Saturday, April 28, 2012

Listening to Love Songs

A Tad Melancholy

I'm relieved that I don't have any plans this weekend. Being busy last weekend with friends and school and such, it is something of a relief to just not do anything. Not that there aren't certain people I'd like to see, but doing something planned and active just seems like too much effort! We all know how I am with effort.

I've been writing on and off, mostly off. I have not seriously written anything in months. Of course, I haven't done much of anything in months. I imagine the valve from which my passion flowed has been turned in quite the opposite direction from where it was, say, about a year ago. It has gotten harder to do things which aren't easy. It has gotten harder to feel things which aren't apathy.

I don't mean to drone on about that, though! If I seem melancholy, it's because the situation described in my last post has not improved much. Zack and I had a pretty good run about not talking about how we feel (you know, serious things), and then I go ahead and tell him that I like him. I was very tired and last night and perhaps not thinking coherently when I told him that I like him. It wasn't even much of a confession, honestly. The entire conversation was a mess. I'm not sure what I really admitted, even reading it over this morning.

I still don't think I know him very well (having met him but four weeks ago), but I suppose in my sleep-deprived state it felt like I really did like like him, and I told him as such. I know that I'm happy talking to him. Even if I didn't have a crush on him right now, I know I would with time, because I guess I know myself well enough to know that my descent into idiocy is inevitable.

The frustrating thing is that he wouldn't answer the question when Joy and I asked him if he liked me. Joy asked first (without my consent, mind you!) and then I asked him, for several reasons. I really wanted to shut up the people who insisted that he must like me if we text each other all the time. I also wanted to properly interpret the mixed messages he's been sending me, because I never really thought that he liked me, but of course I want to know for sure. Of course he avoids the question, though it seemed like he did, and he acts upset that I don't like him as well--more of his confusion between joking and serious, I suppose--but then I tell him that I like him and hjcfbgjnuyd. It seems somewhat shady to post our conversation, but basically I'm like "HERPDEDURR I may like you!" and he's like "Idk". Eventually I passed out, only to wake up with the realization that I told Zack that I like him.

Listening To

When I'm not sure that I like a guy, I listen to love songs to see if they make me think of him. I'm not really sure right now. I really just want to talk to him, but today has been silent.

I have three stations on Pandora: Muse, The Killers, and Mumford and Sons. All of the stations overlap and have a similar vibe, but I listen to them for different moods. Muse, my longest-had station, I listen to when I'm kind of pissed and feel like some more interesting music. The Killers is my general go-to station which is more of a mix between the other two. Mumford and Sons I listen to in the morning and when I'm thinking about a boy. I don't know why I wrote this paragraph.

Things Which You All Ought to Do

You should all add me on Pottermore! I finally got an account. I am in HUFFLEPUFF. Seriously, HUFFLEPUFF. I am...I am shamed. Hufflepuff. I am not even like Hufflepuff. That is not what I am at all.

Anyway, my username is DragonHeart11336. Pretty cool, if you ask me :D I know I'm super late on this particular bandwagon, but you should all add me anyway! Because THAT'S WHAT BLOG-FRIENDS DO.


  1. I don't have a Pottermore account or else I would add you. Maybe sometime this summer I will sit down and get one. If I care that much.

    I am in love with your new layout, and I am really impressed with how much more mature you sound in your writing. I don't mean that as a dis to what you wrote before, but now you are just generally more coherent.

    It reminds me how old we're getting, I suppose. Middle school is years ago, y'know?

    I hope you can get out of your pickle with Zack and China. I have to say I am kinda in a boy pickle as well. I am talking with Tennis Lover again (yeah, I know) and I think I'm determined to just stay friends though I want more. He and his girlfriend broke up about a month ago now and then he began chatting me up. And now he reads my blog so I really can't talk about him! The irony, haha.

    I hope you are well.

  2. Sadly, I am not on Pottermore so can't add you but I do hope you have fun on the site! :)

    Oh boy, that's one major pickle. Bleugh. Sometimes I just want to shake people and state that they should just be honest. Yes or no answers. It's not difficult people! I do hope this situation amends itself and that it's no longer quiet on the western front...

    I hope you have a great week xx

  3. I apologize for slacking on the commenting! As for the roommate thing, thank you for your input! I wish I wasn't so indecisive...

    I hope things work out with Zack. Boys are generally confusing and I feel like they never get any less so as the years go on. Possibly they just even more frustratingly ambiguous. But keep us updated!

    Heyyyy, Hufflepuff isn't bad! If I wasn't Ravenclaw I think I could see myself in Hufflepuff. Honestly after I found out what house I was in I stopped using Pottermore... sigh.