Saturday, January 30, 2010

I never really gave up on breaking out of this two-star town.

So, this line really stuck with me. I've spent my entire life in New Jersey (and no, I do not say 'Joisey' or 'wudder', thank you). I don't vacation much. And my dream college is Princeton, which, shocker, is still in New Jersey. Don't most teenage girls dream of escaping their small town (or small state, I guess you could say)? Aren't most teenage girls desperate to escape and see the world, see new things, experience everything? But honestly, I've always been too nostalgic; I don't want to leave everything I've ever known, even if it's better somewhere else.
So, thank you, The Killers, how very little I just want to fly away. Not that I didn't know that before, of course. But now I'm blogging about it.
My favorite Killers song, by the way: Somebody Told Me.

Okay, so I, like, desperately want to write, but I really have no inspiration for anything. Everything just seems so shallow, you know? I can't get the meaning right, or the feeling, or the thought. I mean, heck, all I do is think, but I can never translate them into words on paper. I want someone to, when they finish my book, set it down and just say "Wow." I want it to actually affect them. When I read a Clique book (out of the incredibly poorly-written, shallow series--and don't ask why I was reading it), it didn't make me think about it afterwards. I wasn't moved. I wasn't lost in thought or emotion. But when I read Shiver or How to Say Goodbye in Robot, it was all I could think about for days. And I don't think--no matter how good people say I am--that I'm that good of a writer.
And I can't just compromise everything and crank out some so-so story to make a quick buck. It's never been about money anyway (though apparently it is to my parents). I'm too much of a perfectionist. I'm too critical. I care too much about what people think. I could write some shallow, thoughtless story and be all published and maybe even get some fame, but it just wouldn't be me--to do so I'd literally have to compromise everything I'm about.
I just wish I could find the right story.
And the right meaning.


  1. Hey Strawberry--Don't despair. I used to feel exactly like you do--I still feel that way sometimes! Finding what you want to write about and how you want to do it takes a long time. For some people (like me) it takes years. You're still young. It will come! Just be patient and keep practicing and reading and thinking. I have faith in you!

    Natalie Standiford

    p.s. I know what you mean about the Clique books and their ilk but they're not as easy to write as they seem.

  2. I think what's made my brother such a phenomenal writer is how well-read he is. It backs up the statement that says reading and writing go hand and hand.

    But I too lack inspiration and feel amateur compared to my brother when it comes to writing. All we can do is try our hardest to improve.

    Oh, and I love that Killer's song. It's probably MY favorite. :]