Monday, September 7, 2009

We are strong, but we don't belong.

Okay, so I was gonna continue with that entry, but I'd rather just start a new one.
I had some rather unusual dreams (why is it always three????). The first one is kinda foggy...but I remember being scared and not really knowing why when I woke up (at 5:30, oddly). I think I was running to something, and I don't think anyone was chasing me...I was with a group of people...I think. I think the scariest part was the unknown of it all.
When I woke up, I was facing the ceiling, and my knees were actually bent. They also hurt like hell. It's hurt all day. Ugh.
So, today I went shopping!!!! Yay. I got two pairs of jeans and a shirt. That completely wiped me out. And what's worse, my mom wouldn't let me get the shirt I really wanted, even though I probably wouldn't have had money for that with the jeans and everything...those were pretty expensive...and there was this dress that looked absolutely gorgeous on me that I'd never have the oppurtunity to wear. Tear. So I'm broke and have officially 3 new items for tomorrow. Gah! I really, really want that shirt!!!! I wanna wear it tomorrow!!!!
God. I don't want to go to school tomorrow. In twelve hours, I'll be awake. WTF! I'm so scared and unhappy...I feel like I'm about to cry. I hate this so much. I'm so far from feeling confident about all this--I'd rather be wearing a different shirt and jeans (judging by the heat, I'll be wearing shorts, and ewewew) and I'm terrified of tomorrow...I don't know what to do. I don't want to disappoint anybody...I don't want to see all these people. Ugh. I'm so unprepared. And terrified. And unsure. And I know the simplest thing would make me feel better--that shirt, for instance. I don't even know why. Usually I don't get so attached to clothes I haven't even bought yet...I guess I think I'd look better in that then the shirt I have, so it kinda symbolizes the first day being better.
Okay. I'm going to wear my black shirt with PEACE going down the side in big, bright letters tomorrow. On Wednesday I'll wear the shirt I got today. After that, I dunno.
This doesn't make me feel any better.


  1. is tomorrow your first day of school? ha good luck. um i will definitely try to read it then. And Peeta or Gale?

  2. well i have a tendency to forget things. i expect to have a forgetting disease when i get old.

    Good Luck. It won't be too bad. Just think of it this way. It's the first day of school. they'd be crazy to give you homework on the first day of school.