Wednesday, June 29, 2011

The disgrace of a waste of a life.

Again with the not blogging for days, I suppose. I'm such a bad blogger, abandoning you all like that. Not that I've been up to much: I am the epitome of lumpiness. I'm so lumpy I leave a trail of ooze wherever I go. Eventually I'll become so lumpy that letters will just start to fall off and I'll become an ump. Actually, I think that might've already happened.

Today was somewhat less lumpy than usual, though! I actually went outside the house when my mom and I dropped off my dad's phone at his work, since he forgot it. Then, when we got home, I washed the giant stuffed animals I had been meaning to wash, and then gave the cat a bath just for kicks. I would've given the other animals a bath too, but we only had ONE clean towel. I suppose if I were truly productive I would've also done the laundry, but hey, baby steps here.

Then I ran over to Vera's house for a chat. Unfortunately, she had to go to some tennis thing, so I wasn't over there long. That reminded me of tennis, though, and how decidedly un-lumpy I could be if I started playing it again with my dad. And Vera! Since she is literally the only person I can conceivably hang out with on a regular basis, I kind of have to make an effort to do so.

Speaking of Vera, on Sunday I went to Great Adventure with her and her family. They actually got me to go on rides other than the small wimpy ones! Unfortunately, by the time we got around to both Nitro and El Toro, the two best rides at the park, the line was too long. It was kind of my fault, because earlier in the morning I chickened out at Nitro. It's such a fantastic ride, but for some reason I can't bring myself to go on it again :(

Oh, and before that, on Saturday, I went to Shari's brother's graduation. Not for her brother, just to hang out with Shari (and friends). So, I suppose that's worth mentioning. I could seriously live on her trampoline.

As far as what I've been busying myself with the past few days, it's pretty much the same as last week: sitting around and doing nothing. I can't believe it's already been two weeks of summer and I have actually done nothing at all. I hope the rest of the summer isn't like this :( Although I have been writing more of that story I posted last week, as opposed to what Silver commissioned me to do while she's away at camp. Oh, and I've been reading Fire by Kristin Cashore, and it is really just fantastic. I'm slowly nearing the end, and every day I beg my parents to bring me to Barnes and Noble so I can finally finish it. I mean, I really just love this book. Yesterday, while reading it, I actually cried--anyone who has read it will know what I was crying about. Parts of it are incredibly sad. Also, I love the Dellian lament in the beginning of the book:
"While I was looking the other way your fire went out
Left me with cinders to kick in the dust
What a waste of the wonder you were

In my living fire I will keep your scorn and mine
In my living fire I will keep your heartache and mine
At the disgrace of a waste of a life"
Yes, so, great book. I kind of want to buy it, and Graceling (same author), so maybe on our next trip to Barnes and Noble I'll beg my parents to get it for me :D

Friday, June 24, 2011


Sorry I didn't blog for days! I assure you all that it is purely because of lack of things to blog about. These are the things I've done since Monday:
  • Sat around.
  • Played The Sims 2.
  • Played Super Paper Mario Bros.
  • Ate hot pockets.
  • Browsed the Internet.
And there we have it. Of course I haven't done anything interesting enough to warrant blogging today, but five days is just far too long for me.

Ooh, but on Monday, I went to Great Adventure again! This time with Silver and Kim! Unfortunately, Shari had to cancel, but luckily Kim was available, because I was having a meltdown trying to find someone to invite :D

Of course, the day couldn't be entirely fantastic. On the first ride we went on, when I stood up to leave, my phone fell from my pocket and managed to slip out of the seat and underneath the rails. Seriously. Seriously. I don't know why terrible things happen to my phone, but they do. The guy there told me to come back at the end of the day, which I couldn't exactly do, so we trekked on over to the lost and found area and I filled out a form and everything. So it's all good, right? Someone working at the ride would get my phone once the park closed, drop it off at the lost and found, and then they would call me and everything would be great? Apparently not, because it's been five days and they still haven't called, which means either no one got it or no one turned it in. Either way, I am phoneless, which is especially awful because I'm sitting around the house all day with no human contact.

Other than that, though, the trip was great! Kim was being a wimp and refusing to go on anything bigger than The Runaway Mine Train (which is, for the many who don't know, a fairly small ride) , but Silver and I went on El Toro, and it was FANTASTIC. If you ever go to Six Flags Great Adventure, GO ON THIS RIDE. I screamed the entire time.

Afterwards, Kim and Silver came back to my house, where we looked through my stories bin for a while, until Silver was picked up by her mom. Then Kim and I biked around a bit, came back, and played Abalone. Since I suck at Abalone, she was BEATING ME on her first time playing, which is honestly just disgraceful to me. But her mom came to pick her up before we finished the game, so the game is postponed until the next time she's at my house, and she hasn't won yet.

On a slightly (very) unrelated note, Silver has insisted that I improve upon and add to my NaNoWriMo story, except I don't really want to. After days of writer's block, I've finally come up with a new story that doesn't offend me! I haven't nailed down all the details, yet, but basically it's about a girl who suddenly wakes up inside a laboratory only to be told that her life was an illusion and that it, and she, are nothing more than products of the lab. That's a very rough outline, but I only came up with it yesterday. This is what I have so far:

I am real.
I have real living thoughts and feelings; I feel real pain, real cold biting at my very real, bloody fingers.
I feel things. I feel right now, and that can’t be made up. I have memories that are only mine, not fabricated, not reproduced, but mine. I remember the warmth of the sun on the mountains when it reflected off of fast-melting snow and filled the valley with light; I remember the scratch of the sweaters my grandmother made for me. I remember the press of my brother’s hands against mine when he looked me in the eyes and told me to run. I remember the curve of Daniel’s body as it careened through the air. I remember, and these memories are mine.
I am real. I am me, and not one of their lies. And if I am going to die soon, which I know I am, then I want to die with proof to the world that I, , have existed and felt and loved and lost, and that they could not erase me—they could not claim me—because as surely as I still breathe, I am me.

The tidal wave grew in the horizon, high above the mountains and blotting out the sun, but I was blind to it. We were all blind to it, and moved through our lives with security we never dreamed was false. In the early days, when I was too young to remember, I floated through life with the knowledge that my world was the only world, and all that I saw and felt and touched was my own, and something that would last forever. The grass of the valley was mine, the scattered trees of my grandmother, the lonely cottage which never to me seemed lonely; the sun itself as it floated lazily through the sky was my entire existence. Days were endless and nights were stars and my father’s bedtime stories; I learned to sing and discovered how to dance, and my childhood was a perpetual state of dreamy euphoria.
Many a morning I would sit up in my little bed, crafted by my father, and stare at the sunlight which floated through the breezy curtains; I would crawl slowly out of bed, with tiptoed feet and half-shut eyes, and press myself against the cool windowpane and stare at the valley, at the way it cupped the morning. Then my mother would call us for breakfast, and I would forget the half-realized feelings the view had tried to evoke, till it was midmorning and my brother and I were pushed outside.
There was endless activity for us; when we were not doing something inside, we were outside, sometimes playing games, sometimes only running through the grass and feeling the wind in our hair, between our fingers. There was no such thing as boredom; when we had nothing to do inside we went out, and when we were tired we went in and occupied our time with board games and our parents. My brother, he was my constant companion; his name was Ethan, and he was more constant to me than the sun rising every day. There was never a moment when I was not with him and we did not exist in perfect harmony. There were no true arguments between us, even if we disagreed; he was my protector and companion, and there was no one in the world I loved or trusted more.
Every day would find us outside. In the summer we would race each other over the entire valley, running till the land sloped back upward. We would see who could scream the loudest so that our parents, far off at the house, could hear us. We wove hats and necklaces of grass, and daily climbed higher on the tallest tree in the valley, singing silly songs about the view. We spent entire evening running about, catching fireflies and playing tag, screaming and laughing—we were never lonely, because though we were the only ones in the entire valley, we had each other.

So, there we go! Tell me what you think! In case you're wondering why she's narrating like she is, it's because the real story-telling actiony part starts when she wakes up. Anyway. Ta-da!

Thursday, June 23, 2011

This is me blogging.

Look at me blog. Look! Look at me blog!

Saturday, June 18, 2011

You can't go wrong with corn dogs.

Earlier today I decided to look through some of the poems I had written this year, and I honestly couldn't understand half of them. I barely remember writing some of them--maybe I'm insane? Yes, that's most likely the case.

I'm going to Great Adventure again on Monday! I keep forgetting that I have a season pass and can go as many times as I can, haha. I know Silver is definitely going, but Shari hasn't gotten back to me yet, and it's going to suck if her mom says no tomorrow because that will not leave me any time to find someone else to go. Not that I have many people to bring, anyway--so really, it would just be great if Shari could go. Haha.

Today I had the most amazing burger at Friday's. I mean, I order this same burger every time I go there, but today it was perfect. I suppose it's a marker of how boring my life is that the first thing I talk about is a burger--or of how fantastic this burger was. It was like--why can't everything taste like this? You know?

(Of course it'd be weird if, say, I was enjoying a bar of chocolate, or some other such treat, and it tasted like this burger. Or a glass of lemonade. That would be strange.)

Thursday night, Shari and I went to see The Art of Getting By, and it was the cutest thing ever. Not even cute in an "aww, bunnies" sense, but just cute. I squealed like a toddler at the end :) Sometimes I thought the dialogue was a little forced, and I could totally hear the lead actor's British accent, but overall it was quite a good movie ^.^

Look. Look at them and their cuteness. And definitely consider seeing this movie. I get how some people would say it's unoriginal (pssht), but I enjoyed it--and obviously I am the final judge on the opinions and tastes of everyone everywhere :D

Also, before I went to the movie, I got a random call from Shoe May of all people (she's one of the Gym Buddies, remember?). Apparently she, Jaryd, and this girl named Mira were all walking to my house! Exciting! So they showed up, we walked the dog, and we played cards, and it was all kind of weird that they decided to walk to my house from Jaryd's, but fun nonetheless :)

Speaking of Jaryd, today was his birthday, so I went to his house and dropped off his present--a box of corn dogs. To quote Kim, you really can't go wrong with corn dogs. What made it especially special is that I couldn't find anything else, so I wrapped it in Christmas-themed wrapping paper. Totally appropiate for a summer birthday, I know.

So, I suppose that's what you all missed. Until next time!

Thursday, June 16, 2011


I realized I hadn't blogged in three whole days. Three whole days! How disgraceful! I bow my head in shame and entreat you to forgive me.

I am officially done with school! Freshman year is over and done with, and I am for all intents and purposes (thank you, Lizzie) a sophomore. The math and science exams were surprisingly easy: math was a walk in the park and science had maybe one problem which I was unsure of. I'm excited to see my final grades, now, since they were all so easy :D

Oh, and on Tuesday, I had the marvelous adventure of going for a bike ride with Silver. We went around the park, to a bike shop (which was closed), a bit through her neighborhood, and then around this really pretty residential area in the town next to ours where all the rich people live. I said all of our ooh-ing and ahh-ing were a sign of how poor we were :P It was fun, and now I want to ride my bike more, even though there's really nothing of interest within biking distance except the mall.

Also concerning Silver, she was once more shamelessly begging me for more writing to send to her, and upon looking through my folder I realized that no one had ever read the 100-page story I had written for NaNoWriMo. I mean, I posted (I think) two or three excerpts but no one had ever read the entire thing. So I sent that to her, and lo and behold, she liked it! So now I'm revisiting that story, and wondering how the hell I'm going to fix its problems by August 14th--the deadline Silver gave me, which is when she gets back from camp.

I'll overview it here, since no one probably remembers anything it's about. It's called The Grace of Theives, a name I originally made up at the top of my head, but now I have more of a reason for it, haha. The main character is a girl named Emilia, nineteen years old, who is involved in a revolutionary group in the year 2026. The leader of this group is an enigmatic and magnetic psychopath named Benjamin, who is obsessed with the rebellion and has no concern for human life. His right-hand man is John, who is considerably less psychopathic than Ben is, and who is in love with Emilia. Ben and John hate each other, but they both need each other to make this revolution work--John comes up with the plans, and Ben gets people to follow him. Part of John's plan is to assassinate the current President, which Ben tasks to Emilia since she said she was afraid of becoming a murderer. That's all basically the premise of the story: it begins immediately after Emilia pulls the trigger on the President.

The writing is actually, in my opinion, fairly decent, but since I didn't do a lot of planning beforehand, some elements of the world they live in don't come across properly in the story. Also, her mood is completely inconsistent (one minute she's hysterically upset, one minute she's calm), and some aspects of the story are confusing and unnecessary (like the double names of all the group members). Overall, though, I still like the story and I'm excited to be working on it again :D

Yesterday, since finals were over, I didn't need to go to school--but my parents made me go anyway. I guess they didn't believe me when I said I didn't have to go and no one would be there anyway. Oddly enough, I was right, and I basically sat there for two hours until my mom came to pick me up. Silver stopped by on her bike, though, so it wasn't all bad. I was just upset that I had to wake up early again.

Today I need to clean up the house (it's already 2:30...blah) and take a shower, because Shoob invited me to see a movie tonight at 7:30. I am unwashed. So I guess on a final note, I really think the school year farted out of existence instead of just ending like a normal year. Why can I just have a normal end of school? Bah, who knows?

You may have noticed that my titles are now a random word or phrase from the entry, as opposed to song lyrics. Haha :)

Monday, June 13, 2011


I was surprised and saddened by the amount of people who didn't know what Great Adventure is. It's like my favorite place ever. My FAVORITE PLACE EVER. It's an amusement park, and a FLIBBING AMAZING one at that. I'm pretty sure I'm going there again next weekend; hopefully I can bring Shari and Lolo along :D We have a lot more coupons and stuff, so I'm not worried about not being able to bring one of my friends or something. My parents don't have anyone to bring, so they're pretty much all mine :3

Well! Today was the world civ. final, and it was basically a lot of anticipation for nothing. It was ridiculously easy. The writing portion was actually the easiest part, oddly enough. Tomorrow I have math and science, which ought to be fun, and then I'm done :D Done with the school year! I never have to go back!--you know, until next year :P

Oh, and today I found out something very interesting. Imagine me glaring at the screen I say that. Very interesting. Apparently, my favorite hugging victim (Jaryd), decided to tell Up that I liked him...about a month ago. And Up didn't believe him. And then Happy (without telling me) decided to ask Up if he was sure he didn't believe Jaryd...the day afterwards. And no one told me this. As if this was not something I'd like to know. So now I can't talk to Up without worrying that this idea that I like him has been festering in his brain for a month, and everything I say just proves it...ugh.

In other, obviously important news, I decided to paint my nails again, but I couldn't decide which color, so I made one hand pink and one hand blue :D

I am incredibly anxious to get school over with, by this point. I just don't want it anymore. I want to sleep in. Although it will be lame not seeing some people for two months--and I'll constantly complain about being bored and having nothing to do--it will still be better than school.

Also, I've finally realized my calling in life. You know the game capture-the-flag? I want to build a capture-the-flag building. Like an ice rink, but for capture-the-flag, with obstacles and stuff. It will be biblical. People will flock from miles to play it. I might throw in a lazer tag thing, just because two awesome things deserve to be together.
After hard consideration with Kim and Lolo, I want it to be called 'Awesome.' Nothing else, just 'Awesome'. Imagine it: Hey, I'm going to Awesome to play capture the flag! It will just be that amazing.

Speaking of Kim and Lolo, and Shari (of course), we had a study party at the library yesterday and it was MILDLY PRODUCTIVE! Of course, looking back, we probably should've studied for math and science and not just world civ., but who cares? We had our own room in the library to study in! It was fantastic!

Saturday, June 11, 2011



Oh, but my mom woke me up before seven to mow the lawn before we left, and when I saw what time it was I actually cried. BUT IT WAS WORTH IT WHEN WE WENT TO GREAT ADVENTURE.

Friday, June 10, 2011


I've finally gotten to the miserable stage of the end of the year where I feel wishy-washy and nostalgic, and frequently say, "I can't believe it's over," at random intervals throughout the day. I pretty much lied when I said I wasn't nostalgic a few blog posts ago. I'm very nostalgic. It just makes me feel like crap, so I try not to dwell on it.

It was a good year. It was my first year of high school and all, which just seems weird now that I think about it--I've kind of forgotten that I've ever been anywhere but here. Not that I don't remember any other time, but this is what is real now. This school and this schedule and these people: that's who I've been for the past ten months. Now it's just over. Didn't even say a proper goodbye, just walked out of the school building just like any other day. It's too late now, anyway. Now all I've got left to do is focus on next year. I know soon enough that will become my reality, with those classes and those people making up my existence, but for now I just feel... in between. Sooner than that the summer will become my reality, days of boredom and laziness, floating one day to the next without any thoughts except a deep-rooted sense of regret and fear, which I carry around when I'm stuck in the past and have nothing in the present to distract me.

I'm sad, I guess. I'm sad that the year's over. I'm sad about the things I didn't do, and some of the things I did. I'm sad that time is passing and I have to say goodbye, and in just a few years I'll have to say goodbye on a grander scale: I'll leave my school, my home, and my friends and venture into the big bad world by myself. Time passing has always made me deeply, deeply sad, and now is no different. It hurts, though, that I never really said a proper goodbye. I'm not really good at proper goodbyes: they just never seem real to me. Tomorrow I'll wake up and be in the same place I feel like I always have been.

I miss it. I regret. But even through all this quiet, unsettling sadness, I know I don't have a choice but to keep moving forward and focus on the present. Time isn't going to slow down just because I want it to, because I'm afraid of change and afraid of goodbyes, and I have to swallow all the heartbreak I get from these things and just keep moving forward. It won't hurt so badly tomorrow, after all.

But still, for now, I'm sad.

Thursday, June 9, 2011



Today I did what might've been one of the stupidest things in my entire life. It was the day of the Latin final, of course, and in the morning I was dismayed that EVERY SINGLE PERSON'S FINALS were at 9:45. See, I thought mine were at eleven. I could've sworn they were at eleven. 9:45 comes around and everyone leaves, so I sit around in the cafeteria reading my Latin text book. Finally eleven comes around and I go upstairs, and wonder why no one is in the classrooms. Then I see my Latin teacher, so I ask her what room we're in. She gives me a strange look and tells me I MISSED IT. I MISSED THE GOD DAMN FINAL. IT WAS AT 9:45 AT FOR SOME REASON I THOUGHT IT WAS AT ELEVEN. AHHHH I AM AN IDIOT.

So I'm taking that tomorrow, actually at eleven, an hour after my English final. I am an idiot. The rest of the day was pretty boring and uneventful. I am an idiot.

Yesterday was pretty much awesome. It was basically the last day of school, and no one did anything in any of the classes. English was the best. I TALKED to UP. Like, an actual conversation. We were all just hanging around stuffing our face with food, so I had plenty of opportunities, haha. He kept taking little pieces off of my brownie plate, and at one point (when he wasn't around) a little piece accidentally fell on the floor, so I absentmindedly put it back on the plate. Of course five minutes later, Up is around again, and he picks up THAT PIECE and puts it in his mouth. I'm just...."That was on the floor." And his FACE. His FACE. After he went and threw it out, he came back and basically asked, "Where was the logic in putting it back on the plate?"

I was hysterically laughing and didn't answer him :) And, later, I happened to pass him and randomly asked if he had skipped gym. He seemed surprised that other people hadn't. Oh, and later still, we discussed the zombie apocalypse. He has a very extensive plan involving an island and some machine guns. Okay, we didn't have some deep, thought-provoking discussions on life or something, but still. It's a step. And I didn't spaz at ALL. Also, on Tuesday, I actually got around to mentioning that I saw him at the mall. That's two days in a row I talked to him without freaking out!

Oh, and yesterday night, I went and got water ice with Shari, Kim, Lolo, and Nat. That was fun :) We basically just sat and talked for an hour, and had water ice (of course). I got mint chocolate chip, and we all didn't leave till almost ten.

On a final note, I am immensely frustrated by my sudden inability to form coherent sentences. All of a sudden, my writing sucks. I think there's something wrong with my hands. I know that's weird, but whenever my writing is bad, my hands just feel wrong. Like they're not doing what they're supposed to.

Anyway, that's about it. Hopefully I'll blog again in less than four days, this time.

Sunday, June 5, 2011


Yesterday I went to the mall with Kim and Shari, and naturally it was fantastical :) We tried on prom dresses in J.C.Penney's, and the one I tried actually looked pretty nice on me. Too bad I have three years to go :P We also tried things on in Forever 21, naturally, and I got this fantastic necklace. It's an oyster--and has a pearl inside! Tell me that is not the awesomest thing ever.

OH AND GUESS WHAT. GUESS WHO WE SAW THERE. I was in the middle of talking about my fish tank and suddenly I break off midsentence and just stare. Fifteen feet away from me was UP, in the mall. Then I broke into a hysterical fit of laughter. He was with his mom, haha. Shari went up and said hi, but I didn't, because I'm lame. Why am I so lame. Why. But at least I have something to say to him tomorrow!

Unfortunately, Shari had to leave at three (so early), and then Kim and I left a half hour later. I didn't buy any clothes, which I desperately needed. Luckily, though, I went to the mall with my parents today and got two! fantastic things: a skirt which will apparently give me an A in art class, and a CAT DRESS. No really, a CAT DRESS. Note the cats.

So now I have actual clothes to wear during school, as opposed to the same thing every day :D Now if only I could memorize everything I've ever learned this year in time for the finals...woo. I know I said I wasn't going to worry, but the closer they come, the more ominous they get. The good news is that all of them, with the exception of English (probably) are multiple choice. I'm pretty sure there's no writing in world civ. Oh, God, if there's writing in world civ...

I suppose that's about all. It was a pleasant weekend :) I brought my art project home to work on it, and barely did anything on it--so I really didn't have any homework this weekend. That is fantastic. The teachers have pretty much given up by this point, haha. I'm actually kind of looking forward to school. Buying new clothes AND seeing my crush just make me optimistic :)

Friday, June 3, 2011

Not his intention.

Today was not as bad as I thought it would be! I had a Latin writing final, and was surprised by how easily I translated at least 90% of the story, considering I hadn't studied at all. Unfortunately, I didn't know what 'land' or 'bring' were. Oh well.

I also had a science quiz which didn't go so well. There were only five questions, and I wasn't super sure about any of them, but one in particular I honestly had no idea how to solve. It was based off of a lab we did last week, and I just couldn't remember what to do. So I wrote on there that I didn't remember how to solve it, and a sad face :( Hopefully that doesn't bring my grade down too much.

English was interesting today, I guess. Happy gave me a wooden block :D It really just made me ecstatic. Up asked for it at one point so he could make a heart out of it, which apparently he is prone to do--asking people for peices of wood to make hearts out of. Who knows? Anyway, Lolo heard and said teasingly, "What, so you can give it back?", and he had a TERRIBLE LOOK ON HIS FACE and said something which, though I didn't hear, implied that that was not his intention. Mer.

Oh, and today was so nice outside. It was cool and breezy and sunny and everything. I could stay outside all day. Oh, and tomorrow, I should be going to the mall with Shari and Kim! Been awhile since that happened, you know. Assuming we can all decide on a time, that is.

Sorry, this entry was kind of short. I've been revisiting my story bin, and am now distracted with stories I basically forgot about ^.^ Ta-ta! School's almost over! AHH SCHOOL'S ALMOST OVER.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011


It is hot. Butt hot. Hot as Satan's balls. Hot in Topeka. It is all manner of hot. I have come close to melting on several occasions today. It was so hot we had gym in the air-conditioned auditorium (may I add, the only air-conditioned room in the school) and the Gym Buddies and I played Tetris the entire period. It was so hot that we had to take the vocab final in another room.

Speaking of the vocab final, it was incredibly easy. Not worried about that at all. I'm more worried about the science test tomorrow and Friday, which is based off of something we learned yesterday. Someone, tell me how this is fair. Oh, and it was muggy and hot in science, too.

I presented in world civ. today! I'm sure you can all guess that it was hot. I was sweating like a fat guy, and not even from nervousness. I was pretty nervous and excited in the beginning, but I think it all turned out really well :) My presentation, which was rambling and jumbled last night, came out much better today. I think we got out point across, at the very least.

However, I was surprised--and admittedly, kind of disgusted--that two people asked why torture was a bad thing. It wasn't even the pathetic wannabe anarchists who asked that, either, but normal, relatively unpolitical people. I could get into all sorts of arguments about how torture is immoral in the lightest sense and barbaric in the realistic sense, and how a modern society can never call itself civilized, and never call itself better than the primitive countries it fights, if it resorts to such measures--but I won't, because I don't have the time, and I must've made my arguments about four times today and I don't feel like repeating myself.

Besides all that, the day was pretty uneventful (and hot). Oh, and I wore a dress! It was still bloody hot, though. Didn't alleviate the muderous heat much, you know.

On a final note, today was hot.