Friday, June 1, 2012

Untapped Artistic Potential

The Days

It's funny how if you go long enough without speaking, it seems there's less and less you have to say, so eventually you end up staring at a blank page, fingers suspended over the keys, and it feels a bit like gravity's going the wrong way, like you're trying with all your might to bring them down, but nature is reversed and they try to float away. And you walk away, defeated, deeper entrenched in the silence than ever before, till silence is more natural than your voice.

Last Thursday I skipped chemistry. Tuesday I was called to guidance where they espoused concerns for my mental well-being, so I cried and didn't get in trouble. On Sunday I went to the pool with Joy, Andrew, and Zack. Next Thursday, finals start; before then I have two projects to make up, three projects to do, and a test which I got an 8% on to possibly make up. Possibly.

This Sunday, I'm hanging out with China; we're probably watching a movie or something equally pedestrian. I'll have to see who else can go since my parents are against my being alone with a guy. The Wednesday after next, finals are over, and we'll be having a Quills and Keys party at a local park; costumes are required! Maia inspired me to cover myself in blood--fake blood, of course. Heh. *looks sideways*

The Friday after that, school is open to students for the last time, so some friends and I are hanging around with no teachers to supervise! I hope we can go on the roof!

Saturday, I'm attending a birthday party. I was suprised that Benny invited me, since we don't have any classes together and therefore don't speak as much, but Kim and Maia are going, so it ought to be fun! I just need to get him a gift...

Cluttered Messes

I unearthed my crayons to do a creative writing assignments (which turned out lovely; I wish my scanner worked so I could show you all!) and now feel inclined to use them. 120 barely-used crayons? Hell yes. My mom just got me some beautiful new colored pencils, too, since I couldn't find my old ones! Add that to the oil pastels and watercolor paint upstairs, and I have just tons of untapped artistic potential here!

If anyone remembers the situation with Zack and has gotten worse, or better; I don't know. I like Zack so, so much and I think he likes me but whatever, we're not dating. He felt sick today, so I sent him a virtual hug, and mentioned that I couldn't give him a real hug because we hadn't seen each other that day, so he waited for me in the hall so we could hug! Meanwhile, China still likes me, and we still talk a lot, though I've explained to him the full situation with Zack. Some people just don't get mad.
I haven't done anything new in a while. I haven't hung out with most of my friends in a while, haven't really gone out of the house all too much--I think a good, long shopping trip would cheer me up! Maybe I just feel inspired by the summer, but I really want to fill my wardrobe with skirts, dresses, and flowy, floral, delightful things.

I'm getting wistful towards the end of the year. Four years isn't really such a long time, especially when you're halfway through it. I bet Lizzie and Natalie know what I mean even more! Congratulations on graduating, guys!

I keep losing track of time. A project I thought was due a week ago was actually due two weeks ago--or was it three? Probably three by now. I haven't blogged in over a month?--but I just remember planning on doing so right after I was done being grounded! I think I'm losing track of things in advance of summer, when the days don't matter. Goodness, I can't wait for that. I have a feeling it'll be a good summer.

I want to have a birthday party again this year--yes, I know it's three months in advance! It is my sixteenth birthday, though. Think I should throw a wild par-tay? XD It'll have to be during the day so I can invite Zack. I'm concerned that inviting both Zack and China might cause issues, and though I'm friends with both, I know I'd rather have Zack there.

My head feels weird. I think a headache is inevitable. I want so desperately to write something, though, though nothing is coming up--my creative well has not a trickle left. Nothing inspires me anymore. Oh well. Maybe I'll become a professional doodler.


  1. I definitely know what you mean! Four years go by very quickly. I mean, here I am signing up for college courses already having said good-bye to certain friends and good riddance to my enemies. My graduation gown as been worn, I've been invited to a bunch of parties (no, really, I'm not kidding) but I haven't been to any because I have been busy.

    So, um, tennis lover and I went on a date. (The things you miss when you're grounded!) And we kissed. And it was awesome. But we aren't going to continue seeing each because long-distance is terrible and we don't want to tie each other down in college. I am really happy, though. :D

    Good luck with your guy situation! If it's meant to be, it will work out. I'm not joking. Though I know it sounds cliché and stupid, I think there's a lot of truth in it.

    Have fun with your final days of school and whatnot. :)

  2. i cant keep track of time anymore. I'm pretty sure it happened after I went off to college. I forget what order time goes in and I keep having nightmares about time doing weird things like the one where time was in base 6, and 11 o'clock was actually was weird. I also constantly have nightmares about sleeping in. I had one where I dreamt my Physics final was at 6am and I had slept in, freaked out, woke up, and then had a second panic attack because it was 9am and I still thought the exam was at 6...

    So yeah, college screws with your sense of times and days and months...a lot...