Saturday, April 28, 2012

Listening to Love Songs

A Tad Melancholy

I'm relieved that I don't have any plans this weekend. Being busy last weekend with friends and school and such, it is something of a relief to just not do anything. Not that there aren't certain people I'd like to see, but doing something planned and active just seems like too much effort! We all know how I am with effort.

I've been writing on and off, mostly off. I have not seriously written anything in months. Of course, I haven't done much of anything in months. I imagine the valve from which my passion flowed has been turned in quite the opposite direction from where it was, say, about a year ago. It has gotten harder to do things which aren't easy. It has gotten harder to feel things which aren't apathy.

I don't mean to drone on about that, though! If I seem melancholy, it's because the situation described in my last post has not improved much. Zack and I had a pretty good run about not talking about how we feel (you know, serious things), and then I go ahead and tell him that I like him. I was very tired and last night and perhaps not thinking coherently when I told him that I like him. It wasn't even much of a confession, honestly. The entire conversation was a mess. I'm not sure what I really admitted, even reading it over this morning.

I still don't think I know him very well (having met him but four weeks ago), but I suppose in my sleep-deprived state it felt like I really did like like him, and I told him as such. I know that I'm happy talking to him. Even if I didn't have a crush on him right now, I know I would with time, because I guess I know myself well enough to know that my descent into idiocy is inevitable.

The frustrating thing is that he wouldn't answer the question when Joy and I asked him if he liked me. Joy asked first (without my consent, mind you!) and then I asked him, for several reasons. I really wanted to shut up the people who insisted that he must like me if we text each other all the time. I also wanted to properly interpret the mixed messages he's been sending me, because I never really thought that he liked me, but of course I want to know for sure. Of course he avoids the question, though it seemed like he did, and he acts upset that I don't like him as well--more of his confusion between joking and serious, I suppose--but then I tell him that I like him and hjcfbgjnuyd. It seems somewhat shady to post our conversation, but basically I'm like "HERPDEDURR I may like you!" and he's like "Idk". Eventually I passed out, only to wake up with the realization that I told Zack that I like him.

Listening To

When I'm not sure that I like a guy, I listen to love songs to see if they make me think of him. I'm not really sure right now. I really just want to talk to him, but today has been silent.

I have three stations on Pandora: Muse, The Killers, and Mumford and Sons. All of the stations overlap and have a similar vibe, but I listen to them for different moods. Muse, my longest-had station, I listen to when I'm kind of pissed and feel like some more interesting music. The Killers is my general go-to station which is more of a mix between the other two. Mumford and Sons I listen to in the morning and when I'm thinking about a boy. I don't know why I wrote this paragraph.

Things Which You All Ought to Do

You should all add me on Pottermore! I finally got an account. I am in HUFFLEPUFF. Seriously, HUFFLEPUFF. I am...I am shamed. Hufflepuff. I am not even like Hufflepuff. That is not what I am at all.

Anyway, my username is DragonHeart11336. Pretty cool, if you ask me :D I know I'm super late on this particular bandwagon, but you should all add me anyway! Because THAT'S WHAT BLOG-FRIENDS DO.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

A Very Short Entry Predominately Concerned with Pickles

Very, Very Rushed Scrawlings

Heavens forfend that I put off blogging any longer! To be honest, I only said that because I really wanted to use 'heaven's forfend' in a sentence.

Oh gosh. I've been gone for over a month. Spring Break has come and gone without so much as a peep or comment from me. What did I do over spring break? I went to the zoo, got water ice, went to the mall, and lazed. I lazed a rather lot. I am, as one might say, lazy. Did I do work? Certainly not! Did I take advantage of the predominately lovely weather? Certainly not! Did I really do anything at all, except what I mentioned? Don't be preposterous!

Boys Boys Boys

I am in a pickle! I have also always wanted to say "I am in a pickle". Next on my list is "I am surprised at you!".

Oh, where was I? Right! I am in a pickle and it involves the opposite gender. Admittedly, it's not so much of a pickle as a bunch of people standing around staring at each other (metaphorically, at least). See, one of my friends, China, who I met at a Model UN conference, has asked me to his prom! He says as friends, but I'm pretty sure he "likes" me. I mean especially since he also asked me out. We talk a lot and most of our conversation is obnoxiously flirty, and although I thought it was too obnoxious to be taken seriously, apparently he didn't think so. I felt bad for leading him, so I didn't exactly say yes or no! I told him my parents forbade me from dating till I'm sixteen, so we're not actually dating, but we still have a "thing". Gosh, I don't know how to explain this properly. We're not boyfriend and girlfriend, but I'd still feel guilty for, I don't know, running off with someone else.

Of course this is where the pickle comes in. This pickle is also a junior (like China) and his name is Zack. I met this pickle about two weeks ago whilst bowling with Joy, her boyfriend, and her boyfriend's friends. I've been texting him a lot...for a majority of the past two weeks, I'd say. And I do not like him. None of my friends believe me, but I do not have a crush on him or anything! I'm unsure about how I feel about him, to be honest, because we haven't known each other very long and I feel like I could like him, potentially, but I don't right now. Okay, I like him a smidge. Nothing serious! If he asked me out and I didn't have anything else going on and no restrictions, then I might say yes just to see where it goes.

The problem is, I do have other things going on. China is going on. I like China, but I don't really think I want to date him, even when I'm sixteen. I'm just already in a "thing" with him, so now I just feel guilty about texting Zack all the time and being so friendly with him, especially since I've told him all these doubts about China.

I'm also frustrated with Zack, because we keep circling the drain in regards to whether I like him or he likes me or whatever. He also became much friendlier with me after I told him about China. The whole situation is just weird and abstract and nothing is really going on, but it still bothers me with the inabsolution of it.

Most of my friends agree I should tell China how I feel or ask Zack how he feels, and while certainly that would make the situation a bit more straightforward, I know I won't be able to do either. So I guess it'll all just be weird a bit longer.

Chemistry is a Bit of a Whore

I mean that with hatred and contempt.

I have to retake a test I got nearly every question wrong on and do a lab report with the same subject as the test.

It makes me frustrated just thinking about it.

After a Month, Is the Bulk of What I Have to Talk About Still Guys?