Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Now you're messing with my mind.

I cannot even begin.

Dear Diary,

Happy New Year?
I keep trying to convince myself to like someone else, but it just isn't happening. Sure, I like Apple, but seeing his face isn't the same as seeing Basil's. There's no excitement. It's the same with Daniel, even though that boy is adorable as heck. I don't, ya know, long to see his face.
Oh! The internet's out, so I guess I have to write about my day in here. Debate club was pretty awesome. Did you know global warming is not caused by people, but by a powerful goddess named Riki-tiki-schmiki-wiki who has a fever? And we must appease her might by interpretive dance? Yeah, we lost, but it was worth it. Oh, and I indirectly called Basil selfish. Ch'yea. The tables have turned?
Anywho! In French, Aaron was bugging me instad of paying attention, so Mrs. Newman told him to pay attention even though I was "prettier to look at" then her. Haha, ch'yea. Way to go, Mrs. Newman, for boosting my self-esteem!
My hands smell like a gingerbread latte.
That is all.
Strawberry Shortcake

Dear Diary,

He told Kim in science I lost whatever chance I had with him in debate club yesterday. This made both Silver and me crack up, naturally. It's not like I had a chance with him anyway. And then Kim tells me she thought I might've, because he talks about me so much (though she wouldn't tell me what he says). And now I feel...weird. Not angry, not sad, no happy. Just...misplaced. I'm listening to Linkin Park but it doesn't seem right. Untouched by The Veronicas is a little better, but too...there.
I can't say I'm particularly unhappy right now.
But he talks about me a lot??? Oh, God, what I wouldn't give to see into that boy's mind.
Heavy psycho-metal rock is a bit better.
Strawberry Shortcake

Dear Diary,

On Friday he asked Kim if I was going to the Valentine's/Graduation (not sure which) dance. She said she didn't know. Then he asked her if she asked me what happened in debate. When she told him I thought it was worth it, he rolled his eyes.
I guess it's not that interesting, but I am pretty curious now.
I'm dreading school tomorrow. What if something happens with him? Or worse, what if something doesn't?
Strawberry Shortcake

Dear Diary,

Nothing gappened yesterday, and I feel like all the suspense was for nothing.
But today! Oh, today. So, in lunch, I calculated the total amount of time I've "officially" liked Basil: one year, eleven months, and a day. I made the mistake of stating this observation out loud. And Kim thought it'd be hilarious to tell Basil this.
He then proceeds to ask her if I know his address.
She, being a cold-hearted bi-yatch, tells him: "Yeah, well, it's in the directory, isn't it?"
To which he replies: "Oh shoot."
DAMMIT! I have never once even wanted to know where he lives. Now he thinks I'm even more of a psychotic stalker. As if he needed another reason to hate me.
Silver says we should tell him it's not true tomorrow, but I know I'm going to chicken out.
Oh, and on the bus I started crying. Like, I dunno. I was just sick of everyone being mean. And I just teared up and cried. Only Aaron, Gem, and Nate noticed.
Oh! And actually, something did happen yesterday, but Ani and Silver didn't see fit to tell me. They're in French, and Basil comes up to them and asks if I still like him. Then Ani says either I say I'm over him or I'm trying to get over him, one of which is humiliating and one of which is not true, and then he and Gross laugh. And Gross calls me a loser, or something. I hate Gross.
Heh. I wonder what my handwiting says about my mood.
Strawberry Shortcake

Dear Diary,

Well, I chickened out. Just think, in a month it'll be our two-year anniversary.
And Kim's mad at me for something stupid.
Kim: Where is everybody? There's only FOUR people here.
Me: *gives Kim pointed look; knows she's not counting me on purpose*
Kim: We don't count you...
Me: Uh, it's not funny if I know what you're going to say.
Kim: Well, it wasn't for your amusement.
Me: Um, no one else is laughing.
It was true! No one was even paying attention. Really, though, am I supposed to laugh at my own insult? It wasn't even clever. I mean, this stuff doesn't even bother me anymore. But really? Way to be a childish bi-yatch. Especially since she got upset and moved to anothet table because I "said she wasn't funny."
HOWEVER, Ani did invite me to sit in Kim's open seat, and we got talking with Melissa, and we MIGHT be going to the mall on Monday. So, I dunno. Yay?
I seriously need a change of scenery. Just new faces. Something new to think about.It's been the same crap since seventh grade. And Happy won't be there. Happy, who I can tell anything to! She'll be in Florida, of all places! Then she's joining the Navy and I probably won't see he for years on end.
How depressing.
*at this point I go into a long tirade about my plans for the future, and the only truly interesting part is when I list my favorite subjects, in a vague semblance of order. I'll mention these in the next post*
Strawberry Shortcake

Dear Diary,

Well! Indeed, I hate shopping with my mom. She takes FOREVER to get through 15 minutes worth of shopping, she buys a bunch of stuff we don't need (like ice cream), and she'll buy something just because it's on sale. I, on the other hand, will get what I need and get out. Because I don't like spending an hour in a grocery store, even one as cool as Wegman's. And, in case you weren't sure, being in a grocery store sucks when you're hungry.
Today I ate: a small bowl of cereal, a cheese-covered breadstick, old mashed potatoes with cheese, a can of Coke, a glass of orange juice, a bag of Cool Ranched Doritos, two mini-cupcakes, a PB-and-J, and a Mountain Dew. Fail. I swear on all that is holy, I'm not anorexic (this all is actually a lot less than it sounds like).
OH MY GOD. Stalker sat at our table. That freaking retard psychopath sat at OUR table and made Ani sit at a different table. Apparently his loser seventh grade tablemates kicked him out and now, since he has a crush on Silver, he thought it'd be acceptable to sit at OUR table. That idiot doesn't have a chance.
I hate Ryan.
I hate it when people I hate try to talk to me and expect me to be nice.
And I especially hate it when I try to tell smeone something and they give the same inane advice over and OVER again even though I'm making it terribly clear that they're wrong and I don't want their advice anyway. MOM AND DAD.
Strawberry Shortcake

Dear Diary,

I didn't get the chance to exact my revenge roday, but oh well. Maybe Tuesday.
I'm going to the mall on Monday with Silver!
Basil makes me sad.
And if I'm going to stay in Paris for any length of time, I'll need a job. But what?
Strawberry Shortcake

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