RICK ROLL.

Go down to the archives and read the first word in every title for the month of April ^.^

I just finished watching Doctor Who, and it was flibbin' AWESOME and EVERYONE SHOULD WATCH THIS SHOW. EVERYONE OH MY GOD. IT IS SO AWESOME.

I could go on about that, but I won't. I didn't do much today. Went out, got lunch, failed to get another fish. I worked on the art project and got the hair-area filled in, but there are no details yet because my brush sucks, and I don't feel like it. So tomorrow I get to finish that and finish the science lab. Yay for weekends.

Although today I did go to the library with Kim for about an hour and a half. Darn library, closing so early. She had a 'fiesta brownie' and I had a brownie muffin, and we saw like three people from school. And we spent a decent amount of time browsing the nonfiction section, including the languages, and all the books were really dusty and old. In one of them it said we should learn Russian because the USSR took up 1/6 of the world.

And that's about it. BEDA, I never gave you up, never let you down...^.^ GO ME.

We're falling, we are losing control.

FRIDAY. Woo. Today I did not, in fact, have a small breakdown in science. I was feeling pretty bummy, but then at the end of class this girl I used to sit with came over and asked about the art project I was carrying. Obviously, since I am a huge attention whore, this made me happy.

Speaking of the art project, the due date has been moved to Monday. Unforunately, I ran out of the paint I brought from school, so now I have to use my own inferior paint ^.^ Haha, I have the hair and a bit of touching up left to do and then I am DONE. But I also have a science lab due on Monday, so I guess I'm busy this weekend. I still hope to fit some last-minute plans in there, but it's not, you know, necessary.

Today the library was closed again, but I actually found Shari and we went to lurk in an abandoned art room. There were drawings of funky shoes on the wall and it was really quiet, but I did get a majority of my science homework done. In gym we had the 400-meter dash, which sucked. HOWEVER I actually had gym shorts and it was a nice, cool, breezy day, so it wasn't horrendously evil or anything. You know, not horrendously.

Oh, and English Teacher is the SECOND teacher to joke that I seem like I'm secretly plotting to kill people =.= The first would be my old health teacher. And one time some guy said I seemed like the type to start shooting people in the middle of class. I guess I give that impression. Woo.

In world civ. we talked about Gandhi (again) and I found that I actually disagree with some of his ideas. Not that I'll ever say that to the rabid students of my civ. class...

And that was my day! Hey. Oh, and I actually set my alarm for three in the morning (you know, for the royal wedding :)) but I got up and just thought, "I can not do this." So I went back to bed and got up at a sane hour. BEDA, ho! Almost over! It would be messed up if I didn't blog tomorrow, haha.

No shelter here.

Greetings all! I promise this entry will not be nearly as long as last time :)

Today was a slow day, and I felt like I was in a bad mood for most of it. First thing in the morning I failed a math quiz which everyone agreed was the most evil concoction ever devised by our math teacher, and then I spent Latin moping and just generally being miserable. I momentarily forget my woes on the way to lunch with Shari, only to find that the library, our usual habitation, has been closed due to a blood drive. I have no idea where Shari is--later I found out that she had to stay late to make up a different math quiz--so I wander off in search of a place to sit. For about fifteen minutes, I wander hopelessly, even going so far as to consider joining my world civ. teacher's third-period class, until I eventually find myself in the DiBart gym. There I spend the period with Kim and Leo, so it's not so bad.

The next interesting thing is in world civ., where we took notes on Gandhi. That alone was interesting, but it helped that World Civ. Teacher brought in her nine-year-old son, who was honestly just adorable :) It's strange when world civ. is one of my better classes, but I'll take it.

I actually worked the entire period in art, but still didn't get anywhere near finished :( I think it's turning out pretty well! If I remember I may post a picture, just so I get some recognition other than Art Teacher's faux-approval gaze. I still have the hair and half the face on this little bugger to finish, and it's due tomorrow =.=

In science, for some reason, I became completely broken down. Every voice in the room started swimming around me and I couldn't focus on the work in front of me, what was on the board--nothing. I honestly felt like crying. Actually, most of the day I feel like throwing my desk over and storming out of the room in a dramatic, tearful huff, but for some reason in science today I just wanted to curl into a ball and sob. There was too much noise in the room.

And that was my day! See, I said it would take as long :) Haha, early tonight, my dad insisted that 500 years from now I would be studied in poli-sci classes, and that I'd make a good philosopher. The problem is I can never get my thoughts onto paper, though I can take about them as long as the sky is wide. I just thought I'd share that, because it made me happy :D

Strangers in an empty room.

Hey! If I only wrote about what happened today this would not be a long entry at all. So INSTEAD I'll talk about what I think of each class, as if you haven't all heard it a million times before :D

The day starts off with a rousing six minutes dedicated to the salute of our dear flag and pissing me off. My homeroom is not a good start to any day; the only good homeroom is a homeroom I miss. As my friend selection is limited, I tend to have classes where I don't get along with anyone, and homeroom is the perfect example. Seriously, I don't know any of these people. The people around me are that special breed of popular which have bonded together through sports, and spend the entire six minutes talking about lacrosse, other people who play sports, or their friends who I've never heard of before. I used to sit on their circle, but have since moved to the row closest to the wall that no one sits in. Around them are people I barely know the name of, who I don't talk to and have nothing to do with, like a fuzzy gathering of vagueness on the outskirts of my vision. Among them is Best, who would be something like a condolence if I actually talked to him outside of the art room and our brief meetings in the hall.

Homeroom honestly makes me feel like a loser. I am out of place, alone, and discarded--I have nothing to do with anything and nothing has anything to do with me. I respond to nothing and prefer staring straight ahead, at the uneven bottom row of bricks in the wall across from me, then paying attention to the unfamiliar faces all around me.

And then, once I get away from homeroom, it's right on to math. I don't mind the class so much because it's easy and I'm not required to say anything--just sit there and doodle and do homework and finish math problems five minutes before the teacher. The teacher is an older lady who has the shape of a fallen log and a sense of style to match, but I can't help but feel bad for her--she makes a lot of mistakes but I've never gotten the sense that she was a mean person. It helps that I really, really enjoy math. I love math because it's all so exact. There is one answer--well, sometimes two--and no "almost." Math isn't up to interpretation. Math is finite, and all the numbers fit together so well. I absolurely adore algebra. Also, in sixth grade I figured out this cool thing with squares, so that has always made me happy :) Basically, the square of a number minus the square of a number one less than that is the same as those two numbers added together. IT'S FREAKING AWESOME. And I recently realized that, for example, the square of a number minus the square of a number two apart from that is equal to TWICE the two numbers added. Yeah!

So math isn't that bad. Shari is in my class, but she's on the other side of the room and I never get to talk to her. Then on to Latin. I believe I've said this before, but Latin is absolutely my least favorite class. I walk there with Izzy, who I do not like and who does not like me, but walking together is better than walking alone--also, it's kind of a tradition by this point. When I get there I sit down, shut up, and shut off for the next 44 minutes. I am eternally frustrated by my inability to remember any vocab at all, which absolutely kills my grade, but admittedly for most of the class I just doodle and stare out the window. Due to a recent seat change I am now surrounded by guys who I will never and never wish to talk to. I don't participate. I am bored out of my mind, and I swear the clock goes slower in Latin than in any other class. There is always fifteen minutes left in class no matter how long I've been there--and no, the clock is not broken, thank you =.=

Once I shuffle out of Latin I'm on to lunch, which I consider the true start of my day. I get to sit down with Shari for forty minutes and mentally prepare for the next five classes, and more importantly, catch up on science homework that I neglected to do the night before :) Occasionally we get cabottle, also known as Flav, and most of the time Em joins us. Some of the time, Silver skips math class and joins us, too! It's honestly more of a relaxing period than anything else, and puts a fantastic buffer between the classes I derive some small enjoyment from, and the first two classes of the day. Too bad I won't be having it next year :(

Lunch is over all too quickly and I am whisked away to gym, to bemoan whatever cruel fate is in store for us that day with the Gym Buddies--Kristin, Blondie, Asian, and Not-Asian--and bemoan that I have once more forgotten to bring a hair band. Lately we've been going outside for gym, which has added a whole new level to our constant complaining, cheerful encouragement, and overall misery. I find that I am very bad at mantaining conversation which aren't incredibly awkward in gym--today alone I talked about how I had no friends in elementary/early sixth grade, and the time I flipped over on a pipe while trying to cross a stream. So much fun.

After gym I rush to meet Silver in the halls, and we walk down together in the same general direction before separating at the middle B-wing stairs. I know that means nothing to you people, but the distance is two hallways, if that clears anything up. And so I enter English, always with high expectations and yet often disappointed. I enjoy English because it is a small class--fourteen people!--the work is easy, and the teacher is cool--also, you know, the whole writing thing :) Lately we haven't been doing anything particularly extravagant, but sometimes the class if just really fun. There's a kid who sits next to me, Berlin, who insists that I stole his idea for an essay on which I got a 94 and he got an 83--and, you know, I kind of did :) KIND OF. He convinced me that his argument was better and I decided to use it, and here we are. That was like a month ago, though, and he still hasn't dropped it ^.^

I find in English that, especially in the beginning and end of class when the atmosphere is less academic, I put on a show. Actually, I do this a lot when I'm with my friends, but I notice it in particular in English class. I talk to my friends as if I want other people to hear me, even though it's not like they'd be particularly enamored if they did--because half the things I saw to my friends is in an obnoxiously high-pitched voice or just a flat-out squeal. I don't know why anymore.

I find I try to beat Up to world civ.--a race only I know about. And sometimes I do. And sometimes I end up walking right next to him or behind him, since we both go the same way. World civ. is a class I should enjoy but I don't; I am continually dead bored and uninterested in eveything that's going on. There are plenty of loud, opinionated people in our class, and I suppose I feel out of place because I am opinionated but certainly not loud. It helps that I really don't have any friends in that class: I have Sam, who I don't really like but am great and pretending to be friends with, and I have Leo, who is familiar to me only as an art buddy, although at the very least I feel more comfortable talking to him in world civ. I find I like the teacher--most consider her dry and boring, but she obviously has a sense of humor and knows what she's talking about. I just wish she would assign groups more =.=

Going to art after civ. is like a beacon of light after, you know, darkness. Or, a fun and easy class after a boring class. I'm never focused on art (which is bad, because our current project is due on Friday!) and tend to spend most of my time messing around with Shari, Best, and Forever, throughout which I become quite high-pitched--don't ask me why my voice changes, because I don't know--and sometimes I actually sit in my sit and talk to Leo and Ginger, and do art. Two months left in the school year and all I have learned, I have learned through practice, luck, or watching Shari. Art Teacher is useless. I like art on principle, but my own lack of motivation to excel, and the fact that I am not particularly skilled in this venue of art, makes actually doing the work more tedious than I can handle for 44 whole minutes.

Today I had lab, which I believe I've expressed my opinions on very often :) Basically, as a refresher, I hate lab. I dislike science, but lab is simply awful--lab reports rip my soul through my fingers, the labs themselves are usually boring, and since I don't have any friends in my science class I have to tag on to the same group every time, who I can not for the life of me carry a conversation with. Today's lab was actually quite fun, because we went outside in the beautiful weather and shot water balloons with a giant slingshot, although I did get a slight sunburn :) I managed to get the job that put me as far away as possible from everyone else, which is actually a good thing, because I am nothing but awkward with the people in my science class.

Actual science class isn't as bad, because I just have to sit there and take notes. I honestly don't understand how I can have absolutely no idea what I'm doing the entire unit, and still get good grades on the test (well, not last time--grr). My science class is filled with girls I am not friends with, loser guys, popular guys who are very good at science (or at least copy from the popular guy who is very good at science, and everything else), and like five Asian guys. I prefer to stay out of their way, honestly. I am meeker than in any other class, and am about on par for participation as in Latin (did that sentence make any sense? Bah, whatever). The thing that makes me not despise science is probably that I actually do enjoy the topic to some extent, and more importantly, I have an amazing teacher. My science teacher is easily one of the best teachers I've ever had, if not the best, and probably one of the nicest people I know. It's pretty sad that the guys in the class abuse his niceness by being so disruptive, but we all love him. He's pretty down on himself most of the time. When I mention this to my dad, he says its probably because he used to be an engineer or a chemist or something and is now a science teacher. I don't know if this is true or not, honestly, because he seems to know what he's talking about and seems to really enjoy science in general, but if it is, that would just be sad. I hope I have him for a science class in the future.

Well, those are my classes! I suppose I could talk about the bus or something, except it's 10:50 at night and I was supposed to be in bed an hour ago. Congratulations if you made it this far! Nighty-night!

To do.

I am currently talking to Silver on the phone, so excuse me if nothing I write makes any sense whatsoever :)

Obviously today I had math and Latin, and I guess they weren't that bad--in Latin I managed to leave my folder at home, so so much for the homework I was so proud of doing. Bah. Overall the day was okay, for a Tuesday. In gym we had a long jump, and I managed to fall flat on my face in the sand pit. I had sand in places I don't wish to discuss. Luckily, though, the Gods of Weather decided to have mercy and made it cloudy and windy during gym, so I wasn't dying of heat exhaustion while wearing my heavy black sweats.

Oh, and the other day, Up commented on my status! It was fantastic.

Strawberry Shortcake

-So apparently there's a giant spider loose in my house. Yay.

     Up -And this is why everyone needs a personal flamethrower.

Yay!

Oh, and we changed seats in science, so I walked into class to find my table filled with terrifying guys. Now I'm sitting with my lab group, so I guess that's alright. At least Science Teacher didn't put me at a table full of guys, or something terrible like that.

I realize that all I've done this month is talk about my day. Oh well! BEDA, ho!

Love, love, love.

Well! Today I do not have a terrible headache, and do, in fact, feel up to blogging. Not that I have a particularly large amount to blog about--but when is that ever not the case?

I had an orthodontist appointment this morning, which meant I missed math and Latin, which really just made the rest of my day better. Math is almost a useless class for how easy it is (if only that easiness would apply on the tests--blah), and Latin is just the worst class of the day. I missed both! And I arrived just in time for lunch, so I still got to hang with Shari :)

Speaking of Latin, though, I actually did the homework due tomorrow, even though I wasn't in class today. I'm so proud of me and my work ethic. It was actually really easy.

After lunch, though, the day pretty much went downhill. By downhill I mean gym happened. It was, of course, a fantastically beautiful day today--warm, sunny--but that warm turned to oven-hot and that sunny turned to burning death-lasers from the sky in a very short time. See, we finally got around to starting track, and it was EVIL. The very first thing we did was run around the MASSIVE track, which made me feel like rubber very quickly. Then we got a short reprieve before doing 100-meter dashes. The good news is that I passed. The bad news is that it was all just miserable and I was hot and sweaty by the end of it. I honestly don't know how some people run all the time :)

In English we had a sub, so we just did vocab the entire time. It was okay. In world civ. I zoned out and formed a brilliant, meaningful opinion on the British colonization of India which I did not share with the class. In art I once more got no work done, which sucks because apparently this project is due at the end of the week. In science I got an 87 on the last test, which is just bummy :(

So that was my day. I don't know what I'm going to wear tomorrow, and I know it's going to be awful during gym because I don't have any shorts, and it's going to be awful during the rest of the day, too. All of my grades are awful. I feel like the part of me that strove to achieve in school has died and has left the part that still feels terrible about doing so poorly. Meh.

You couldn't stop this if you tried.

I have a terrible headache and am not up to blogging about my lackluster day. So long.

Know that I love you more and more each day.

I just finished watching the season premiere of Doctor Who, and it was freaking fantastic, I must say :D Although now I'm terrified to go upstairs to bed because of those monster things =.=

Today was an unfortunately slow day--unfortunate because there is ONE DAY until school starts again, and that's just flabby. Flabby, I say. I was almost going to mow today, when around 6 the same came out and it was warm and beautiful again after a day of cold, miserable rain, but then the grass was still wet, so that didn't happen. I got lunch with mom and that was pretty much the only outside thing I did today; I spent several hours wasting my time on The Sims. I feel like I shouldn't advertise how much time I spend playing that game, haha. I'm so cool ^.^

I also played copious amounts of Clue on the iPod, and beat the game--though barely. Again, I feel like I shouldn't advertise just how much I waste my time on the weekends :)

Have you noticed that I've ended every paragraph with a face? I have! Oh, c-c-c-c-combo breaker.

I feel like I had more to talk about today than I do right now. Actually, I feel that I have very little to talk about right now. April has gone by incredibly fast, which is of course a good thing--especially since there's only two months left of school (:D)--but it just seems like this all should have taken longer. Tomorrow is like the Sunday of Death. You know, not Easter or anything :P No, it is the Sunday of Death, and there is nothing I could do that will not make me feel as if I'm wasting the last day of spring break. I don't want to go back to school. I just don't want to think about anything--not my shitty grades, not anyone whose name is the opposite of down, really just not anything at all. Oh, and you know my science partner STILL hasn't e-mailed me back? Excuse me while I let out an expletive to vent my rage. You may want to skip the next section.

WHAT THE FUCK.

Okay, rage diminished. I'm sure all you lovely people will understand. I have a 79 in science because either me or my lab partner is a moron, and I am inclined to believe it is her. I honestly have no idea how I could email her three times and she not get a single one--seriously, how is that possible? Maybe the internet is out to sabotage my grade. Or maybe I'll just print out my portion and bring it on Monday and slap it on her desk in science with ANGER and INDIGNATION. Or maybe I'll humbly and sincerely apologize for the Internet being stoopid and meekly suggest that we both just print our stuff out and staple it together in the exact same kind of Frankenstein mess that Science Teacher specifically told us NOT to do. I am not a bold person.

Oh hey, looks like I had more to talk about than I thought. Well. BEDA, ho!

The sun in retreat made the skyline look like crooked teeth.

Well! I didn't really do anything today, because Silver was sick. I didn't even mow the lawn, because it decided to be bitterly cold after two days of beautiful, sunshiny weather. We went out grocery shopping really early in the morning, so we got back before 9 o'clock, and then I bummed around the house for a couple hours. At some point a plumber came over and I went over to Vera's and played Wii. I beat them all at Mariokart, haha :)

For some reason I've gotten up before 7 o'clock EVERY DAY THIS WEEK. I've been programmed. This is a curse. Unfortunately, it's already Friday, which means in two days I'll be back at school :( The good fantastic news is that there's only two months left of school! That is really just unbelievable. My freshman year is almost over, haha :D I feel kind of fluttery about the whole thing, if that makes any sense. It's been a strange year.

Oh, and I actually did write today! Four whole pages! Haha, I know this sounds pathetic, but I haven't really written a lot in almost two weeks, so this is an achievement. I vaguely like where this story is going, though it's not phenomonal or anything. So far, these four people--Ivan, Silik, Tel, and the only girl, Anya--have dropped off a princess in the hands of some mysterious people, and got paid for it. So I guess that's what they do. Naturally I couldn't be realistic and make them all guys, because let's face it, writing from a guy's perspective sucks. Almost every person (well, two people) has agreed that my guy-perspective just sounds gay, which is not exactly where I was going for the character.

Also, you may have noticed that I switched my blog around a bit. I did this for somewhat silly reasons: I noticed that almost every blog has their entries on the left side, so I wondered if there was some kind of wonderful appeal to entries on the left side that I was missing out on. Yes, I'm such a conformist :)

On a final note, I sincerely wish I had just a tiny bit of money on iTunes. Okay, that's a lie: I wish I had a lot of money on iTunes. I can't stop listening to Death Cab for Cutie, and it's pretty bummy that I can't just buy the songs, you know? Also, I never got the last Muse album, which I still want desperately. Mer. I wish I had money =.=

Rules are meant to be followed. That's why they're rules.

I'm blogging now as opposed to late at night because I don't actually expect anything blog-worthy to happen today. Also, I've been tagged! Thankee Natalie!

• What did you do 10 years ago? I was four, so I probably wasn't doing much. I remember when I was four I locked myself out of the house in the cold and had to be driven to the hospital, and I forgot it was my birthday. Exactly ten years ago, I was probably sleeping or something. Maybe I was moving to where I live now. Who knows?
• What did you do one year ago? A year ago in my diary I talked about what I wanted for my birthday (a bit early) and how Kim and Silver were my best friends. A year ago on my blog I was making salad, punching out green triangles, and spending two hours at dinky malls with parents.
• Five snacks that you like? Brownies. Wait, are there supposed to be five? Um...
• Five songs which you know the whole lyrics to? Hm. At random: Every Day is Exactly the Same by Nine Inch Nails (this song is the theme song to my life), Gimme Sympathy by Metric, The Sharpest Lives by My Chemical Romance (honestly, any song by this band), The Suburbs by Arcade Fire, and Megalomania by Muse.
• Five things you would do if you were a millionaire? Buy a hell of a lot of clothes, for one thing. Paris, also. Just Paris. I would probably buy a sh*tload of books and then hire someone to read them for me, since I never have any will to read anymore (school has killed it for me). Finally, hire a dog trainer for my evil dog. You know, not give to the poor or anything :)
• Five bad habits? Not showering for days on end (on weekends!) because I'm too lazy, leaving all my homework undone because "I'll do it in lunch tomorrow,", squealing like a little girl, becoming terrified and mute in front of guys (especially ones I like--forget about it then), and hitting people when I'm mad at them. I'm very violent, haha. Luckily I'm so weak that my hits are like having a bunny thrown at you. I feel like I could think of a lot more bad habits...
• Five things you like to do? Write, have social interaction, talk to guys (I was about to just put 'guys' when I remembered what the questions was...aha), travel, and debate.
• Five things you would never dress in or buy? Maxi dresses, red jeans, furry vests, leggings with galaxies on them (these exist), and Ugs.
• Five favorite toys? My stuffed turtle, iPod, Wii, my Barbies (hee hee), and I guess my badminton rackets, if they count as toys.
• Five people I'd like to see taking this quiz? Up, mostly. Wait, were we supposed to pick people who actually have blogs?

Woo! Now I'm going to [hopefully] cleanse and eat something for lunch...yeah...

And darling, you should know, I have fantasies about being alone.

I did not, in fact, change my blog from blue to green. I didn't really like it as much :/

Well, my plans with Kim were shot. Her mom decided around 12 that she would take the day off of work tomorrow to spend time with Kim, even though we obviously already had plans, and then got upset that Kim wasn't particularly enthused about this and decided to work tomorrow anyway, and then proceeded to insult Kim and misspell my name. Yay.

However, as far as we've planned so far, I am hanging out with Silver on Friday :D So that's some condolence. I still wish I could've hung out with all of my friends, though :(

Today was not particularly productive, though I did get out of the house. We went to Costco and visited my dad, basically. And then I came home and went back to doing nothing. Actually, around 5 o'clock I had the strangest urge to do something and went and mowed the lawn. For a half hour. Then, because I told Kim I'd be back, I came back inside and abandoned my productive leanings for the day.

Also, in the morning, I had a cavity filled. Which made the left side of my mouth numb for about three hours. Which meant I couldn't eat anything for fear of chewing the left side of my tongue/cheek to shreds and I got a headache from feeling like I had a giant, swollen weight on the left side of my face. But I got KFC in the end, so it was okay! Man, I love KFC...

Tomorrow is my parent's anniversary! So, woo. I believe they're on 18 years, maybe 17. Maybe I'll actually get around to mowing the rest of the lawn. Or maybe I'll just play The Sims all day :P

So this is what you mean to me.

I feel like I should feel bad wasting away my spring break days, but I kind of revel in the beautiful nothingness of it. I am not bound to productivity. Either that or I'm just lazy, haha.

I have more plans! That's twice this week! Once more I have proven myself to not be a complete social failure, if just barely. Tomorrow I'm having a sleepover with Kim, and we're shooting our second attempt at a movie, which is so far named Ann and Sofia. I don't want to spoil anything for you--but I will because it's not like I could post it here anyway. Ann (me) and Sofia (Kim) are were close friends who are now reconnecting via sleepover after Ann moved away. They were kind of frenemies from the start, and now, after months of not seeing each other, the tension and just overal dislike between them is even greater. In the end, Ann kills Sofia. Yeah, I'm just going to reveal that. Clearly there's more to their messed-up relationship than just dislike, but YEAH. That's that. I love that all of our stories are just awful and twisted :D

Today I literally played The Sims until twelve. Then I was on the computer for about four hours, talking to Kim and writing the script. At some point, a bit before 5, I decided to do something productive, so I went outside and began to "garden." Meaning I took a shovel and attempted to rip off the top layer of weeds on the garden plots in front of our house. After a half hour I was sore and tired and sweaty (which was especially annoying because I literally just took a shower) so I went inside to drink Gatorade (goodness gracious I love this drink) and take a break. A break which lasted an hour and a half, and then my dad came home and it was dark out, anyway. I'm incredibly weak, I know.

So I guess it's pertinent to say that I've only been listening to songs from Evita and Death Cab for Cutie all day. I've decided I like Death Cab for Cutie, jussayin'. I already knew I liked Evita :D It's one of my favorite musicals to actually listen to--Evita, Chess, and Jesus Christ Superstar. I'm so cool :3

Also, I've decided to make my blog blue instead of green. Hurray!

Do you love me like you loved me yesterday?

Well! Today I proved that I do, indeed, have a life. The morning was kind of slow, but around 1 o'clock I went over to Shari's house for marvelous adventures :) I wasn't there for that long because of Passover stuff, but we trampolined extensively AND watched The Princess and the Frog, which sound like an achievement in my book.

Then we went over to Dad's friend's house for a seder for Passover, and it was fairly enjoyable. Pretty much all the food was either really bland or really bitter, haha. There were nine people and I didn't really know anyone other than my dad (obviously) so that was fun. Also, I was the youngest person there--though I was considered an adult because I'm over thirteen :) It was pretty enjoyable, I'd say.

I would write more but 1) there's really not much more to say, and 2) it's freaking eleven o'clock at night and I am tired. Tired, I say! People left to see this spring break: Silver, Kim. Then I can officially say I had a good break :)

I have a headache. Mer.

I've had one since about one o'clock today, and it has gotten progressively worse since then. Now I kind of just want to crawl into a hole lined with soft pillows and fall asleep...If I were smart, I'd take a shower tonight, but alas, I won't. I'm too tired. I might actually go to bed early, which is honestly just pathetic over spring break.

Tomorrow I actually have plans! I'm not a complete social failure, yay. I'm going over to Shari's house so we can do awesome things like trampoline and watch movies and stuff, and then I'm going to my dad's friend's house for a Passover thing. Kind of nervous, since I have nothing to wear and I've met his friend twice (although she seems like a lovely person). Also, not being Jewish, I'm afraid I'll offend some sacred Jewish tradition or something...

I spent most of the day at Vera's house, where I was from about 2 to 8 o'clock. I swear, sometimes I get along better with her sisters than her...although it was an enjoyable time. Haha. Before that I pretty much lazed around playing Sims, and ended up losing like three days worth of game time because my sim died from a satellite falling to the ground. My sims have more interesting lives than me. Sigh. I feel lame just talking about this :D

I suppose I should explain yesterday's post. I was in a mood (you might've been able to tell...) and just started writing. Well, I started writing other things before that, which didn't turn out well at all. So then I started writing to people. Each paragraph is addressed to a different person, which you might've been able to tell. I really just wanted to get something out.

And now my headache is getting too bad so I'm just going to go to bed...yeah...at 9 o'clock. Wow.

Never read this.

I feel like writing whimsically.

You probably don't remember half the things I do, or you do and I don't want you too--and that's what you do. You make me speak in rhymes, you give me butterflies, you remind of winter days: trapped beneath the ice, fighting, kicking, screaming, dying to get out and neither of us can, and that's why I know you so well. They've said time and time again that we're too different, too much the same, but I know you--do you know me? I don't want you to. I don't want you to see the things I see, which grow inside of me like a black plague, shutting out the light, devouring my insides: I don't want you to have that. But then I do, because that would make me like you, and that is all I want to be.

And furthermore when you drive that wedge between us, blind to the destruction, smiling as you do; you smile like ice, you do. You want to be like ice: I know you too well. You don't want me to know you and I don't think I want to either, but I do: you want to be like ice, and you'll stick a knife in every side of me to do it. You don't see the things I see; you see them differently. Where I see fire you see ice; it's always been this way. That's what you're like. Your warmth is a facade; I know you're all cold on the inside. You hurt and you struggle but you won't let others see: you're closed. But me, I'm too open: I'm not like you at all. I want you to find comfort in me, but you just won't: you won't trust me, you're too cold.

And you, who I love, I know I love, I want to love: you suck the life out of me. You do it with your sorry words, which I can't help. I want so much to help you but I can't, and you can't help you either, and then we all just fall to pieces like a thousand old brick walls, fighting against the violent waves of mercy which threaten to destroy us, consume us. I want us to be in this together and you want someone to understand, but I don't think you understand yourself. Like the modern world, electromagnetism, you'll use me to my full extent while we're torn apart and thrown together in all manner of violent motions. We want mercy. We both want to understand, we both want to be spared from the onslaught of our own sorry selves, but the wave keeps crashing and sometimes I think you don't know me at all, that I'm holding on to sour seaweed in the form of your polished hands in the thrashing ocean, and that you're too far away for me to find.

We understand each other. You're too much and I'm too little: we sit in silence, because I can't think of what to say and I don't think you can either. You're too little; I'm too much; we're at the same level, all the time; we even out. We both stare at the darkness of the dead night sky and reach forward, grasping in the air for something like each other but something better than this emptiness; I think we're hypnotized by life. I think too many things, and you think the same things but you see them in the dead dark sky and I am blind to the stars, because I don't recognize them. All you see is darkness so you paint stars in the sky, bloated ugly things, blue and gray and brown and yellow, and all shades of green. You're a strange person but I am too, and in the end I trust you.

And you all, standing in the sidelines, holding out knives for me to fall into when I'm thrown out of the rink: I hate you and I want you desperately. I miss your poison; I miss your cold embrace. You gave me what I was and then walked away, and I was too blind to see that you gave me scraps, you gave me remnants and cold pieces which you were too good to keep. I wish I never loved you because you ripped away all that you gave me, but you couldn't take all of it: you couldn't take the scars, and you couldn't take the shadows. I wanted to be you and I thought you gave me me, because I wanted to give you you too; but you were already there and I was floating through an eerily calm sea, waiting for someone to tell me who I was. I wanted to be you. I wish I never loved you.

And you, the worst of all: the worst of the worst. Your pain is a mockery and you, you are vitriolic: your are vile, contemptuous, and I hate you with all that's left of my heart, after the misery you caused. Never has there been something so worthless, so futile, grasping at darkness when the light turned you away. You want the light so desperately you would take it from anything, anyone, though you know in your empty heart that you do not and never will deserve it. You're so lost inside your own twisted mind that I gave up the search, and let you rot while I try with all my might to break free from your violent, vicious, desperate grasp.

Sigh.

Gonna say hello!

It's officially Spring Break! Let the joyful leaping, squealing, sleeping, and event-planning commence.

Today was a weird day because of Culture Day, which I think was just an excuse for nobody to do anything the Friday Friday gonna get down on Friday before break. Periods 1, 2, 7, and 8 were an hour, which actually wasn't that bad. In math we literally just sat there most of the time, after updating all the calculators (which only took about fifteen minutes). In Latin we changed seats (my new seat sucks) and then watched a movie. It was pretty dull. The next four periods were only 25 minutes, of course, and in gym we went to the gym where Culture Day was being held and we sat on the bleachers (because Culture Day is boring).

In English, I brought Shari along and the entire class (and several additions, who might've been on the tennis or track team) played a game somewhat similar to Taboo. Haha, 'twas fun :) My team won! After that I went to world civ. and once more went to the gym for Culture Day, and successfully attached myself to the only girl in the class who I'm friendly with (even though I don't like her) so I wouldn't be a complete longer. Yeah. Oh, and on the way there, we walked THE ENTIRE WAY right next to Up, but I could not think of a single thing to say. Blah.

After that was art for an hour, which I actually was really looking forward to. BAH. Both Shari and Leo had to leave in the first ten minutes of class, Best was already on vacation, and Forever just wasn't there. Actually, most of the class just wasn't there. So I had conversation with Friend, Steve, and Eric. Eric is this quiet kid who has now recently become more talkative, and is now one of the best friends. He bought us all Gatorade! That is clearly a good foundation for any friendship. Oh, and I've found I like Gatorade. Like, a lot.

Oh, and about halfway through class, I was [once again] complaining loudly that I wished Forever was there, and then everyone kind of looks behind me, and WADDYA KNOW. He literally just walked in right before I said that. And HEARD me. Neh. And then the others at the table insisted that I liked him, though in not so many words--and that is clearly not true--and we went back to the gym at some point and that was art class. Hurray.

Instead of going to science in eighth period, we all went to the auditorium for the Culture Day assembly. Parts of it were boring, but some parts of it were really awesome, mainly the performances by the African American Culture Club (read: girls in tight clothes dancing to hip-hop music. It was still good dancing, though), the Breakdancing Club (Jesus this was awesome), and the Indian Culture Club. Seriously, though, the breakdancing was awesome. Ejrgcnkuvfbgnm awesome. And there were a lot of Asians in it...

And that was my day. Spring break! Excitement! Of the endless variety!

Number of times I used parentheses in this blog: 7.

Give me back myself.

Basil apologized to me today. I feel like I should just get that out of the way. After English, I was walking out with Lolo and Happy, and he was behind me--and apologized. If I recall, he said something along the lines of, "I'm sorry for being an asshole in middle school." This was me: :| So I said something like "Okay" and went to my next class with a strange smile on my face.

I've avoided talking about Basil, because even though I have plenty to say about him, I simply don't want to. I don't want to open the floodgates, I don't want to think about him, and I definitely don't want anyone to think I still care. I don't care. It doesn't hurt anymore. I've never wanted to reopen that wound, never wanted to confront him in a dramatic display of pent-up emotions and brazen accusations that he is, in fact, an asshole--because it's over. There's no point anymore. I've accepted this for what it was and moved on, without closure; I don't need closure for something like this. But honestly, even though there was no chance he was sincere and someone probably told him to do it (someone with a heart...) I'm still glad he did it. Even though he didn't mean it, the words came out. I don't know how much this actually means to me, because I've already closed that door, but I guess it's the closest to "closure" I'll ever get. I'm glad he did it.

{If any newer readers are wondering who the hell Basil is, read any of my entries up to about April, 2010}

Well! As for the rest of the day, I can't say much. Gym Teacher wasn't in gym today, so we actually got away with not doing anything without being yelled at and degraded. Naturally this makes any gym class better (although it still sucked). I completely bombed a Latin quiz today, and I can only hope she gives me partial credit--seriously, I was pathetically wrong. I actually got the words (swift and easy, which we were supposed to decline) kind of right, but still wrong. Very wrong.

I actually resisted the tempation to cheat, and I feel like I should be more proud of myself than I am. See, I knew my Latin book was in my locker, so conceivably I could ask to go to the bathroom and instead go to my locker and check the words, since I honestly had no idea what they were. I resisted, though, and failed the test. I suppose I should admire my own honesty, but I probably won't when she updates my grade and I have a D...

I took the The Odyssey test, and it was ridiculously easy--pathetically easy--really. I could easily imagine getting 100 on this, or at least somewhere in the 90s. Of course, once one factors in the open-ended questions which we were supposed to do at home, that grade might be lowered a bit...neh. I'm so glad Spring Break is next week, so I don't have to worry about this stuff.

But since I am worrying about it, I should say that I think I did alright on the science test. I still have no idea what I'm doing, but there were no ridiculously difficult problems or anything. Overall I could easily see getting another good grade on this, but I won't get ahead of myself :) I have a deep, innate fear that if I ever become cocky about my grades, they are going to immediately slip into the nether regions of faildom (and I will only have myself to blame.)

Tomorrow is 'Culture Day' or some other innane nonsense...but the schedule is all messed up, which is a good thing. Periods 1, 2, 7, and 8 are an hour long, which is good because art is an hour but bad because math, Latin, and science are all an hour too...but the rest of the classes are 25 minutes or something, and we're not doing anything, anyway. Shari is joining my English class tomorrow for a rousing game of guess-the-word (because I forget what it's actually called). At some point we're going down to the gym and experiencing the diversity and cultureness and stuff of our school, which really means we're going to the gym to watch a bunch of people from the different 'culture clubs' flop around in 'traditional' (read: makeshift) garb and bask in their own awesome culture pride. I suggest we make an 'American Culture' club to be included in this diversity-fest. We can get a bunch of the kids who smoke in the parking lot to dance like a ho gangsta dumbass 'hip-hop artist' and sell day-old McDonald's food on the side. Maybe we'll even give out free 'my-country-sucks-ass-but-I-still-think-I'm-better-than-everyone-else' brochures. It will be magical.

Also, on a final note, I was forced to speak in world civ. and it was awful. Just awful. Words fell from my mouth like a soggy, dead squirrel falls limp on the ground in front of screaming children. Participation is for people who aren't smart enough to read minds, yeah. Certainly I had plenty of eloquent thoughts.

And I suppose that's all. I sincerely wish there was no school tomorrow, but I don't really mind, not really.

You have no excuses.

HEY I forgot to blog. I'm a BEDA fail. Obviously I can't write a full entry right now, but hey! At least I'm writing something.

Today was kind of eh. Nothing particularly exciting. Just a day. Fishbowl went alright. I spoke 9 times, apparently, which is quite good, but I know I didn't use a whole lot of quotes...oh well. Hopefully I don't completely fail :)

Tomorrow seems to be the day when all the teachers pile all the work on us, since Friday's schedule is all messed up. I have a Latin quiz which I am definitely going to fail, an English test which I might do fairly well on, an a science quiz on which the jury's still out. We'll see. I am extremely paranoid of one day just doing really badly on all my science tests, as opposed to the very good scores I get now.

I feel like I should have more to say but honestly, I don't think I do. I just watched Slumdog Millionaire, which is just an awesome movie, and now I'm supposed to be in bed (as if). I still need to floss. Yeah...

Good night!

Up and down.

So I sent my lab partner an email yesterday, and she still hasn't responded...except it's actually the right email this time, so there's really no excuse. Sigh. By this point I just want to be done with it and maybe never work with her ever again, but I know I will if we're allowed to have partners again, just because turning the lab in nearly a week late is still better than doing it all myself.

My horoscope said today would be an exciting day, and that was totally not the case. It wasn't a horrendous day or anything, it just wasn't very good and I was kind of bummed by the time I got on the bus. Science was boring. I was excited for art until I realized neither Leo nor Forever were there, and no one else felt like talking, so I actually had to do artwork. I would really hate art if every day were like that.

In world civ. we changed suits and while I didn't particularly love my seat before, it's still better than where I am now. At least there I could lean against the wall when I was so dead bored in that class I could fall asleep, and I was relatively far back so no one ever noticed me, ever. Now I'm one row over and in the very front, and surrounded by people I do not and will not ever have anything to do with. I would make a helpful chart here, but my civ. class is much larger than my English class and I don't know everyone in it, let alone where they sit.

Tomorrow is the fishbowl in English! I kind of feel better prepared and more confident about this one, partially because Happy is leading it this time and I'm in her group. I'll definitely feel more comfortable talking with Happy than, say, Up. Because he's leading the other group and is HAPPY'S PARTNER FJKLCNJECBNUDDSUD. Ugh, I need to finish the quote worksheet for that...TONIGHT.

I feel like I should have more to say, but I don't. Ta-ta!

Never let it be Monday again--please.

It is well known that Mondays are inherently awful days, which do not deserve the privilege of existence. I always have a headache on Monday. Without fail.

 

I guess this one wasn't atrociously bad, although it certainly wasn't good, either. I did just get back from playing tennis with my dad, which I haven't done in about eight months :D We're still not very good, but it was fun to play again. It's absolutely beautiful out, and it would be such a waste not to be outside, being active, today. Why I can't take that philosophy with me into the summer, when I sit around like a lump all day, I have no idea :)

 

Oh, and I believe I FINALLY figured out my lab partner's email. What I thought was an 'e' that looked like a 6 was actually a 'ce'. Yeah, I have no idea. I don't feel too bad, though, because she hasn't emailed me yet either...at least now I know it's the right one...

 

Naturally teachers have to fit every possible thing in before spring break (four days!). Tomorrow in English we're looking through the book for quotes; on Wednesday we have ANOTHER fishbowl (in which Happy is Up's partner--grr). The day after that we have our Odyssey test, which includes two mini-essays due. The good news is, on Friday we're just playing a game, so that's something to look forward to.

 

So is art class. I really, really despise lab. Really. I don't think I can quite express how much I loathe lab. I mean, really. When I need to yell at Best for ignoring me in the hall, and also tell him that Happy thinks he's hot, I don't want to have to wait a day. I want to bother him incessantly NOW.

 

Gym was awful, as usual. I was all but ecstatic on Friday, thinking we were finally done with handball. APPARENTLY NOT. The good news is Gym Teacher told the Gym Buddies and I to sit out the second game. He acted like it was big punishment, too. As if we actually wanted to play. My gym teacher is an idiot...

 

Also, while talking with my dad on the way back from tennis, I realized the exact moment I became so anti-establishment--rebellious, nonconformist, rejecting the social norm--whatever you want to call it. I distinctly remember during one recess in fifth grade, the popular girls organized a game of tag, except they skewed all the rules so it was only fun for them. It was impossibly easy for them to tag everyone and impossibly difficult for anyone to become untagged, and if one was tagged three times, they were thrown out of the game. By the time I was completely out, I was practically livid. So, naturally, I staged a protest--I called the shunned and spurned students downtrodden by their grossly tyrannical games, and 'organized' my own game of tag--a proper game of tag, without extraneous rules catered to any particular player: a true game of tag. The oppressed students flocked to my game, because, ultimately, it wasn't my game: it was simply a game, our game.

I also remember, once recess was over, one of the popular girls calling me a "ruiner" over and over again...baha XD

 

Well, I guess that's all. TILL TOMORROW. WHEN IT WILL BE TUESDAY AND STUFF. YEAH!

Gonna run faster than before.

Today went by far, far too fast, as Sundays often do. Naturally, I didn't finish my homework. I'm not too worried, though, because science is surprisingly easy this weekend, and I only have to do half of the English study guide. Unfortunately, the other half is comprised of two mini-essays due on Thursday, but I can worry about that later...

I still have had no contact with my science lab partner. This is seriously kind of ridiculous. I figured out that the last four digits of the email she gave me is her birth date, but it still doesn't work...I've been waiting for the other people in our science group to go online, so I can ask them what it is, but so far none of them have shown up. So, fantastic.

Only one more school-week until Spring Break! I've decided to try my hand at a garden again. Last year I weeded half of the garden plot before realizing that I had no money for dirt, weedkiller, or flowers, and was kind of forced to give up. This year, however, my parents are volunteering to sponsor. My garden lives!

Of course, that's assuming I'm actually capable of keeping plants alive more than, say, a week. Or that I'm not a complete lump and actually put effort into my plants. I have been exceedingly lumpish lately, which is, you know, a bad thing.

Oh, and I finished cleaning the fish tank! Antony looks happy, but I'm not sure what the snail will eat now that there's a diminished volume of algae in the tank. Well, it should build up pretty fast. HERE'S HOPING ROBERT STAYS ALIVE, Y'ALL.

Other than that, I don't have much to add. For some reason Blogger is a poopface and won't let me comment, so that's why I'm ignoring you--not because I'm, you know, actually ignoring you. I LOVE YOU ALL, YES. And I would totally respond if the Internet wasn't a poopface. Yeah.

Let me go.

The virus is gone! Hurrah. I am still incapable of contacting my science lab partner, because her email address simply will not work. It's kind of getting old.

I didn't do much today, including homework, but then, when do I ever? Seriously, when do I ever do anything, especially homework, on Saturday?

Well, now that the virus is gone, I will show you all a helpful diagram of my English class:

Okay, so it's a bit small. STILL THIS IS HOW IT HAPPENED.

You always have been, and always will be.

Today could actually be classified as a good day, all things considered. For one thing, it is Friday fun fun fun, which automatically makes any day better. Well, it was a good day besides the part where I was completely mortified. You know, other than that.

In gym we once more played handball with just girls, and after like ten minutes of wandering around the court in the vague direction of the ball, Mr. Shithead told me to go sit down. He actually kicked me out of the game. So I had to walk across like half of an empty court in front of a giant row of guys. And sit down. And stay there the rest of the game. And stay there the next game. It's not like I wanted to play, but Christ, that was humiliating. Later he came up to where I was sitting and basically told me that the reason he threw me out was because I got in the way of the people playing. I feel like I should sue for the deep emotional scarring from this ordeal.

The day picked up from there, though, especially in English :) This is basically the seating arrangement of my English class:
Well, I WOULD show you a clever, helpful diagram of the seating arrangement of my English class, but the computer decided to get a virus and now I can't open Paint. So, no diagram for you. Basically, though, I switched seats with Lolo. Just for giggled, you know? It took a minute for the people around me to realize it, but whatever. Of course I realized too late that we were working in a group with the people around us (as we do whenever we work in a group) and the people around me were: Up (!), Basil, and Friar.
The good news is, it was actually pretty fun, and it's not like Up just completely ignored me or anything. He actually kind of talked to me. You know, about the project. Haha, they tried to make me draw the poster, and it sucked [ass] and then it just became a communal effort, and it was still awful. Haha. I probably won't sit there again on Monday, but maybe again in the future...? We'll see. Heh.

In world civ. we had a sub so everyone just did what they wanted, except for me, who, since I have no friends in world civ., actually did the work. I'm such a loser :)

Art was fun! Even though Shari wasn't there, boo. There was also a sub here, but we were actually kind of afraid of her, so for the first half of the art class it was pretty quiet and I actually got art done. Unheard of. But then Forever came back from wherever he spent like twenty minutes of the class, and naturally trouble ensued. Because Forever is just a jerk like that. He kicked me one time as he passed, so I punched him (in the ribs, heh) and then he came after me so I hid behind Best and Best stopped him, haha. Much merriment was had by all.
Oh, and since after art we walk exactly the same route to our science classes (since his class is right next to mine), he happened to be beside me and completely pushed me into like a crowd of guys from my science class. So I pushed him into the lockers. Again, merriment.

In science I find that I somehow morph into a high-pitched little girl, so when I talk about things like politics and communism I sound like an idiot. Oh well. At least I know that communism is an idiotic ideal pursued by people who don't know how the world works, and that all Congress is is a bunch of old men trying to prove whose dick is bigger. Also, that there are more than just Chinese, American, and English/French systems of governments, and even if there weren't, it is possible for a new one to be created. But I sound like a little girl when I say these things, so the point is kind of lost :/

On the bus I ate the world'd bitterest apple sauce, and actually succeeded in getting someone to not blatantly insult me. Yay for shutting people up!

OH, and I got a new phone! It's the Pantech Ease, which I don't feel like looking up a picture for, but it's actually pretty cool. Of course, I wouldn't have had to get this phone if someone didn't STEAL my last one.

Now, unfortunately, I have to get off the computer because it has a freaking virus, which may or may not require us to get a new computer and risk all of my precious, precious stories. I can't really put them on a flash drive, because then I could get the virus on the flash drive, and it would really just be a bad day. I swear to Christ, if anything happens to my stories, I'm going to violently and mercilessly destroy something precious to a small child...like a puppy...

That's all, folks. BEDA, ho!

Down further than before.

I must say, today was not as bad as yesterday. Unfortunately I had a headache all day, which did not exactly make it spiffy, but nonetheless the day wasn't particularly miserable.

Except for gym. My gosh. We played only girls, and it was awful. So awful. He told me to play defense and I had no idea what to do. How was I supposed to heroically leap in front of the ball if she was throwing it from right against the line (past which it is a mortal sin to go)? Plus, since none of the girls are actually into this joke of a game (I refuse to call it a sport), everyone pretty much fumbled and speed-walked instead of, you know, played and ran. It was awful. By the end I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry, so I just laughed.

English was dull. My headache decided to get particularly bad then, so I pretty much spent the entire class laying on the desk, feeling ill. This was especially a problem when we had an "accountable talk" session and I couldn't bring myself to pay attention to the conversation, let alone participate. Glad that was over soon.

World civ was also dull, but it always is, so that's not really news. We're starting India; more specifically, British colonization of India, which means something that could be interesting will instead turn dead dull. Well, that's how it is with every subject in world civ., so I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

Art is, as always, the highlight of my day. I got nothing done in the way of art, of course, but when have I ever? The reason I like art is because I can hang out with my friends, and the BEST friends. Haha, I wish I could remember all the specific details, but, you know...yeah. I love bothering Forever. Just saying.

Science was mindnumbing, and the bus was kind of annoying because Happy and Jared are once more in their own little world. Ugh, whatever. I did hang out with Gem, though :)

And then I got home and did not do homework. I did everything I could on the lab, but I'm kind of stuck unless she sends me her data, which she hasn't done yet...and her email address isn't working....blah. I wish it was Friday.

Never hesitate.

Hey all! I am keeping up with BEDA (but not comments), even though I have a lab report to finish which I am not, in fact, finished with. Lab Partner hasn't emailed me her portion yet. I admit, she had a difficult portion (I made her a deal where, if she did the background, I would do the rest of it. I feel like I got off easier), but I kind of can't do part of the lab without it. The good news it, it's pretty easy.

Today was just not a good day, but I can't say exactly why it wasn't. By the end of the day, though, I was just really unhappy. And tired.

Well, gym wasn't particularly exciting. Gym Teacher once again yelled at us and Gym Buddies and I fantasized about hiring a prostitute to follow him around all day. That would be so great. Anyway, he yelled at us for just standing there blankly, but then said it was an "improvement" when we walked back and forth blankly, even though we still weren't participating at all. Oh, but tomorrow, the first game will be with just girls :) So maybe I'll actually participate! The possibilities are endless.

Okay, I probably totally won't. But it's nice to imagine.

And now I have schtuff to do, so I leave you with this pathetically pathetic post. It's almost Friday Friday getting down on Friday! Till tomorrow, mon amis.

Gonna run.

Friends! Countrymen! Lend me your ears eyes.

[The Night Stars Here--Stars]

[Citizen Erased--Muse]

Today was not, I admit, a particularly good day. I swear I spent an eternity in Latin, while my brain rotted out through my ears. I really dislike Latin class. Really.

Also, my English essay depressed me. Haha, I actually forgot to print it out and stuff, but Happy reminded me on the bus [unintentionally] so I called my mom and asked her to email it to me, and yeah, that all worked out. I also partnered with Lolo today for peer editing, since English Teacher told us to work with people we haven't worked with before.

In gym, which was actually before English, so I'm not sure why I mentioned English first--anyway, in gym, we once more played the stupidest game ever conceived by man (i.e. handball). I believe I described it yesterday. Today, Gym Teacher actually yelled at the Gym Buddies and I for just standing there and not participating. And I'm like...what do you want us to do? Fumble around with a ball when no one else wants us to participate because we just fail that hard? Run after the ball, following the crowd, even though there's no chance we'll ever get it? Gym teachers are not bright.

Of course, after class, I was loudly complaining about my gym teacher to Silver, before realizing that he was about three feet in front of me...luckily he's an old guy so it's not like he heard me anyway. But now I feel like he really, really hates me because I don't care at all about his stupid game.

We watched Swing Kids in world civ., and I'm not sure if we're supposed to assume the guy died in the end...it was a really terrible ending...

And that was pretty much my day. Ta-ta, and the like.

Run away from your regret.

Hey! Today was not half as bad as I thought it would be, and I thought it would be pretty bad. I had four tests today--math, Latin, English, and science--but they all seemed kind of on the easier side. Well, science wasn't easy (when is it ever?) but Science Teacher said I did well on it (read: very well) so, yay :D I can't wait for him to load the grades into Progress Book, because I got 104% on my last test and I'm certain it will bring my grade up.

Speaking of science, I also officially have a partner for the lab due on Thursday (!), but she hasn't emailed me yet (!!). The good news is I don't have to take responsibility for this; the bad news is I don't get any work done. Not that I would anyway, but it's a nice thought.

I'm currently working on my art homework, which was technically due today, but I didn't feel the need to complete because I had lab today. We're supposed to draw our favorite thing about spring, so I'm drawing a bunch of cheerful barely-clothed people fleeing from a school building. You know, spring break? No? Anyway. I was kidding, they really do have clothes!

Also, I really like the word 'ascencion'.

Also (also also), I realized that I go through stages where I just stop fighting it, start to care again, build everything up in my head, and then when one thing comes crashing down I just stop fighting it again. Well, 'crashing down' is the wrong word. More like, evaporates. Or, better analogy: I have a little group of Cups of Care, which for the most part I leave empty, until a bit of water starts to trickle in, and then I start to fill them, and then one somehow gets knocked over and spills water/Care all over the place and then I just dump the rest out so they won't make a mess, either. Yeah...

So far BEDA is working out for me. And you, too! Because who DOESN'T want to read my shit every day? Yeah, you're all lucky ducks, you are.

So, that's pretty much it. I feel like something to blog about will occur to me later, but until then, adieu, adieu...

Around and around we go; where we stop, nobody knows.

Sunday! The day of suns! Although I must say, it is quite cloudy.

I don't have much to blog about, because I haven't accomplished much today (including: English study guide, English essay, science lab, and art homework), but here I am nonetheless. BEDA, hey! Let's make this happen, guys (even though it's really only up to me, and none of you can contribute at all. Or maybe I was talking to the voices in my head?). I did actually read the multi-hundred page chunk of The Odyssey due tomorrow, so I guess that's something. Never mind it took me over two hours. Luckily, the study guide is only one page and should therefore take me a very short amount of time.

Also, question of the day: is it acceptable to like someone's Facebook status if you a) aren't really friends with them, and b) it's been like an hour since they posted it? BUT NO ONE ELSE LIKED IT, SO MAYBE IT'S OKAY. Like a pity-like. Yeah.

I haven't written much in the last few days. I haven't done much of anything, honestly. I kind of don't feel like doing anything, ever =.= which might explain why I didn't take a shower from Friday morning to about two o'clock today. YEAH I'm hygenic. But it kind of sucks because I have to take a shower tonight (in like four hours) and I'm already so clean...but if I don't take one then I'll still be all yicky tomorrow. This is where my hygenic laziness takes me, guys. DILEMMAS.

Also, I don't really like the word 'dilemma'.

Oh, and I have two major tests tomorrow, first thing in the morning, right after each other. SO EXCITED. That would be: circle unit test in math, and benchmark exam in Latin. OH, and I have a vocab test. And on Thursday I have a formal science lab report due which I will be working interminably on this week, because I had no contact with my partner (because I didn't know she was my partner till a few hours ago). So that will most likely take priority over all my other homework, because it's going to take me a bitchin' long time even with the work split up. Oh, and did I mention that I'm not really friends with ANYONE IN MY SCIENCE GROUP? Bah, I dislike science.

OH DAMN I HAVE LAB TOMORROW. UKBTCGNUENHJIIFDJK.

I kind of want to just fastforward through Monday...and maybe the rest of the week...and maybe the rest of the year. Yeah, something like that.

And that was that!

I am a terrible person who plays terrible April Fool's jokes :) I'm terrible because someone believed me (and thank you, person, for your very nice and supportive comment, which makes me happy even though I'm not actually going anywhere--I hope you blog again soon so I can respond). Also, I asked my dad to post the whole APRIL FOOL'S thing BEFORE twelve so it would show up as on the same day as the whole I'm-leaving-forever thing, but I guess he got to it late, so now there's a random post about a joke no one can see right beneath it ^.^ But that's okay. I'M NOT LEAVING! Yay for you.

The truth is, I'm too much of a sucker for memory lane to ever let go of this blog. I'm terrified of forgetting, so I have to record everything, and honestly it's easier to type than to write everything in a diary. Also, I lurv you guys ^.^ So nay indeed; I remain. Also, if I were really going on a renewal quest or something, I wouldn't get rid of my baby--I would record the journey on it!

Marco still wonders at the puffiness of my coat, though.

Also, I officially have an 85 in world civ. :D Yay!

Desert you? NEVER!

APRIL FOOL'S.
JUST KIDDING.
(obviously)

You have meant so much to me.

Ah, well, now for the announcement. I hate doing this to you all after actually writing an entry, but I've been considering it for awhile and now I've made a decision. I haven't been writing much on here anyway, and frankly, I don't have time to think about this anymore. I've decided to take a long, most likely permanent hiatus from blogging. It just isn't the same as it was when I started.

So now I say goodbye. You have all been just completely fantastic Internet buddies. Sometimes I'm amazed that I happened across people so awesome. I'll still respond to comments, so you might as well comment on the other post, which is something of a farewell gesture...after all, including the break I took in the middle of writing it to eat dinner and go to the mall, it took me about three hours :)

This is truly bittersweet. I feel like I'm leaving a part of myself behind, but also opening myself to new possibilities: namely, my deeply neglected diary, and the long-lost ability to not dwell on things of the past. I've been bogged down, and I want to give myself a new start: to do that I need to let go of the one thing that's kept me tethered to myself, my old self. I need to start new somewhere separate from a cold computer screen and a cramped, cluttered room, with only the allure of a view of the sunset and the one true constant I've had for so many years of my life: this blog. I hope you can all understand and wish me the best. I truly care about all of you, and I hope a part of you cares about me.

Goodbye :)

Marco wonders at the enormous puffiness of my coat.

! OH THE DAYS !

What magical things have happened between today and Tuesday, when last I blogged? Obviously my week was filled with mystifying and miraculous happenings, of which science has no real explanation.

I was going to write an April Fool's post, but couldn't think of anything. Although I do have an announcement to make a little later tonight...I figure I might as well get through the last three days, first.

Actually, I don't remember much that happened on Wednesday and Thursday. When do I ever? Same old: I failed at gym, panicked about schoolwork, and didn't get anything done in art. Thursday I wrote the in-class English essay, which was just evil, and had a basketball test which I failed miserably (because gym teachers are idiots who lie when they say all the answers will be on the packet they give us). There isn't much to be said there.

Today was better, I think. I've decided that the nice guy on my basketball team might actually be the nicest guy ever. I'm going to name him Cease, and I'll tell you why: he has the same name as Forever, except they're like complete opposites, especially since Forever is a jerk and Cease is totally not. Likewise, the opposite of to go on forever is to cease. So, hey! Nickname. I'm brilliant.

He actually seemed completely not bothered by my gym failure, and even amused by it. BUT TODAY HEY. As I was walking out of the locker room with Gym Buddies, he happened to be passing by, and he actually said hi! To me! And then I was so surprised that I kind of responded with a half-smile, half-demented-gargle (or something) that vaguely resembled 'hey', and then that was it. But, you know, contact.

Then, in gym, we played knockout, where he once more proved his supreme and utter niceness. For those of you who don't know, in knockout, if the person behind you gets the basketball in the net before you, then you're out. He ended up behind me a couple times and I swear, actually aimed away from the net so I had time to get it in. And let me shoot first. Gah. And then when I actually got out (though not because of him) he said, with a smile, "It's all good." (or something along those lines) and I was like YOU ARE THE NICEST PERSON EVER. But not out loud. You know.

In English we had fishbowl, which wasn't that bad. I did talk, though not very much, and I talked in the beginning as opposed to the very last minute, so it seemed like I said more than I did. Yeah. I don't think what I said was very good, but I guess that's for English Teacher to decide.

In world civ. we had a quiz on the genocide projects we all just finished presenting, with a question on the back: why does this still happen? I don't really like my answer; I said something about how humans are naturally barbaric and so far that hasn't changed. I think it's true, I just don't like how it's worded...

In art, as always, I got barely any work done and spent most of my time with Shari, Best, and Forever. Yay.

Science wasn't particularly memorable, but I did get 104% on my last science test. So I SUPPOSE that's something to be proud of :)

I have an exorbitant amount of homework this weekend, which makes it seem like an extended Monday more than an actual weekend. Plus, I don't have any plans. So now I guess I'll start on my announcement...