Monday, September 20, 2010

You told me we'd never survive.

[The Suburbs--Arcade Fire]
I guess I should talk about school, but really the thing on my mind now is Lolo. Or, The Traitor Formally Known as Lolo. Okay, so maybe 'traitor' is too strong.
Here's how it's been: she's all cold and distant, I'm confused, so I ask Nat (who I'm also not talking to much, but that's irrelevant) if she hates me or something. Nat says: honestly I don't think she likes you very much, but she doesn't hate you. Well, that's good. She doesn't HATE me. So I ask her if she knows why, and she thinks that's something I should talk to Lolo about, which is very typical of her. Anyway. So now I'm at a crossroads: behold, my opinion and my dad's opinion.
My dad's opinion: Don't engage and let her respond when she wants to. If she doesn't then you'll know it wasn't worth it anyway. Trying to talk to her will just let her know she hurt you and she has power over you. Besides, deep down you just want to talk to her because you feel there's a problem with you that you need to remedy.
My opinion: It's not that; I just hate not finishing something. I need closure. I don't care one way or the other if she wants to keep this up, but I need to know what the problem was. If I wait a while and she doesn't do anything, then not only will I be more hurt than I was before, but it will be too late to confront her.
So, that's that. Kind of. I don't remember the whole conversation, but that's basically it. My guess is that, during the summer when she never saw me, she thought about it and realized what a psycho annoying bitch I am...or something. Or it started back in eighth grade and I just never caught on. I'm just really frustrated by this whole thing. Lolo was just nice to have around. I genuinely liked her. And now it's over, and that's fine, but I hate just leaving it open-ended until it fades into some ugly scar. Although it might be worse if I actually start a conversation...ugh. Advice. Please.

[Lazy Eye--Silversun Pickups]
[Second Chance--Liam Finn]
In other news, I made my first PowerPoint of the season, Leo has a fish named Leo, I have a shitload of vocab for some reason, and slamming doors makes me feel better. Oh, and I feel like I'm not acclompishing anything, which is true. Plus I caught mention of Model UN on the announcements this morning, but I didn't hear exactly what it said and besides, Kim couldn't stay after. Oh well. I'll figure it out. If worse comes to worse, I'll miss the first meeting.
One last thought: The Suburbs by Arcade Fire has to have some of the best lyrics I've ever heard. I mean, seriously, listen to this:

So can you understand
Why I want a daughter while I'm still young?
I wanna hold her hand,
And show her some beauty
Before this damage is done.
But if it's too much to ask, it's too much to ask
Then send me a son.

Completely perfect. I love this song so much.


  1. Tee hee! Leo has a fish named Leo! I almost lost it!

    Lolo can be distant sometimes, just like how u choose someone to ignore, and completely ignore them. Either she'll come around, or just ask her. There is no right and wrong thing to do in this situation, partially because its what ever u make of it.

  2. I don't know, I mean, maybe just kind of letting the friendship sort of fade out would be best, even if it would leave things without that much closure. I guess you could confront her about it and figure out what's going on too, which would be fine except that it might cause potential drama. But yeah, I think you could go about it more than one way, sooo really I don't know, haha. :P But gooood luck!