Bon Jovi is Beast (my quest for the perfect love song)

Which this entry will not be about.

[I'll Be There For You--Bon Jovi]

I'm kinda a romantic, so on a whim, I googled 'greatest love songs of all time', where I stumbled upon I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing by Aerosmith. It was only part of it though, so, since I loved it, I youtubed it. After having listened to that about a million times, I looked at the related videos and found BON JOVI SONGS! <3

What do you know. This entry was about my quest for love songs.

[You Give Love a Bad Name--Bon Jovi]

Last night was actually really fun. I got a call from Nat and Lolo at about ten, and, surprise, Aaron was on too (conference mode). After awhile we added RWI and Marsha and we ended up talking till two in the morning.

Which is when my parents came upstairs and demanded my phone. Then Aaron called back because I was connected to Lolo and RWI and my mom almost instantly (after, of course, she told him to 'have a nice night'), said "Why is a BOOOOOOOOOOOOY calling you at two in the morning?"

Anyways, my phone is now not allowed upstairs. Poohey.

It is a little strange that Marsha actually stayed with us, though. Especially since he was tired :DC-C

That would be a person.

It all got so mundane...with you I'm back again.

I bring a new definition to the term 'hopeless romantic'. You know I've had a crush on someone since I started school? I've never known not liking someone! I think I enjoy it, *sigh*.

So. Anyways.

OKAY SO MY MOM GOT INVITED TO THIS FOURTH OF JULY THING AND ITS ACTUALLY AFTER FOURTH OF JULY BUT WHATEVER...ANYWAYS I WAS INVITED TO AND THERE'S GONNA BE THIS REALLY CUTE GUY THERE WHO'S LIKE PERFECT AND MY MOM THINKS HE'S MY SOUL MATE THOUGHT SHE'D NEVER ADMIT IT AND OMGICANTWAIT!!!!!!!!!

I gotta find something to wear!

Oh, and Silver is in Iowa for a competition. Pooey. I'm all lonely in French class :(

-

"You're being stubborn, Evaline," the ghost said (I refused to believe she was anything more than an apparition). Before I could retaliate, she mused, "Evaline...Evaline Nemant. Evaline Porter. Eva Reana. Such pretty names. Why do you change them with every life? Why don't you at least keep Evaline?"

I swallowed. The ghost was asking very personal questions. "I can't keep the same name for two lifetimes in a row. It causes problems. People ask questions."

The ghost frowned. "You haven't kept the same name since your second marriage, not anything like it. The closest to it was Eva Reana. You hate your name, don't you?"

She was much too direct for someone I barely knew, but it had been so long since I had talked to anybody. I could feel the onslaught of words coming. "I told you, it would cause complications," I said quickly, before anything slipped out that I'd regret. I would not explain myself to the ghost before me.

The truth was, Evaline Nemant ceased to exist, and Evaline Porter died long ago. How could I tell that to the ghost? And Eva Reana...Eva Reana had been my mother's name. Her name was all I had left of her. It was precious, my greatest treasure. I could not overuse is.

"Your names are so boring usually," the ghost complained. "So generic and ordinary and plain. Jane Smith. Emily White. Beth Taylors was better, but you dropped it so quickly..."

I grimaced. I did not like to be reminded of my past idenities. Especially Beth Taylors. The memories attached to that name were so painful. This spirit could not possibly know.

"If you are what you say you are, then have you kept the same name your entire life?" I challenged. The ghost laughed, undaunted. What did she say her name was? Rachel...

"I was born Naia Rachel Onland," she said. "And I have never variated as far from that as you have. Often I have kept the same name for a hundred years, and no 'complications' have emerged. I doubt you stay in the same place for more than a lifetime, so there should be no problems. Thus, as I said before, you hate your name. But why? It is so pretty."

I looked at the ground. I could not meet her eyes. "Well?" she pressed. She was not going to give up.

"I do not like to think of the life that went with those names," I mumbled.

-

excerpt from my latest story, Forever

There's a ghost at the door.

New colors, but then, you've known that for four days.

Not much has happened in the time of my absence. I've been having wicked dreams for the past few nights (but not tonight, and I know why...grr) and I can't remember a single one. I had a mini-breakdown and unloaded on Nat via texting...but that's not fun.

Speaking of Nat and texting, I woke up at one in the morning with the phone in my hand and it buzzing from a text from Nat. She said I hung up on her. Apparently, she had called, and I was on for five seconds (I checked) before hanging up on her. I don't remember this at all. No wonder I didn't answer, I wasn't even conscious!

I really need to finish my French project and at least begin ILP, but as of late, I haven't felt like doing anything related to school. I have no drive to do homework, no matter how vitally important it may be! Actually, I've felt like this since the end of winter break, but that's another story.

I reallyreallyREALLY need to do these things, though.

IF my mom's schedule upholds, I might be going with Glue to see Night at the Museum 2 later this morning. If my mom ever wakes up. God, parents and sleeping in.

Adieu, mon amis. A tout a l'heure and all that.

Bonne nuit, bonne nuit.

La séparation est tel chagrin doux,

que je dirai la bonne nuit jusqu' au lendemain.

I feel like such a cannibal :)

[The World Should Revolve Around Me--Little Jackie]

I made strawberry shortcake :)

That's pretty much it.

This strawberry shortcake is the best thing EVER.

Had it up to the gills...makes you cry while the milk still spills. Aint it just a b*tch? What a pain...well it's all a crying shame.

What left to do but complain?

[Get Over It--OK Go]
Eventually I'll forge my way out of the storm into the everlasting sun. Or I'll freeze to death. But enough corny-sounding, deep crap. Yesterday both rocked and sucked, within the same few hours.

It rocked because me and Nat went somewhere during French class (well, she was in science), and it was actually really fun, and we started talking about high school, and the teacher present gave us these awesome 'Course Selection' packets! They're the coolest. I can't wait till I get to actually pick what classes I'm gonna take, but that's not till next year. Oh well...I'll be patient :P Haha, not that I want to leave my fanturdulous (new favorite word) school.

[Pain--Three Days Grace]

It sucked because 1) It was my dad's birthday, so I didn't go to the dance last night, which wasn't so bad, and 2) Nat got Kim to hear my side of the story (did I mention Kim and I were fighting?), and I have no idea what to say, and I'm really scared. I'm not exactly what you would call confident, and this is huge, and I was really hungry when Nat told me. So...yeah. I pretty much felt like I was gonna pass out till dinner.

And, confession: now that Kim and Nat are all resolved (at least, I assume they are, I'm not sure if Kim ever apologized or just said 'I got over that' again, and I'm not sure if Nat cares), though I doubt their friends again (at least on cordial terms), I feel alone. I mean, I don't want to drag Nat back into this. It's just between me and Kim now. But she never had anyone, but now I don't either. I need people around me, or I'm never sure if I'm doing the right thing.

At least in this case I know I'm right. Kim isn't so intimidating face-to-face, and I can say the same things I say on Facebook or Yahoo in real life.

The main issue right now, besides my ever-shifting confidence? After Nat told me about all of this, I felt like I had to do something. So, before I had calmed down at all, before I was thinking rationally, I called Kim. It wasn't much of a conversation, because she had to get ready for the dance, but I still must've lost some points. It didn't help my nerves, either.

So that was pretty dumb of me. Heck, I do stupid things in breakdowns.

I love going to counselors.

You're not the only one, so get up.

[Riot--Three Days Grace]

Let's start a riot. Gather up all the ones who've given up. Round up all the broken hearts and give them a purpose. Fight till we bleed from out eyes and we collapse on the floor in a defiant heap. Let's bring down the ones who left us behind. Let's bring down the ones who think they're better than us. Let's fight--fight till we can't fight anymore. Tear apart the fabric that holds us together and set our society on fire.

[Over and Over--Three Days Grace]

You don't try to make me love you. You don't even want me to...but I can't help it anymore. You've taken me over, set my brain on fire, drawn forth every tear from my eyes. I think I enjoy it. Because I know I want to be with you...no matter what. But at the same time, I know you'd be unhappy. I don't want that. So I try to let you go, but I can't. I know it hurts me, but I love you. I always will. I can't let you go. It doesn't matter so much that you can't bear to look at me...that hurts, but I need you near me. I need to see you. It's what I wake up every day for.

[Let You Down--Three Days Grace]

Come on. Trust me. I dare you. Yeah, trust me, and don't you worry, I won't let you down. Not till you trust me, tell me everything, call me your friend. Then, baby, I could care less. Come on, just stay long enough for me to show you the side no one should ever see. Because I'm a monster, baby, right beneath the skin. By the time you realize what I've done to you, it'll be too late to run. You can't run, baby. I will let you down. So trust me, give me everything, and maybe you'll live to realize what I've done.

[Drown--Three Days Grace]

Why do I do this? Over and over, over and over, I fall for you. Over and over, over and over, I try not yo.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=okC4hw8IPYg&NR=1
I feel it everyday,
it's all the same.
It brings me down
but I'm the one to blame.
I've tried everything to get away.
So here I go again,
chasing you down again,
why do I do this?
Over and over,
over and over,
I fall for you.
Over and over,
over and over,
I try not to.
It feels like everyday
stays the same.
It's dragging me down
and I can't pull away.
So here I go again,
chasing you down again,
why do I do this?
Over and over,
over and over,
I fall for you.
Over and over,
over and over,
I try not to.
Over and over,
over and over,
you make me fall for you.
Over and over,
over and over,
you don't even try.
So many thoughts that I can't get out of my head.
I try to live without you, every time I do I feel dead.
I know what's best for me,
but I want you instead.
I'll keep on wasting all my time.
Over and over,
over and over,
I fall for you.
Over and over,
over and over,
I try not yo.
Over and over,
over and over,
you make me fall for you.
Over and over,
over and over,
you don't even try to.
-
My new theme song.

I know that you're wounded. I know I'm here to save you. You know I'm always here for you. I know you'll thank me later.

[Pain--Three Days Grace]

I lovelovelove Three Days Grace. Listen to them, foo!

I actually had a fairly great weekend. It actually started out fairly bad, because I really wanted to go over to Silver's house and she never turns on her phone, so I was pretty much convinced I wasn't going, and I was sad.

[Get Out Alive--Three Days Grace]

But then, alas, she called! Hallelujah. She has the COOLEST house. Haha, we played Extreme Go Fish (only the greatest card game known to man), swung on a hammock, discussed the frightening-ness of mummies, gave Nixon (her dog) a walk, got mud/fertilizer(?) on my shoes, and visited Dylan. Ugh. He didn't acknowledge my existence at all and then he asked if I was going to some Odyssey of the Mind thing Silver had forgotten about. Hmmph.

[Wake Up--Three Days Grace]

My parents picked me up around six, and as soon as I got home I got on Facebook. Of course. And then, surprise surprise, Basil had commented on my status! After I got over the initial hyperventilating, I commented back. I wish I had said something else...

TODAY, I had to get up at five for the Susan B. Komen Race for the Cure thing, because me and my mom were volunteering at the Wawa tent. Oh my. Oh my oh my oh my. I swear, I would clean up one table, turn around to clean another one, turn back, and IT WOULD BE A MESS AGAIN! Overall, it was fairly fun, though I never EVER want to work at Wawa EVER.

[Scared--Three Days Grace]

Vera and her family were there too, but that was fairly uneventful, so whatever.

After that we went to Ikea, which has the GREATEST meatballs in the would. Seriously.

ThenthenTHEN me and my dad went to see STAR TREK. He said the Abrhams dude completely changed the storyline again, but I thought it was pretty much da bomb. AND SPOCK WAS PLAYED BY THE SAME PERSON WHO PLAYS SYLAR IN HEROES!!!!! OH, YAY!

Sylar is my dream guy :) Hahaha. They WILL bring him back next season...they MUST!

We will fall together from the building's ledge, never looking back at what we've done. We'll say it was love, 'cause I would die for you.

[Skyway Avenue--We The Kings]

Escape The Fate, We The Kings, and BoysLikeGirls. LISTEN.

No one's on Facebook, so I figured I'd blog. Not much of an update.

I'm most probably going over to Silver's house tomorrow :D:D:D I already knew the vaque area she lived in, but I saw Dylan (it's a....long story) while at Penny Packer Park with my mom, and now I know FOR SURE.

[Secret Valentine--We The Kings]

Basil came back :) He's been absent the past two days. Haha, he and his group (Daniel and Apple) preformed the song they did based on Code Orange. I can never listen to 'Down With the Sickness' (Disturbed) the same way again.

I'm still mad at a CERTAIN SOMEONE. If you want to apologize, then just come out and say it. If not, don't bother sitting with us. Nat, Lolo, Ani, and me started the 'clique', not you. In our group, you're a nobody. GET IT? A NOBODY!

Argh. Deep breathes.

PleasePleasePLEASE comment! I beg of you! I'm dying here!

Byesies.

[Situations--Escape The Fate]

[Thunder--BoysLikeGirls]

[Shut Up and Let Me Go--The Ting Tings]

[That's Not My Name--The Ting Tings]

To quote a favorite book of mine, there are no words for this.

I feel like crap. Falling apart at the seams.
Maybe I shouldn't try to help everyone I love. Maybe I shouldn't lose sleep at night over their problems. But it's who I am. It's what I do. I will make things right again. Maybe I appointed myself as mediator, but I'm doing the best I can, and damn well better than half the people I know would do. If you don't like it...stop telling me half-stories. Stop keeping the truth from me. Stop threatening me with your friendship. I've said goodbye before. I will do it again. You can't hurt me so much as you can break my heart...but you know I'll get over it fast. I always do. You're not worth as much as you think.

If you'd accept surrender, give up some more. Weren't you adored? I cannot be without you, matter of fact.

[Walking After You--Foo Fighters]

Maybe I'm the only one, but I find Basil heart-breakingly gorgeous. He's not even good looking. It's just...sometimes I look at him and it just stuns me.

Not the best way to start an entry, I know. It just screams 'RUN! SHE'S GOING TO GO INTO A LONG, CORNY, RIDICULOUS, PITIFUL RANT ABOUT HOW MUCH SHE LIKES BASIL, HOW MUCH HE HATES HER, ETC.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' You have been warned.

Actually, I wasn't planning on ranting about him :P That just popped into my head.

Not much happened today, but I felt like I should blog (maybe it would inspire you to comment...?)

[I Wasn't Prepared--Eisley]

In humanities, Bloom and Seagull kept.......bothering me and Lori. We were right next to them as we went over answers for...questions. What else? Anyway, their bothersomes(?)* included exaggeratedly stopping and listening to us, making various sarcastic comments, and reading over my shoulder.

It was fun.

*(?) means I'm not sure if it's a word, or I just made it up.

[I Don't Wanna Be In Love--Good Charlotte]

I'm feeling strangely happy, or optimistic, or confident, whatever you wanna call it. So, strictly romantic/happy songs (like all of the ones I've listened to so far in this entry). I hope it lasts :)

Metaphor

Bordering the road
I travel day to day,
is another, smaller path
that I dread to take.
I stay, trapped on my own road,
held here by the limits
of my mind,
and imagine, through the pines
and spruces
and willow trees,
what that path could possibly be.
For I have achieved the alchemist's dream
of turning worthless stone
into the most precious gold.
This smaller path arrived the day
the faults of stone all slipped away
and were replaced
by the perfection only I could create.
The smallest leap it would take
to leave my quiet road,
into the path paved with gold.
This gold only I can see,
it is still stone to all but me,
but to me, it's all glory.
Still I am afraid to take the leap,
for the gold, though it glimmers,
looks so slippery.
So unstable, in its way,
that I could never trust it
to keep me sane.
And yet, still it glimmers,
still it shines with perfection,
and though I know
it can do no good for me,
I long to see,
I beg to see
silently.
This quiet path I take,
always in view of my smaller road
paved with gold,
for though I know it hurts me so,
I will not let it go,
for letting it go
does more harm still.
-
I know it kinda cuts off at the end, but I must say, I love this poem. It flows so perfectly, at least I think so. A lot of times I want it to rhyme but it just sounds so forced. I love it when the rhymes and the flow just come naturally to the poem. Read it again!

My mind, it kinda goes fast...I'll try to slow it down for you. I want to give you something I've been wanting to give to you for years...my heart.

[Congratulations--Blue October]

Oh, how I love this song. Blue October is the best.

I really have nothing to blog about except the bus :0 It was fun and somewhat...frightening. Bruce and I kinda playfully beat each other up. I only tried to steal his backpack! I ended up sitting on his arm :P

Hahaha.

The really funny part was when these two sixth graders sitting behind us mentioned something about poptarts, and this guy from the back (Conner) came up and demanded the poptart. And as if that weren't funny enough, the sixth graders told him I had the poptart, so he stole my backpack. I never let go of it the entire time, but he, like, bear-hugged it, so I cried, most vivaciously, "What are you doing???". To which he replied, "I'm making out with your backpack! Could you give us a little privacy??"

Ah, the days when one could make out with someone else's backpack and not be reprimanded.

[Ugly Side--Blue October]

You know, Blue October is pretty far up there on my list of "Favorite Bands". I mean, respect keeps My Chemical Romance up on top, but if I wasn't so obsessed with keeping them my favorite band just because they always have been, Blue October would blow past first. As it is, they are in a close second.

[Into the Ocean--Blue October]

Not only is there music the closest thing to perfect ON EARTH, I can relate somehow to every one of their lyrics (which, as you know, is the first thing I look for in a song). They somehow take angst and insecurity and morph it into a smooth, pretty, not-head-banging-but-still-fairly-awesome melody, that hints slightly at insanity. At least, I think they do. This is a GOOD thing, guys!

My Chemical Romance, of course, is just as good. While their lyrics are a little too out-there to be related to, they're music is dark and twisted and AWESOME and sometimes romantic and while the words don't reflect me, the actual tune does. Also, they're a great inspiration, because their songs just reek with far-out-ness.

[Hate Me--Blue October]

I never understood people listening to calming music to, well, calm down. When I'm mad, I listen to head-thrashing, obnoxiously loud, screamer music, and it MUST have lyrics that fuel my fury. Example: One Step Closer, by the close-third Linkin Park (another band with incredible beats and close-to-perfect lyrics, though they tend to have one screamer bit in every one, but heck, they're the picture of teenage ansgt). If I'm sad, I listen to the slowest, most depressing music I can find on my iPod. If I'm happy, I won't risk killing my buzz by listening to anything other than the happiest, preppiest, funnest music I have.

If I want to write, on the other hand, I either listen to something related to what I'm writing, or I listen to something 'inspirational'. Inspirational is in whatever these (') are because I don't mean the crap they sell at such places as Bed, Bath, and Beyond. I mean songs that make me think, using no matter what side of my brain.

[You Make Me Smile--Blue October]

You make me smile, my friends. Have at thee with the comments. Please?

I had the perfect song-lyric and I FORGOT WHAT SONG IT CAME FROM!!!!1!!

Forgive me, o kind and faithful readers!

[A Kind of Magic--Queen]

I really do have an excuse for my [extended] absence. MOTHER DEAREST GROUNDED ME FROM THE COMPUTER. I actually didn't mind that much, except I COULDN'T BLOG. I had a lot to tell, too, on Saturday and Sunday at least...

[I Wasn't Prepared--Eisley]

I SPENT, LIKE, HALF THE WEEKEND WITH LOLO. It was supa amazingly fun. Okay, so 'half the weekend' was actually 21-ish hours (I've been planning this entry for awhile).

It all started out at 1:30 on Saturday when I FINALLY got to bring Lolo to Penny Packer Park. We didn't eat much of what we brought ourselves, mostly dining on the joyous deliciousness of Wawa hoagies/Mountain Dew (did I mention it was a picnic?).

[Walking After You--Foo Fighters]

After that we went down the path I got INSANELY muddy on, and I got muddy again, except not as much. That devious mud-trap was not taking my shoes this time! We were rather fair down when my dad called and asked us where we were. We had to go ALL THE WAY back, and we took a different path, which, though I picked it, was not the best idea.

FINALLY we got back, and Mom and Dad didn't wanna go on the muddy path, because they didn't want to crawl through the underbrush to get to the non-muddy part (which, by the way, is also muddy). So we went up to Driscoll and took pictures of turtles, then took the path around Hopkins, and took some quite lovely scenic pictures, and several pictures of ourselves, which cannot be classified as 'lovely'. I didn't see the fish under the bridge :(

Anyways, we got about halfway around the second side, where the GREAT FALLEN TREE is, when we met my parents, who had gone the other way. After climbing all over the tree, and taking profuse pictures, we had to head back. My parents, in all their grand unfit-ness (not that I'm any better) where tired. There was still a whole other path I had yet to show Lolo! Argh.

AFTER THAT we got Rita's! It was supa delicious. I got Peach Mango.

[Bullets--Tunng]

Lolo still had an hour till she had to be back home for Boat's b-day party, so we came back to my house and watched Family Sins. In that time, Lolo convinced me I should come with her to the birthday party. EVIL LOLO.

A nine year old's gymnastics party is not a fun thing to attend, especially when all the little kids are not only evil, but about a hundred times better than you at EVERYTHING, and one of them is a smartass sixth grader who threatens to 'throw' you. I could so take that b*tch.

The above was meant as a joke.

To make matters worse, at the very beginning, I got rug burn. Yes, rug burn. Jumping into a pit of foam squares and crawling under...things is not fun when you have rug burn. On your knee. My parents found this humorous, but have yet to tell me why.

It's STILL healing!

After the party dispersed, I went back to Lolo's house, where she asked her parents if we could have a sleepover. Surprise surprise, they said no!

I'm kidding. Obviously.

Here's a list, in chronological order, of what we did:

1. Played WiiPlay.
2. Helped Boat open presents, tried to play with a few. Shut up.
3. Played 'Would You Rather' for a couple hours, in which I was thoroughly embarrassed.
4. Went on the laptop; had pizza.
5. Slept.

I probably have a few things off, but oh well. It was a week ago, for Pete's sake! And yes, I'm aware that it is sad that this is fun to me. DEAL WITH IT.

Um, weird, what's with the space?

My mom picked me up at around 10:30 to inform me I was grounded. Bah.

So, NJ ASK week at school. If you ask me, I'd rather have the NJ ANSWER! *waits for applause, laughter*

Not much has happened besides that. I cleaned my room?

Well, no, somethings did happen, but I don't really remember what they were, so I'm going to say they were insignificant and move on.

By 'move on', I mean 'end this entry'.

Farewell.

I couldn't decide on a title.

[Into the Ocean--Blue October]

I found my phone!

I also have a bad habit of not locking my iPod so it starts playing and loses half its batteries. But hey, we aren't all perfect.

I want to write, but I don't know what about. I need something completely new to think about...not the stories I already have, not the same old themes.

I'm really getting tired of writing paragraphs that begin with 'I'.

I can't stop.

HELP!

I have my iPod on shuffle :) Supa fun. And yes, I realize I am weird for finding putting my iPod on shuffle exciting in any way.

ruthyisaloser.webs.com I AM A GENIUS. Kim gave me the idea, and don't worry, 'Ruthy' isn't offended. Haha, I'm not telling you guys who Ruthy is. :P

[Over You--Daughtry]

AHHH now I'm going to rant about Basil, because no entry would be complete without it. And I want to vent, and none of my friends are online.

I'm assuming my pretense of not liking [HAHAHAHA I have dictionary.com open as I write this...how lame am I?] Basil is pretty much useless, since I've always been a horrible liar about these kinds of things. I'm coming clean: yes, I do still like him, but I don't WANT to like him. That oughta count for something!

And really, you can't blame me too much, I've liked the guy for over a year, for whatever unfathomable reason. It's hard to let go of that, even when it's what needs to be done. Right? I'm not just being stupid, right? RIGHT?

[Numb--Linkin Park]

Anyway, it's just....just...I keep wondering what he's thinking whenever he looks sad, or whenever he talks to me (to ask what the homework is, usually, or to copy off of my papers, which he's been forgetting to bring to class). I mean...I know he can't possibly think about me as much as I think about him, but does he ever? Does he ever wonder the things I wonder? Has he ever dreamed of me?

[Gives You Hell--The All-American Rejects]

At the same time, I hate myself for even thinking of that, because it's so glaringly obvious he only sees me as a nuisance. I think that's what low self-esteem is...not just seeing yourself as bad, but seeing some good in you then instantly beating yourself for daring to think that. I have the worst self-esteem. And I'm insecure. And I'm shy. AGH!

Okay. Breathing. In, out. Rant over.

[Give 'Em Hell, Kid--My Chemical Romance]

WHY. HAS. NO. ONE. COMMENTED. Why????????? Like, EVERYONE'S blogged, but not a SINGLE comment! What's with that? Am I no longer worthy of your comments? Well, FINE. I'll just comment you myself! You big meanies!

Ani made Silver be nice to me for today and Monday :) Oh, the joy. I'm trying to ignore the fact that she's being bribed with the threat of five bucks.
Did I ever mention, my mom has weird ideas about hair? She put ROLLERS in it. ROLLERS.

[We Didn't Start the Fire--Billy Joel]

My hair looked FREAKY this morning. Like, insanely curly. And poofy. It looked about half as short. So, I did what I always do when my hair's embarassing to look at: I put it in a ponytail. Even then part of it stuck out, so I added a hair clip (which I just realized I left in my gym sweats...) and left the bangs.

By the time I took it out, in gym, it had flattened out considerably. According to Silver, the front looked good, and the back looked like something from the 1920s. Oh well, I kept it down. It looked awesome by the time I got home :) But I didn't think to take pictures till an hour or two later.

[The Suffering--Coheed & Cambria]

I NEED AN ITUNES GIFT CARD! Like, desperately. But I also need to get soil and my rose. DILEMMA. I'm gonna get the soil.

Plans for a picnic with Lolo tomorrow :) If her parents say yes, we're going down to Penny Packer Park, where I got considerably muddy yesterday. Haha, my shoe got stuck like a foot under the mud, but I managed to dig it out. My mom took, like, eight pictures. I would post them, but that's probably not the best idea...since it's online...and we all know there are stalkers capable of tracking you and killing you from just a very muddy picture. You know it.

Lemme see if I can get them on anyway.

[Hotel Calfornia--The Eagles] (I'm beast at this song on Guitar Hero)

Nope. Ahh.

[Minority--Green Day]

Are we human, or are we dancer?

Possibly the greatest inside joke of all time, just because it's so open and everyone knows it. Haha, it's between me and Gem, and we recently added Melissa to the mix. I love inside jokes :)

So, after the movie, me and Kim went to the shopping center near the theater (not the mall, though, which is across the street). We went to Target, which had NOTHING cute at all there, which sucked, because I need new jeans (Silver ripped mine today...). We pretty much skipped every other store and ended up at Kohls, where we spent the rest of the time :) I like Kohls, but gosh darn it, they had nothing cute either. We pretended we were spies and Kim got sunglasses, though, so it'[wa]s all cool :)

I have...nothing else to write. I would update on the Basil-scenario, but there's nothing really to say. He asked what the French homework was? I didn't freak out when I told him? Um...

Byes.

What's this? What's this? There's something very wrong.

[songs from The Nightmare Before Christmas, among my favorite movies]

WellWellWell, I've had quite the eventful week! Let's start with Friday.

I've been wanting to shop for a dress for Lolo and Silver's Bat Mitzvahs and on Friday my parents were planning to go to the mall. Dilemma! While I wanted to go to the mall, shopping for dresses (or just shopping in general) is weird with your parents. So, my first thought was to ask Nat to come, since she wanted to go shopping to. Unfortunately, Nat was busy (yoga...), so LOLO TIME.

Haha, we wanted to have a sleepover, but my parents have this thing about short-notice. Anyways, instead of getting smoothies, we got the MIDNIGHT TRUFFLE BLIZZARD. Oh, joy. They are quite possibly the greatest things on Earth. In the universe. The annoying talking mouth was right when he said "Cloud 9"...

And I found a dress! It's blue and according to Sara, Lolo, and my mom, it looks good on me. Haha, now I have to find silver shoes/accesories to go with it. That'll be fun...

We also discovered how to hold a Q-tip between our bottom lip and chin. Oh, the hilarity.

Today: I watched a movie with Kim! 17 Again, and yes, the one with Zac Efron. Don't kill me, it didn't look that bad. And, wonder of wonders, it wasn't! It was actually pretty good, a little predictable, and very, very sweet at the end. I can never look at gazelles the same way again...

Silence is the enemy against your urgency, so rally up the demons of your soul.

[Know Your Enemy--Green Day]

It ended as soon as I wrote that.

[We Made You--Eminem]

My egg burrito is 1) more of a lopsided square, and 2) is extremely messy. But it's good, so all is forgiven.

BASIL HAS THE BIGGEST MOUTH ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET. GUESS WHO HE TOLD? GUESS! SEAGULL!!!!!!!!!!!!

It all started when I was born.

[How You Love Me Now--Hey Monday]

I heard Basil say in science (after we were all packed up, waiting to be dismissed) "Me and Zac tricked it out of her..." Of course, I immediately thought of how they tricked Kim into telling them I liked him. So, naturally, I tried not to stare at him like the love-sick nut I am, and also trying to strain to hear the rest of the conversation. I didn't, though, and then I hear Seagull say, "That's so mean, Strawberry." (in that joking, sarcastic voice he uses for everything). I look over, and Basil is doing something with his hands that I don't see clearly because he 1) (whoa, second time I've used this style of listing things in one blog entry) stops doing it as soon as I look over, and 2) I was being a good girl and looking at Seagull, the one who'd addressed me.

I think I did a pretty good job (at first) of turning away and looking confused/annoyed, but it wasn't long before I was bursting into giggles. Jeez, my heart was audible from across the room, and he wasn't even the one speaking to me! Oh, bah. Bahbahbah. Quadruple blah. This sucks.

I mean, he said he didn't care when he found out I liked him, he said he'd forget about it. Did he forget about it? No! And now Seagull knows. You have no idea how insanely bad this is.

But...But...HE TOLD HIS FRIENDS. That means nothing, I know, but I think that's what made my heart beat like a jackhammer. Wait, that made no sense...

If Seagull tells Flower, which he probably will, my life is OVER.

Sometimes you get discourages

because I'm so small and

aways leave my fingerprints

on furniture and wall.

But everyday I'm growing,

I'll be grown up someday,

and all the tiny handprints

will surely fade away.

So here is a final handprint,

just so you can recall

exactly how my fingers looked

when I was very small.

AWWW! That was part of a project we did, like, years ago in school. It's a can! And I put my hand in paint and PUT MY HANDPRINT ON THE CAN.

A-dord-able.

Agh, I pressed the wrong button, and now this entry's all messed up! Oh well, I was done anyway.

Too-ta-loos!

You're the one they adore, who they came to see. You're a rockstar, everybody wants you. Player, who can really blame you?

[Invincible--OK Go]

I went hiking around Penny Packer park with Aunt Anne! I HAVE to bring Lolo there sometime. It's wonderful.

[We Made You--Eminem]

I went to the mall with Kim yesterday! Funfunfun. I got two new shirts, also known as the greatest things on Earth. I owe Kim seven dollars, though. She lent me money :)

Nordstrom's ROCKS.

Kim looks a lot like her mom. Just an observation.

Also got: bright pink lipgloss. I lovelovelove it :) I want/need mascara. I lost mine...

-

The little girl shivered, her thin arms wrapped around me with strength she didn’t have anymore. Maybe they were frozen there. I was terrified, more so than I had ever been in my entire life, but not for myself. This tiny stranger beside me, who now trusted me with her life, took up all my concern. I was too numb to feel my own pain, but her skin was colder than anything I had ever felt.
If only I had found her before night fell. Then we would not be here, freezing to death in a small, lonely cave, our only company and source of warmth each other. If only she had not had such a vivid imagination, if only she had not been so childishly gullible and believed the story told last night near a warm fire, a story about fairies and magic hiding in the woods. I remembered seeing her big, silvery eyes light up when the camp director, the teller of the story, said the fairies lived in flowers and came out at night to dance in the moonlight.
I remembered this, but at the time I had no idea she would run away into the night, searching for the fabled creatures. The camp was in chaos when I woke up the next morning. Her parents were wrecks, sobbing in the corner, while the camp director was trying desperately to form a search party. Eventually I realized they weren’t going anywhere, and I embarked into the forest myself, to find the girl. It had felt like…like my responsibility.
Now we were going to die. I should’ve moved faster. I should’ve just waited for the others to get organized. But then, I realized, she would be alone now. She might not have survived this long.
It was bitterly cold, freezing every muscle so every movement felt like I was being ripped apart, but I forced myself to say, “My name is Catherine.”
The little girl looked at me, but it didn’t seem like she was really seeing me, like she was in a daze. “My name is Jillian,” she whispered.
Her eyes were really, really silver. I had never seen silver eyes before. She had long, but pale, lashes that made her eyes seem endless. She was pale all over, maybe from the cold or maybe not. Her lips were thin and light pink, her face relatively small and white, her hair brown but somehow pale as well. She was extremely thin, barely a twig next to me. She couldn’t be more than eight.
“How old are you, Jillian?” I asked, trying to smile. “I’m fourteen.”
She shivered violently, trying to wrap her arms even tighter around my stomach. “I’m seven.”
“So, why did you come into the woods all by yourself?” I already knew why, but maybe she would realize her mistake and, hopefully, learn from it. Of course, it would only matter if we made it out of here alive. If we passed the night.
“I wanted to find the fairies,” she admitted, almost sheepishly. “I thought…I thought they would protect me. When it got cold.”
I tried to shrug and smile, but my muscles screamed in protest from the small movement. “They must be busy tonight. But don’t be scared…I’ll protect you.”
She smiled widely, and I wondered how she did it. “I know you’ll keep me warm, Catherine. I thought…I thought you were a fairy when you came through the trees. You look like one.”
I thought of my high forehead, dull green eyes, too-straight dark hair. What did she think fairies looked like?
It hurt too much to respond, so I gave a feeble attempt at hugging the little girl, Jillian. She snuggled closer to me and closed her eyes. This worried me, but it was too excruciatingly freezing to do anything but worry. I wanted desperately to close my eyes as well, to forget we were going to freeze to death, but I couldn’t let that happen. I had to remain conscious.
It hurt.
Jillian became very still, and I must have too. I couldn’t feel or think at all…the cave wall started to blur and swim in front of me, and the tiny child felt like a ghost beside me. I blinked furiously, ignoring the sharp ache it caused, trying to force myself to stay alive. My arms and legs became increasingly numb, and my heart was burning, whether with cold or heat. I was vaguely aware I wasn’t shivering anymore. I didn’t think I could.
The little girl hadn’t worn a jacket because she was in a rush to escape into the woods and find the fairies she was so sure existed. I couldn’t blame her…how could you expect small children to listen to anyone about survival rules, like always bring a coat with you wherever you go? It was me who had been careless; it had been so warm this morning, I hadn’t thought I’d need a jacket. I hadn’t anticipated the sudden, violent drop in temperature that came as soon as the sun disappeared. Now we were freezing and had nothing but our thin clothes to cover us, and it was my fault. We were going to die, and it was my fault. Jillian was so young…only seven years old. I was twice her age, but I had been so stupid…
Slowly, slowly, black creeped in from the borders of my eyes, fogging my thoughts. I tried to fight for the remainder of my vision, but I had no energy left. I had to stay conscious; I had to save the little girl who even now was clinging to me. A dim sparkling flashed in my eyes and the world went black.

When they finally come to destroy the Earth, they'll have to deal with you first.

[Invincible--OK Go]

Paint Easter eggs with your fingers. Put stickers on any flat surface. Listen to your favorite song again and again for three hours, no stopping. Tell everyone you know to do the same. Dream of the perfect profile picture. Paint your nails blue and green and smear them before they dry. Sing along to 'Jesus Christ, Superstar'. Say something corny like you mean it as a joke but really mean it. Find out what every button on a calculator does. Type the ABCs in every different font. Wear a skirt to school. Hang polka-dot ties from a striped belt and wear it on your head. Bring a camera everywhere you go and take pictures of everything you see for a day. Meditate then scream for ten seconds straight. Run around your house...at night. Make lists of fantasy lands you want to go to, and don't spare the details. Read a wonderful book till five in the morning. Pick a place and explore every inch of it. Order something you hate next time you go to a restaurant and switch with the person on the left. See what 'ALT-F4' does. Listen to the songs your friends tell you to listen to. Cry yourself out every two months. Keep a blank face for an entire day.

Experience my definition of happiness before you tell me I should be happier.