Monday, August 10, 2009

I'd give you all and have none, babe.

[Kiss Me Deadly--Generation X]
I am five chapters and 98 pages into it.
There are eight days left in the story.
I. Am. So. Close.
I can practically feel the euphoria already.
It's the only story I can always turn to.
It's one of the only stories I truly, truly love.
Do you want to read it?
[Famous Last Words--My Chemical Romance]
Trying out a new font today. Ta-da? Ugh, the sound on this video sucks...
I'm curious, as I usually am. If you just tell the truth, with both your words and your actions...if you take a chance, not on something you want to do, but on something that could change everything...if you make yourself do something even though the thought of it terrifies you...where will you end up?
[Dead!--My Chemical Romance]
[Broken--Seether ft. Amy Lee]
I'm sure everyone's getting tired of my perfunctory entries (guess what that means lolz!!!!111!!!111), if anyone actually reads my blog anymore. So, to appease the invisible masses, here's an excerpt from the purple story:
“Damon,” she whispered. “Just promise me you’ll tell me the truth.”
“I’m sick of lying.” It was true. I was sick of everything.
She nodded once, then turned and strode into the house. I followed silently.
She sat herself on the couch and stared straight ahead. I sat on the other side, afraid she wouldn’t want me close to her, but she crawled towards me and wrapped her arms around my waist, burying her head in my shoulder.
“Start from the beginning,” she ordered. I swallowed, nervous.
“Emma,” I said. Her name was like a stronghold on my sanity. “I was born in the 1700s.” I couldn’t look at her face, but I heard her stifle a gasp. “I was the son of an aristocrat and…terrified of the idea of death. I had a…warped view of the world. I thought death would erase my legacy from the world…and, well, since I didn’t have much of a legacy, I was probably right. I thought the only way to be great was to become immortal.
“I was twenty years old when a man named Narius approached me. He was dressed in very grand robes, so of course I listened to him…I was very shallow then. He told me he was an Immortal, and I could be too. I practically agreed then—” I chuckled morbidly to myself, about how foolish I had been. “He told me that if he did make me an Immortal, I would be in his service for eternity, but I didn’t care. I didn’t want to die. I could practically feel death claiming me with every passing second…
“He explained what I had to do. I would be sent on Missions…at the time, Quests, and experiment on human behavior. I would put myself in different situations, always a different person, and see what would happen…all for the wisdom and knowledge gained. I was one of the best.” I swallowed, refusing to let myself look at what must be a horrified expression on Emma’s face. “Because I didn’t think about anything. I never let myself think about the pain that person must’ve gone through when I left…I never realized how cruel, how sick it was for the Heads—kind of like Elders; they are the ones who gain the knowledge and make up Missions—to do this.”
Her voice was quiet when she spoke. “And I was…an experiment?”
What she must have thought of my words! “You were supposed to be. But I fell in love with you. That’s not supposed to happen.”
“I guess not,” she whispered. Her arms were still wrapped firmly around me. Was that a good sign? “I just…don’t understand. How did you know I’d move back here?”
I stared ahead for a moment, then laughed. Actually laughed. “My Mission was to be a person everyone would hate, and see if anyone would lend a hand. It was a test to see how deep kindness ran in humans. Not specifically to test you.” I nuzzled her head with my nose. “You’re beyond kind, though. Above average. So nothing was gained.”
“Except us,” she said firmly. I sighed heavily.
“Can’t you see why they would want to take me away from you?” She stiffened. “Can’t you see why we don’t work? I’m one of their best…agents, you could say. I’ve already failed my Mission completely.” She didn’t need to know the timeline just yet. “And…And I’m immortal, Emma. I’ll never die. You…”
“If I die, I want to die in your arms,” she whispered. “I don’t care if I’m old and withered and you’re still…still perfect.”
Emotion closed my throat. She thought I looked perfect? How funny; I thought she did. “I refuse to live without you, Emma.”
“So what do we do?” Her voice was choked, vulnerable. I hugged her closer.
“I don’t know.”
I felt a tear on my shoulder. She was finally crying.
“How do you do it?” she asked quietly. “How do you…be someone else?”
“I told you, I’m very good at my job.” I kissed the top of her head. “At first…it was just because I wanted to be immortal. That drove me to be good at what I did. After awhile, I just learned. It’s just like acting.”
She was silent for a long time, then said, “You must be the world’s best liar.”
Pain filled every inch of my body. “Not to you. Never to you.”
“Can I ask you something?”
She took a deep breath. “Why do you love me?”
I almost laughed again, but it wasn’t really the time. “Because, Emma. You’re so beautiful and kind and smart...and pushy…but in a good way. You fascinate me…because you’re so different from everyone else. You’re so good.”
She looked up at me, a smile clearly etched on her face. “I guess it’s vain of me to appreciate that.”
“Never. But…can I ask…?”
She giggled. "Whenever I imagined my perfect guy, I imagined you. Tall, dark, and handsome…but there was something more. I saw something beneath your crunchy emo exterior.” She giggled again. “Something…real. Almost…meaningful. Everything about you…is just…perfect.”
I snorted darkly. “Perfect.”
“For me, you are.” She looked up at my face, her eyes shining.
I couldn’t argue with her there. Emma was, undoubtedly, my soul mate. She was as perfect for me as I must’ve been for her. But that didn’t change anything.
We sat there for a long time, not speaking. The confession of what I was was far less dramatic than I expected. If anything, she still loved me. That was good for the present, but in the long run, it would’ve been better if she had decided to hate me for the monster I was.
“I refuse to leave you, Damon,” she said suddenly, almost an hour after we spoke last. I didn’t have time to respond. “I love you, and that will never change. I don’t care what happens. I will not let them take you away from me.”

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