I couldn't decide on a title.

[Into the Ocean--Blue October]

I found my phone!

I also have a bad habit of not locking my iPod so it starts playing and loses half its batteries. But hey, we aren't all perfect.

I want to write, but I don't know what about. I need something completely new to think about...not the stories I already have, not the same old themes.

I'm really getting tired of writing paragraphs that begin with 'I'.

I can't stop.

HELP!

I have my iPod on shuffle :) Supa fun. And yes, I realize I am weird for finding putting my iPod on shuffle exciting in any way.

ruthyisaloser.webs.com I AM A GENIUS. Kim gave me the idea, and don't worry, 'Ruthy' isn't offended. Haha, I'm not telling you guys who Ruthy is. :P

[Over You--Daughtry]

AHHH now I'm going to rant about Basil, because no entry would be complete without it. And I want to vent, and none of my friends are online.

I'm assuming my pretense of not liking [HAHAHAHA I have dictionary.com open as I write this...how lame am I?] Basil is pretty much useless, since I've always been a horrible liar about these kinds of things. I'm coming clean: yes, I do still like him, but I don't WANT to like him. That oughta count for something!

And really, you can't blame me too much, I've liked the guy for over a year, for whatever unfathomable reason. It's hard to let go of that, even when it's what needs to be done. Right? I'm not just being stupid, right? RIGHT?

[Numb--Linkin Park]

Anyway, it's just....just...I keep wondering what he's thinking whenever he looks sad, or whenever he talks to me (to ask what the homework is, usually, or to copy off of my papers, which he's been forgetting to bring to class). I mean...I know he can't possibly think about me as much as I think about him, but does he ever? Does he ever wonder the things I wonder? Has he ever dreamed of me?

[Gives You Hell--The All-American Rejects]

At the same time, I hate myself for even thinking of that, because it's so glaringly obvious he only sees me as a nuisance. I think that's what low self-esteem is...not just seeing yourself as bad, but seeing some good in you then instantly beating yourself for daring to think that. I have the worst self-esteem. And I'm insecure. And I'm shy. AGH!

Okay. Breathing. In, out. Rant over.

[Give 'Em Hell, Kid--My Chemical Romance]

WHY. HAS. NO. ONE. COMMENTED. Why????????? Like, EVERYONE'S blogged, but not a SINGLE comment! What's with that? Am I no longer worthy of your comments? Well, FINE. I'll just comment you myself! You big meanies!

Ani made Silver be nice to me for today and Monday :) Oh, the joy. I'm trying to ignore the fact that she's being bribed with the threat of five bucks.
Did I ever mention, my mom has weird ideas about hair? She put ROLLERS in it. ROLLERS.

[We Didn't Start the Fire--Billy Joel]

My hair looked FREAKY this morning. Like, insanely curly. And poofy. It looked about half as short. So, I did what I always do when my hair's embarassing to look at: I put it in a ponytail. Even then part of it stuck out, so I added a hair clip (which I just realized I left in my gym sweats...) and left the bangs.

By the time I took it out, in gym, it had flattened out considerably. According to Silver, the front looked good, and the back looked like something from the 1920s. Oh well, I kept it down. It looked awesome by the time I got home :) But I didn't think to take pictures till an hour or two later.

[The Suffering--Coheed & Cambria]

I NEED AN ITUNES GIFT CARD! Like, desperately. But I also need to get soil and my rose. DILEMMA. I'm gonna get the soil.

Plans for a picnic with Lolo tomorrow :) If her parents say yes, we're going down to Penny Packer Park, where I got considerably muddy yesterday. Haha, my shoe got stuck like a foot under the mud, but I managed to dig it out. My mom took, like, eight pictures. I would post them, but that's probably not the best idea...since it's online...and we all know there are stalkers capable of tracking you and killing you from just a very muddy picture. You know it.

Lemme see if I can get them on anyway.

[Hotel Calfornia--The Eagles] (I'm beast at this song on Guitar Hero)

Nope. Ahh.

[Minority--Green Day]

Are we human, or are we dancer?

Possibly the greatest inside joke of all time, just because it's so open and everyone knows it. Haha, it's between me and Gem, and we recently added Melissa to the mix. I love inside jokes :)

So, after the movie, me and Kim went to the shopping center near the theater (not the mall, though, which is across the street). We went to Target, which had NOTHING cute at all there, which sucked, because I need new jeans (Silver ripped mine today...). We pretty much skipped every other store and ended up at Kohls, where we spent the rest of the time :) I like Kohls, but gosh darn it, they had nothing cute either. We pretended we were spies and Kim got sunglasses, though, so it'[wa]s all cool :)

I have...nothing else to write. I would update on the Basil-scenario, but there's nothing really to say. He asked what the French homework was? I didn't freak out when I told him? Um...

Byes.

What's this? What's this? There's something very wrong.

[songs from The Nightmare Before Christmas, among my favorite movies]

WellWellWell, I've had quite the eventful week! Let's start with Friday.

I've been wanting to shop for a dress for Lolo and Silver's Bat Mitzvahs and on Friday my parents were planning to go to the mall. Dilemma! While I wanted to go to the mall, shopping for dresses (or just shopping in general) is weird with your parents. So, my first thought was to ask Nat to come, since she wanted to go shopping to. Unfortunately, Nat was busy (yoga...), so LOLO TIME.

Haha, we wanted to have a sleepover, but my parents have this thing about short-notice. Anyways, instead of getting smoothies, we got the MIDNIGHT TRUFFLE BLIZZARD. Oh, joy. They are quite possibly the greatest things on Earth. In the universe. The annoying talking mouth was right when he said "Cloud 9"...

And I found a dress! It's blue and according to Sara, Lolo, and my mom, it looks good on me. Haha, now I have to find silver shoes/accesories to go with it. That'll be fun...

We also discovered how to hold a Q-tip between our bottom lip and chin. Oh, the hilarity.

Today: I watched a movie with Kim! 17 Again, and yes, the one with Zac Efron. Don't kill me, it didn't look that bad. And, wonder of wonders, it wasn't! It was actually pretty good, a little predictable, and very, very sweet at the end. I can never look at gazelles the same way again...

Silence is the enemy against your urgency, so rally up the demons of your soul.

[Know Your Enemy--Green Day]

It ended as soon as I wrote that.

[We Made You--Eminem]

My egg burrito is 1) more of a lopsided square, and 2) is extremely messy. But it's good, so all is forgiven.

BASIL HAS THE BIGGEST MOUTH ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET. GUESS WHO HE TOLD? GUESS! SEAGULL!!!!!!!!!!!!

It all started when I was born.

[How You Love Me Now--Hey Monday]

I heard Basil say in science (after we were all packed up, waiting to be dismissed) "Me and Zac tricked it out of her..." Of course, I immediately thought of how they tricked Kim into telling them I liked him. So, naturally, I tried not to stare at him like the love-sick nut I am, and also trying to strain to hear the rest of the conversation. I didn't, though, and then I hear Seagull say, "That's so mean, Strawberry." (in that joking, sarcastic voice he uses for everything). I look over, and Basil is doing something with his hands that I don't see clearly because he 1) (whoa, second time I've used this style of listing things in one blog entry) stops doing it as soon as I look over, and 2) I was being a good girl and looking at Seagull, the one who'd addressed me.

I think I did a pretty good job (at first) of turning away and looking confused/annoyed, but it wasn't long before I was bursting into giggles. Jeez, my heart was audible from across the room, and he wasn't even the one speaking to me! Oh, bah. Bahbahbah. Quadruple blah. This sucks.

I mean, he said he didn't care when he found out I liked him, he said he'd forget about it. Did he forget about it? No! And now Seagull knows. You have no idea how insanely bad this is.

But...But...HE TOLD HIS FRIENDS. That means nothing, I know, but I think that's what made my heart beat like a jackhammer. Wait, that made no sense...

If Seagull tells Flower, which he probably will, my life is OVER.

Sometimes you get discourages

because I'm so small and

aways leave my fingerprints

on furniture and wall.

But everyday I'm growing,

I'll be grown up someday,

and all the tiny handprints

will surely fade away.

So here is a final handprint,

just so you can recall

exactly how my fingers looked

when I was very small.

AWWW! That was part of a project we did, like, years ago in school. It's a can! And I put my hand in paint and PUT MY HANDPRINT ON THE CAN.

A-dord-able.

Agh, I pressed the wrong button, and now this entry's all messed up! Oh well, I was done anyway.

Too-ta-loos!

You're the one they adore, who they came to see. You're a rockstar, everybody wants you. Player, who can really blame you?

[Invincible--OK Go]

I went hiking around Penny Packer park with Aunt Anne! I HAVE to bring Lolo there sometime. It's wonderful.

[We Made You--Eminem]

I went to the mall with Kim yesterday! Funfunfun. I got two new shirts, also known as the greatest things on Earth. I owe Kim seven dollars, though. She lent me money :)

Nordstrom's ROCKS.

Kim looks a lot like her mom. Just an observation.

Also got: bright pink lipgloss. I lovelovelove it :) I want/need mascara. I lost mine...

-

The little girl shivered, her thin arms wrapped around me with strength she didn’t have anymore. Maybe they were frozen there. I was terrified, more so than I had ever been in my entire life, but not for myself. This tiny stranger beside me, who now trusted me with her life, took up all my concern. I was too numb to feel my own pain, but her skin was colder than anything I had ever felt.
If only I had found her before night fell. Then we would not be here, freezing to death in a small, lonely cave, our only company and source of warmth each other. If only she had not had such a vivid imagination, if only she had not been so childishly gullible and believed the story told last night near a warm fire, a story about fairies and magic hiding in the woods. I remembered seeing her big, silvery eyes light up when the camp director, the teller of the story, said the fairies lived in flowers and came out at night to dance in the moonlight.
I remembered this, but at the time I had no idea she would run away into the night, searching for the fabled creatures. The camp was in chaos when I woke up the next morning. Her parents were wrecks, sobbing in the corner, while the camp director was trying desperately to form a search party. Eventually I realized they weren’t going anywhere, and I embarked into the forest myself, to find the girl. It had felt like…like my responsibility.
Now we were going to die. I should’ve moved faster. I should’ve just waited for the others to get organized. But then, I realized, she would be alone now. She might not have survived this long.
It was bitterly cold, freezing every muscle so every movement felt like I was being ripped apart, but I forced myself to say, “My name is Catherine.”
The little girl looked at me, but it didn’t seem like she was really seeing me, like she was in a daze. “My name is Jillian,” she whispered.
Her eyes were really, really silver. I had never seen silver eyes before. She had long, but pale, lashes that made her eyes seem endless. She was pale all over, maybe from the cold or maybe not. Her lips were thin and light pink, her face relatively small and white, her hair brown but somehow pale as well. She was extremely thin, barely a twig next to me. She couldn’t be more than eight.
“How old are you, Jillian?” I asked, trying to smile. “I’m fourteen.”
She shivered violently, trying to wrap her arms even tighter around my stomach. “I’m seven.”
“So, why did you come into the woods all by yourself?” I already knew why, but maybe she would realize her mistake and, hopefully, learn from it. Of course, it would only matter if we made it out of here alive. If we passed the night.
“I wanted to find the fairies,” she admitted, almost sheepishly. “I thought…I thought they would protect me. When it got cold.”
I tried to shrug and smile, but my muscles screamed in protest from the small movement. “They must be busy tonight. But don’t be scared…I’ll protect you.”
She smiled widely, and I wondered how she did it. “I know you’ll keep me warm, Catherine. I thought…I thought you were a fairy when you came through the trees. You look like one.”
I thought of my high forehead, dull green eyes, too-straight dark hair. What did she think fairies looked like?
It hurt too much to respond, so I gave a feeble attempt at hugging the little girl, Jillian. She snuggled closer to me and closed her eyes. This worried me, but it was too excruciatingly freezing to do anything but worry. I wanted desperately to close my eyes as well, to forget we were going to freeze to death, but I couldn’t let that happen. I had to remain conscious.
It hurt.
Jillian became very still, and I must have too. I couldn’t feel or think at all…the cave wall started to blur and swim in front of me, and the tiny child felt like a ghost beside me. I blinked furiously, ignoring the sharp ache it caused, trying to force myself to stay alive. My arms and legs became increasingly numb, and my heart was burning, whether with cold or heat. I was vaguely aware I wasn’t shivering anymore. I didn’t think I could.
The little girl hadn’t worn a jacket because she was in a rush to escape into the woods and find the fairies she was so sure existed. I couldn’t blame her…how could you expect small children to listen to anyone about survival rules, like always bring a coat with you wherever you go? It was me who had been careless; it had been so warm this morning, I hadn’t thought I’d need a jacket. I hadn’t anticipated the sudden, violent drop in temperature that came as soon as the sun disappeared. Now we were freezing and had nothing but our thin clothes to cover us, and it was my fault. We were going to die, and it was my fault. Jillian was so young…only seven years old. I was twice her age, but I had been so stupid…
Slowly, slowly, black creeped in from the borders of my eyes, fogging my thoughts. I tried to fight for the remainder of my vision, but I had no energy left. I had to stay conscious; I had to save the little girl who even now was clinging to me. A dim sparkling flashed in my eyes and the world went black.

When they finally come to destroy the Earth, they'll have to deal with you first.

[Invincible--OK Go]

Paint Easter eggs with your fingers. Put stickers on any flat surface. Listen to your favorite song again and again for three hours, no stopping. Tell everyone you know to do the same. Dream of the perfect profile picture. Paint your nails blue and green and smear them before they dry. Sing along to 'Jesus Christ, Superstar'. Say something corny like you mean it as a joke but really mean it. Find out what every button on a calculator does. Type the ABCs in every different font. Wear a skirt to school. Hang polka-dot ties from a striped belt and wear it on your head. Bring a camera everywhere you go and take pictures of everything you see for a day. Meditate then scream for ten seconds straight. Run around your house...at night. Make lists of fantasy lands you want to go to, and don't spare the details. Read a wonderful book till five in the morning. Pick a place and explore every inch of it. Order something you hate next time you go to a restaurant and switch with the person on the left. See what 'ALT-F4' does. Listen to the songs your friends tell you to listen to. Cry yourself out every two months. Keep a blank face for an entire day.

Experience my definition of happiness before you tell me I should be happier.

KrazyCoolKats POLKA dance.

That's secret code for something awesome. I'm just not sure what yet.

I realized I haven't had a real blog entry in awhile :( So, here I am, telling you about my day. Enjoy or DIE!!!!! Mwahaha, or just leave the blog.

I !!!FINALLY!!! got to sleep in (usually I wake up at 6:30, cuz I'm so used to it...). I woke up at approximately eight, but I stayed in bed 'waking up' till nine. I had a dream involving my family and Ewdras (Vera's family), in which we got zapped into another dimension, and I was Maximum Ride (sorta), and BP was taking a shower.

I stopped trying to interpret my dreams long ago.

ANYWAYS, after breakfast was all said and done (ten), we went HIKING. Haha, not really, but we started at the end of the river and walked several miles through a park. I wanted to keep going, but Auntie One-Flag and Aunt Anne didn't want to. Bah. Old people.

JUST KIDDING. They're not oldold. Just adults who can't walk more than four miles.

Actually, we walked farther than that. I'm trying to convince my dad that we should go to the park every weekend and explore. Maybe then my mom will stop pestering me to join a sport.

Then we...well, I dunno. We didn't do much after that. My mom had a doctor's appointment (YAYAYAYAY, no one will ever know why I wrote that) and me and the Aunts went and got bread at Great Harvest :) Yum! They give you free samples of the bread(s) of the day, and not some wimpy sliver of bread either. Complete slices! I got some apple coffecake-ish thing and it was GOOD. The bread we ended up buying wasn't my favorite, though. Ah well. I've never been much of a fan of crunchy, 'textured' bread.

Songs I wanna get:

• In My Place--Coldplay
• Desolation Row--My Chemical Romance
• With You--Linkin Park
• Dirt Room--Blue October
• My Never--Blue October
• Congratulations--Blue October
• Kiss Me Thru The Phone--Soulja Boy Tellem
• America's Suitehearts--Fall Out Boy
• and whatever Eminem songs happens to captue my fancy.
  

[Kiss Me Thru The Phone--Soulja Boy Tellem]

I'm liking rap more and more. Weird, much? Oh, and I don't know why it's double-spacing the paragraphs. Huh. Maybe it won't even show up. I wonder how many people dialed the number in Kiss Me Thru The Phone. Wow, it's really getting annoying to type that.

We're having Easter dinner tomorrow night, since Auntie One-Flag is leaving around 5 on Sunday. They went grocery shopping a couple hours ago. Our fridge is begging for mercy.

Hummus is good.

It's true the way I feel was promised by your face, the sound of your voice painted on my memories. Even when you're not with me, I'm with you.

[With You--Linkin Park]
Love this song :)
Various conversations between Kim and Basil, but I haven't broken down yet, go me! Crap, I can't get them, but here's the gist:
First conversation-
Basil: Does Strawberry still like me?
Kim: She thinks you hate her.
Basil: Answer the question.
Kim: Ask her yourself.
Second-
Basil: Hey guess what I have dreams about Pope and Paula they're so nice and pretty and I loooooove them.
Kim: ...
Yikes. Right? Ya. Yikes.

Basil:

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Take it from my hands, cuz I can't do this on my own. I'm letting go, so give me one more chance.

[Unfaithful--Rihanna]

News flash: I suck at holding grudges, and I hate doing it. I'm willing to give Vera another try. Maybe she thought I could just throw away so many good memories, but I can't. Our first act as friends again: chase down Nicky and DESTROY HIM.

Good times.

[Jesus, Take the Wheel--Carrie Underwood]

Sorry I haven't blogged in forever and a day, but not much has needed blogged about. Except this:

MY AUNT CAME FROM CALIFORNIA!!!

Auntie One-Flag is back. Rejoice.

[Ugly Side--Blue October]

No news in the Basil department, but I'm thinking of nuking that paticular department. I felt kinda bad in French...we sit at a table with me, Silver, Sara, and him, and we played a partner game (first and second, baby!), in which I instantly called Silver. Poor him. AHAHAHAHAHAHA.

In case you're reading this, Silver: you're invites are sooooo cool! Do I have to RSVP?

I couldn't stand to ruin my last entry with sordid talk of Basil.

But, since it goes against what I'm about to not talk about it, I will. On a seperate entry!

You see, yesterday we had to work in partners at our table. I claimed Silver, so Basil had to work with someone from another table (Blaise). She had this cool bracelet thingy that Blaise asked to see, and she wouldn't let him, so he [jokingly] called her selfish.

Then, get this, Basil says "Yeah, and her buddies are too." LOOKING RIGHT AT ME. He looked maddish and...I dunno, dark. WTF???

I never talk to him! He has no evidence to say I'm selfish! And seriously, of all the things I am, I am not selfish. And whenever I write 'selfish', I think of elves.

That jerk!!!!! Why won't he leave me alone?

Funfunfun!

The two on the sides are from my trip to California (read: forever ago), and the one in the middle is an awesome picture of my cat, Muddy. Hey! Look! You can see part of my room in that picture!

I put on make-up this morning. Blue, not purple.

Nat came over yesterday! It was super fun, cuz she came on my bus, which was cool, even though she sucked all the life out of the ride. She wouldn't sit in the two-seater with me, Gem, and Bruce! There was room!

She did, however, feel Bruce's hair, then I did. IT'S LIKE A SPONGE. But it is fuzzy. So it's all cool.

Then, when we got home, we ate BROWNIES! And they weren't DONE! But they were really GOOD! And we had SODA.

Then we went to my ROOM! (Okay, I'll stop.) We started a family on the Sims 2 (the keyboard didn't work, so that didn't get very far...) and I went through my old diary. Oh, memories. I was a creepy little optimistic freak then.

And mushy. Very, very mushy.

After about an hour of that, downstairs it was, to play Guitar Hero! I, of course, destroyed Nat (haha)...except when I upped my level, then I pretty much sucked. And more soda. And mom got THREE KINDS OF PIZZA! I had a lot of pizza...

COMPUTER TIME! This brings me to my third can of soda, posting pictures on Facebook, showing Nat my awesome new blog colors (you like?), and chatting with Kim. Then...

MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERS!

Oh, good times.

Nat insisted on putting purple eyeshadow on me instead of blue, but it didn't actually look that bad. I had my hair in pigtails, which beside the fact I'm not 5, also didn't look that bad. I made her look awesome, of course ;) "This is intense."

Then we watched Hellboy 2 till her dad picked her up (around 9:30ish). The fish dies.

I never said I'd...wait forever. If I did we'd be together. I can't always just forget him, but he could try.......Could I? Should I?

[The Ghost of You--My Chemical Romance]

I modified the lyrics slightly.

The Ghost of You and I Don't Love You, by My Chemical Romance, have been running through my head all day.

[I Don't Love You--My Chemical Romance]

They're both applied, of course, to Basil. I hate him, but I hate myself more. Why does he still have the power to make me depressed ALL DAY (which I was, just so ya know)? What's wrong with me? Why the hell would I expect him to care at all???????

Agh. Deep breathes...

This entire entry was just to complain. Sorry. I'll add in a happy picture to brighten your day:

A-dord-able!

WHY THE HELL IS EVERYTHING GOING WRONG?????

I hatehatehatehate Basil. HE ASKED ME OUT.

It happened like this:

I was walking to gym, almost out of the breezeway, when I heard someone say my name. Not sure if I heard it or not, I ignored it, when I felt a tap on my shoulder. Turning around, I saw BASIL. By this time my heart was all spluttery and I felt mildly dizzy. He gestured for me to follow him and led me to the side of the breezeway, when he started talking, so quietly I almost couldn't hear. I, meanwhile, was freaking out (mentally, of course, I'm much better at hiding emotions than people give me credit for), thinking he must want to talk to me about, oh, liking him.

Anyways, I managed to catch "and Hallie thought I should..." (something along those lines), before I couldn't hear him again. I was like "What?", a little rudely and snappishly maybe, cuz I already haven't been liking him much, and I hated the fact that I was STILL hyperventilating when he talked to me, and he said "Will you go out with me?"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Before I could even think I said no. Besides the fact that it's April Fool's Day, I don't want to like him anymore, and besides, he couldn't possibly want me to say yes. He looked...I don't know what he looked like. I was in full-on breakdown mode, ready to snap at any second. Gabby, Genesis, and Kylie happened to be in the hall at the same time. Genesis was like "What happened?" and Kylie was freaking out like any girl would when a guy asked someone out (and she thought she meant it, as if), and the other two figured it out, and they were mad at him, and I just wanted to GET AWAY. So I practically ran down the hall, and Gabby and Genesis followed, saying he was soooo rude and stuff, and I was GOING TO EXPLODE. Finally, finally, I got to line in gym, where my buds were, and I was like "I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM!" but I didn't want to explain cuz he was still coming down the hall, and in the locker rooms I explained, and they WOULD NOT SHUT UP ABOUT IT. AHHHHHHHHH!

Breakdown mode again. Crap. Never relive ridiculously confusing and painful moments.

Ahh. I need to breathe. I need to punch Basil, too. I need to...to...I DON'T KNOW. AHHH. I'M GONNA EXPLODE. WHY IS EVERYTHING GOING WRONG???????

Ahh.

<-- My head at the moment.

"I see nothing where there's everything, anything in nothing...but you know, it's not me, I'm not blind. I just see with different eyes."

Early-morning entry.

If only the world looked like this...