Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Honesty is, after all, important.

Okay, if I'm being honest, today was depressing. Just overall depressing. I've found myself on the edge of tears a grand total of 4 times today, and now I really just wanna say fuck it and not care about anything. Like my grade. That'd be nice. Just not care about my grade. Or, better yet, make magical essays fly off the tips of my fingers at will. Or not care about people. Ever. At all. Or about my future, or whatever you wanna call it. Or the world. Just not think about the world at all. Because right now it feels about a million tons, and I doubt it's gonna be lifted any time soon.
I wonder how I'm incapable of talking to my best friends when I'm actually upset about something...not like I don't trust them, but like I don't trust anyone, and it's reflexive to keep things inside--partially because I can never find the words, you know, and partially because deep down I feel like they don't care, and partially because yes, I feel like I can't always trust people, even though for some reason people think I trust implicitly, which is not true--but now I'm rambling--so--goodnight.


  1. youre a great writer. and you cant find the words? youre better than that. either suck it up forever (not recommended) or go out and look for them.

  2. I know it's your blog and all but stop dropping the f bomb, please. I just think you're more intelligent than that. :/

    Sorry you're feeling down on the world. I wish I could say it gets better.

    RE: I got the tights I'm wearing in my title picture from Kohl's (Just now I looked on the website and they're not on there, tbut I promise you I went to the store and bought 'em. The brand is Apt. 9)

  3. I always care whats wrong, no matter how small it is. Maybe i shouldn't say that...I don't care if you can't find a sock...but other then that, I'm there for ya :)

  4. You know, I was planning this huge diatribe about the world and the people in it and potential energy and caring about yourself before the world, and about how it's always, always, always, always ok to cry, but I thought about it, and the more I thought about it I realized that you've given me one thing more than you've given long comments or friendly advice, and I realized it was the one thing that you deserved more than anything right now. So, regardless of distance, regardless of age gaps, and regardless of how well we know each other, I want you to know that this comes from the bottom of my heart:


    And not just any hug. A world stopping hug. A hug that makes time slow down and spin in ways the universe never knew it could. A hug that makes the strongest people in the world cry and the weakest weep. A hug that spins your mind throughout the caverns of you head bouncing off walls of thoughts and memories. A hug so necessary that until you get it I'm just going to stand here next to my computer hugging the empty air, waiting for you to hug the same air, no matter where you are.