Nobody loves me...like you do.

Yayyy I'm happy. My hair is AWESOME after I blow dry it. And I'm totally wearing the dress I'm going to wear for the dance and graduation :) along with all the accesories and stuff. Like a ring that is too big for my pinkie and too small for my ring finger =.= And a necklace-pendant thingy shapes like a heart and has flowers on it. Not nearly as ugly as it sounds ;) And my amazing shoes and my newly manicured-and-pedicured green nails. The only problem is that my dress keeps falling JUST TOO LOW and it's showing, like, everything. And, given the nature of the dress, I have to wear a strapless bra. Strapless bras and I do not have a good history. No. But hopefully that was just the dress I was wearing at the time...HEE! I have this adorable hair-thing yay!

Oh, and I am mad at Kim. Why, you ask? Becuase she hasn't been on  Facebook ALL WEEKEND! Not when I wanted to talk to her about the future (yes, sometimes I am actually in the mood for deep conversations. are YOU?) and not when I want to share my utmost excitement with her, which is now. She must be doing something really fun and time-consuming with her dad, or she's avoiding me -.- I'm not sure if she's reading this, since I'm under the impression she's mad at me, but if she is...KIM I HAVE TO SQUEAL LIKE A LITTLE GIRL ABOUT THE DANCE!!! WHERE ARE YOUUUUUUUU??

I'm also texting my cousin, Ross. Because I know you wanted to know that.

The morning after...

Well! Today consisted of very, very little. Seriously. I did, like, nothing. I was on the computer a lot.

I really, really love good food. Not so much cooking. But I do like the idea of cooking with love, and when I do cook, I try to do it with as much love as possible. Of course, I prefer things you can cut and mix and such more than baking (such as the potato salad I made earlier today), and I prefer things you have some lee-way on how to make them (such as the potato salad I made earlier today).

Ahhh! I need to call Violet! I completely forgot!!!

Questions of the Day:

So what do I do now?

Why won't people leave me the fuck alone?

Why am I such a terrible damn person when I make other people cry, but when I cry I'm just being melodramatic?

-I mean, hell, it's not like I cry that much. I think I'm entitled to a good sob every now and again.-

Why the HELL are you breathing my air, you useless waste of space?

Why do SOME people get so upset when I don't worship and agree with them every second of every day?

-I mean, I'm sorry you're too fucking blind and preoccupied with your own problems to see when I'm actually upset and NOT just being a bitch. I actually do have thoughts that are neither happy or exactly like yours. I just hope you know that when you're upset, I actually try to find out what's wrong and make you feel better, instead of storming off in an entitled huff.-

-Controversially, I'm sure you'll all agree that I am as well preoccupied with my own problems. Considering the effort I put into paying attention to you, I think I have a right to actually care about myself without being called selfish. So stop with the bullshit; I don't care that you think I'm some self-centered, melodramatic drama queen, because SOMETIMES, I am allowed to focus myself instead of you.-

Why do people think I'm conceited?

-Besides the fact that I say I am, of course. My self-esteem is crap enough that it would be pretty much impossible to be conceited. You should KNOW that.-

Why are you such a bitch? What exactly gives you the excuse? Are you even aware that I actually do have feelings, and yes, they're fucking hurt?

WHY do you believe me, EVER?

-What I say has nothing to do with who I am; if you actually gave a shit, you would know that.-

What do you expect from me? Like, really, what the HELL do you expect from me?

Do you think that I'm talking to you?

-HAH. I'm talking to everyone.-

And, for the grand finale...

WHY IS EVERYTHING SO DAMN INSIGNIFICANT?

-I give up.-

Am I the one and only? Cuz you're the only one.

I like this number. 425.

Sorry for not blogging in so long! By 'so long', I mean two days, but still. It's not like much has happened. Yesterday we all drowned in our own sweat playing field hockey in 90-degree weather, and a spider crawled on my leg. At some point in the week, Basil mocked me and said he hated me, so I said I hated him right back...through Kim, of course. If he can't talk to me face-to-face, then I won't bother talking to him. Today, I ranted about oil in a content lit. and wore a skirt.

Yesterday I made up this fantastic speech from someone who just pretty much took over the government and destroyed the system. I mean, hell, he/she was elected. But then she got the army on her side and basically fired everyone in office besides her/him. I imagine this would go right after all the corrupt politicians passed a bill about unemployment, where anyone who was unemployed for any reason got some measly paycheck and they had better find a new job fast, before that paycheck runs out, because they can't get any more. So that's what she/he did to them. Fired them all and gave them the same amount of money they would give to all the people that got laid off or something. Not that they wouldn't already have money or connections, but still. I made up the speech because she/he would, of course, become a dictator. Just because of what she did. But she/he wouldn't become a dictator because she/he wanted power, but because she/he loved the country so much that to save it, she/he temporarily sacrificed what it stood for. Because she/he loved what it stood for. You know?

[Morning After Dark--Timbaland]

His expressions are freaking weird in this video, man.

Anyway. School is terrible. Freaking terrible. But next week in LA, we're beginning A Midsummer's Night Dream! Performing it, not reading it! It would be totally perfect if Kim was Hermia and I was Helena. You can't even deny that it would be. And Halden is taking requests! Yay. It would be so....coincedental, I suppose, if Basil were Demetrius.

[If We Ever Meet Again--Timbaland]

EPIC MOVIE FEST! Can't wait!

And I don't want the world to see me, 'cuz I don't think that they'd understand.

If everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am.

[Iris--Goo Goo Dolls]

I'll post the lyrics to this another time. I really wish I could cry. I just don't anymore. Even when I feel like dying, there just aren't any tears. I guess I wasted them all when I was a little kid.

EDIT:

Just for the record, Basil is a slimy pig-headed asswipe who obviously is too conceited and stupid to realize the immense extent of my hatred towards him. In case you were wondering.

OH ME OH MY!

Hi! This actually isn't very smart, since I'm facing the opposite way from last time and Mrs. Grossi can see me =.= Oh well.
I AM IN SCHOOL AGAIN WOOT WOOT! In my little four-computer cubible, there is currently: me, Nat, Aaron, and Shelby. Yay.
I AM A REBEL HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!!!!11!!11!1

I'm shown to your cage to wage this rage; don't let me go.

So! If you're a loser like me who checks everyone's blogs every five minutes to see if anyone posted, you'll know that I BLOGGED FROM SCHOOL earlier today! I figure my mom will have a heart attack if she sees that, so I thought I'd explain:

Picture my school library. It's a very nice library. I should take a picture of it some time. Anyway, Nat and I were at the computers, working on a humanties project on slavery. Iz was there as well, NOOOO I JUST DROPPED MY FORK AND IT FELL IN THE LITTLE SPACE BETWEEN THE COMPUTER AND THE WALL!!!!!

Okay. It's cool now. I have another fork. Anyway. Ringo was there too, because 'technically' she's in our group. Euch. Trust me, I did not ask for that. Anyway. I don't really have to work with her, so it's fine. ANYWAY. I finished my work super-early, since I only had two questions left, and when I showed it to Mrs. Grossi she said "Good girl," and told me to read a book or something. I mean, really. I was done with my work, had nothing to do, there was no supervision, and there were computers ALL AROUND ME. So, naturally, I go on my blog. But, since no one really updates in the middle of the day, I didn't have anything to do on it, so I just blogged. Yup.

So! Math state finals today. Woot. Unfortunately, you can't see my sarcasm over the internat. 'Tis a shame. It was brutally boring, and it took too long, but I think I did better on it than the practice quiz, which I scored about an 81 on. (haha, did i mention that one impossible test i got 100 on? WOO!) I had to leave two open-ended partially blank, though, because they were freaking impossible.

Um. Yay for Epic Movie Fest! 5 days!

Um. I'm not sure what else to talk about. Basil continues to bug the hell out of me. In LA, Kim said they were mocking her (haha Kim) except at first I thought she said they were mocking me and I was about ready to EFF THEM UP. Haha, no. But still. I was pissed. Not so much when I realized Kim was talking about herself ;)

Goodbye!

I AM A REBEL

I'M BLOGGING FROM SCHOOL HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

It's me who should be moving on; you're not adorable. I want something unignorable.

[Shut Up and Let Me Go--The Ting Tings]

I don't actually have anything to say. School tomorrow, ugh. I got Super Mario Galaxy 2! Yay! It's really awesome, heh.

We can act if we want to--if we don't nobody will.

AND YOU CAN ACT REAL RUDE AND TOTALLY REMOVED AND I CAN ACT LIKE AN IMBECILE!

[Safety Dance--Men Without Hats]

This may be my favorite pre-90s song ever. WE CAN DANCE IF WE WANT TO. WE CAN LEAVE YOUR FRIENDS BEHIND. 'CUZ YOUR FRIENDS DON'T DANCE IF THEY DON'T DANCE, WELL, THEY'RE NO FRIENDS OF MINE!

Okay! Shopping. I hate bra shopping. I just do. It's a freaking pain. Plus my size seems to change in every store we go into. Yeah, sorry for all the guys (and girls) in the audience, but you're the ones who read my blog.

I also got a dress! It's a little plain but I really like it looks purdy darn good on me :) Besides, I can dress it up with accesories and stuff. And I can return it if I find something better.

[Come On Eileen--Dexy's Midnight Runners]

This is my second favorite pre-90s song. Just so ya know. Yay for weird accents and overalls. And too-ra-loo-ra-too-la-roo-ra-yay. Even though it's about a guy pressuring a girl to sleep with him =.= Ugh. But besides that...

I've done nothing at all all day. And I'm hungry, cuz I ate lunch at 9:30 and three cookies at the usual time, and that's about it. Fuhhh, dinner won't be done for, like, an hour =.=

Haha. =.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=

Goodbye.

Dear Diary, [2/20/08]

I am so pathetically pitiful. I hate that fact that I like Basil. I have to keep pushing back my feelings for him. It will never happen. Why does he have to be so darn interesting?! And perfect?! And infuriating?! Aghhhhh!!!!

Oh my God. What if he knows?!

What if he already does?!

What in all of heaven did I do to deserve this awful fate?!

Awful, you ask? Well, somebody thought it would be funny to put these completely gorgeous, adorable, or all of the above, guys dangling right in front of me but just out of my reach! Aghhhhhhhh!!!!

I don't know why I fight it. I give up. And I wish so much that I could read minds.

ughhh,

Strawberry Shortcake

Dear diary, [2/26/08]

Friday- Snow day! Played with Vera almost all day! Vera goes ballistic (more later)

Still liked Basil.

Saturday- snow melting quickly, still played with Vera.

Sunday- snow almost gone, minimal Vera-time

Monday- school. Still like Basil.

Today- wonders what wedding would be like if Basil and moi ever got married. quickly banishes thought to deepest, darkest pits of Hades

still like Basil

- - -

Ani's been absent lately. Oh no!

I still like Basil. What's wrong with me?!?!

Changed seats in math yesterday. Not happy. No longer across from Basil.

Basil more gorgeous than ever.

Au revoir.

Strawberry Shortcake

***

Did I make you throw up? Because I made me throw up. These were both in sixth grade. Back when I liked both Basil and Moo, I was in love with drama, and I might've been the stupidest kid ever to walk the Earth. Oh, and my writing wasn't very good. Of course, I was rushing on the last one...

LA today was hell. I swear, hate-waves emanate off that boy more than...well...anything. It gets worse every day. Honestly, it pisses me off. He just bothers me. I really can't think of any other way to describe it. I think this may be an entirely new feeling--not hate, nothing even CLOSE to like, just bother.

I also didn't present, which bothers me anymore.

Au revoir.

Get loud, get proud, but you still don't know what I'm talking about.

The day went by SO fast. Not as fast as yesterday, of course, but pretty fast.

I would like to mention that it is Basil's birthday today. I would like to mention this because I completely forgot until his friends started singing 'Happy Birthday' at lunch. And yet STILL no one believes me that I don't like him anymore! It actually really pisses me off, guys; just stop. You sound like obnoxious, pretentious a-holes when you tell me that I still like him. And I don't mind calling you that because you're my friends and you know I luuuurv you ;D

I think this afternoon was more productive than the entire last three months of school combined. I have a HUGE Lang. A project due tomorrow, so, naturally, I finished it all today. Well, technically, I'm not finished. I have to write the explanation, since it is a piece of art. Yes, I have defeated my old bane, painting! I did paint it, and I think it turned out pretty good. Except for one aspect...

You see, I thought it would be cool to make a web-like structure in the corner of the page that ultimately made a Star of David. And I did.....but because I didn't want to mess up my beautiful painting (hah) in case I didn't like it, I painted it on a seperate piece of paper. The paint looks really nice. The cutting job looks like shit. Plus, I bent it as I was cutting it, so.....I dunno. I like the concept, but I don't like what I did with it. Plus the page I drew the web on was smaller than the actual painting...

The thing is, I think I need it to balance out the rest of the painting.

I originally started working on a play that showed prejudice in a modern setting, except it had nothing to do with the Holocaust. Not that I mind that. She didn't actually say it had to. I was gonna do a blatantly unoriginal east-side west-side love story thingy, until admitting to myself that there was no possible way, save a deal with the devil--which even I won't resort to ;)--that I would finish it by tomorrow. Plus, I have no idea how gangsters talk. Or should I say dirt-poor, wrong-side-of-the-tracks high school kids that will end up in jail or dead in less than a year? Yes, that's what I should have said.

I did get a poem out of it, though:
HOLY FUCK IT JUST DELETED THE REST OF MY ENTRY!
Whatever. I did get a poem out of it, though:

We are the future of McDonald's...
The future of unemployed.
Wasted space, without a place--
just an empty void.

Did I just blow your mind? Yes, I think I did.
There were more verses about being slaves to society and propriety and stuff, and how the American Dream has betrayed everyone who's not rich enough to buy it, and how 'the future of America' (i.e., kids.) has about as much hope as the past generations did (i.e., none.) But I didn't like those, so I got rid of them.
Oh, and I also made dinner. And cookies. But I left the cookies in the oven too long X(

Almost...

Hur. Today was dull. But it's one day closer to Friday, which is a good thing. I swear, I live for the weekends.

I am PSYCHED for the Great Adventure trip!!! It's going to be the most AWESOME thing to ever happen in school, I can tell. I love Great Adventure. Like, it's my favorite place IN THE WORLD. And I'll be there with all my friends! AMAXING!

I really have nothing else to say. Yay for summer.

Just let me go...

I really, really, really do not feel like blogging right now. Actually, I don't feel like doing anything. I think I left my phone on the bus. So, I'll ask for it tomorrow, and then I'll panic. Ugh. I can't do anything now...not when I have something so undone...

I'm really bored right now, not crushing on anyone. School is just that more pointless, you know? Yes, I am one of those people who need a love interest to feel complete. Please don't comment saying I don't. I do. What am I supposed to look forward to, if not some secretive, silent excitement over the tiniest moment even slightly involving HIM? No one at school is exciting anymore. I swear, if I don't go to high school and meet someone RIGHT NOW, I'm going to go insane.

...I actually kind of wish you all knew what I looked like. I have short, messy, wavy-ish blonde hair and gray/blue/green eyes. I would tell you more, but you might stalk me ;D

*sigh* So bored....

414

'414' is a really awkward number, no? I mean, just look at it. It's awkward. It doesn't flow right.

So, I have this scene in my head. An epic scene. A sacrificial scene, really. I can't decide where it takes place. In the future, or the past? I imagine some terrible, gory battle somewhere. I imagine the heroes of the story falling in one last blaze of glory, with one remaining; one who wasn't in the battle. Because he/she's a coward? Maybe.

Or, I imagine the heroes about to save the world or whatever it is their doing, when suddenly something terrible happens like a bomb goes off and they're all consumed in a blast of fire, with only the time to realize everything they did was in vain before they die. Yeah, something like that.

Ooh...I've always wanted to write some kind of love story that just sets itself up for a happy ending and then something terrible and unexpected happens, like the chicky gets hit by a car at the very end, write in front of her lover-boy. Yes, I am twisted...in case you were wondering.

Today was dull. I've had a headache all day. It got really bad after the terribly sugary strawberry-pineapple Sprite I got from Nifty Fifties. It was delicious, but so sugary--instant headache.

Yesterday was my dad's birthday. I think I mentioned this? Anyway, we looked at yard sales and played mini golf :) Oh, and ate cake.

I am terribly dreading school tomorrow. I really just don't want to see anyone, you know? Besides my friends...

And now, for your viewing pleasure:

A note...

Firstly, 'The Craft' is kind of a freaky movie. Just sayin'.

Secondly, I would like to say something to "Nora". I put her name in quotation marks because, since she didn't put a link and presumably is just an account, I really have no idea who she is. I don't know why she commented on my blog in the first place, or why she got so upset about my entry. I don't even know if she'll be reading this, because I presume she doesn't read my blog on a daily basis. Actually, given the nature of her comment, I presume she just happened across my entry and decided to get huffy about it.

Here is her comment, word for word:

i dont like it, either. and btw, most of people dont push their religions. this could be considered offensive. lucky you, i dont take offense. of anything, actually. so if i were the kind of person that did, you would really bother me.

In case you were wondering, the 'i dont like it, either', besides the result of being physically unable to press the apostrophe button (it's right next to enter, in case you were wondering, Nora), AND being physically unable to capitalize letters, even though I'm sure we learned this in, what, first grade? Hell, man, I'm not one to hate on grammar on the Internet. I know it's difficult for some people. Anyway, the 'i dont like it, either' was because, at the end of my post, I wrote 'I don't like this post at all.' Just in case you didn't read it.

Okay.

Nora, honey, I'm a little confused. Actually, I'm very confused. I'm also a little flattered. You clearly care enough about your own opinion that you felt the need to comment on my entry. I applaud you! Some people, when they see something they don't like, would just ignore it and move on. Not you! You take the time and effort to share your opinion on my entry with the world--frankly, I'm touched that you would. The world needs more people like you! People who aren't afraid to state their opinion! People who speak in clear, non-sarcastic sentences! People who know EXACTLY what they're talking about! Heaven knows I'm not like that. Why, this paragraph alone is brimming with enough sarcasm that, if solidified, would possess enough venom to kill a large dog!

Anyway.

Back to my first point--I'm confused. Congratulations. I'm not often confused. I like to pride myself on being a very quick-to-understand person. It speaks volumes for you that you managed to confuse me so thoroughly. Can you guess why, Nora, honey? Oh, I'm sure you can...Let me show you.

i dont like it, either. and btw, most of people dont push their religions. this could be considered offensive. lucky you, i dont take offense. of anything, actually. so if i were the kind of person that did, you would really bother me.

OH MY GOD WAS THAT SARCASM! WAS IT??? COULD IT BE??? OH, NORA, WHY?!?!

Oh, come on, Nora. I get it. You don't agree with me. You think I'm some kind of blasphemous self-righteous dog. But I THOUGHT...oh, I must have been mistaken. You see, I began reading your comment and thought: Well! I sure am glad she doesn't take offense to me! I sure am lucky! Why, she even says I'm lucky! Oh, I sure am lucky she's NOT the kind of person who is offended easily! BOY AM I!

But then, alas, I realized I was not so lucky after all. Because it appears you employed a useful little tool called sarcasm--a tool that, used in the wrong hands, can sound quite pissy and stupid. Not that you do, Nora. You don't sound stupid at all. That's not even sarcasm, there. You just sound like you think I'm some kind of blasphemous self-righteous dog and EVEN THOUGH you did not have anything to do with me and you never had to worry your pretty little head (see? I'm even assuming you're pretty. You sound like you would be. Are you, Nora, honey?) about ever again, you decided to announce your rather low opinion of me to the entire world. Or anyone who reads my blog, or simply stumbles across it like I'm sure you did.

Congratulations, hun, you made me use the phrase 'blasphemous self-righteous dog' TWICE in the same paragraph. That there's an accomplishment.

But let me get to the heart of the argument; the real reason I'm upset. Oh, didn't you know I was upset? YOU HURT MY FEELINGS NOOOOOOO! *cough* Anyway. Now, keep in mind that when I say 'you' I mean you in general, not you in particular. I'm upset because, personally, I could give a flying fillip about your beliefs or your religion or ANYTHING that even REMOTELY pertains to you. I really don't care if you worship, oh, say, yourself--because, honestly, I believe that all religions should be able to coincide peacefully. Now, if I were trying to push my religion on people, how could I POSSIBLY say that? If I wanted everyone to convert to say, oh, Strawberrynism, how could I bring myself to say that I wanted all the religions to live peacefully?

Furthermore, I never once said I wanted people to believe the same things I did. I never implied it. I never hinted at it, I never suggested it, I never freaking inferred it at all. I'm terribly sorry that that's the impression you got. I'm also terribly sorry that you got so worked up about it that you simply HAD to comment, even though you could not possibly gain anything from it. Nora, honey, WHY? If I wanted to push my beliefs on people, wouldn't I say so? Wouldn't I tell them their beliefs were wrong and try to convince them that my way was right? Hun, if I want to post...oh, say, my beliefs on my blog, then I kind of think I have a right. No? Am I mistaken? Am I automatically pushing beliefs on people if I post about them at all, just like people with disabilities are automatically asking for sympathy if they post about their disability? Nora, REREAD MY ENTRY AND TELL ME EXACTLY WHERE I TRIED TO PUSH BELIEFS ON YOU!

Oh, Nora Nora Nora...

In case you're wondering why I take such offense to this--and oh, yes, I do take offense to this. Very much so. I'm very offended. I won't even hide it with sarcasm. Anyway, in case you're wondering why I'm making such a big deal out of this, it's because......well.....

Honey, you're more accomplished than I thought. I'm proud of you, really. You are my very first EVER hater. Why, I'm so excited, I could weep. You're the first person to ever leave a truly negative, unfriendly, and unnecessary comment on my blog. Actually, I think you're the first person who has ever commented that obviously disliked me. I can't just let this moment go by. I have to make a big deal out of it. I HAVE to. It's part of who I am. Oh, but, I'm not trying to push the philosophy of making a big deal out of everything to you...not at all.

Oh, Nora.....how I wish to God that you read this and actually post a comment saying how offended you are. Oh, but no, I'm pushing my beliefs on you, aren't I??? NO!

BE PREPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARED!

Lion King. Epic movie.

Well, it's my dad's birthday today. He's turning 23, haha. I made him a little book with a story inside it...and I think it's pretty awesome :)

I had a weird dream. It was my birthday and like many other days, NO ONE was answering the phone, much less available. For some reason Leo was in it. We hung out for about five seconds. Then I was at a really dusty boardwalk with my parents, because they wanted to take me there for my birthday, of course. I was miserable, because none of my friends were there or even answering the phone. Then a whole bunch of people in my family show up so we move to a bigger table. I'm still pretty miserable. but then--ALAS! I see four of my friends outside, walking towards the restaurant we're in!!!! I can't believe my eyes!! Actually, I do wonder if it's a mirage, but I run out anyway and IT'S THEM! MY BIRTHDAY ISN'T MISERABLE!

Yay.

Hm. The friends were: Sharebear, Kim, Nat, and Lolo. Where's all the others?? I'll never know 0.0

My thoughts on...

God.

Yep. I'm going to go there. I'm going to bore you all with a long rant on my feelings on the Big Guy.

If you're wondering why...I've been reading a lot of posts about people's feelings on God, and, like a true animal of the herd, I decided to jump ship. Oops. That's not the right phrase! I decided to...join...the...herd? Ugh, unnecessary repitition.

Okay. So. Let's begin.

I believe in God. And Jesus. I guess that makes me Christian? If I am, I'm a terrible Christian. I don't pray particularly often...I've never read the Bible, only kid's versions of it...the only, what, two (?) times I've stepped into a church was for a class trip and a wedding. I'm an avid fan of evolution. I mean, hell, isn't science just another religion? Isn't the entire purpose of science to name things we couldn't previously explain? JUST LIKE OTHER RELIGIONS? There needs to be a new religion. It's basis: There's a big guy(s) in the sky who is the cause/guiding factor/King of Awesomeness and is the reason we're all here. There. That is a new religion, officially. I call it: Strawberrynism [straw-bear-in-izum]. Or Strawberrynity [straw-bear-en-eh-tee]

Anyway. Strawberrynism aside. That's what I believe. It doesn't make sense to me that some all-powerful being would just point a finger and make everything JUST AS IT WAS. If we really are all the children of God....well, don't parents just love watching their kids grow up? Wouldn't He rather give us a helping start (i.e. creating us) than just throw us in the middle of the bull ring? That makes more sense to me, honestly. I think God is the hand guiding evolution, basically. Of course, religion is manmade...anyway...I believe there IS a God or gods guiding evolution. Maybe His name is Joe.

Oh, did I say I believed in God? Right. I forgot to mention: I don't believe in religion. In fact, there may be nothing I despise more. Maybe because I despise fanaticism. Maybe because people use religion as an excuse...to kill, to hate, to push their own beliefs. People have faith so they can go to sleep thinking they know the answers to some impossible questions, but people created religion because they were convinced their own answers were right. I think faith is akin to hope; I think religion exploits it.

Oh, and Jesus. Frankly, I don't care if he could walk on water or not. He wasn't telling people to kill each other! His lessons were good ones, even if hard to uphold. He was trying to get people to be better, and the Christian church adopted his lessons as their own.

Hmmmm....just in case you were wondering, I am not Catholic in any way.

It occurs to me that most people who post about their religion are really on one side or the other, not on the fence like I am. No, that's not the right phrase. A little persuasion would definitely not topple me over to one side.

Really, though, when I stand outside in the middle of a storm, watching trees do some terrible dance in the wind; watching the sky flash brilliant white, blinding white; when I do that, I don't see God or science. I don't sense some outer vastness that I can't comprehend. In fact I may be so confined within myself--my soul may be so cut off from this display--that I don't see anything at all.

Just an idea.

When you die, you ascend. Your soul becomes part of the universe. If their is a heaven, it's because your conscious (spelled wrong?) remains. The idea of heaven, or hell, while an interesting idea and certainly a good deterrent from sinning at all, just doesn't work out for me. It makes sense, in a blind-faith way, but not in a probable way.

I don't like this post at all.

OGMOERINHMWA.

Instead of writing about anything decent (like, say, oh, the season finale of Smallville? Love.) I'm just gonna post another excerpt. Not to the same story, though. No. My writing's kinda been in a rut lately and I'm hoping it'll improve if I keep writing.

********

They always seemed surprised when I told them who my husband was. Shocked, maybe. Perhaps horrified? One lady called me the devil--of course, I calmly explained my reasoning and she seemed to change her mind. If spitting on my shoes is changing her mind. Oh well; some people are just so stubborn.

What they don't understand is that Grim didn't ask for his job.

We met when I was seventeen. Now, don't go around thinking there was some kind of scandalous underage love affair going on--there wasn't. I hated having him around the house, especially when my sister was so adamant about keeping him. She wanted to nurse him back to health, she said, but we all knew she had feelings for him. With him around, I always felt like death was lurking at the back door, waiting to take us; I guess it was. The point is, I didn't really get to know him until I was nineteen and he had just taken my sister.

Oh, we didn't think he could. That's why we let him under our roof, I guess. He was so weak, so weak, when we took him in. He was dying on our front step--oh, what happens when he dies? Is it even possible? Who will take him? Anyway. He was dying on our front step, bloody and human and mortal, more a corpse than a man. He was all white--blindingly so. Paper white. Death white. His shaggy hair hung in dark knots around his skinny shoulders; his entire body was bleeding and raw. I knew exactly what he was, of course. The moment I saw him, I knew. It was his eyes.

They were like the sky.

I watched him regain strength. I watched him be stunningly human and simple. Who knew he would have a personality? Who knew he could be human at all? But all around him was the shadow of death; it filled the house with a permanent stench. It clung to my sister's every move. I saw it, we all saw it, but she didn't see it. She didn't want to see it. I think she loved him without ever realizing he could never love her back.

When he took her, he was as vast as eternity.

It was the final step in his healing, really. He was almost strong enough to regain his true form--he just needed a first victim. No, not a victim. A soul. It just happened to be my sister. I watched her die. I watched him stride into the room, carry her soul in his arms, and turn into Death.

It was so beautiful.

That's when it happened.

I didn't think he'd return. We were still grieving. How could he show his face when he had just taken our beloved sister? But he did return, and he waited outside my window for me to come outside, to sink into his arms and sob. It sounds backwards, but I felt safe around him. He was no enemy to me. He was real as anything, as gentle and soft as any other good man. I know even now that he is a good man. He always has been.

Oh, when I tell people who I married, they look at me as if looking at Death himself.

********

Yes indeed.

I need to join newspaper in high school but I can't find the club...ugh. They have it listed as a club at West but not at East. I'm also thinking of joining Model UN. Maybe? I don't even know what the heck it is, but Halden keeps suggesting it and it sounds kind of fun. Maybe? Maybe not. I just need two clubs and Kim wants me to do tennis with her, but I don't know how good I'd be at it. I'm really more of a badminton person.

I miss playing the violin. Like, I REALLY miss playing the violin. I bet you didn't even know I used to play violin. Haha, I wonder if I started playing again after 3 years if it would all come back to me?

Are you confused? SO AM I! More excerpts. Is that how you spell it? I don't like this one too much.

I just wrote at least a half page of writing and got rid of it because it sucked. Haha. Misleading title.

We've started the Shakespeare unit! Yay!

Basil seriously pisses me off. Actually, most people do.

Goodbye.