"The old me is dead and gone, dead and gone."

[Dead and Gone--T.I.]

Oh my, I love Microsoft 2007. And the song I'm listening to right now.

New French project! I'm partnered with, of course, Frenchie. I say 'of course' because I knew, I just knew, I was going to be partnered with him. I foresaw it!

Sorry I haven't blogged in forever, I haven't really been on the computer a lot, or long enough to blog. It's not like I had a lot to blog about.

The play is tomorrow! I'm not really nervous. It hasn't really registered yet. Actually, nothing has. It's weird. It's like time has become meaningless, and I'm just floating along in a vacuum of occurrences and observations, nothing really staying with me. I need something to break this numbness. Like, now. It's really starting to scare me.

Steps to get over Basil have, to no surprise, failed. I keep remembering why I started liking him so much in the first place. Not really conducive to getting-over-ness.

Facebook is addictive!

New story idea: The Outcast Table. In this science class, all the 'outcasts' are grouped at one table. Together, they make a plan to tear down the 'popular' crowd, but it ends up going too far. At the end, the narrator has to make the choice between letting her friend take the fall for everything or blaming everything on herself. Interesting, no? I actually really like it so far. Not to sound conceited or anything (which, Silver, I am NOT!).

So...yeah.

Jenci is awesome. But she had worse self esteem than me.

Gonna go write and Facebook ;) Oh, and finish my PowerPoint on myself. Love them PowerPoints on myself.

*laughs*

48 foot soil hell.

I have a dilemma. On one hand, I really want to be out in the sun and soil (sounds better than sun and dirt; filth; not-yet-grown vegetation; etc.). I've been working nearly all day in the cold and the dirt, why stop just as it's getting so wonderfully warm? On the other hand, all I want to do is eat my humungo bowl of ice cream, write this, and not be working.
Ha. My humungo bowl of ice cream. With chocolate syrup, of course. I probably just got back ten times the amount of calories I burned gardening (can you burn calories gardening?). Oh well.
My fish tank is almost set up! I just have to boil the rocks, assemble everything, and plug it in. This may sound like a lot, but it's really not.
Ha ha, Blaise isn't 5'10.
I should be working on the other things on my list instead of vegging out, but work with me here, I'm not exactly used to doing something all day. Ha ha, I'm lazy.



rita: i have a question
me: yeah?
rita: is blaise really 5'10?
me: LOL
no way
he's short
rita: o.....so he lied to me?
me: i guess. lol.
rita: haha thankies
me: ur welcome! lol.


blaise: ruthy!
i am too 5 foot 10
me: what?
lol.
blaise:just go with the flwo
flow*
me: ur shorter than me!
blaise: shh!
me: lol. sorry.
blaise: gosh
XD
me: LOL
blaise: how tall are you?
me: 5'2
blaise: is it safe to say i'm like 5 foot?
me: ....
idk!
blaise: your no help!
me: well sorry. i always thought u were like 4'6 or something.

blaise: what?!
hellz noooooo

I have such wonderful conversations.

To-Do List

1. Find a more creative term than "To-Do List".
2. Set up fish tank.
3. Decide...betta or ghost catfish?
4. Change blog template.
5. Remove rose bush (preferably without harming self).
6. Discuss learning how to breed bettas with parental units and self. Expect no.
7. Write 3 pages of Immortal (portrait style).
8. Copy To-Do List on blog.
"The fuzzy socks kinda just ruin it." <-- new favorite quote.
One down, seven to go.

What's the worse thing I could say? Things are better if I stay.

[Helena--My Chemical Romance]

So. I'm in a mood. Not sure what kind of mood, but a mood.

In my quest to escape boring weekends, I've dug up two past hobbies of mine and electrocuted them (Frankenstein style) back to life. These would be: gardening and fish.

Gardening: I used to grow tomatoes, but bugs always got them before we did. This time, I'm growing flowers. You see, we have these little gardeny rectangles on the side of the steps leading to the door on my house (five bucks if you understand that the first time), and we grew things in there on and off.

[Give 'Em Hell, Kid--My Chemical Romance]

On the left side: a Double Delight rose on the right side (of the left side, cool!), and I'm still deciding on what to put next to it. It has to flow with the flowers that will be on the other side, a gorgeous little flower that I currently forget the name of. Don't worry, I'm searching for it!

[You Know What They Do to Guys Like Us in Prison--My Chemical Romance]

*humming* I'm just the worst kind of guy to argue with what you might find and for the last night I lie...could I lie next to you?

[The Jetset Life is Gonna Kill You--My Chemical Romance]

[Thank You For the Venom--My Chemical Romance]

They're something like these, but the flowers look different, they're shorter, and there aren't leaves. Besides that, they're exactly the same.

I have to find flowers that look good with this, to put next to the rose. It's super hard. There's practically nothing. But search I will!

On to the second hobby: fish. I used to have bettas (Japenese Fighting Fish), but I stopped once and never really got back into it. But once I clean out the fish tank, fish I will have! I went over to Petsmart (is it Pet Smart or Pets Mart? Neither, it's Petsmart.) and looked at the bettas, and they all looked depressed. I hate those tiny little things they're kept in, even though I know they're cool with it. It just seems wrong somehow.

Anyways, what with the sorry collection of my favorite fish (I've never had another type), I decided to look at the other fish. You know, the tiny ones that are kept about 50 to a tank that line half of one of the walls? Well, I was browsing, and the same guy asked if I needed help twice.

Ha ha, that's not what I was going to say. I was going to say I FOUND THE COOLEST FISH EVER. It's CLEAR. As in you can see through it. I knew these existed, but I didn't know you could BUY them. They're so cool. They had two types in the tank: glass fish and ghost catfish. Honestly, I liked the little clear catfish better, because all the organs and stuff was up in the front, and it was just the spine and such going down, so it looked kinda like a nail. The other fish's organs were all spread out around it's body.

Funny story: I had a field day trying to decide on a way to describe the glass fish. The catfish were long, and the others were what? Tall? No, fish can't be tall. They weren't wide, of course. They were squatter than the catfish. I don't know.

[Hang 'Em High--My Chemical Romance]

Either way, I was thinking, wouldn't it be disgusting if there was a regular-sized catfish that was clear? That would be soooo freaky.

So I'm thinking getting the ghost catfish. They were so cool. I could get, like, five. Hmm, I have to figure out how to breed bettas. I've always wanted to do that.

I wanted to change the template on my blog, but it doesn't look like I'll have time. Oh well. Tomorrow? I'll also have to clean out the fish stuff and clear the weeds from my soon-to-be garden tomorrow. Woo, fun!

Do clear fish have scales?

Sparkly Magical Unicorn Wonder

Thursday- So I'm taking steps to get over Basil, including saying I don't like him anymore. Not trying before has left a sad mark on me. Now's the time. But it's hard when he comes to school as the world's hottest nerd.

That joke would be funny if I ended it there, but I should explain: Basil, Daniel, and Apple came to school dressed as nerds for "Dress As a Peaceful Person" Day (Spirit Week, remember?). I can never look at nerds the same way again.

Haha, I dressed up as Lolo, but it didn't work out too well.

Friday- Last day of Spirit Week! A.K.A the only time large crowds don't scare me. Since we were in the same room before, I got to sit with Nat, Ani, Silver, and Kim. Eventually we all moved, but it was still fun. Switched to the back row. Sat next to Charlie, who I've been talking to more (strange). Got to stand on top of the bleachers and scream my head off (note to self: this makes me dizzy. Cover ears next time.). Accidently kicked my hoodie under the bleachers and had to retrieve it afterwards.

Later, the dance! Did I ever mention I lovelovelove dances? Nick was there, but he didn't really talk to me (grr, not cool, Nick). They didn't play Girlfriend (Avril Lavigne), which sucked. But it was still fun. I hung out with Jenci but not with Kim that much. I can't believe it was the last dance of the year! They should have one every month.

Today- SUPER GIANT DRAMA REHEARSAL TODAY. We got there at 9 and left at 3 (it is now 4, strange). It was fun, because we didn't really do anything till the actual rehearsal (also fun), except get our costumes on. I'm a squirrel (fuzzy adorableness). The oompa-loompas have the gayest costumes.

I was with Jenci 90% of the time, Ani 75% of the time, and Nat/Lolo 50% of the time. So, it was all fun. I even helped with stage crew at one point. And we ran around the school and wrote on boards. Fun.

Never, ever, ever wear knee-socks with shorts. Just don't.

My hair is a mess from putting it in a bun on top of my head. Ha ha. I should clean it up, but that would involve doing something besides being on the computer and basking in the cold glory of the fan.

I really, really need to update my Blog List!

Facebook is addictive :)

%$^#$#@^&*$%^%$@^%@

KIM WON'T TELL ME WHO TOLD BASIL!
*breathes fire*

And then she's all like "I'm out of the contest????", cuz we're having a contest to see who can be nice to me the longest. OF COURSE YOU'RE OUT OF THE CONTEST. YOU'RE BEING A COMPLETE JERK. WHAT THE HELL WOULD COMPELL YOU NOT TO TELL ME?

I have come up with three answers to that:

1. She told.

2. One of my friends told and she doesn't want me to DESTROY them.

3. He guessed and she feels guilty for not denying it.

Personally, I'm leaning towards the first one. In which case: I TRUSTED YOU, YOU BACKSTABBING TRAITOR! I NEVER TOLD A SOUL YOUR SECRET!

*smoke pours from ears*

That is, of course, only if she did tell. If it's the second one: I'm not some innocent little kid. I can handle it. If it's the third one: I'm not mad at you.

If it's something else: TELL ME, WOMAN!

*throws acid at unsuspecting passerby*

I do not need this crap. Not from Kim. Not from anyone. I. Am. Going. To. Flip. Do you really want to start a screaming contest in the hall? Really?

Now she's not answering me. Excuse me while I find a quiet place, maybe a city park with children laughing, happy old couples resting peacefully, ladies feeding birds, people jogging, and general happiness, and scream profanities into the sky.

*finds a quiet place, maybe a city park with children laughing, happy old couples resting peacefully, ladies feeding birds, people jogging, and general happiness; screams profanities*

I. Am. Pissed. Have you noticed yet?

You know what, Kim? I will ask him. I'm sick of being a freaking wimp, afraid of making any contact with people. Maybe I should thank you. After all, unless I'm really mad, I really don't do anything. Now I'll destroy anyone who tries to calm me down.

To my readers (who aren't being asses): I apologize for setting a virus on your computer and crashing it. I don't get really angry that often. Usually I just get depressed/lethargic. When I get mad, I get really bitchy...huh...

Just a side note: my hands are shaking, breathing is difficult, I can't concentrate on anything, my throat is dry, and I don't want to talk to anyone. I find comfort in listing my symptoms. Not really.

*screams; strangles closest thing, which happens to be the computer*

Update: I don't care if other people have worse problems than me. I just want to scream and have no one care. Okay? OKAY?

There was nothing we could do.

Well, I was going to blog about something COMPLETELY different, but this got in the way. What, you ask? Well, someone just happened to tell Basil I liked him.

Everything I was going to write just flew out my head.

Oh yeah: I don't even remember why I like him. No, that's not right: I remember why. But I don't remember the last time I felt anything for him. I forget what a crush feels like. All I know is fear and depression around him.

He was all depressed in French because he likes Paula. I was all depressed (and angry) in French because of him. This is unhealthy. I sense a discoordinated crush.

I would say I should get over him, but I don't know if I was really in to him. It's just...liking him was who I was for a year. In a way, it defined me. Now it's...gone.

I'm gonna find out who told and DESTROY THEM. Or just yell at them. A lot.

There are just too many times people have tried to look inside of me.

Over the year, so many things have changed. I think I've become less of a person than I was at the beginning. Everything that has made me who I am is slowly diminishing. My passion for writing has dwindled dramatically, though I'm hoping I can get rekindle the flame. My sense of humor is now childlish, weak, and unfunny...a fact which saddens me greatly. My hopeless romantic side, though a prominent feature, has had all dignity stripped away by my crippling shyness, dull mind, and lack of personality.
I still have something like a personality, I suppose, but it's not really me. Nobody sees me as who I am...or rather, who I was. When I am not silent and invisible, or brooding and angry, or depressed and lonely, I am a result of a lack of confidence and an overwhelming desire to be accepted...childish, silly, loud, and unable to say anything remotely intelligent. That is perhaps my saddest loss...a comeback used to come easily, while now I stumble through th easiest of questions and make the stupidest mistakes. Conversations are dull.
Another disturbing trait I have gained is my lack of enthusiasm. Things that used to excite me hold no more luster, and I don't feel the need to do anything. Most of my day is spent in front of a screen of some sort. Have I become so unimaginative I can find nothing better to do than wait desperately for one of my friends to log on to Yahoo? To be honest, I disgust myself. How could this have happened? How could I become this lifeless ghost?
Please tell me if you have the answer.
-
I wrote this a month or two ago. This is how I express anger, in case you were wondering. In this case, anger at myself.
No one has any idea what I feel on a day-to-day basis, because even I don't know. I can never find the right words. Hollow. Lonely. I don't know.
At the same time, I'm angry at myself for feeling this way, because I've had such an easy life, and millions of people go through the same things I do. I'm just being a selfish brat. I don't deserve to feel bad about myself.
There's so much I need to say, but the words just aren't there. Then I want to scream, because my head is moving in slow motion while my fingers (typing) can't move fast enough. Like now. But I don't have the breath to scream.
I need to get back to how it was. To who I was. But I don't know how anymore.

Afraid to say what was on my mind, afraid to say what I need to say.

[Hit the Floor--Linkin Park]

"I value your opinion and respect your point-of-view because I know you're experienced and knowledgeable and know what's best for me."

How parents want you to respond to everything they say. Surprisingly, I was not killed for this.

CATMAN GOT A HAIRCUT! He looks like Christopher Robins. Soooooo adorable. Ha ha, Charlie said "He's gonna get all the ladies now". CHARLIE. That's insanely funny.

[Glycerine--Bush]

Nick has the most incredible blue eyes I've ever seen. They're like the bluest blue on the face of the earth. Award-winning blue. Super-blue. Defender of the Earth.

I got to look at them quite a bit today :) Joy is coupled with sadness, though: after watching Gem, Bruce, and I play around with phone-cameras (I'm sorry, there is no easier, less confusing way to say that) for almost the whole bus ride, he went to the back. Waah. Ah well, I didn't exactly give him a reason to stay. And Bruce still won't admit to liking Pope, but I'm almost sure he does.

Kim has a soul mate. We don't know his name yet. It's not Hernando.

I think I know who my soul mate is, but no one can know! Mwa ha ha.

Hmm...what else...

[Ugly Side--Blue October]

I'm in serious need of iTunes money. It's dangerous to live this long without a continuous supply of music.

Ahaha, I drew an awesome (if I do say so myself) picture. Now I need to post it! Ha ha, that'll never happen, at least not as long as the camera cord is missing.

Ichigo Keki: Strawberry Cake. Grophs are amazing. Best people ever on there.

NOT BY ME.

Lyrics of my current favorite songs. Enjoy, and LISTEN.

My new theme song. Overweight--Blue October
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ever carried the weight of another?
For how long?
I walk as far as they need to recover
For how long? (ha!)
-
I want to carry a piece of who I was before
So when I hit the wall, I really hit the wall
I want to tear away the death again
A whiter shade of fucking meth again
I want to stick to clues, I want to come unglued
I want to shape the world to fit the way you move
Oh, should I listen for a dress size?
-
I owned up, I've grown up, do you remember me?
I showed up and so what if I'm the used to be
I'm here to tell you that I'm sorry I was sorry
But I'm happy that you're happy
This is no longer about me
-
Trade rules, switch sides for your beautiful eyes
Let him be you through your beautiful cries
Let him hold you up so you can touch affordable skies
Live your life just like a dream
Without the pain of goodbyes
Goodbye!
-
Ever carried the weight of another?
For how long?
I walk as far as they need to recover
For how long?
-
I been a drunk disrespectful little street punk
Unlock the back of my trunk
You see, you take this bat
And bash my head into the street again
No-ones around so I keep beating it
-
Pull my hair back, look me in the eye
There's a self-destructive meaning in the bleeding of a guy
It's the guilt of what reality has given me
Making sense of all mistakes and my stupidity
And when you're sick you seem to think
You've failed eternally
-
And that the people you let in are only crumbling
When you're sick of thinking life in this recovery
When my decision paved the road
That lies in front of me
-
So to my friends that even call but I don't call back
I want you deep inside my heart upon a hill
It seems to hide sometimes and run away and wonder
I'm really sick of saying sorry but I will
-
Ever carried the weight of another?
For how long?
I walk as far as they need to recover
For how long?
-
But are we scared to take the ride?
Or dare to look inside?
I'm floating far away (far away)
I'm floating far away (leaving home)
I'm floating far away (so far away)
I'm floating far away
-
I want to learn to walk with others as an equal
I want to treat the ones who love me with respect
I want to tell the world I'll give them all a piggyback
And try to take away my negative effect
I want to kiss the girl, I know I'll never lie again
I want to call my dad and tell him that I care
I want to let my brother know
He saved my life a thousand times
Throughout the years he's been my friend
Who's always there
-
Ever carried the weight of another?
For how long?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Stab My Back--The All-American Rejects. Oh my.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Now we're broken on the floor
She just wants me to share her
It hasn't been this way before
She just wants me to dare her
-
The phone rings
(The phone rings)
And she screams
Stab my back,
It's better when I bleed for you
Walk on me,
It never was enough to do
-
I can't get past her
Falling faster
It's true
It hasn't done a lot for you
-
And every time he held you close
Yeah, were you thinking of me?
When I needed you the most
Well I hope that you're happy
-
The phone rings
(The phone rings)
When she screams
Stab my back,
It's better when I bleed for you.
Walk on me,
It never was enough to do
-
I can't get past her
Falling faster
It's true
It's better when I bleed for you
-
I hope that love he gave you
Was just enough to save you
You nearly broke my heart
Just look at what you're tearing apart
-
Stab my back
It's better when I bleed for you
Walk on me
It never was enough to do
-
I can't get past her
Falling faster
It's true
It hasn't done a lot for you
-
It's better when I bleed for you
It never was enough for you
It hasn't done a lot for you
---------------------------------------------------------
Infra-Red by Placebo. No words needed. Just listen to it. Oh, and the lyrics might be messed up.
---------------------------------------------------------
[Verse 1]
One last thing before I shuffle off the planet
I will be the one to make you crawl
So I came down to wish you an unhappy birthday
Someone call the ambulance there’s gonna be an accident
[Chorus]
I’m coming up on infra-red,
There is no running that can hide you
Cause I can see in the dark
I’m coming up on infra-red,
Forget your running, I will find you
[Verse 2]
One more thing before we start the final face off
I will be the one to watch you fall
So I came down to crash and burn your beggars banquet
Someone call the ambulance there’s gonna be an accident
[Chorus]
I’m coming up on infra-red,
There is no running that can hide you
Cause I can see in the dark
I’m coming up on infra-red,
Forget your running, I will find you
(I will find you!)
[distorted singing]
Someone call the ambulance there’s gonna be an accident
I’m coming up on infra-red,
There is no running that can hide you
Cause I can see in the dark
I’m coming up on infra-red,
Forget your running, I will find you
Cause I can see in the dark
I’m coming up on infra-red,
There is no running that can hide you
Cause I can see in the dark
I’m coming up on infra-red,
Forget your running,
I will find you
I will find you
I will find you

Someone call the ambulance, there's gonna be an accident.

[Overweight--Blue October] (new favorite song)

"I wanna carry a piece of who I was before so when I hit the wall I really hit the wall." "I wanna shape the world to fit the way you move." "I'm here to tell you that I'm sorry I was sorry but I'm happy that you're happy." Mymymy, I love this song.

Moo's Bar Mitzvah was today! I didn't go, but I'm pressing Kim for all the details. Apparently "it was the best party ever in the whole world, and I'm not exaggerating". Wow, sure sounds fun! A total blast, I can see. Glad everyone had fun. Especially glad Basil and Daniel looked insanelygorgeoushotamazingincrediblehandsome in their suits and shiny shoes. Even better that Nat got a picture of the back of Basil's head.

No, I'm not bitter! How preposterous. What on earth would make you think that?

[Stab My Back--The All-American Rejects]

Ha ha. Kidding. Really.

The day wasn't a total waste, though. I went over to Paste's house! She was my friend last year, but she moved to a nearby town in the middle of the year. I haven't seen her since then! So it was fun. We hung out in her room, played "I Spy" (we never found the 'S'), texted Nat and Kim while they were at the Bar Mitzvah, played hide-and-seek on Trickster, ate the most delicious pizza on the face of the Earth, played hide-and-seek in real life (I hid behind a door), and had a dance contest. I won.

Funfunfun.

We got lost on the way there, ha ha.

It was insanely warm today, absolutely gorgeous weather. This is why I love the summer, even though it's not summer yet. Warmness! Outdoor things are once again available! I can go to the beach with my friends! I should do that next summer...

[Overweight--Blue October]

Comment, please?

I just gotta get off my chest that I think you're divine.

[Drag--Placebo]

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!

BASIL COMPLIMENTED ME!

Basil: Are you gonna join track, Strawberry?

Me: Uh...no. *HAHAHAHAHAHLFNEIAHMFCLIAHEDZ IXO*

Basil: Why not?

Me: I'm not a good runner... *BASILBASILBASILBASILBASIL*

Basil: Really? You look like the smart athletic type. *turns to Pope* Hey, I see her full potential!

'Potential' is a vocab word.

I'm not going to comment on this. I'm going to smile politely and go on with my day. I'm going to ignore it. I will NOT freak out. I wi--

AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHA!

Anyway, new colors. You like? I do.

Blah, Red blogs is shutting down at the end of the month. Geez, I haven't posted something on there in forever. Oh well, I already have to copy~paste like a gazillion entries from Cloudy, For Lack of a Better Word, and my private blog. Woo, fun! I just can't wait. I should be doing that now...

You lose something you can't replace.

[Fix You--Coldplay]

Hey! Basil's an ass. Didja know that? Bet not.

It happened in French, you see. Silver was pestering (I use big words too) me about what I was going to do for my ILP (Important Looney Project), and I don't know, so I told her that. Basil looks over and says, "Hey, I know what you could do for your ILP." Meanwhile I'm grinning like an idiot, because even though I knew deep down this was going to end badly, all I could think was: OMGOMGOMGOMGBASILBASILBASILBASIL!!!!11!

"How to be a loser." he says, in all seriousness.

WAAH.

By the way, our basis this year for ILP is how to do something.

Sadsadsadsad.

Do YOU think I'm a loser?

-

I got, like, three trillion comments on my hair :D All shining praise, of course. Haha, I was walking to science, and Frenchie was walking out, and he saw me, and was like "Is that Strawberry????" I blushed sooooooo bad.

By the end of the day (French), I was blushing every time someone paid any attention to me, and Miss Shore noticed that, and she was like "Hey everyone! Strawberry got her hair cut!" I died...

And in the hall, Flower was trying out pick-up lines, and he was like, "Hey Strawberry, you're hot as the sun!" I know he was just saying that because I was the closest girl there, but I died...again...and blushed A LOT.

-

I talked to Nick on the bus today! Ha ha, I'm horrible at small talk. I got an awesome picture of him, though. He looks so adorable :) I wish I could post it...

There's a new student on the bus that me and Happy HATE. Talk about bad first impressions. Jeez. Paul told him I was a bitch, blah, that jerk.

When you try your best but you don't succeed, when you get what you want but not what you need, when you feel so tired but you can't sleep.

Creativity abounds! Not one of my better ones.
By the way: Fix You by Coldplay is my new theme song. It's also my favorite song. That usually happens.
-
I believe in
love at first sight
everlasting night
pain from afar
flying with stars
freezing in heat
falling out of seats
smiling when sad
laughing when bad
praying for dreams
things aren’t as they seem
having no reason
changing with seasons
dying for love
pushing to shove
hopeless romance
shut-up-and-dance
cherishing ‘alone’
chilled to the bone
regretful singing
bells ringing
morning dew
falling in love with you
evil’s death
an angel’s breath
correcting my mistakes
exposing fakes
being who you have to be
Tell me, do you agree?

Just make it stop, come back and shine, just like it used to be.

Well, I'm in a poetic mood today. Eh, I'm feeling generous. Here ya go:
-
Games.
It's all we play.
Petty arguments,
miscommunications,
understanding gone awry,
and we end up
apologizing
through a thin web of
regret.
I'm done with these games,
these indirect apologies,
these tears,
this pain, again and again.
I'm done with flames
igniting so easily;
with apologies
coming from guilt
instead of remorse.
I'm done drowning in a dream,
I'm done trying not to
scream,
I'm done knowing it'll all
happen again
and again.
Trying to escape,
trying to fight fate,
all because of
these games.

I never know where the tears come from.

Snow Day! Woo. The snow is gorgeous and white and awesome. It's really powdery, though, not good for snowballs. I made a snowangel in it earlier today and nearly froze to death ;)

Blah, I wanted to go over to Kim's house, but my mom wouldn't drive me, so I asked my dad if he was getting off early, and he wasn't, so he was gonna call Mom and convince her, but he was busy and never got around to it, and she left for work before she could. *sigh* Some things were not meant to be...it sucks though. That would've been fun.

I got my hair cut on Saturday! Rejoice. It looked super-cute on Saturday and Sunday, but today I slept on it wrong, and there's a big wavy poof on the side of my head now :D Oh well. Good thing there wasn't school today, huh?

*sigh* Snow days aren't as fun as they used to be, especially since I have no one to throw snowballs at :'(

Spur-of-the-moment, not-well-thought-out poem:

-

Moral guilt

and

quick anger

do not mix.

It always ends

so badly.

Nor do

brute honesty

and

honesty from a liar.

You tend to think

I think

I am above you,

and

I tend to think

you think

you're always right.

I tend to think

you think

someone's always

to blame,

and you tend to think

I think

nothing matters.

Self-righteousness

and

pessimistic depression

don't mix,

as righteousness

and

loneliness

don't as well.

Excitement

pushes us

to conclusions,

forces our minds

into different molds,

while calmness

shaves away

what makes us us,

what makes us we.

What I care about:

we.

I know you do too.

Believe me when I say

I'd rather be with you.

-

You know what sucks? The one person I reeeeeally want to read this probably won't.

That's my new thing, by the way: highlight the most important part in my poetry. Yes, I write poems. Bet ya never never knew that.