Sunday, February 15, 2009

Don't you love the clean smell of betrayal?

I try to ignore you. It is easier that way, for both of us. Maybe if I had ignored you from the beginning, this never would've happened. But you were so...fresh. Fresh and new and exciting. I acted like a child with a shiny toy, and look where it got us.
Of course, my fascination with you soon turned to desperation. I needed you, but not because I liked you...I had no one else. You were the only one who accepted me. You'd think this would make us close, didn't.
Even though I needed you, I was bored with you. Your shine had lost luster, and I sought something better, something new. Who could possibly expect me to not get bored with you after a while? Maybe that was where we fell apart, when I looked for someone else.
Then you were the one who started slipping away. I don't know if you got bored with me or you liked them more...but you never around. When I came over, you were always out, always doing something. This made me feel jealous, though it was petty and hypocritical. It wasn't long before I gave up and lost the desire to see you.
Still, we were friends, to a point. There were those wonderful days when you were free and I was free and we could be best friends again. They were numbered, though I refused to see it. I refused to see you changing right in front of me, turning into something I would hate if it were anyone else. I cherished each moment...till school started. The impossible happened...I found other people. These people were made to be my friends, I was sure. What were you, by comparison? A dirty old dish rag, used till it was frayed and unwanted. I started noticing things about mean you were to your sisters, how ungrateful you were towards me, even after everything I had done for you. I was willing to ignore them, though. I was willing to keep you around. Maybe I was hoping that middle school would wash you out, so you could be new and clean again, and we could be best friends again. I don't know what possessed me to believe that.
You were never one to want fit never had to try before, or at least you didn't think you did. You must've compared yourself to me, who had no one for so long, and thought you fit in like a puzzle piece. Now, though, I did fit in. I had friends and connections on the only place you saw me, on the bus. I knew people and places and terms and you didn't. How could you have thought I had risen above you on the popularity scale? You must've. But you took it too far. You tried copying off of the ones who you thought fit in perfectly, but that's not you. And then you started doing things to me that I allowed of other people...but you? You, who I managed to consider my best friend for so long, despite that fact that you clearly weren't? No. How could you not realize I'd never accept that?
So we're over. Finished. I can't stand the sight of could you betray me so completely? How? I thought that, surely, I had earned some statis in your friend book. And then you blamed me! No. I'm not putting up with this any longer.
And yet I Rid of the affliction that was your friendship. Lighter and, to be honest, happier. Your betrayal gave me what I craved from the beginning...something new and fresh. A clean start, away from you and your shortcomings.
You don't feel that way, do you? You feel like you've been thrown out, like I don't apprectiate you, when in truth it was you who didn't appreciate me. But don't try to act like none of this ever happened, like you still have power over me, like you still have the authority to bring me down, because I know you will. You gave up those privledges forever. You are not my oldest friend, you are my newest regret.


  1. "Photography is fun...."
    True story.

    I apologize.

    Yeah, the blogging gods?

    I'll try to comment more.
    What's up?
    Why so blue?

    My word verification: Wiitrit.
    Sounds like a game for the Wii.
    Or an accessory for it.

  2. That's amusing. We had this presentation for some career once in career research and based on this survey we learned what personality we were and I was perfectionist.

    Mmm, I see. Er, understand.

    Nah...they're probably just off vacationing somewhere. That or they are in debt.

    Oh, I see. Have you gone out to other blogs and commented? Gathering more readers is always fun, I think. Hmm, okay.

    No idea.

    Ha, it's, "renna," now.
    Just slap an t and an i in there and you have retina.
    Speaking of which, my lab partners and I got to disect a cow eye in biology. Practically the coolest thing ever. It trumps doing notes and easy peesy (cheesy) worksheets as per usual.

    Wow. I babbled.