Decidedly Un-lump-like

It hasn't even been a week yet! Man, it's almost like I'm a regular blogger again!

I've gotten through all of the plans I had this summer. For the remaining two months I shall be a lump. At least until around my birthday--finally turning sixteen!--for which I shall make merriment in a decidedly un-lump-like fashion. Till then!

What did I talk about in my last post? I only had two finals left, and those were both alright. There were a couple questions in math I had to completely guess on. Biology was blessedly easy. I think we get our finals grades along with our schedules, which is generally some time in late August. Hey, I'm technically a junior now! Two more years!

As for summer plans, they've all gone off rather swimmingly. The Q&K party was delightful, though being covered in fake blood was rather sticky and uncomfortable, and since we were in a park a large variety of dirt and small twigs ended up stuck to my shoes. The food was delicious, though, which makes it all worth it. I wish I had a good picture of my costume--it ended up looking really good! Although my mom didn't tell me it stained clothes till AFTER I poured it all over myself.

Friday, admittedly, didn't go off without a hitch. We got there, met up with the other people, ate some food. I'd like to mention that Joy and I, though there was literally no one else on the bus, sat in the exact same seats we did during the school year. Then we realized this but still didn't move. When we got there, Joy, Maia, some other kid, and I went into D-wing for some reason and looked around without fear of running into any teachers. When we got back they decided to play hide-and-seek, so Maia and I hid in the paint closet--which, conveniently, contains the trap door leading to the roof!

We went up there, walked around a bit--on the roof of the school--and then began the descent. This is when things get sticky. Maia went down first, but before I got on the ladder, she opens the door and sees a teacher walking our way. Of course he sees her, so he comes into the paint room and, of course, sees that the trapdoor is open. I think at this point Maia texts me "RUN", but alas, I didn't see her message till it was too late. She tells him no one else is on the roof, but he comes up to check anyway, and of course sees me, and demands I come down immediately. I come down, and he's gone, so I meet up with Maia--unfortunate that we didn't make a break for it then--and some other teacher shows up and takes us to the principal's office.

While we waited we formulated an argument--we didn't know it led to the roof, there weren't any signs saying what it was or not to enter, and in any case we just went up to see what was up there and went right back down. I suppose he let us off easy, because our "detention" consisted of sitting there for the remainder of the school day, which wasn't so bad because we were still allowed to talk. So I essentially hung out with Maia all day!

In case you're wondering, it was totally worth it.

After school, Joy and I hitched a ride on Andrew's bus and then we all--Joy, Andrew, Zack, some kid named Brandon, and I--went to go get pizza for her birthday. When we came back, Joy wanted to go to the pool, but it didn't open till four--we had to leave at five--so, since we were already wearing bathing suits, we took advantage of the hose and had a water balloon fight! We ran out of water balloons, though, so we played basketball two-on-two while someone held the hose and sprayed us. We were all completely soaked. It was great.

Yesterday was Benny's birthday party, which conveniently started later in the day so I had time to get a last-minute present. I got him a compass and a toy car--you know, because he's turning sixteen? Haha, I'm so funny--and a card with a duck on it. We ate outside--I've been having so much pizza lately--and he opened presents, then we watched History of the World Part 1, which was funny. I was for some reason incredibly tired when my parents picked me up at 10:45, so I went right to bed, though of course I didn't end up falling asleep till 12:30.

So that concludes all the things I had planned for summer! I suppose from now on I'll...sleep?

Short Post

Finale

One more day left of finals, and then my sophomore year is over for good! I got through two of the worst of my finals--U.S. history on Thursday, chemistry today--and have math tomorrow. Chemistry...well, I don't think I got everything wrong. That's the best I can say for it. English and Latin were alright; biology should be fine. I'm happy to be getting through it.

I'm a little surprised that none of my classes really seem to be saying goodbye, even though finals is the last time we'll be together in the same class! I'm just more nostalgic than most, I guess. It's not like we're all really friends, but some recognition of the end would be nice.

This has been a great year for me socially and an awful one academically. I'm fine with how it turned out. That's really all I have to say in memoriam.

A Good Start

Summer makes me want to go out and get new clothes. I'll have to schedule a mall trip some time, but first on the agenda is sleeping in till noon :D Actually, Wednesday is the Quills and Keys party, for which I'm covering myself in fake blood and claiming to not have a costume. Thursday I'm going to chill like I've never chilled before; Friday, I'm getting up at six for the (hopefully!) last time this summer to go to school. Since finals and most makeups will be over, basically no one will be there, so some people are hanging out! I don't know everyone going, but Joy and Maia are, so I'll be good. We may play FLAG TAG. Mother of God, I love flag tag.

Saturday is Benny's birthday party. I have no idea what to get him. Maybe that's what I'll take care of on Thursday!

I feel as if it'll be a good summer. It certainly has a good start!

Untapped Artistic Potential

The Days

It's funny how if you go long enough without speaking, it seems there's less and less you have to say, so eventually you end up staring at a blank page, fingers suspended over the keys, and it feels a bit like gravity's going the wrong way, like you're trying with all your might to bring them down, but nature is reversed and they try to float away. And you walk away, defeated, deeper entrenched in the silence than ever before, till silence is more natural than your voice.

Last Thursday I skipped chemistry. Tuesday I was called to guidance where they espoused concerns for my mental well-being, so I cried and didn't get in trouble. On Sunday I went to the pool with Joy, Andrew, and Zack. Next Thursday, finals start; before then I have two projects to make up, three projects to do, and a test which I got an 8% on to possibly make up. Possibly.

This Sunday, I'm hanging out with China; we're probably watching a movie or something equally pedestrian. I'll have to see who else can go since my parents are against my being alone with a guy. The Wednesday after next, finals are over, and we'll be having a Quills and Keys party at a local park; costumes are required! Maia inspired me to cover myself in blood--fake blood, of course. Heh. *looks sideways*

The Friday after that, school is open to students for the last time, so some friends and I are hanging around with no teachers to supervise! I hope we can go on the roof!

Saturday, I'm attending a birthday party. I was suprised that Benny invited me, since we don't have any classes together and therefore don't speak as much, but Kim and Maia are going, so it ought to be fun! I just need to get him a gift...

Cluttered Messes

I unearthed my crayons to do a creative writing assignments (which turned out lovely; I wish my scanner worked so I could show you all!) and now feel inclined to use them. 120 barely-used crayons? Hell yes. My mom just got me some beautiful new colored pencils, too, since I couldn't find my old ones! Add that to the oil pastels and watercolor paint upstairs, and I have just tons of untapped artistic potential here!

If anyone remembers the situation with Zack and China...it has gotten worse, or better; I don't know. I like Zack so, so much and I think he likes me but whatever, we're not dating. He felt sick today, so I sent him a virtual hug, and mentioned that I couldn't give him a real hug because we hadn't seen each other that day, so he waited for me in the hall so we could hug! Meanwhile, China still likes me, and we still talk a lot, though I've explained to him the full situation with Zack. Some people just don't get mad.

I haven't done anything new in a while. I haven't hung out with most of my friends in a while, haven't really gone out of the house all too much--I think a good, long shopping trip would cheer me up! Maybe I just feel inspired by the summer, but I really want to fill my wardrobe with skirts, dresses, and flowy, floral, delightful things.

I'm getting wistful towards the end of the year. Four years isn't really such a long time, especially when you're halfway through it. I bet Lizzie and Natalie know what I mean even more! Congratulations on graduating, guys!

I keep losing track of time. A project I thought was due a week ago was actually due two weeks ago--or was it three? Probably three by now. I haven't blogged in over a month?--but I just remember planning on doing so right after I was done being grounded! I think I'm losing track of things in advance of summer, when the days don't matter. Goodness, I can't wait for that. I have a feeling it'll be a good summer.

I want to have a birthday party again this year--yes, I know it's three months in advance! It is my sixteenth birthday, though. Think I should throw a wild par-tay? XD It'll have to be during the day so I can invite Zack. I'm concerned that inviting both Zack and China might cause issues, and though I'm friends with both, I know I'd rather have Zack there.

My head feels weird. I think a headache is inevitable. I want so desperately to write something, though, though nothing is coming up--my creative well has not a trickle left. Nothing inspires me anymore. Oh well. Maybe I'll become a professional doodler.

Listening to Love Songs

A Tad Melancholy

I'm relieved that I don't have any plans this weekend. Being busy last weekend with friends and school and such, it is something of a relief to just not do anything. Not that there aren't certain people I'd like to see, but doing something planned and active just seems like too much effort! We all know how I am with effort.

I've been writing on and off, mostly off. I have not seriously written anything in months. Of course, I haven't done much of anything in months. I imagine the valve from which my passion flowed has been turned in quite the opposite direction from where it was, say, about a year ago. It has gotten harder to do things which aren't easy. It has gotten harder to feel things which aren't apathy.

I don't mean to drone on about that, though! If I seem melancholy, it's because the situation described in my last post has not improved much. Zack and I had a pretty good run about not talking about how we feel (you know, serious things), and then I go ahead and tell him that I like him. I was very tired and last night and perhaps not thinking coherently when I told him that I like him. It wasn't even much of a confession, honestly. The entire conversation was a mess. I'm not sure what I really admitted, even reading it over this morning.

I still don't think I know him very well (having met him but four weeks ago), but I suppose in my sleep-deprived state it felt like I really did like like him, and I told him as such. I know that I'm happy talking to him. Even if I didn't have a crush on him right now, I know I would with time, because I guess I know myself well enough to know that my descent into idiocy is inevitable.

The frustrating thing is that he wouldn't answer the question when Joy and I asked him if he liked me. Joy asked first (without my consent, mind you!) and then I asked him, for several reasons. I really wanted to shut up the people who insisted that he must like me if we text each other all the time. I also wanted to properly interpret the mixed messages he's been sending me, because I never really thought that he liked me, but of course I want to know for sure. Of course he avoids the question, though it seemed like he did, and he acts upset that I don't like him as well--more of his confusion between joking and serious, I suppose--but then I tell him that I like him and hjcfbgjnuyd. It seems somewhat shady to post our conversation, but basically I'm like "HERPDEDURR I may like you!" and he's like "Idk". Eventually I passed out, only to wake up with the realization that I told Zack that I like him.

Listening To

When I'm not sure that I like a guy, I listen to love songs to see if they make me think of him. I'm not really sure right now. I really just want to talk to him, but today has been silent.

I have three stations on Pandora: Muse, The Killers, and Mumford and Sons. All of the stations overlap and have a similar vibe, but I listen to them for different moods. Muse, my longest-had station, I listen to when I'm kind of pissed and feel like some more interesting music. The Killers is my general go-to station which is more of a mix between the other two. Mumford and Sons I listen to in the morning and when I'm thinking about a boy. I don't know why I wrote this paragraph.

Things Which You All Ought to Do

You should all add me on Pottermore! I finally got an account. I am in HUFFLEPUFF. Seriously, HUFFLEPUFF. I am...I am shamed. Hufflepuff. I am not even like Hufflepuff. That is not what I am at all.

Anyway, my username is DragonHeart11336. Pretty cool, if you ask me :D I know I'm super late on this particular bandwagon, but you should all add me anyway! Because THAT'S WHAT BLOG-FRIENDS DO.

A Very Short Entry Predominately Concerned with Pickles

Very, Very Rushed Scrawlings

Heavens forfend that I put off blogging any longer! To be honest, I only said that because I really wanted to use 'heaven's forfend' in a sentence.

Oh gosh. I've been gone for over a month. Spring Break has come and gone without so much as a peep or comment from me. What did I do over spring break? I went to the zoo, got water ice, went to the mall, and lazed. I lazed a rather lot. I am, as one might say, lazy. Did I do work? Certainly not! Did I take advantage of the predominately lovely weather? Certainly not! Did I really do anything at all, except what I mentioned? Don't be preposterous!

Boys Boys Boys

I am in a pickle! I have also always wanted to say "I am in a pickle". Next on my list is "I am surprised at you!".

Oh, where was I? Right! I am in a pickle and it involves the opposite gender. Admittedly, it's not so much of a pickle as a bunch of people standing around staring at each other (metaphorically, at least). See, one of my friends, China, who I met at a Model UN conference, has asked me to his prom! He says as friends, but I'm pretty sure he "likes" me. I mean especially since he also asked me out. We talk a lot and most of our conversation is obnoxiously flirty, and although I thought it was too obnoxious to be taken seriously, apparently he didn't think so. I felt bad for leading him, so I didn't exactly say yes or no! I told him my parents forbade me from dating till I'm sixteen, so we're not actually dating, but we still have a "thing". Gosh, I don't know how to explain this properly. We're not boyfriend and girlfriend, but I'd still feel guilty for, I don't know, running off with someone else.

Of course this is where the pickle comes in. This pickle is also a junior (like China) and his name is Zack. I met this pickle about two weeks ago whilst bowling with Joy, her boyfriend, and her boyfriend's friends. I've been texting him a lot...for a majority of the past two weeks, I'd say. And I do not like him. None of my friends believe me, but I do not have a crush on him or anything! I'm unsure about how I feel about him, to be honest, because we haven't known each other very long and I feel like I could like him, potentially, but I don't right now. Okay, I like him a smidge. Nothing serious! If he asked me out and I didn't have anything else going on and no restrictions, then I might say yes just to see where it goes.

The problem is, I do have other things going on. China is going on. I like China, but I don't really think I want to date him, even when I'm sixteen. I'm just already in a "thing" with him, so now I just feel guilty about texting Zack all the time and being so friendly with him, especially since I've told him all these doubts about China.

I'm also frustrated with Zack, because we keep circling the drain in regards to whether I like him or he likes me or whatever. He also became much friendlier with me after I told him about China. The whole situation is just weird and abstract and nothing is really going on, but it still bothers me with the inabsolution of it.

Most of my friends agree I should tell China how I feel or ask Zack how he feels, and while certainly that would make the situation a bit more straightforward, I know I won't be able to do either. So I guess it'll all just be weird a bit longer.

Chemistry is a Bit of a Whore

I mean that with hatred and contempt.

I have to retake a test I got nearly every question wrong on and do a lab report with the same subject as the test.

It makes me frustrated just thinking about it.

After a Month, Is the Bulk of What I Have to Talk About Still Guys?

Yes.

Things Organized by Time Frame

Should I neatly separate everything into sections once more? Yeah, why not?

I Waste A Rather Inordinate Amount of Time

I finished Squares! I called it Squares because, you know. It's amazing how long it takes to make somehting so ugly. I only say ugly because it's so discordant, although I did use the same seven colors and there was gratious use of the copy button. There's a flipping lot of detail somewhat lost, although I think the overall impression is nice in a crazy, haphazard way.

Earlier this afternoon, I managed to waste time making a cartoon version of a picture of me before going outside to take advantage of the last moderately warm day. Maybe if I feel like wasting more time later, I'll finish it, and you can all see my...cartoon self? I KNOW you all want to see that.

This weekend I plan to waste time a) sleeping, and b) not doing work. On Saturday, I'm going to be tramping through undergrowth and hopefully having an ultimate showdown of badmintion with one of my gym buddies. It'll be fun! Tomorrow, I may just walk to the mall with Tegan if the weather's alright.

Things Which Happened Today

I finally had a course selection appointment with my guidance counselor. Unfortunately, I'm still not entirely clear on what I want to take. Right now, I'm doubling up with physics and chemistry, which unfortunately means that I have to take a study hall. I'm not even sure if I want to take chemistry, though. I love science, but I'm not really great at chemistry, as this year proves. I have a B, but I've done poorly on most of the tests, and Chemistry 2 is supposed to be ridiculously hard. At the same time, though, I've already mostly gotten through one year, so I might as well continue and get college credit for it. Also, I love science. People don't believe me when I say that!

So, I guess I'll deliberate over the weekend, but most likely I'll stick with my current schedule.

At the appointment, I found out that my chemistry teacher reccomended me for A-level. I mean, considering my test scores, I shouldn't be surprised, but it hurt, especially since he said he reccomended everyone for AP. I guess since there are only eight people in my chemistry class, he couldn't say most people. The appointment made me late for chemistry, and when I explained why I was late, he asked what I had selected. I really wish I had said Physics Honors, just so he would know, but instead I just said "Courses." Haha, I'm so funny.

I talked to Mo in math class! Well, him, Kathy, and I kind of chatted. All of my friends told me I was lame for being happy about this =.= Considering there was a time when I could barely speak to anyone, I think this is an improvement! Also, we made eye contact when he was talking to me directly, and I inwardly freaked out because do I break eye contact or do I hold it or what and then I just quickly looked down at my paper. I am so smooth.

I have this fear that he'll find out or he already knows. Especially since my friends keep pulling shit like saying his name out loud with his best friend right next to us in creative writing. Right now they'd probably say I was acting like I was in elementary school, with the whole endless obsessing and analyzing every action. And the nicknames so they don't know we're talking about them. Honestly, how else are you supposed to do it?

Things Which Happened Yesterday

Quills and Keys met yesterday, as it does every Wednesday. We tried to get on the roof (!) of the school, but when we found the ladder (hidden away in a paint closet), this terrifying guy came out of nowhere and said, "You're not supposed to be in here." So, that plan dashed, we wandered about and ate SO MUCH FOOD. I hunted for a dollar with Maya and Anthony Freshman, and then, back in the meeting room, we all shared cute love stories. Who needs to write at writing club?

I also took the National Latin Exam. Today we went over the answers, and I only got two wrong! Unfortunately, because I got silver last year, it's too late for me to get gold all four years and win the awesome prize. The awesome prize is a two-hundred dollar Latin encyclopedia. Because that's how awesome Latin students are.

I found out that most of the really, really good delegates in Model UN are in my committee for the upcoming conference. Kim told me not to switch into hers. I just don't want to get ruthlessly slaughtered! I'll probably email the supervisor tomorrow to see if there are any spots left in post-colonization education. Cloning is an interesting topic, but it's not worth this...

Things Which I Am Doing Now

I am concluding my post. Good night, friends!



Gossamer

My Deepest Apologies

What is this? Can it be that I'm still alive? Happy day, I am. I apologize for vanishing. It was remarkably poor taste for me to do so. To inspire my return, I've made everything prettier.

Thank you Lizzie for your concern :) Forgive me, all, for abandoning my blog and yours.

Now I shall write a long-ass entry. Prepare yourselves, friends!

Why did I vanish?

Have I been busy with school, as I am such a diligent, hard-working student that I would always put my work before the temptations of the Internet? Good heavens, no. In fact, my laziness is the very reason I haven't written in so long: once I realized it was easier to not write than to write, my motivations for writing seemed remarkably less. I haven't been writing much creatively, either. What have I been doing? Well, there's this:

Unfinished, if that wasn't clear by the giant empty space in the middle.

Yes, for the past week or so, I've spent my time making countless geometric images on Paint. That does not, however, account for a month of absence. What else have I been doing? By this point, I'm not sure myself. Saying that everything is hazy sounds a bit serious, but between the soul-crushing boredom, the constant listlessness that school inspires, and school itself, I cannot honestly account for where my time has gone or why I've done nothing productive during it. Productivity is for people who go to good colleges squares! Everyone who works at McDonald's knows that!

I wish I had more to catch you up on. Certainly things have happened that I would've written of if I had been writing then, things which now seem trivial. For instance, the third Model UN conference came and went. I didn't do very well, and there was no one there who piqued my interest, so now it seems pointless to even mention it. The fourth and final conference is on the 31st. I'm representing Spain for Cloning, which interests me because it's not the usual MUN topic. Maybe Sam will be there...? :)

But if I'm going to start talking about boys, I ought to devote an entire new section to it. Look at me, being organized! Today, I even organized the list of the twelve pages of homework I have to do this weekend. I digress.

Affairs of the Heart

Two of my best friends currently have boyfriends. Kim is very happy with Evan, and Joy is very happy with Andrew, and I am very happy for both of them (though Andrew occasionally calls me a cockblock :P). I do not have a boyfriend (otherwise I would've blogged sooner), but I'm, you know, okay with that.

I have a silly crush on a guy in my math class. His name is Mike, though we call him Mo--except for Maia, who calls him Kiwi. Yes, we still employ juvenile nicknames so that our crushes don't know we're talking about them. How else can you do it?

Anyway, I like Mike (and also assonance). I don't know him very well, so I'm not, like, obsessed with the guy, but he seems like a cool person. Also he's attractive. My goodness. I could just stare at the boy's face (that's not remotely weird or anything). And, um, his last name is fantastic, though obviously I won't be sharing it here.

This, of course, means that I'm over Weslie. I don't think I'd mind getting to know my Favorite Sour Asian a bit more, but that ship sailed after I didn't speak to him for half a year--also because he's a bit too much of a dick to justify to myself any longer. Ah well! 'Tis better to have loved and lost, etc.

Feedz me compluhmensss

You may not have noticed the obnoxiously long poem I wrote and posted the other night. You should read it and tell me what you think! Part of the reason that I'm blogging now is because I'm writing more overall, including the poem and my latest story, Gossamer. Care for an excerpt? Too bad if you don't; I'm feeding you one anyway!

I stayed awake, staring into the dreamy shadow of my ceiling, till the morning light disrupted my despair, and my happiness evaporated in the heat of day. I blinked against the rising pink, the glorious eternal gold of the sun at morn, the light which at once consumed the vestiges of darkness before I could realize it was gone. Morning came swiftly to assuage the weary soul of nighttime, and I remembered my dream, my guilty dream of stolen memories, the smile of Jude, the voice of Jonas, the cold and gray of Olivia Beach. Let them rest, I thought. Let my memories rest, let them burn away in sunlight, but let the night be my indulgence, let them flood back and kiss my waiting lips, let them speak to me in the voices of the damned and of the dead, let the sea rise around my feet and the sea wind push his hair from his face and reveal that word which haunted my living breath as if it were all of these things that I remembered, all of these things that I loved and yearned for under the cover of darkness. Let this be, I thought, let this be. Let the dead rest, but let this be.

In the full bloom of morning I wandered through a garden which grew and choked the ground around my home. The soil was good here, but the garden untended, untouched except for sunlight, and pale flowers twined around each other’s necks in a foul spectacle. Grass encroached on the garden path, though not enough years had passed for the stone to be entirely overtaken. This garden was a murder scene, a violent brawl of beauty, seeping through the fertile ground into a bloody ugly show. Too many flowers contested with too many weeds, too many dead leaves, too many spiders and bees and flies, too much sickly grass pushing thin shoots between the lovely buds, till at last the flowers, overcome by the violence, rose again as a tyrant themselves, their purity corrupted, their beauty destroyed by oppression. This was my home, this belligerent garden, the abandoned widow’s walk, the empty rooms which suppressed the memory of what was once full.

Gossamer is basically about a girl named Maria who falls in love with two guys, Jonas and Jude. There's a plot, but I haven't worked it out yet. One or both of them die. I don't feel bad telling you that, because you find out in the first sentence that someone dies, and it's pretty clear from there on that it's either Jonas or Jude.

What I enjoy about this story is the little thought-trains that the narrator goes off on. She's a little less poetic as a teenager, which is what she is for the majority of the story (the excerpt is years after the events of the novel). It's fun to write her descriptions of things, although when I don't get it right, I tend to scrap everything I just wrote and start over.

I wondered if he mentioned me, if I had made an impression on him. I imagined their conversation later, perhaps when the others had gone off. They lounged around the park, Jonas on the bench, the other one sitting on the top of it, with his feet on the seat. The friend laughed at some joke that Jonas has made, and then said, abruptly, if he had seen the girl on Main Street. When Jonas hadn’t, the friend laughed and told him I was hot. Yes, that must be what he thought of me, when he looked me up and down and caught my eyes. He knew nothing more of me than that I was hot. Jonas asked what I looked like, disinterested, for he was far too pure to care if his crass friend found yet another girl attractive. The friend hesitated, struggling to recall my features and my form through the haze of his memory, unable to remember more than the basics—tall, dark hair, that body, I imagined in his voice. I didn’t know his voice, but I imagined it anyway, teasing, low-toned, sometimes gruff. He would speak fluidly, sometimes making his words unclear as he flowed from one to the next, letters, words, and sentences forming a river of thought that poured from his mouth unabridged. Sometimes, a trickle, when he felt perverse; other times a waterfall, harsh, strong, his voice and his words overpowering, his anger absolute and irrepressible. He had a voice which would be heard by everyone or by just the person he wanted it to be heard by.

I was described in this voice. He rolled over what features he could remember—tall, dark hair, that body—as water rolls over rocks, and he wore them away, eroding my figure with the vulgarity of his tone, smoothing over my flaws with exaggeration that his tongue was prone to. It was a voice of overpowering force, which made me into a figure quite unlike myself. He said last, his tone amused, his vocal torrent subsiding, that I had a weird expression on my face.

It's called 'Gossamer' because, to be honest, the name sounded nice. Though I don't see it directly playing into the story, I'm sure at some point it will be brought up in conversation and I can justify using a random, mildly pretentious word to title my story :)

Spring is in the Air

It was so delightfully warm on Wednesday and Thursday that I wore a dress to school on both days. I decided to just embrace that I'm never going to wear shorts to school, and do some online browsing for some nice spring dresses before I finally haul my ass to the mall and drop some dough. I realized that, once again, I have a strange fondness for floral. I know it's spring and all, but I've always had this thing against floral...at least until it gets warm and sunny outside.

Things I want to invest in before it gets nice out: a casual dress which isn't shapeless or black, sandals, at least two skirts (I only have three, and they're, like, all I wear in the spring), and some nice light shirts. I'm being overwhelmed by loveliness just thinking about it.

Spring also means that school is on the decline. School is out in just over three months! Our scheduling for next year should be occurring soon. Once again I intend to take all Honors and AP, and I think I may take both physics and chemistry if I can. The schedule is changing next year, which may mean I won't be able to double up on science, which would be a shame, because if I'm going to struggle through one year of chemistry I might as well struggle through two and get college credit for it. If I can't double up, then I'll just take physics. See, in the new schedule, we would have to lab out for science during study hall, music, or gym, as opposed to any elective as it is now. Whatever the merits of the new schedule may be, I think it's silly to restrict the number of classes a student can take in that way. Also, I really love science :(

Speaking of chemistry, I just can't seem to get the hang of it this year. On the last test we took, though, I got 100! I could not even believe it! My highest test grade after that is an 80! Everyone else did well, too, but usually on the tests that everyone does well on, I still do poorly. I actually hung it on the fridge, I was so happy. It brought my grade up five points. I'm still happy just thinking about it.

The Work I Should Be Doing Instead of This

I made a handy-dandy list.

• Genetic Disease Brochure (approx. two pages)
• Stylistic Devices in Rebecca (two pages)
• Secondary Character Narrative (two-three pages)
• Court Opinions (four pages)

And only half of that is overdue work!

I want to do the biology brochure tonight, and get a start on the second thing, the stylistic devices pseudo-essay. The more complex things I'm going to tackle tomorrow, when I absolutely cannot justify procrastination.

Right at this moment, however, I'm going to go play senseless computer games. Farewell! When shall I write again? Probably tomorrow, when I desperate for distraction from all the homework I have.

Fall of Sabrina

The Sable-bend and the Old Orchad and the Trees
Aligned in a straight fashion, pale with silver leaves
These things line the winding drive where the spirits wait
The winding drive that leads us to the House of Remaurier

She was upon the door, the bloodied door, the blood-red door
The Lady Sabrina 'neath the pillars straight as sin
     (this is what she told me, this is what she said, my Lady Grim)
     (this is what she told me, what she said, my Lady Sin)

I wait beyond with bloodied hand for my Lady Fair
The spirit and the virtue of my Lady, always there
     (the spirit and the virtue, the spirit and the crime)
     (my Lady lost, these ghosts unyielding, drenched in filth and grime)
I wait beyond the door for the Wife Remaurier

My Lady in her beauty, hands clasped 'neath the light in prayer
Why she prays I do not know, for Heaven is not there
Not for my Lady, Wife, my Lady, Wife of Remaurier
The Master's Wife, so much despised
     (my love, Remaurier)

The bed of she, my Lady Fair, is cold, bare with disuse
My Lady takes no lovers for her beauty is a noose
     (my Lady takes no lovers, my dear lovely Lady Fair)
     (my Lady's bed is cold though my Lady's heart is bare)

My Lady's Master, Lover, Tyrant
     (for he is to my place aspirant)
     (for even he's denied that lovely Lady Fair)
My Lady Sin, her beauty fleeting in her master's Grasp
She turns to me and clings to me with her cold sinful Clasp

The Lady Sabrina of this Bloodied Hand of mine
He has tried her patience, though my Lady's bid her time
My Lady Remaurier, my lovely Lady True
My Lady Sin and Grime and Grim, my Lady Lover too

The House has fallen for my lovely Lady's love
The Sable-bend a hollowed route for the worms to take
The worms consume it all now, the House Remaurier
     (the worms consume it all now, my Lady Remaurier)

The Old Orchard is her grave now, and the Master lies with her
My bloody hand upon him, though my Lady did not know
Her vice and sin, my Lady Grim, consumed her angel spirit
Bid me follow and I shall, my fair Lady Dearest

The Murder of my Wife and Lover, the Master's stolen prize
     (preceded only by his own demise)
She drove me do it, I confess, my lovely Lady Fair
She bid me do it for the love that she professed was there

Her vengeance at last taken on her despised cruel Master
     (her vengeance taken on me, my dearest love forever)
     (her vengeance on him and on me, her lovers sworn forever)
She turned from me, my Lady Fair, and her cruel spirit triumphed
     (all that she had done for naught, for my Lady Sin was finished)

Gone forever is the genteel House of Remaurier
I wait with bloodied hands for my Lady Remaurier
The fair Sabrina stole away, from my hands delivered
A sweet respite from all her strife, my Lady Love forever

My Lady bid me do her crime, and for her I gladly did it
"The Tyrant's dead, long live the Queen"--long live the Queen, Sabrina
But her own fall followed not long, for my Lady cursed me
     (my devotion and my love entire)
     (any fool would know that my love was all entire)
She bid me fool to love a Lady of the House Remaurier
She turned from me once the crime was done, my Lady Remaurier

My Lady Love Remaurier down the drive shall no more turn
The winding silver path where our love was born
The House of Remaurier has fallen, and my Lady fallen too
I stopped my Lady's breath when her betrayal burned anew

Lingua Latina

Sentiebam scripta esse non diu. Quod sentio mala, tamen scribo de meum diem.


.........non.

Model UN

Today was the Model UN conference! It was really fun, and I WON something!

Behold! The top part of the dress I wore, a rather nice necklace, the bottom half of my lovely smiling face, and a FRIGGIN' AWARD.

As you may be able to read, I won Honorable Mention, which is really second place. Kim won Best Delegate, which she totally deserved! I mean, I'm just so excited about this! I've never won anything in Model UN, and never even considered that I would. I didn't think I'd win in this one, either. That Kim would win BD was a given, but I figured HM would go to Spain or someone. OhmyGod when they called my name, I just could not stop smiling!

I spoke often and for the most part, I believe I spoke well. Of course, too often I completely blanked and ended up stammering out a less-than-satisfactory ending to whatever point I made. I am SO happy with my award, though!

Alas, Sam was not in my committee. I actually didn't say anything to him. When he walked into the cafeteria in the morning, when we were eating breakfast, I fell into hysterical giggles, actually. Maia and Kim tried to get me to go talk to him, but I couldn't! He was surrounded by his classmates! And at lunch, he also looked busy...I don't know. It seems so strange to spend three months looking forward to something, shaping it in your head, only to not do it when the moment comes. I think I looked forward to it so much that I forgot how incapable I am of talking to people.

I'm not giving up hope, though--there's still two more conferences this year :D

I did talk to the people in my committee. One delegate, China, was pretty friendly--and he goes to the same school that Sam does. Of course, by the end of the conference, I told him about the Sam situation. I tried to play it off as if I only cared because he didn't accept my friend request, and he immediately asks if I LIKE him. So I say, "No, of course not, I've only met him once!"--but my voice, which apparently raised about three octaves, gave me away. China then decided that the best way to proceed was to ASK Sam about getting a friend request from me. They were behind us, and I kept turning around, turning bright red, and being hysterical. Well, that was exciting.

On a final note, one of our chairs--the students who basically run our committee and don't debate--was rather cute :)

That was the conference! I'm so excited for the next one :D

An Enormous Plethora of Things

See, I hadn't blogged in a week, and then I decided to wait until a certain date, and then I was denied access to the computer for a bit, and then I was busy. Now, I am not busy. Miraculous day!

I dyed my hair red! This was the "certain date" I alluded to, two Sundays ago. Behold:

Isn't it lovely? Not my face, since you can't see that, but my hair. Just recall that I was blonde beforehand...and also, looking at it, that the lighting in my office isn't exactly superb. But, it is red! Hurrah!

What else has happened? There's so much to catch up on! Last week, I recieved a 5.5/40 on. If math isn't your strong point (apparently it is not mine, either), that's about 14%. I think there comes a point when it is beyond failing. Alas.

Often, when I don't blog for a long period of time, I find my writing clumsy and ill-worded. I just don't like how I write. I haven't written very much--blog or otherwise--in weeks, and now everything I write seems awful. I'd rather just...go do something else.

Hopefully that will change soon, because the second semester has started at my school, which means CREATIVE WRITING! I know so many people in that class, including Lauren, Maia, Kristen, and Tiffany. I also know some other people, though I'm not really friends with them, like Weslie. I think it's safe to say I don't really like him anymore. I haven't spoken to him yet, so I don't imagine my liking him in the future either.

Of course, with the new semester also comes gym. Two of my gym buddies from last year are in my class, which is wonderful, though nothing will ever compel me not to despise gym. We're playing volleyball again.

Last Saturday, I went to the mall with Lauren in hopes of finding a dress for Cotillion. I didn't find a dress (although I did find a lovely leapord-print prom dress which naturally I had to try on). I did buy a belt, though, so I suppose the trip wasn't entirely unsuccessful! Also, it's always fun to hang out with Lauren. She didn't buy anything, either.

Tomorrow is another meeting of Quills and Keys--my and Maia's writing club, if you forgot--AND a meeting of Model UN. We're having the meeting a day early because the next conference is this Saturday. My country and topic are actually really good--India for Water Rights--so I'm determined to do well. Aaaaand, maybe talk to Angola again? :D We'll see! Also, I ordered a very pretty dress for the conference, which I'm super excited to wear.

I think that's all for now. I'm off to do my Creative Writing homework--I have to write a poem about myself!

MIA

I write to declare that yes, I am still alive. Having been MIA for two weeks, this might have indeed been a question.

My day has thus far consisted of not doing homework, not doing Model UN work, not doing work, and playing the Sims. On Thursday, I received my committee and country! I am: Water Rights, and India. I'm excited, because India is actually relevant to the topic. Ohhh man. Kim is also in my committee, which is cool. I intend to be super-duper prepared and fantastic at this conference--and no, it has nothing to do with Angola. I don't know if I ever mentioned this, but I added him on Facebook (Kim found him, like, two months ago) and he never accepted my friend request! Ah well. Fingers crossed that he's miraculously in my committee again.

I ordered this dress for the conference, and have thus far spent undue amounts of time staring at it online and checking the order status. Oh man, I want this dress to arrive. The order status estimates that it'll arrive next Monday, but I'm hoping that the Magic Gods of Dressdom will smile on me and make it show on, like, Wednesday. Isn't it pretty? :D

I have the perfect shoes for the conference, but they're about four inches tall and I, being a fail, cannot walk in them. Fail fail fail. Also, even if I could walk in them (which I can't), would it seem like I was trying too hard? This one girl wore ridiculously high shoes and she looked, well, ridiculous. I don't want to be that girl. No one wants to be that girl.

Were I the responsible and proactive type, this weekend I would: write an essay on Caracalla early to get extra credit, actually do my chemistry homework instead of staring at it for a little bit, sniffling, and putting it away, and begin research on water rights in India. I don't know what it is with chemistry this year, but it's basically scooping up my brains with a spoon and then laughing at me. I still have a B, even though I got a 72 on the last test, though, so I'm happy about that!

Of course, right after we finish a big project in biology, we start one in chemistry. Such are the woes of doubling up, I suppose. The biology project, my and Kathy's video on meiosis, turned out very well! See it for yourself!

Oops, I was GOING to do that, until I realized that it contained both of our full names in the credits. HAHHH fail.

^ That took over fifteen hours and 700 pictures, thank you. It amazed me that some people had less than 100 pictures. Anyway, I hope your enjoyment of it is inversely proportional to how much we hated making it!

So, my dress for the conference is taken care of, but I still need a dress for Sophomore Cotillion. I love red dresses and white dresses (not red and white, though, heavens!). I'm probably going to go to the mall at some point, hopefully with Lauren and Shari in two weeks. And maybe before then! Who knows? I want to do something this weekend, it being a three-day weekend and all that.

How has everyone been?

In the Spirit of the New Year

I realized that I should probably blog today, it being New Year's Eve and all that. Not that I have anything to say about that, but it somehow seems wrong not to have a final entry of the year. Yes? Yes.

Today, after four and a half years of frustration, I finally beat Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess! Oh man, I'm so awesome. Kim was there to cheer me on. She's still on the Lakebed Temple (ha) and I just kicked Ganondorf's ass. Haaaa.

The sleepover was very fun! I don't know if I mentioned that Kim and I were having a sleepover, but we were. Kim tried pizza pockets for the first time (they're so amazing) and I, as usual, drowned myself in soda. We fiddled online a bit, I said silly things to Weslie (like 'KIM THINKS YOU'RE COOL', after which Kim wouldn't speak to me), and I beat Kim in Battleship! Oh, and I applied fabulous makeup to Kim, and she tried to makeover me and I looked bruised. Oh, Kim.

It was nice out today--not that I went outside too much. The day was spent playing Zelda and watching the Planet Earth marathon. I still wish I had some cool New Year's Eve party to go to, but alas, 'tis too late now. Perhaps next year I'll be cool!

My sadistic English teacher gave us homework, so tomorrow should be spent studying vocabulary and A Tale of Two Cities. That is, if I get off my ass and actually look at my backpack for the first time this break. Next week I have to look forward to finishing the biology project and three tests in English. Yayyy.

In the spirit of the New Year, here's a list of the things I have to look forward to in 2012:

• The second semester of school, which means: creative writing!
• Finishing sophomore year (generally agreed upon to be the hardest year).
• Turning sixteen and throwing a wild party and celebrating quietly with friends!
• As an offshoot of that, learning how to drive and (hopefully!) getting a job.
• Starting junior year, I guess.

So, there are some things! Happy New Year, guys! I hope you all have a stunning night :D

Ramblin'

Hello! I'm determined to get into the habit of blogging again! Besides, it was either this or mindlessly play Sims for another hour. You know, I don't know how to take a screenshot. Me no understandy computer-magic.

The other day, I had the shortest-lived conversation with Weslie (previously Up, if I never made that distinction) ever, and then an hour later my friend, who doesn't even know him, had an hour-long conversation with him. I'm kind of bumming about it, actually. I mean, like, yeah, I get the hint, thanks. I lack the social magic which others possess, I suppose.

This is a picture of my cat. In case you thought it was a picture of someone else's cat. My other cat is in the living room, so I don't want to bother her!

I wish I was going to a New Year's Eve party! I would throw one myself, but I don't have enough friends, and also my house is awful. I could wear a sparkly dress and everything :( Although, Kim is coming over for a sleepover tomorrow, which is almost New Year's Eve. Perhaps at midnight we'll run screaming through the streets, "HAPPY NEW YEAR!", and see if anyone calls the cops.

I should probably read A Tale of Two Cities sometime, or do vocab, since my English teacher actually gave us homework over break. I think I'll just play Sims till my dad kicks me off the computer. Hm!

Good night!

THE HAUL

I, being of the materialistic sort, instead of pontificating on the joys of the holiday and the warmth of family, will give you a photo list of what I got!

My dad got me this loverly book, titled Booknotes: Stories from American History. It goes up to 2002, and is basically a bunch of short stories pertaining to American History. I'm quite excited to start reading it, once I stop being lazy!

Oh, see that hand right there? That's my hand. Oh yeah.

A flibbiload of makeup! Isn't it all so pretty and organized? I'm wearing some right now, and, while I think it looks pretty darn spiffy, I believe the rule against my putting pictures of myself on the internet still applies. Regardless I don't feel like asking. Look at the pretty makeup!

Also, my arm is pretty sexy. Ohhhh yeah.

MY FAVORITE PURSE EVER, EVER. Guys, guys, LOOK at this purse. This purse is fantastic. This purse goes with my outfits. This purse is great. I have realized that I'm in love with it.

Oh man, the top of my head? I understand if some of you are getting uncomfortable!

And, what did I take all of these pictures with? I GOT A WEBCAM. It's so pretty and shiny <3 I would take a picture of it, but, you know...

Anyway, I had a rather lovely holiday, with much Doctor Who watched and much chocolate consumed. I hope everyone else did, too!

The Holidays!

Today was a half-day, being the last day before winter break (!), and I can honestly say we did not do a single academic thing in any class. In my chemistry class, there were only four of us (and Lauren!) and Chem Teacher brought in his daughter, who's about three/four years old, and a generally good time was had by all.

My dad and I are setting up the Christmas tree--pssht, no, it's not two days before Christmas. Oh, and it's two days before Christmas! It's Christmas Eve Eve! I exchanged presents with people! Tegan got me a lovely scarf, Chelsea got me little cat figurines, Jennifer gave me a cupcake, and Shari gave me a delightful blanket :D Oh, and on Wednesday, Joy made me a journal (!), and Maia got me a book--The Essential Guide to Getting Your Book Published. I also got gifts for all of them, of course!

I love getting gifts for people. Later tonight I'll be going to the mall to get gifts for my parents, who I've yet to buy anything for.

Guys, guys, guys. February is in less than two months! I've been looking for a dress for the next Model UN conference, and I think this one would work well, with a business jacket and other accouterments. What do you think? I also kind of like this one, though it's more expensive. Unfortunately, not many stores cater to business-atire-seeking teenagers, so I haven't been able to find anything really perfect.

I've become midlly obsessed with Scrabble. I hate it, really, but then I started playing with Kim on Facebook and now I can't stop.

Now that I'm blogging, I realize how much I forget about things that happen throughout the week. I keep meaning to, but either I don't have time or I don't feel like it. I think, when this is done, I'll comment! Hurray!

Oh, well, I think this is done, actually. MERRY CHRISTMAS!

What what what

Guys, guys, guys, I suck at this. What happened to blogging every couple of days and commenting regularly? Oh, the guilt! It eats away at me! You know, I blogged twice in all of November! How depressing!

Oh, and I centered my text. What what.

My grades right now are so nice, but it's still the beginning of the second marking period, and all of the things which I definitely failed haven't been graded yet. I have three B's and four A's. Yay for me.

I never posted about Quills and Keys! Oh me, oh my--it was so fun! The first meeting, the total number of people was sixteen, and some of them WEREN'T people that I begged to come! The second meeting, there were less, but that's okay! We're all busy with homework, especially ever Thanksgiving break. It's so exciting to be in charge of a club. Maia and I could definitely turn this into something great. Now I look forward to Wednesdays!

I do not look forward to Mondays. Fridays are great because I continually remember, throughout the day, that I don't have to get up early the next day. That's just the best feeling.

I feel like I should include pictures in my posts, but I don't have any pictures handy. Hm! I suppose a giant wall of text will have to do! EAT WORDS, BITCHEZ.

No, no, I kid. You're not bitchez. You're all very nice!

The assignment this week for Quills and Keys is to write a poem. Why I suggested this, I don't know. I never let anyone read my poetry, because I'm not very good. I mean, I'm okay with that, as long as no one else reads them! And one time Maia did when I wasn't looking and laughed at me, and I was pissed. Maybe I'll write something fantastic! Yes.

Yesterday I took a test that f*cked everyone was a bitch was very difficult! The vocab test I took earlier was easy, though. So was the biology test I took today. I don't know. Maybe I'll study for Latin and math this weekend. Hahaha.

I should blog more! I should stop being lazy, yes!

It's the Christmas season. I get to buy gifts for people! Yes!

I'm still alive!

Hello! I'm still alive! The reason I've been silent for the past two or so weeks is because I haven't had access to the computer, but now it's on and I have nothing else to do. So sorry to be so silent! I promise I haven't abandoned you!

I've basically quit NaNoWriMo, which sucks, but alas, it wasn't meant to be. Ironically it wasn't an excess of work which compelled me to fall so far behind, but a lack of motivation on my part, and an abundance of rather ill-timed headaches. I grew to not only absolutely despise my story, my characters, my setting, and my writing, but to be completely unable to come up with anything to write. The trouble was, really, that I didn't develop it properly before diving in and therefore it turned out sloppy and unorganized. Next year!

Speaking of creative writing, though, next Wednesday marks the very first meeting of Maia and I's creative writing club, Quill and Keys! We are very excited. There will be food, and probably writing as well (although no one can be sure). The name was a joint effort. I like it.

How was everyone's Thanksgiving? I cooked the entire dinner (except when my mom helped me cut a giant squash...haha) and it actually turned out pretty well! Of course the only reason I spent half the day cooking and stuck my hand into a dead animal was so we could actually have Thanksgiving dinner on Thanksgiving. Since my mom worked that night, if she were going to cook, it would have to wait till tomorrow. Oh, and I made an apple pie! That, I think, turned out the best. That, and the squash. Yum.

I found out today that an essay is due in English on Monday. One, the school doesn't allow projects or tests on Monday, so Rocky can't even do that. Two, she never actually told period 4 that the essay was due, and hasn't posted it online. The essay is about point of view. Someone explain to me how the hell one writes in essay on point of view, please.

The good news in English is that we're finally starting A Tale of Two Cities, which is one of my favorite books! Also, I got 100 on that narrative essay from forever ago :D In good school news, the new marking period has started, so I can almost pretend that the good grades on the first three assignments of the year can be maintained! As of last marking period, I have three A's, two B's, and three C's. The C's disappoint me, except in chemistry, where the only reason I got a C and not a D is because teacher gave me points for homework I didn't actually do =.= I pity one kid who had an 89.48, or something like that. So close.

Right now I have an 83 in chem since he's only posted one grade, but hopefully I can keep it up! I have 100 in biology. Ha ha ha :)

I think I'll go write something that isn't NaNoWriMo, so I can regain my sanity. Good night, everyone! Have a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend!

In lieu of a proper, sensical entry, my dears...

The writing's gone well, if by well you mean poorly
If by writing you mean slop set to a story
If by gone you mean delayed and fought for and against
If by the you mean--well, it has been so long since
I put words in a rhythm, prose into rhyme
I tend to slip up from time to time
And, like above, miss a syllable or two
Or go on too long 'fore starting stanza anew

The institution of learning which I have been sent to
Can burn in rotten hell, and every teacher too
In truth, I do not mean to be cruel
But to delineate my struggles given to me by school
In the past week alone would take half an hour
To describe the whole year I don't have the power
To describe the last day I think would suffice
If the very idea did not fill me with vice

However, some happiness! Pieces of news
For which without my san'ty I might lose
Some Sunday past, a week ago since
My dear friend Maia did manage to convince
My easily-won mind to chop of my hair
And now, simply put, it's simply not there
Cut 'round my chin, and with bangs to boot
Do I regret it? The answer is moot

For regret I have none; for other things, yes
For miseries which have fallen into mess
My happinesses, I find, are few and quite fleeting
My sorrows are great, my matches I am meeting
Or failing to meet, or falling behind
The struggle and the stress of my mind
Is oftentimes too great to bear
But in my grades, 'tis apparent there

But speak not of misery! It does not promote
Good nature to feel as if cut by the throat
Or optimism to feel always left in the dust
Though sometimes it is hard, so sometimes we must
Look forward with a smile, find it in ourselves to laugh
Look to the good things, look back to the gaffs
And the jokes and the joys we shared with our friends
So even for hardships we may make amends

A Step by Step Guide

Tonight, I remembered why I used to love dances so much! It was the Halloween dance, and I, being my glamorous self, was a movie star. I had an enormous fur coat and everything, guys! Shari and I got there at the very beginning and throughout the entire night, there really wasn't more than approximately 150 people there. Considering we have a school of 2,000, this is a pretty small dance. Everyone was inside the cafeteria with smoke machines and lights and a basically continuous stream of dance music. I started out nervously moving my hands back and forth, because I'm so incredibly lame, but by the end of the three hours, I was perfectly comfortable shimmying around the dance floor with various Disney princesses!

None of my friends other than Shari were there, so I hung around with Shari's friends! They were pretty cool! There was Monica and Katie, who I vaguely know, and Freya and Jamie, who I didn't know at all. Very fun. There was a not-surprising amount of girls dressed, er, promiscuously, and an even less surprising number of people grinding. Not that I fit into either of these categories :)

It really was fun, and I'm glad I went. On Monday, I'm going trick-or-treating with Shari and some of the people from the dance! I might almost consider going to Sophomore Cotillion now, even though I remain sadly dateless. Ah well. It's still fun to go with friends!

By the way, if anyone was unsure about exactly how lame my dancing is:

A step by step guide.

Well, that was my night! Good night, everyone! I promise to comment soon!