Thursday, February 3, 2011


I never finished my blog from yesterday! Shucks. Not much more about to say, admittedly.
YESTERDAY: So, yada, English, winning, all that jazz. Got home and set to work on my essay (which sucks ass). I finished the actual writing of it in about an hour. Anyway. UP IM'd me later on Facebook. UP. To ask about the essay. It made me happy. Considerably so. Kim didn't think it was that great, haha.
TODAY: Today wasn't a bad day, I guess. Math and Latin went by fast. Lunch was, of course, trying. Kind of. I went to the library again and sat with Elizabeth, and this girl I'll call Pad who always seemed like such a bitch was there for a little bit. I helped people with science! I love being better at things than other people. Haha. Then Sharicus showed up, which is always joyous. I kept wishing I had English next, and not gym, because I was convinced at that point that gym would be awful.
Well, I went to gym. I was kind of on the later side since I had to go to my Happy's locker. So I get to the disgusting locker room, find my locker (for the first time), and change. No big deal. I've never really cared about changing in front of people, at least after the beginning of sixth grade. It was even worse in middle school, since the lockers were closer together and we all knew each other. Anyway. I kind of chatted and almost waited for Tallie, the blond, who I now know the name of. But then I saw Mina, who I also now know the actual name of, so I went out with her. I had changed into my baggy back sweats and awkward, several-year-old graphic tee, and felt I knew beforehand that I would be self-conscious to the point of embarrassment. Surprisingly, I wasn't. Not too much.
I was worried, because we had to get into partners, and I tend to be the odd one out in those cases. But, actually, Mina asked if I wanted to be partners first. Then Asian Girl joined our group. We are all very, very bad at volleyball. I'll kind of feel bad, leaving them, because it's possible that at some point I might actually be friends with them, or at least Gym Buddies...I guess first I have to stop wondering if everything I say is annoying them and they're really just being nice to me out of pity. We'll see.
After gym. I felt kind of...pumped. In a weird way. Or just overheated, haha. I went to English and actually didn't wear my always-present hoodie. We just topics for an eventual project (mine was 'Human Psychology, or Why Guilt Affects the Mind) about A Separate Peace, a moderately good book, I suppose. Then the guidance counselor came in and talked to us about course selection for next year. I DEFINITELY want to take Creative Writing, but I'm torn on the other elective. I'm thinking either lunch, photography, or a business class (since that's now required...ugh.). It seems kind of weird to be thinking about next year in the middle of this one, but eh, that's how it is.
At the end of class we exchanged sonnet essays for peer-editing. I felt bad, because Elizabeth asked if I wanted to trade, but I was already working with Happy and had to say no. Elizabeth is a nice person, I guess. I don't know if we'd ever really be friends, but it couldn't hurt to get along, you know? Anyway. Happy. Happy is a wonderful person. She works hard. She really does. I know she can be a good writer. But...this essay...was...not good. Not good at all. I love her to death, but Just, no. It's somewhat understandable, considering no one really did well,
THEN World Civ. She randomly gives pop quizzes after assigning pages from the text book to read. I always read the text book. I always take notes. Except this time. This one time, ever, that I don't read and obviously don't take notes. I'm sure you can guess what we did in World Civ. today. Anyway, I failed miserably, so I guess that was fun.
Then in art we ate cookies and drank amazing iced tea. I don't even like iced tea, but this was good. I also decided to be a nice person and give a girl my remaining Chinese cookie, which she desperately wanted (there were none left.). Then Art Teacher had to ruin the mildly decent day I was having by saying that the bitchin' long and complex project we've been working on is due TOMORROW. We had to copy Japanese postcards, and I somehow managed to pick the one with absolutely the MOST detail. I literally have not started coloring it yet. I have not had a single day this week where I haven't had some ridiculously time-consuming project, and you know what? I'm not doing this. I don't care how many points she docks off. I'm turning it in on Monday and she can suck it.
FINALLY, at the end of the day, time for Model UN. For some reason I was kind of looking forward to it all day; or rather, expecting it, as a checkpoint in the day that I had to accomplish, in which everything else was just filler. I actually raised my hand to be on the Speaker's List! Never mind that I only did it to spite Kim, haha. And that I was last. I went, and did alright, I guess. The conference is on Saturday! Haha, I feel so woefully unprepared, and I'm afraid I'll get afraid again and not speak as well as I could. Plus it seems kind of foolish to go up and talk when Egypt doesn't have a real solution.
After Model UN, my dad actually picked me up from school so I didn't have to go to Kim's house or take the bus. This would've been great if he hadn't been in a pissy move driving back and complaining about every single driver on the road, and then insisting that I never ask him to drive me again. So that was damn lovely.
Then I get home and write this for about two hours. Yay.
Anyway. RIGHT NOW. It's been a really long week. A really long, stressful week, and it's not over yet. I feel like I haven't a moment to pause and take a breath; I've always been either working on something or facing some damn emotional trauma, like wandering around the school for forty minutes on Tuesday. I know that doesn't seem like a big deal, but I think it actually upset me in some way...that, and being unsure about my friend status in gym, although that seems to be improving. I hate being alone. I can be alone; I can work alone, and face people alone, but I hate being alone. It feels like my protection has been ripped away and I have to build up defenses on my own; I can, but it hurts. I've been feeling that a lot, this past week. Just kind of...alone.
But that's depressing, so ignore it. I think I'll go write a short story. I like those...
OH and sorry for not responding to comments on the last post. It's because I'm a terrible person, I promise.

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