the bus :0 It was fun and somewhat...frightening. Bruce and I kinda playfully beat each other up. I only tried to steal his backpack! I ended up sitting on his arm :P
Hahaha.
The really funny part was when these two sixth graders sitting behind us mentioned something about poptarts, and this guy from the back (Conner) came up and demanded the poptart. And as if that weren't funny enough, the sixth graders told him I had the poptart, so he stole my backpack. I never let go of it the entire time, but he, like, bear-hugged it, so I cried, most vivaciously, "What are you doing???". To which he replied, "I'm making out with your backpack! Could you give us a little privacy??"
Ah, the days when one could make out with someone else's backpack and not be reprimanded.
[Ugly Side--Blue October]
You know, Blue October is pretty far up there on my list of "Favorite Bands". I mean, respect keeps My Chemical Romance up on top, but if I wasn't so obsessed with keeping them my favorite band just because they always have been, Blue October would blow past first. As it is, they are in a close second.
[Into the Ocean--Blue October]
Not only is there music the closest thing to perfect ON EARTH, I can relate somehow to every one of their lyrics (which, as you know, is the first thing I look for in a song). They somehow take angst and insecurity and morph it into a smooth, pretty, not-head-banging-but-still-fairly-awesome melody, that hints slightly at insanity. At least, I think they do. This is a GOOD thing, guys!
My Chemical Romance, of course, is just as good. While their lyrics are a little too out-there to be related to, they're music is dark and twisted and AWESOME and sometimes romantic and while the words don't reflect me, the actual tune does. Also, they're a great inspiration, because their songs just reek with far-out-ness.
[Hate Me--Blue October]
I never understood people listening to calming music to, well, calm down. When I'm mad, I listen to head-thrashing, obnoxiously loud, screamer music, and it MUST have lyrics that fuel my fury. Example: One Step Closer, by the close-third Linkin Park (another band with incredible beats and close-to-perfect lyrics, though they tend to have one screamer bit in every one, but heck, they're the picture of teenage ansgt). If I'm sad, I listen to the slowest, most depressing music I can find on my iPod. If I'm happy, I won't risk killing my buzz by listening to anything other than the happiest, preppiest, funnest music I have.
If I want to write, on the other hand, I either listen to something related to what I'm writing, or I listen to something 'inspirational'. Inspirational is in whatever these (') are because I don't mean the crap they sell at such places as Bed, Bath, and Beyond. I mean songs that make me think, using no matter what side of my brain.
[You Make Me Smile--Blue October]
You make me smile, my friends. Have at thee with the comments. Please?

Sunday, May 3, 2009

I had the perfect song-lyric and I FORGOT WHAT SONG IT CAME FROM!!!!1!!

Forgive me, o kind and faithful readers!
[A Kind of Magic--Queen]
I really do have an excuse for my [extended] absence. MOTHER DEAREST GROUNDED ME FROM THE COMPUTER. I actually didn't mind that much, except I COULDN'T BLOG. I had a lot to tell, too, on Saturday and Sunday at least...
[I Wasn't Prepared--Eisley]
I SPENT, LIKE, HALF THE WEEKEND WITH LOLO. It was supa amazingly fun. Okay, so 'half the weekend' was actually 21-ish hours (I've been planning this entry for awhile).
It all started out at 1:30 on Saturday when I FINALLY got to bring Lolo to Penny Packer Park. We didn't eat much of what we brought ourselves, mostly dining on the joyous deliciousness of Wawa hoagies/Mountain Dew (did I mention it was a picnic?).
[Walking After You--Foo Fighters]
After that we went down the path I got INSANELY muddy on, and I got muddy again, except not as much. That devious mud-trap was not taking my shoes this time! We were rather fair down when my dad called and asked us where we were. We had to go ALL THE WAY back, and we took a different path, which, though I picked it, was not the best idea.
FINALLY we got back, and Mom and Dad didn't wanna go on the muddy path, because they didn't want to crawl through the underbrush to get to the non-muddy part (which, by the way, is also muddy). So we went up to Driscoll and took pictures of turtles, then took the path around Hopkins, and took some quite lovely scenic pictures, and several pictures of ourselves, which cannot be classified as 'lovely'. I didn't see the fish under the bridge :(
Anyways, we got about halfway around the second side, where the GREAT FALLEN TREE is, when we met my parents, who had gone the other way. After climbing all over the tree, and taking profuse pictures, we had to head back. My parents, in all their grand unfit-ness (not that I'm any better) where tired. There was still a whole other path I had yet to show Lolo! Argh.
AFTER THAT we got Rita's! It was supa delicious. I got Peach Mango.
[Bullets--Tunng]
Lolo still had an hour till she had to be back home for Boat's b-day party, so we came back to my house and watched Family Sins. In that time, Lolo convinced me I should come with her to the birthday party. EVIL LOLO.
A nine year old's gymnastics party is not a fun thing to attend, especially when all the little kids are not only evil, but about a hundred times better than you at EVERYTHING, and one of them is a smartass sixth grader who threatens to 'throw' you. I could so take that b*tch.
The above was meant as a joke.
To make matters worse, at the very beginning, I got rug burn. Yes, rug burn. Jumping into a pit of foam squares and crawling under...things is not fun when you have rug burn. On your knee. My parents found this humorous, but have yet to tell me why.
It's STILL healing!
After the party dispersed, I went back to Lolo's house, where she asked her parents if we could have a sleepover. Surprise surprise, they said no!
I'm kidding. Obviously.
Here's a list, in chronological order, of what we did:
  1. Played WiiPlay.
  2. Helped Boat open presents, tried to play with a few. Shut up.
  3. Played 'Would You Rather' for a couple hours, in which I was thoroughly embarrassed.
  4. Went on the laptop; had pizza.
  5. Slept.

I probably have a few things off, but oh well. It was a week ago, for Pete's sake! And yes, I'm aware that it is sad that this is fun to me. DEAL WITH IT.

Um, weird, what's with the space?

My mom picked me up at around 10:30 to inform me I was grounded. Bah.

So, NJ ASK week at school. If you ask me, I'd rather have the NJ ANSWER! *waits for applause, laughter*

Not much has happened besides that. I cleaned my room?

Well, no, somethings did happen, but I don't really remember what they were, so I'm going to say they were insignificant and move on.

By 'move on', I mean 'end this entry'.

Farewell.