Okay, if I'm being honest, today was depressing. Just overall depressing. I've found myself on the edge of tears a grand total of 4 times today, and now I really just wanna say fuck it and not care about anything. Like my grade. That'd be nice. Just not care about my grade. Or, better yet, make magical essays fly off the tips of my fingers at will. Or not care about people. Ever. At all. Or about my future, or whatever you wanna call it. Or the world. Just not think about the world at all. Because right now it feels about a million tons, and I doubt it's gonna be lifted any time soon.
I wonder how I'm incapable of talking to my best friends when I'm actually upset about something...not like I don't trust them, but like I don't trust anyone, and it's reflexive to keep things inside--partially because I can never find the words, you know, and partially because deep down I feel like they don't care, and partially because yes, I feel like I can't always trust people, even though for some reason people think I trust implicitly, which is not true--but now I'm rambling--so--goodnight.