I am bad at titles.

I was thinking of what to blog about when I realized that I have absolutely no idea what happened the last four days. I swear I have short-term memory loss or something.

We've been in the library all week for English, working on our mythology projects. Since Happy and I have flower myths, pretty much the entire thing is eloquent drivel about death and love and stuff. So fun. We also have to do an activity for the class (which is pretty much decided by this point) and a visual, which we might be meeting later this weekend to discuss :)

I've decided to call Shoob's and my plan Operation: Facetime. Haha. I'm so clever :3

This is because she calls the guy she likes "guy with a face", as opposed to me, who makes up nicknames for them. NOT some other reason. Hopefully, though, Operation: Facetime is a go this week :D

I have to read A Separate Peace this weekend AND fill out this monster packet-thing on it, which is all due on Monday. And, on Thursday, I have a project relating to it that no one has started yet. I'm so excited.

I'm waiting for the ONE weekend where I don't have some big project. Admittedly, this isn't as bad as, say, a science lab and an essay, but some weekends I just want to laze. Actually, all weekends I want to laze. Huh.

Thursday in gym was actually pretty nice. I failed miserably, you know, but the guys on my team seemed more okay with it than they have in the past. AND, ONE TIME I HIT IT OVER THE NET! So exciting. The ball went straight towards my head. And I was just like EEE. And slammed that mo-fo. Haha. The other team literally did not move, because they did not expect me to hit it at all. And then everyone was like "Good job Strawberry!" including the other team, which is just embarrassing.

Yesterday, though, I sat out the entire time, we lost miserably, and some guy started crying because Rose was giving him a hard time about missing the ball. I'm pretty sure we're done with volleyball. Unfortunately, I've heard from some sources that we have track next, which is just evil. Sigh.

So now I guess I should get back to science homework (which I am actually starting to get!). So excited.

RAINBOW-COLORED BALLS.

Well! Due to the excessive amount of snow on the ground, we got a two-hour delay. I love delays, because they still mess up the schedule so that nothing gets done that day, but we never have to make them up. They're the trolls of scheduling.

I admit, I'm a little perturbed that THE DAY after all the snow finally melts it snows again, so I still can't walk on the sidewalk. Oh, sidewalk, how I miss thee...

Cough. Anyway, Yesterday was a surprisingly good day, for Monday. I ended the night happy. As usual my day doesn't really start till third period, in which I complain about homework with Shaboomafu. First and second period are just God-awful. Geometry is the easiest thing ever and Latin class is just boring and long. ALTHOUGH we took a ridiculously easy phrase test yesterday in Latin, so that should boost my grade.

My grades are awful right now. Haha.

MOVING ON. After lunch, in which I had a peach Cabottle which wasn't as good as the apple Cabottle, I went to gym and ACTUALLY HIT IT OVER THE NET. LIKE TWICE. I mean, I was in the front row, so it was easier, and the other side hit it back--BUT STILL. Also, Apple congratulated me on my almost-not-suckiness, which is only relevant because I haven't had any contact with Apple in, like, months. Apparently he's in my gym class.

Then, in English, we got into groups to discuss the myth of Cupid and Psyche. Naturally my group discussed Asian guys and Glee instead. I do quite enjoy English :)

Unfortunately, I didn't have art today. Monday is a terrible day to have lab. Especially since we were supposed to be in partners for this and of the people in my usual group wasn't here, leaving three of us. So I just kind of stood there. And measured things. It was awkward.

Naturally, when I got home, I spent the entire afternoon on Facebook :D Because I'm just that kind of loser. BUT. UP COMMENTED ON MY STATUS. HRJBEGUNEGNDE.

Of course, the best part was on my science class's group chat, when a bunch of guys started talking about the magical things their dicks could do. Excuse the language. And the vulgarity of freshman boys, haha. Eventually I say:

MY DICK--oh wait.

AND HEY. THEY FOUND IT FUNNY. I'm so proud of myself, haha. AND THEN, Up asked:

Strawberry...are you afraid of balls? Because you squeal in gym all the time.

So I say:

HAHA. Somewhat.

(because I couldn't think of anything else)

And someone else says:

Only big round rainbow-colored balls. Like Up's.

Hee :) Merriment.

ALSO I hatched an ingenious plot with Sharicus. I won't go into detail, but it involves the guy she likes :3 Hee hee.

So today is Tuesday, and my horoscope tells me today is going to be a fantastic day. Maybe, horoscope. Maybe.

Instead of a proper entry, I'll just go with this:

:D

This pretty much sums up my day.

Started English essay.

Got stuck, gave up.

Tried to finish lab report.

Got stuck, gave up.

Went outside to draw a dead bush.

Realized art homework is stupid, got stuck, gave up.

So maybe I just won't go to school this week.

GARFUNKLE.

[I've Got Friends--Manchester Orchestra]

Hello, all! It is Thursday. You know what that means? Tomorrow is Friday! And then I begin work on a persuasive essay, due Tuesday, and a science lab, due Wednesday. Everything is just great =.=

Yesterday Rose wasn't as bad, though still quite annoying. Today everyone was pretty chill, and I managed not to participate at all, since our court wasn't near any of the teachers :D At one point one of the guys made me go in, for the last game, and I literally stood there for three minutes until the bell rang. Because standing there uselessly is always better than sitting there uselessly.

[I Will Survive--Gloria Gaynor]

I made a [mental] list of the guys on my team, by rank of attractiveness. Because I was bored and had nothing else to do. But I can't exactly share it with anyone, because the only other girl on my team doesn't really seem like she would care. Heh. None of the guys are really that 'attractive'. Rose is on the bottom, because his face reminds me of a needle. In the top two are Bobby and, naturally, Up (who is adorable.) Bobby because I kind of have a thing for dark eyes :)

Of course, I guess that list is somewhat hypocritical, considering Blonde Girl and I don't exactly rank very high anywhere. Haha.

[Apocalypse Please--Muse]

English! English has easily been the highlight of my day this past week. Yesterday we did a multi-stage activity, involved twenty-questions and charades and the like, and Happy and I were the team captains. Aw, I forgot I couldn't tell you the name of our teams, because they involved our names =.= Neh.

[Light of the Morning--Band of Skulls]

[Don't Stay--Linkin Park]

There was a picture on the screen. A picture of Poseidon. I saw Poseidon. I thought Poseidon. And yet, when I screamed the answer at the top of my lungs, I screamed

ZEUS.

edkjub,rgvncfjuhbkiuz. But we still won :)

Today we did another(!) activity, this time involving a skit. There were multiple options, but my group (Berlin, Elisabeth, and I) chose the 'talk show' for some reason. Whatever. Berlin was Dionysus, Elisabeth was the host, and I was his manager...yeah. It was awful and kind of enjoyable at the same time :) Some other group did a rap, which was hilarious, and Happy's group had Up jump on top of Fang, pretended to be a ravenous bird. So that was great.

Oh, and yesterday, we had a class discussion after a quiz for which there were points. It was basically comparing the biblical creation to Greek mythological creation. I wasn't saying anything, obviously, because I find it impossible to jump into a discussion, so English Teacher made me answer one of the dicussion questions, and I did, and then Up responded to it, and then I responded to him, and it was awesome :)

Oh, yeah, and I've decided to make it official. I like Up. Likelike. Ohhhh.

Now I just need someone to find out about it and tell everyone, and the cycle will be complete =.=

[It's Raining Men--The Weather Girls]

I had a science benchmark today. It wasn't that bad.

Ta.

616

is a delightful number, truly. Hey, I'm actually going to write a decent blog entry, as opposed to a random, one-lined thing! Hurrah!

[Heavy In Your Arms--Florence and the Machine]

My day didn't really pick up till gym. Blonde Girl decided to wait and see how terrible the guys were today (since SOME of them were being pig-headed asswipes) before asking to change teams, which was kind of a good thing, because I don't actually want to change teams. Up is on that team. Heh.

[My Love--Sia]

Anyway. They were worse. Specifically this complete bitch, Rose (<-an appropriate name since he obviously has some masculinity issues), who is obsessed with winning. He literally runs across the court to hit a ball (and miss). He's not even that good, but he has the nerve to say "They want to play, but they duck away from the ball when it comes to them," in reference to me and Blonde Girl. One: I don't want to play. Two: At least Blone Girl tries, but it's hard to hit a ball with a damn shithead running towards them at high speed. I failed every time I served...partially because I'm terrible and volley ball, and partially to spite that little bastard.

I did actually hit it over the net, once :) It was awesome.

THEN, in English, when I voluminously ranted about this asswipe to Happy, Up joined in :D We are united in our great dislike of this bastard! Yay. Also, I was weirdly loud in English. Especially when Happy didn't bring me a spoon and I had a fruit cup. Obviously that is unacceptable ^.^ Haha, we had a group project, where English Teacher, in the "spirit of Valentine's Day," wanted us to work with a partner of the opposite gender. To which I said: "Valentine's Day is over!" And, since there were way more girls than guys, he instead has us work in groups with at least one guy. Obviously I flee to Happy's side, and then the only guy left is...no, guess...Basil.

So that was delightfully awkward. Eventually he left to join another group with people he didn't hate, which was a good thing. Yeah.

[Eclipse (All Yours)--Metric]

In art, Shoob and I made new best friends! See, we were asked to go to the teacher's lunch area (in the lunch room, oddly enough) to bring back some boards used for open-house night last week, and so were some guys sitting a little farther down at the table. So obviously they are our new best friends.

Unfortunately, the kind-of-cute one wasn't there today -.- BUT his name is John. So that's delightful.

The reason I didn't blog today is because I was writing a bitchin' long Facebook note called: "My Day--An Introspective". So, there.

Moob, I HATCHOO.

That is all.

Desist.

Greetings! I haven't blogged in three days because I don't love you. NO I'M TOTALLY KIDDING :D

I have not bathed all weekend. I am filth. However, I haven't gone out much, so I don't really care, haha. I meant to shower this morning, but instead played Super Smash Bros. (which I beat). I didn't have any homework due in the immediate future; at least I hope not, haha. I've been listening to the Eclipse soundtrack, and it's actually pretty good.

I also got new fish! Well, not fish exactly. I got a snail. It is orange. And it renders your argument invalid, because it is hanging to the underside of the tank rock. I also got this super-tiny algae eater, which is super-tiny, and I keep losing. He's currently clinging to the filter, eating algae.

I've been trying to get through a five-minute song without getting interrupted by something, and so far it hasn't happened. I think I'm numbering six times that I've restarted it. Woo.

My phone went fagizzle, so we sent it in to get repaired, and since I lost my old broken Razor I have to use the shittiest phone ever. Gah. It depresses me with its terribleness.

I did it! I finished the song! Hurrah.

[My Love--Sia]

I decided to practice writing grief, since I'm so bad at it. I tend to use a lot of '--' and make things too choppy, which is how I imagine people's thoughts go when they're all despairing. I mean, when you're upset, you don't think "I am upset." You don't really think much of anything. You just feel it, which can be difficult to describe with words, since words are thoughts. Anyway. The last time I wrote grief, I went overkill. I don't particularly like this, but here goes:

No. Stop. Rewind. What was said? What was the noise? I hear, I hear nothing, but his mouth keeps moving. His eyes, eyes are sad—stop, stop, I say, but sound is sucked up; sound falters and dies, dies, dies—what? What am I hearing? Nothing, only silence; hands catch me, I must have fallen. I can’t hear a thing. I can’t hear a God damned thing.

Names, names, names escape me. Hands are unfamiliar as they hold me together, hold me inside, as inside something heavy fails and dies and plummets down to the tips of my toes, smashing everything along its way.

People around me, mouths moving, no sound. They look at me, they look at each other. They were crushing, crushing, crushing me—I had to escape. I stumbled, I fell free, I said words inside my head that might’ve come out, might not have, doesn’t matter. I stumbled; I fell away, and found myself alone in an unfamiliar well-known place.

Alone, alone, I watch the walls, I fall onto something, maybe a bed maybe a chair. Words, don’t come to me, seem to be everything I see; I trace the ghostly lines of the wall with my fingertips and they leave a trail of blood, crimson scarlet red; they leave shadows on the air. Sound comes to me gradually; I hear words, I hear things, from my mouth, but I don’t understand them. Just noise, white noise.

No, not, not noise—a name, a sound, golden shadow death, frightening away warmth, frightening away happiness. “Lyla Lyla Lylalylalylalylalylalyla…”

Sounds fall together, fall into place, fall apart. What, what am I saying, what do I hear? Nothing, nothing, everything, static, noise, silence, deadly pressing aching silence.

Darkness fails, shadows pull at my skin, stretching and tearing me to oblivion. I give up; I fall against the floor, staring wide-eyed at the stars on the ceiling, staring at nothing, staring at a trapped sky. Ghosts crash around me, splintering like glass which shred my thin skin to bits.

Lyla, Lyla—gray floods the air, the light, the sound of my fingers tap tapping haphazardly against the cold wood of the floor. Lyla—blue, blue tinged the corners of my vision, blue clawed at my chest to reach, to destroy my heart, which was shattered. Lyla—blue, blue eyes, blue voice, blue soul; dead soul, empty, broken shattered lost destroyed, bent beneath the weight of a metal horse. Steel and rubber alone could end her.

Words came to me, words I remembered, words I must have heard. Accident. Accident, death, dead, shattered, couldn’t save—couldn’t save her, tried everything, accident. Accident, accident.

I was numb, I couldn’t feel. I gaped at the ceiling, which became a boulder, teetering on the edge; I felt the pressing stillness of my heart as it slowly stopped beating. The world grew still, the world grew quiet.

So, I dunno. Does it seem sufficiently upset to you? Can you even tell what's happened? Yeah. I'm going to go write some more, now...

So far.

I totally had this sitting, untouched, on the computer screen for an hour before I actually started writing. Because I care.

Most recently, I went on Yahoo! and, to my surprise, saw that Nat was online. Does anyone even remember Nat anymore? I barely do myself. Anyway. I was surprised because she never goes on Yahoo, or Facebook, or anything. I admit, I kind of hoped that she'd talk to me or something. Just to say something. Like, "Hey, haven't seen you in awhile." Anything, really. She actually does. Three times. In different windows. I actually got kind of excited for a minute, until she started talking about an IQ test and I realized her account had been hacked. C'est la vie.

[Map of the Problematique--Muse]

I love this song so much.

Today! Today. I'm taking the National Latin Exam on the Ides of March (lol), and missing eighth period to do so. Always pleasant. Apparently colleges like it if you take it, especially if you do well, according to my Latin teacher. So, that's nice.

In gym we played volleyball, or at least something like it. I succeeded in only touching the ball once, to serve, and managed to fail completely. But it was okay, but Up (or Darcy, now) told me where to hit the ball, without being mean about it. It ended up a tie, anyway.

[You're Gonna Go Far, Kid--The Offspring]

In English we went over a new, massive, all-consuming project we're doing about mythology. There were six myths we could choose from, after we got into groups (I'm with Happy...again), and we got to pick based on who got into the class first. I wanted Prometheus. I NEEDED Prometheus. But English Teacher janked up the order (I was totally like the fourth person in) so UP/DARCY AND BERLIN(<-new name, yup) PICKED IT INSTEAD. AND I WAS LIKE, FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

So, I kind of made a scene. A bit. A little scene. Little! It was nothing. Really. They would not relinquish their myth. Fine. Whatever. But then Happy had to go ahead and pick 'Flower Myths' as an alternative. The hell. And now she wanted to make origami flowers for the visual. No. There is no way. None of the myths (in the book, at least) would even apply to that. Besides, covering a poster in paper flowers (which was the example shown to us in class) is unoriginal. Using flowers excessively is unoriginal. Obviously flowers need to be included, but the myths are about the people and the tragic ways that they die, not what pretty flowers they turn into. There was:

• Narcissus--Naturally. He's probably the best known flower myth. I imagine for him some kind of adoring look on his face, with a flower wrapped around his neck--he was supposed to be completely absorbed in himself, after all, so he wouldn't notice that a flower was choking him. Echo would, of course, have to be included in this; maybe clawing at his feet or something, with the words "I give you power over me" incorporated somehow.
• Persephone--This may seem weird, but according to the book, Zeus aided Hades in luring her to him by creating a beautiful flower that she couldn't resist trying to pick. This flower was actually also the narcissus, but whatever, When she went near it, Hades sprung from the earth and took her. I only tell you this because I didn't know that particular part of the myth, so I assume you don't either, haha. Anyway. I imagine the silhouette of a girl reaching for a flower, surrounded in flames. YEAH.
• Hyacinthus--This was a sad myth. Anyway. Outline of some handsome youth, lying in the grass. Some kind of swirling blood coming from his forehead, which at the edges turns into his flower. I guess Apollo should be incorporated somehow, and the words "If I could give my life for yours, or die with you." Yeah. I'll think about this one.
• Finally: Adonis. This was also sad, I guess, although I don't have much pity when gods are upset. Anyway. I'm trying to avoid using silhouettes again, since I already used that, but anyway: I imagine two profiles, one a beautiful woman (you know, Aphrodite) holding the cold form of her lover, Adonis, who is...you know...dead. Just faces, though. Hmm...flower. Bright red flower. Woven through his hair? Falling from his mouth? I'll think about this one too. Consult with Happy and such.

Okay. Sorry. That was more for my benefit than yours.

I'm not even sure if either of us are good enough artists to pull any of that off...but...hell.

In world civ., Teacher told us about how it was a bad idea to take all AP courses because the workload would be ridiculous. I know it's ridiculous. But, my pride won't allow me to take anything less than the top class. For the same reason, I will never drop a class. Ever. I could never look myself in the mirror again, or call myself smart...yeah. I feel like that's a messed up train of thought, there.

In art we did ink paintings of trees! It was actually fairly enjoyable. We were supposed to draw trees in the background, middle ground, and foreground, with an emphasis on the leaves. Of course, 30 minutes into the class, she tells us that we were supposed to be drawing the leaves she had modelled herself, and this is me: 0.0 The page was already pretty full (mostly with some scribblish background trees without much of a definite shape and a massive foreground tree with leaves that were too swirly and discoordinated to resemble anything) so I had to cram the rest of the trees on there, including one for 'triangle' shapes leaves on the very, very bottom center, which is supposed to be the top of a tree. Everything is messy and somewhat abstract. I like it.

So now I'm going to sketch my ideas for English, and hope that Happy doesn't get too offended that I hate the only thing she's come up with so far.

What they said.

I was going to post an excerpt, until realizing that most of the stories in my bin aren't actually stories, but summaries, or else the first three paragraphs and nothing else. So...there goes that idea.

I also spent a good amount of time just now looking through my exorbiant amount of notebooks (numbering in the tens, I believe) for one particular story, which has yet evaded me. Instead, I found a bunch of stories that I all but forgot about, and now am somewhat interested in. Eventually I'll take the time to gather all my floating stories and record them in one single, organized place, so I'll never have to search for one specific page ever again =.=

Does anyone remember NaNoWriMo? I decided to revisit/reorganize that little joy. I distinctly remember writing down the histories of some of the main characters, which would be very helpful to have now, and they seem to have vanished. Yeah...

In other news...nothing. Nothing has happened. I'm so bored.

Even numbers.

So, how was today? I feel like I had something to blog about earlier, but have since forgotten what that was.

Today at lunch, I once again did homework in the library, since I have nothing better to do. Shari, my lunch buddy (she's excused from gym for a marking period, and so spends the time in the library), has been absent today and yesterday. So, that all sucks.

I am convinced that nothing of interest ever happens before third period. Or, at least, that my day doesn't start till then. I have math and Latin first and second period, which are not exactly noteworthy classes, besides the fact that I'm really not friends with anyone in them.

So far in the marking period, I have three E's, one D, and one A. Mostly because last week I pretty much didn't do homework. I was completely shot last week. Yeah. That's my excuse.

In gym, after literally three days of failing at volleyball, Gym Teacher stepped in and paired us with guys who actually had some kind of hand-volleyball coordination. We didn't even have to fill all the requirements; we had to do four bumps and six sets, as opposed to six and ten. It was kind of humiliating, but at least it's over, yeah.

I feel like English was sufficiently interesting today, but I can't actually think of anything I did, so...there.

I put in a request for a counselor appointment over a week ago, and they haven't gotten back to me yet...so...I guess I'll be keeping my schedule for awhile.

World civ. was actually interesting today as well, because we watched a video about Russia circa 1850-1900 time. I had watched parts of that program before and it was really interesting, so...yeah.

In art, I finally finished that damn Japanese postcard project, only to be strapped with another little joy: today was due a drawing about something that makes us feel safe(?) or some shit. The hell. Or, something that reminded of us home, or a place we'd like to be, or something like that. It won't take me long, I just don't want to do it. I can't even think of what to draw, honestly. But then I would feel bad just making something up.

Then, on to science. Science! How scientific, yes. We had a test yesterday. Always a joyous experience. Got it back today, and check it: I got a 98. A 98. Let that sink in for a moment. Bask in the joy that is that score. Yeah, when Science Teacher handed it back and looked at the grade, he was like "Darn her! The quiet one!" because, you know, of my fantabulous score. Yeah.

Thus concludes my day. May tomorrow bring infinite joy and stuff. Or something.

The places where your heart beats faster.

Yesterday was the Model UN conference! I'm sure you were all eagerly expectant to hear how it went. Because you're all totally invested in my life and totally remember what I said I would be doing this Saturday :D

It was a lot better than the last one. A lot better. I wasn't as completely scared out of my mind, or self-conscious or shit...yeah. Still didn't say much, of course, but it was better than last time, just overall. I actually talked to people! USA and South Korea, I believe. The resolution I signed on to was pretty much written before lunch time. In the end, neither resolutions passed (one was basically pro Kosovo Independence, and the other con), BUT both teams made a rap to go along with the resolution that was pretty much awesome.

During lunch I hung out with Kim and some people from her committee, which was far better than last time when I sat awkwardly by myself.

At the end of the day, I think I surprised Shukla with how loud and somewhat insane I was on the bus, as opposed to my usual quiet, shy demeanor in class. Naturally, Kim was not surprised at all, but then Kim has seen me outside of school, haha. Anyway. I got him around five, and managed to scrape together last-minute plans with Kim for a sleepover. So, yay! We played Guitar Hero (naturally), drank copious amounts of soda (well, I did), talkes about BOYS SQUEE, and played board games. And that is literally all we did. We didn't watch any movies or even give each other makeovers! But it was still awesome, of course. We went to bed at two, which is early for both a sleepover and about half the people in my grade, but also got up earlier and had pancakes and played with Barbie dolls. Because we're just so fantastic.

Today I did homework(<-lies) and I am not, in any way, shape, or form, looking forward to school tomorrow.

Oh, the many places.

Today, around sixth period, I just completely shut down. I was exhausted. And just generally bummed. This week was really just terrible. Although I did get a Twix bar in art class, which made things happier :) At least until I got to science and got every single problem on the homework wrong. The bus kind of distracted me, I guess, but when I got home, I meant to clean up a bit (since I'm pretty sure I'm actually inviting people over this weekend) but was instead the laziest person ever and just sat around all afternoon. So that was productive.

Tomorrow is the Model UN conference! Kind of terrified it'll be just like last time, but hey, maybe it won't. I just don't like the idea of going up to speak when I really just don't have anything to say. Egypt really has offered no solutions for 'Kosovo Indepence' or whatever. I mean, what's the point of going up and just saying, "HEY, we should talk it out!"? Egypt really just has nothing to contribute. Sigh...

So I'm going to go clean and stuff. Myself. Yeah...

OH THE PLACES I'VE SEEN!

I never finished my blog from yesterday! Shucks. Not much more about to say, admittedly.

YESTERDAY: So, yada, English, winning, all that jazz. Got home and set to work on my essay (which sucks ass). I finished the actual writing of it in about an hour. Anyway. UP IM'd me later on Facebook. UP. To ask about the essay. It made me happy. Considerably so. Kim didn't think it was that great, haha.

TODAY: Today wasn't a bad day, I guess. Math and Latin went by fast. Lunch was, of course, trying. Kind of. I went to the library again and sat with Elizabeth, and this girl I'll call Pad who always seemed like such a bitch was there for a little bit. I helped people with science! I love being better at things than other people. Haha. Then Sharicus showed up, which is always joyous. I kept wishing I had English next, and not gym, because I was convinced at that point that gym would be awful.

Well, I went to gym. I was kind of on the later side since I had to go to my Happy's locker. So I get to the disgusting locker room, find my locker (for the first time), and change. No big deal. I've never really cared about changing in front of people, at least after the beginning of sixth grade. It was even worse in middle school, since the lockers were closer together and we all knew each other. Anyway. I kind of chatted and almost waited for Tallie, the blond, who I now know the name of. But then I saw Mina, who I also now know the actual name of, so I went out with her. I had changed into my baggy back sweats and awkward, several-year-old graphic tee, and felt I knew beforehand that I would be self-conscious to the point of embarrassment. Surprisingly, I wasn't. Not too much.

I was worried, because we had to get into partners, and I tend to be the odd one out in those cases. But, actually, Mina asked if I wanted to be partners first. Then Asian Girl joined our group. We are all very, very bad at volleyball. I'll kind of feel bad, leaving them, because it's possible that at some point I might actually be friends with them, or at least Gym Buddies...I guess first I have to stop wondering if everything I say is annoying them and they're really just being nice to me out of pity. We'll see.

After gym. I felt kind of...pumped. In a weird way. Or just overheated, haha. I went to English and actually didn't wear my always-present hoodie. We just topics for an eventual project (mine was 'Human Psychology, or Why Guilt Affects the Mind) about A Separate Peace, a moderately good book, I suppose. Then the guidance counselor came in and talked to us about course selection for next year. I DEFINITELY want to take Creative Writing, but I'm torn on the other elective. I'm thinking either lunch, photography, or a business class (since that's now required...ugh.). It seems kind of weird to be thinking about next year in the middle of this one, but eh, that's how it is.

At the end of class we exchanged sonnet essays for peer-editing. I felt bad, because Elizabeth asked if I wanted to trade, but I was already working with Happy and had to say no. Elizabeth is a nice person, I guess. I don't know if we'd ever really be friends, but it couldn't hurt to get along, you know? Anyway. Happy. Happy is a wonderful person. She works hard. She really does. I know she can be a good writer. But...this essay...was...not good. Not good at all. I love her to death, but seriously...no. Just, no. It's somewhat understandable, considering no one really did well, but...no.

THEN World Civ. She randomly gives pop quizzes after assigning pages from the text book to read. I always read the text book. I always take notes. Except this time. This one time, ever, that I don't read and obviously don't take notes. I'm sure you can guess what we did in World Civ. today. Anyway, I failed miserably, so I guess that was fun.

Then in art we ate cookies and drank amazing iced tea. I don't even like iced tea, but this was good. I also decided to be a nice person and give a girl my remaining Chinese cookie, which she desperately wanted (there were none left.). Then Art Teacher had to ruin the mildly decent day I was having by saying that the bitchin' long and complex project we've been working on is due TOMORROW. We had to copy Japanese postcards, and I somehow managed to pick the one with absolutely the MOST detail. I literally have not started coloring it yet. I have not had a single day this week where I haven't had some ridiculously time-consuming project, and you know what? I'm not doing this. I don't care how many points she docks off. I'm turning it in on Monday and she can suck it.

FINALLY, at the end of the day, time for Model UN. For some reason I was kind of looking forward to it all day; or rather, expecting it, as a checkpoint in the day that I had to accomplish, in which everything else was just filler. I actually raised my hand to be on the Speaker's List! Never mind that I only did it to spite Kim, haha. And that I was last. I went, and did alright, I guess. The conference is on Saturday! Haha, I feel so woefully unprepared, and I'm afraid I'll get afraid again and not speak as well as I could. Plus it seems kind of foolish to go up and talk when Egypt doesn't have a real solution.
After Model UN, my dad actually picked me up from school so I didn't have to go to Kim's house or take the bus. This would've been great if he hadn't been in a pissy move driving back and complaining about every single driver on the road, and then insisting that I never ask him to drive me again. So that was damn lovely.
Then I get home and write this for about two hours. Yay.
Anyway. RIGHT NOW. It's been a really long week. A really long, stressful week, and it's not over yet. I feel like I haven't a moment to pause and take a breath; I've always been either working on something or facing some damn emotional trauma, like wandering around the school for forty minutes on Tuesday. I know that doesn't seem like a big deal, but I think it actually upset me in some way...that, and being unsure about my friend status in gym, although that seems to be improving. I hate being alone. I can be alone; I can work alone, and face people alone, but I hate being alone. It feels like my protection has been ripped away and I have to build up defenses on my own; I can, but it hurts. I've been feeling that a lot, this past week. Just kind of...alone.
But that's depressing, so ignore it. I think I'll go write a short story. I like those...
OH and sorry for not responding to comments on the last post. It's because I'm a terrible person, I promise.

OH THE PLACES I'VE BEEN!

WOAH. I should've blogged.

Yesterday: first day of the second semester. Did I mention how they screwed up my schedule so, for whatever reason, lunch and health/gym periods got switched? Well, they did. So I didn't know anyone in either class. Seriously.

Now, I have too much pride to eat lunch in the cafeteria by myself. I just couldn't do it. So, naturally, the next best solution was to wander around the school. Which I did. For a half hour. Alone. I literally walked around the school for a half hour. Towards the end of the period I happened across Sharicus in the halls and joined her in a quest towards the nurse's office, but still. A HALF HOUR. I considered sucking up my pride and going to the lunchroom, or else the library (which was full), but at least in the halls I was alone in my aloneness. If that makes any sense. It's always worse to be alone in a crowd than just alone.

So, that was awful. There was a ridiculous looking security guard I passed by, like, three times. An art teacher happened to catch me walking down the inescapable F-wing (dead-end), but seemed to forget that I was out of class and instead asked if I had switched out of art classes, to which I said no, I had mine seventh period, and she said okay and kept walking. I also passed Mr. Mel, my previous health teacher. See, I saw that he was there and kind of tried to shuffle out of the way, but he had already seen me. He asked me where I was supposed to be (laughing), and I said lunch, so he asked me why I wasn't there (laughing), and I kind of mumbled, and he said I wasn't supposed to be wandering the halls (laughing), and I kind of mumbled again. I also got a copy of my schedule printed, which I didn't need, and found out where to go to get my locker combination. Also, a little bit later, I started to turn down a hallway only to see Mr. Mel, Mr. Owens (a fairly regular substitute health teacher), and another teacher just standing about halfway down the hall. And this was me: AW SHIT. So I turned really suddenly, only to RUN INTO ANOTHER TEACHER. This was me: AWWWWW SHIT. So he asked where I was going, and this was me: AWWWWW SHIT. Okay, I kid. This was me: The lunch room. It's down there. Then I kind of ran.

Of course, next period was gym. Ugh. Up is in my gym period, but not class, which I suppose doesn't really matter, but just seemed interesting. Actually, a lot of people I semi-recognize are in my gym period. Just no one I'm actually friends with. So we got our lockers, and my gym teacher is actually a really cool old guy. Then we went back out to the gym, with like thirty minutes left in class, and I just stood there awkwardly. There were these four girls kind of standing apart from me that I couldn't decide whether or not to go up to, but eventually they felt sorry for the poor, pathetic loser standing alone in the corner and came over to me. So, that was nice of them. I didn't catch all of their names, honestly. I'm calling them: Asian Girl #1, Girl Who Looks Asian, Mina, and Tallie. At least until I get their names...

THEN. English. Always the pinnacle of my day. Maniscalco decided we needed practice writing persuasively. So he presented: the box. We all had fifteen minutes to write a persuasive letter to him explaining why we should get the box. So, that was amusing.

TODAY: Today I'm pleased to announce that I did not, in fact, wander around. I just couldn't. I couldn't do it again. I walked myself down to the library, taking the long way around (like the really long way), and happened to end up next to Elizabeth and Rachel. Elizabeth is in my English class, Rachel is my Latin class; I'm not really friends with either, but Elizabeth asked me about English, and as we entered the library said I could sit with them if I wanted. So, that was nice of her. I did science homework, gave up on math homework, gave up on English homework, and read Animal Farm. Successful day.

TOMORROW, though, Shari will be in the library during that period and all will be better :)

In gym we didn't really do much; got into squads and went over procedure. Like I said, my gym teacher is pretty chill. Today I actually went over to the Four instead of them coming over to me, which I consider a step forward. I still had no idea what to say. Ever. Apparently, though, Mina is also a writer, so that was interesting, I guess. Kind of talked. Kind of awkward. TOMORROW, we start volleyball, and actually have to get changed and stuff. I'm so certain I'm going to be the only girl there wearing baggy black sweats. So certain. I could bear it if I actually had an actual friend in the class, but I don't. So I can't really bear it. Best case scenario, I hang out with Shari during lunch, and have a guidance appointment to change my schedule during gym.

I almost feel bad about leaving. Like I'm giving up on possible friends pretty clearly, and a pretty schweet gym teacher. And hanging out with Shari at lunch, at least for a marking period (while she's excused from gym). I adapt to things too quickly, so even when it sucks and I'm miserable, it becomes normal fast. But still. I currently don't have any classes with Kim and actually hadn't seen her in two days, until she happened to pass by while Shoob and I were at Shoob's locker.

Anyway. English class. Kind of boring, honestly. I don't even remember what we did. At the end of class, though, Teacher announced the winner of the persuasive writing thing. According to him, he picked his favorite three, and gave them to his mom to decide :) But anyway.
I. WON.

Yeah, that pretty much made my day :D Actually, I'm still happy about it! I won! I WON! I mean, it's pretty hard to argue when you promise that the world will erupt into smiles and rainbows, and angels will descend from the heavens in a shower of golden light. But still. I WON.

Imma finish this later, since it's like ten o'clock at night, haha. COME BACK LATER. I'M NOT DOOOONE.

Writing!

I haven't posted any writing in awhile, and this received Kim approval, so it must be good:

Snow fell softly on the desert, coating with pristine gentility the idle, swooping dunes, a still ocean. Marcia was inside, attending to her son, and I was alone in the calmness.

I thought I would enjoy the calmness. I thought it would be like when I was a child, and the days were lazy and soft, and the oncoming storm meant nothing. I thought it would be like the music of my mother, who sang when she thought we couldn’t hear; songs of sadness, loss, but lovely as a lullaby; Marcia and I would crush our ears to the pale door of our mother’s study when she sang, and then scamper off in a flurry of hushed giggles when we heard Father coming up the stairs. It was later, after we had moved from the country, that we realized that our mother’s voice was off-key, and coarse, and the magic of her quiet singing was lost.

The drifts and the waves of the whitening sand reminded me, in a contrary sort of way, to the thrashing rush of the city; we were cramped there, so much so that Marcia and I shared a bedroom. Father was always out, always working, and our mother would never tell us at what; for a long time, we assumed it was just his job—just a poor man’s effort to feed his family—but then whispers started coming in. A war was on the horizon, they said; phrases like ‘water deficiency’ and ‘changing climate’ became commonplace. Things changed quickly. My mother stopped singing, but by then, we no longer wanted to hear it.

After the war, when everything was unfamiliar and terrifying, and the world could reach out and wrench your heart from your chest, we had escaped. It was too much for us—for me. I needed the peace of my childhood, the peace of the time before the war, peace at all. Marcia followed me willingly, as she always did. Sometimes that weighed heavily on my mind, as it did now. Who knew what Marcia wanted? She wanted what I wanted, and I didn’t know what I wanted anymore. I thought it had been this. I thought wrong.

She was huddled inside the tent, singing softly to her darling child. She stopped when I came in. I stared at the toddler for a moment, wondering how something so innocent and beautiful could have possibly come about the way it did, and then told Marcia the truth.

“It’s snowing.”

“In the middle of a desert?” She shook her head, smiling sadly; her gentle curls fell in waves. They reminded me of the rolling sands, of the gentle way the snow twirled and floated from the sky. It was too much.

“I guess so.”